EPORTMENT 


MANSERS,  COHDUCT  AHD  DRESS 


OF  THE  MOST  REFINED  SOCIETY  j 


Setter,    StviMtaMcmA,    £tc.,    Stc. 
ioni  on  &COIHC  ( 


COMPILED  FROM  THE  LATEST  RELIABLE  AUTHORITIES, 

BY 

JOHN  H.  YOUNG,  A.  M. 


REVISED   AND  ILLUSTRATED. 


F.  B,  DICKERSON  &  CO,  PUBLISHERS. 

DETROIT,  MICH.,  ST.  LOUIS,  Mo.,  CINCINNATI,  O.,  CHICAGO,  ILL. 
1  883 


f0  00  t\m$  fyis  life  toitfy  g00fc  manners  possessed, 
'  js  to  to  Mn&  unt0  all,  rirjy,  p0r  anir 
|0r  Mnkes^  an&  mertg  are  balms  t|at  toill 
%  S0rr0tos,  tfee  pins,  an&  tfee  tes  t|ai  toe  feel 


COPYRIGHTED 


FREEMAN  B.  DICKERSON, 
1879  and  1881. 


O  one  subject  is  of  more  im- 
portance to  people  gener- 
ally than  a  knowledge  of 
the  rules,  usages  and  cere- 
monies of  good  society, 
which  are  commonly  ex- 
pressed by  the  word  "Eti- 
quette." Its  necessity  is 
felt  wherever  men  and  wo- 
men associate  together, 
whether  in  the  city,  village, 
or  country  town,  at  home 
or  abroad.  To  acquire  a 
thorough  knowledge  of  these  matters,  and  to  put  that 
knowledge  into  practice  with  perfect  ease  and  self-com- 
placency, is  what  people  call  good  breeding.  To  dis- 
play an  ignorance  of  them,  is  to  subject  the  offender  to 
the  opprobrium  of  being  ill-bred. 

In  the  compilation  of  this  work,  the  object  has  been 
to  present  the  usages  and  rules  which  govern  the  most 
refined  American  society,  and  to  impa  *  that  information 

which  will  enable  any  one,  in  whatever  circumstances 

rai 


4:  PREFACE. 

of  life  to  acquire  the  perfect  ease  of  a  gentleman,  or  the 
gentle  manners  and  graceful  deportment  of  a  well-bred 
lady,  whose  presence  will  be  sought  for,  and  who,  by 
their  graceful  deportment  will  learn  the  art  of  being  at 
home  in  any  good  society.  s 

The  work  is  so  arranged,  that  every  subject  is  con- 
veniently classified  and  subdivided;  it  is  thus  an  easy 
matter  to  refer  at  once  to  any  given  subject.  It  has 
been  the  aim  of  the  compiler  to  give  minutely  all  points 
that  are  properly  embraced  in  a  work  on  etiquette,  even 
upon  matters  of  seemingly  trivial  importance.  Upon 
some  hitherto  disputed  points,  those  rules  are  given, 
which  are  sustained  by  the  best  authorities  and  endorsed 
by  good  sense. 

As  the  work  is  not  the  authorship  of  any  one  indi- 
vidual, and  as  no  individual,  whatever  may  be  his  ac- 
quirements, could  have  the  presumption  to  dictate  rules 
for  the  conduct  of  society  in  general,  it  is  therefore  only 
claimed  that  it  is  a  careful  compilation  from  all  the  best 
and  latest  authorities  upon  the  subject  of  etiquette  and 
kindred  matters,  while  such  additional  material  has  been 
embraced  within  its  pages,  as,  it  is  hoped,  will  be  found 
of  benefit  and  interest  to  every  American  household. 

J.  H.  Y. 


(frcwleuts. 

CHAPTER  I. 

PAGE. 

EJTBODUCTORY 18 

CHAPTER  II. 

MANffEBS. 

Good  manners  as  an  element  of  worldly  success — Manner  an  index  of 
character — The  true  gentleman— The  true  lady— Importance  of 
trifles  —  Value  of  pleasing  manners  —  Personal  appearance 
enhanced  and  fortunes  made  by  pleasing  manners — Politeness 
the  outgrowth  of  good  manners 20 

CHAPTER  III. 

INTEODUCTIONB. 

Acquaintances  thus  formed — Promiscuous,  informal  and  casual  intro- 
ductions— Introduction  of  a  gentleman  to  a  lady  and  a  lady  to  a 
gentleman— Introduction  at  a  ball — The  manner  of  introduction 
Introducing  relatives  —  Obligatory  introductions  —  Salutations 
after  introduction— Introducing  one's  self— Letters  of  introduc- 
tion—How they  are  to  be  delivered — Duty  of  a  person  to  whom 
a  letter  of  introduction  is  addressed— Letters  of  introduction  for 
business  purposes 31 

CHAPTER  IV. 

SALUTATIONS. 

The  salutation  originally  an  act  of  worship — Its  form  in  different 
nations — The  bow,  its  proper  mode — Words  of  salutation— Man- 
ner of  bowing — Duties  of  the  young  to  older  people— How  to 
avoid  recognition— Etiquette  of  handshaking — Kissing  as  a  mode 
of  salutation— The  kiss  of  friendship— The  kiss  of  respect  .  .  4* 
(5) 


6  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  V. 

ETIQUETTE  ON  CALLS. 

Morning  calls — Evening  calls — Rules  for  formal  calls — Calls  at  Sum- 
mer resorts — Receptipn  days — Calls  made  by  cards — Returning 
the  first  call— Calls  after  a  betrothal  takes  place — Forming  new 
acquaintance  by  calls — The  first  call,  by  whom  to  be  made — 
Calls  of  Congratulation  —  Visits  of  condolence  —  Keeping  an 
account  of  calls — Evening  visits — "Engaged"  or  "not  at  home" 
to  callers— General  rules  relative  to  calls— New  Year's  calls  .  52 

CHAPTER  VI. 

ETIQUETTE  ON  VISITING. 

Seneral  invitations  not  to  be  accepted— The  limit  of  a  prolonged  visit 
—Duties  of  a  visitor— Duties  of  the  host  or  hostess— True  hospi- 
tality—Leave-taking— Invitations  to  guests— Forbearance  with 
children — Guests  making  presents  —  Treatment  of  a  host's 
friends 89 

CHAPTER  Vn. 

ETIQUETTE  OP  OAEDS. 

Visiting  and  calling  cards — Their  size  and  style — Wedding  cards — 
•  Leaving  cards  in  calling — Cards  for  mother  and  daughter — 
Cards  not  to  be  sent  in  envelopes  to  return  formal  calls — Glazed 
cards  not  in  fashion — P.  P.  C.  cards— Cards  of  congratulation — 
When  sent — Leave  cards  in  making  first  calls  of  the  season  and 
after  invitations— Mourning  cards— Christmas  and  Easter  cards 
— Cards  of  condolence— Bridegroom's  card 75 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

OONVEESATION. 

Character  revealed  by  conversation— Importance  of  conversing  wel 
— Children  should  be  trained  to  talk  well— Cultivation  of  tht 
memory  —  Importance  of  remembering  names — How  Henrj 
Clay  acquired  this  habit  —  Listening  —  Writing  down  one's: 
thoughts— Requisites  for  a  good  talker — Vulgarisms — Flippancy 
— Sympathizing  with  another — Bestowing  compliments— Slang 
— Flattery — Scandal  and  gossip — Satire  and  ridicule — Religion 
and  politics  to  be  avoided—Bestowing  of  titles— Interrupting 
another  while  talking—Adaptability  in  conversation— Correct 
use  of  words— Speaking  one's  mind—Profanity — Display  of 
knowledge — Double  entendres — Impertinent  questions — Things 
to  be  avoided  in  conversation— Hobbies— Fault-finding— Dis- 
putes   84 


CONTENTS.  7 

CHAPTER  IX. 

DINNER  PARTIES.  pAam> 

Dinners  are  entertainments  for  married  people — Whom  to  invite — 
Forms  of  invitations— Punctuality  required — The  success  of  a 
dinner  party— Table  appointments— Proper  size  of  a  dinner 
party — Arrangement  of  guests  at  table — Serving  dinner  a  la 
Russe— Duties  of  servants — Serving  the  dishes— General  rules 
regarding  dinner— Waiting  on  others — Monopolizing  conversa- 
tion—Duties of  hostess  and  host — Retiring  from  the  table— Calls 
required  after  a  dinner  party— Returning  hospitalities— Expen- 
sive dinners  not  the  most  enjoyable — Wines  at  dinners  .  .  106 

CHAPTER  X. 

TABLE  ETIQUETTE, 

Importance  of  acquiring  good  habits  at  the  table — Table  appoint- 
ments for  breakfast,  luncheon  and  dinner — Use  of  the  knife  and 
fork— Of  the  napkin— Avoid  fast  eating  and  all  appearance  of 
greediness— General  rules  on  the  subject 188 

CHAPTER  XI. 

RECEPTIONS,  PARTIES  AND  BALLS. 

Morning  receptions— The  dress  and  refreshments  for  them— Invita- 
tions—Musical  matinees — Parties  in  the  country — Five  o'clock 
teas  and  kettle-drums— Requisites  for  a  successful  ball — Intro- 
ductions at  a  ball— Receiving  guests— The  number  to  invite — 
Duties  of  the  guests — General  rules  to  be  observed  at  balls — 
Some  suggestions  for  gentlemen — Duties  of  an  escort— Prepa- 
rations for  a  ball — The  supper— An  after-call  required  .  .  120 

CHAPTER  XII. 

STREET  ETIQUETTE. 

The  street  manners  of  a  lady — Forming  street  acquaintances— Recog- 
nizing friends  in  the  street — Saluting  a  lady— Passing  through  a 
crowd — The  first  to  bow — Do  not  lack  politeness — How  a  lady 
and  gentleman  should  walk  together — When  to  offer  the  lady 
the  arm— Going  up  and  down  stairs — Smoking  in  the  streets — 
Carrying  packages  —  Meeting  a  lady  acquaintance  —  Corner 
loafers — Shouting  in  the  street— Shopping  etiquette — For  public 
conveyances — Cutting  acquaintances — General  suggestions  .  .  146 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLAGES.  PAOm. 

Conduct  in  church — Invitations  to  opera,  theatres  and  concerts — Con- 
duct in  public  .assemblages — Remain  until  the  performance 
closes— Conduct  in  picture  galleries — Behavior  at  charity  fairs — 
Conduct  at  an  artist's  studio ,  157 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

TRAVELING  ETIQUETTE. 

Courtesies  shown  to  ladies  traveling  alone— Duties  of  an  escort— Duties 
of  a  lady  to  her  escort— Ladies  should  assist  other  ladies  traveling 
alone — The  seats  to  be  occupied  in  a  railway  car— Discretion  to 
be  used  in  forming  acquaintances  in  traveling.  .  .  .  167 

CHAPTER  XV. 

BIDING  AND  DRIVING. 

Learning  to  ride  on  horseback — The  gentleman's,  duty  as  an  escort  in 
riding — How  to  assist  a  lady  to  mount— Riding  with  ladies— Assist- 
ing a  lady  to  alight  from  a  horse— Driving— The  seat  of  honor  in 
a  carriage — Trusting  the  driver 1T4 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

OOUETSHIP. 

Proper  conduct  of  gentlemen  and  ladies  toward  each  other— Prema- 
ture declaration  of  love — Love  at  first  sight — Proper  manner  of 
courtship— Parents  should  [exercise  authority  over  daughters— 
An  acceptable  suitor— Requirements  fora  happy  marriage— Pro- 
posals of  marriage — A  gentleman  should  not  press  an  unwelcome 
suit— A  lady's  refusal— A  doubtful  answer— Unladylike  conduct 
toward  a  suitor — The  rejected  suitor— Asking  consent  of  parents 
—Presents  after  engagement — Conduct  and  relations  of  the  en- 
gaged couple— Lovers'  quarrels— Breaking  an  engagement  .  .  17v 

CHAPTER  XVIL 

WEDDING  ETIQUETTE. 

Choice  of  bridemaids  and  groomsmen  or  ushers — The  bridal  costume 
Costumes  of  bridegroom  and  ushers — Presents  of  the  bride  and 
bridegroom— Ceremonials  at  church  when  there  are  no  bride- 


CONTENTS.  9 

PAQB. 

maids  or  ushers— Invitations  to  the  ceremony  alone— The  latest 
ceremonials — Weddings  at  home— The  evening  wedding — "At 
home"  receptions— Calls— The  wedding  ring — Marriage  ceremon- 
ials of  a  widow— Form  of  invitations  to  a  reception— Duties  of  in- 
vited guests— Of  bridemaids  and  ushers— Bridal  presents— Mas- 
ter of  ceremonies — Wedding  fees — Congratulations— The  bridal 
tour  ....  194 


CHAPTER 

HOME  LIFE  AND  ETIQUETTE. 

Home  the  woman's  kingdom— Home  companionship — Conduct  of  hus- 
band and  wife— Duties  of  the  wife  to  her  husband— The  wife  a 
helpmate — The  husband's  duties 308 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

HOME  TEAININ&. 

First  lessons  learned  at  home— Parents  should  set  good  examples  to 
their  children — Courtesies  in  the  home  circle — Early  moral  train- 
ing of  children — The  formation  of  their  habits— Politeness  at 
home— Train  children  for  some  occupation— Bad  temper— Sel- 
fishness— Home  maxims  . .  216 


CHAPTER  XX. 

HOME  CULTURE. 

Cultivate  moral  courage — The  pernicious  influence  of  indolence — Self- 
respect — Result  of  good  breeding  at  home — Fault-finding  and 
grumbling— Family  jars  not  to  be  made  public — Conflicting  inter- 
ests—Religious education — Obedience— Influence  of  example — 
The  influence  of  books  22* 


CHAPTER  XXL 

WOMAH'S  HI&HEB  EDUOATIOH. 

Its  importance— Train  young  women  to  some  occupation— Education 
of  girls  too  superficial— An  education  appropriate  to  each  sex- 
Knowledge  of  the  laws  of  health  needed  by  women — Idleness  the 
source  of  all  misery — A  spirit  of  independence — Health  ancl  life 
dependent  upon  a  high«r  culture— Cultivation  of  the  moral  sense  33» 


10  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XXH. 

THE  LETTEE  WEITER.  PAOIt 

Letter  writing  is  an  indication  of  good  breeding— Requirements  for 
correct  writing— Anonymous  letters — Note  paper  to  be  used- 
Forms  of  letters  and  notes — Forms  of  addressing  notes  and  let- 
ters— Forms  of  signature— Letters  of  introduction— When  to  be 
given— Notes  of  invitation  and  replies  thereto — Acceptances  and 
regrets— Formal  invitations  must  be  answered — Letters  of  friend- 
ship— Love  letters — Business  letters  and  correspondence— Form 
of  letter  requesting  employment — Regarding  the  character  of  a 
servant— Forms  for  notes,  drafts,  bills  and  receipts  ...  343 

CHAPTER  XXni. 

GENERAL  BULES  TO  GOVERN  CONDUCT. 

Attention  to  the  young  in  society — Gracefulness  of  carriage — Attitude, 
coughing,  sneezing,  etc. — Anecdotes,  puns,  etc. — A  sweet  and 
pure  breath — Smoking — A  good  listener — Give  precedence  to 
others — Be  moderate  in  speaking — Singing  and  playing  in  society 
—Receiving  and  making  presents — Governing  our  moods — A  lady 
driving  with  a  gentleman — An  invitation  cannot  be  recalled — 
Avoid  talking  of  personalities— Shun  gossip  and  tale  bearing— 
Removing  the  hat — Intruding  on  privacy— Politeness — Adapting 
yourself  to  others— Contradicting— A  woman's  good  name— Ex- 
pressing unfavorable  opinions — Vulgarities— Miscellaneous  rules 
governing  conduct — Washington's  maxims 286 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

ANNIVEESAET  WEDDINGS. 

How  and  when  they  are  celebrated — The  paper,  cotton  and  leather 
weddings — The  wooden  wedding— The  tin  wedding — The  crystal 
wedding — The  silver  wedding — The  golden  wedding— The  dia- 
mond wedding— Presents  at  anniversary  weddings — Forms  of  in- 
vitations, etc 886 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENINGS. 

Naming  the  child— The  christening— Godparents  or  sponsors— Presents 
from  godparents — The  ceremony — The  breakfast — Christening 
gifts— The  hereof  the  day— Fees 891 


CONTENTS.  11 


CHAPTER  XXVL 

FUNEBALS.  PAQB< 

Death  notices  and  funeral  invitations — Arrangement  for  the  funeral 
—The  house  of  mourning— Conducting  the  funeral  services— The 
pall-bearers— Order  of  the  procession— Floral  and  other  decora- 
tions— Calls  upon  the  bereaved  family — Seclusion  of  the  family  296 

CHAPTER  XXVH. 

ETIQUETTE  AT  WASHINGTON. 

Social  duties  required  of  the  President  and  his  family— Receptions  at 
the  White  House— Order  of  official  rank — Duties  required  of 
members  of  the  cabinet  and  their  families— How  to  address 
officials— The  first  to  visit 306 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  FOKEIGN  COUETB, 

Foreign  titles— Royalty — The  nobility — The  gentry — Esquires— Impe- 
rial rank— European  titles — Presentation  at  the  court  of  St. 
James — Those  eligible  and  ineligible  for  presentation — Prelimi- 
naries—Presentation costumes 308 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

BUSINESS. 

The  example  of  a  merchant  prince— Keep  your  temper— Honesty  the 
best  policy— Form  good  habits — Breaking  an  appointment — 
Prompt  payment  of  bills,  notes  and  drafts — General  suggestions  315 

CHAPTER  XXX. 

DRESS. 

Requirements  for  dressing  well— Perils  of  the  love  of  dress  to  weak 
minds — Consistency  in  dress— Extravagance — Indifference  to 
dress— Appropriate  dress — The  wearing  of  gloves— Evening  or 
full  dress  for  gentlemen — Morning  dress  for  gentlemen— Evening 
or  full  dress  for  ladies — Ball  dresses — The  full  dinner  dress— For 
receiving  and  making  morning  calls — Morning  dress  for  street 
— Carriage  dress— Promenade  dress  and  walking1  suit — Ooera 
dress— The  riding  dress— For  women  of  business— Ordinary 


12  CONTENTS. 

PAGE. 

evening  dress— For  a  social  party— Dress  for  the  theater,  lecture 
and  concert — Archery,  croquet  aud  skating  costumes— Bathing 
dress— For  traveling— The  bridal  costume— Dress  of  bridemaids 
—At  wedding  receptions — Mourning  dress — How  long  mourning 
should  be  worn  .  320 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 

COLOBS  AND  THEIB  HABMONY  IN  DBESS. 

The  proper  arrangement  of  colors— The  colors  adapted  to  different 
persons— Material  for  dress  —Size  in  relation  to  color  and  dress 
—A  list  of  colors  that  harmonize  ....  .  341 

CHAPTER  XXXII. 

THE  TOILET. 

Importance  of  neatness  and  cleanliness— Perfumes — The  bath— The 
teeth  and  their  care— The  skin — The  eyes,  eyelashes  and  brows — 
The  hair  and  beard— The  hands  and  feet 851 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

TOILET  BEOIPES. 

To  remove  freckles,  pimples  and  sunburn— To  beautify  the  complexion 
— To  prevent  the  hair  falling  out — Pomades  and  hair  oils — Sea 
foam  or  dry  shampoo— To  prevent  the  hair  turning  gray— To 
soften  the  skin— To  cleanse  the  teeth— Remedy  for  chapped 
hands — For  corns  and  chilblains,  etc 37? 

CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

SPOBTS,  GAMES  AND  AMUSEMENTS. 

Archery  and  its  practice— Lawn  Tennis— Boating— Picnics— Private 

Theatricals— Card  playing S98 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 
LANGUAGE  OF  FLOWEBS, «» 

CHAPTER  XXXVL 

PRECIOUS  STONES, .428 


CHAPTER  I. 


"Ingenious  Art  with  her  expressive  face, 
Steps  forth  to  fashion  and  refine  the  race." — COWPER. 

KNOWLEDGE  of  etiquette  has  been 
defined  to  be  a  knowledge  of  the 
rules  of  society  at  its  best.  These 
rules  have  been  the  outgrowth  of 
centuries  of  civilization,  had  their 
foundation  in  friendship  and  love 
of  man  for  his  fellow  man — the 
vital  principles  of  Christianity — and  are 
most  powerful  agents  for  promoting 
peace,  harmony  and  good  will  among  all 
people  who  are  enjoying  the  blessings  of 
more  advanced  civilized  government.  In  all 
civilized  countries  the  influence  of  the  best 
society  is  of  great  importance  to  the  welfare 
and  prosperity  of  the  nation,  but  in  no 
country  is  the  good  influence  of  the  most  refined  society 
more  powerfully  felt  than  in  our  own,  "  the  land  of  the 
future,  where  mankind  may  plant,  essay,  and  resolve  all 
social  problems."  These  rules  make  social  intercourse 
more  agreeable,  and  facilitate  hospitalities,  when  all 

(13) 


14  INTRODUCTORY. 

members  of  society  hold  them  as  binding  rules  and 
faithfully  regard  their  observance.  They  are  to  society 
what  our  laws  are  to  the  people  as  a  political  body,  and 
to  disregard  them  will  give  rise  to  constant  misunder- 
standings, engender  ill-will,  and  beget  bad  morals  and 
bad  manners. 

Says  an  eminent  English  writer:  "On  manners, 
refinement,  rules  of  good  breeding,  and  even  the  forms 
of  etiquette,  we  are  forever  talking,  judging  our,  neigh- 
bors severely  by  the  breach  of  traditionary  and  unwrit- 
ten laws,  and  choosing  our  society  and  even  our  friends 
by  the  touchstone  of  courtesy."  The  Marchioness  de 
Lambert  expressed  opinions  which  will  be  endorsed  by 
the  best  bred  people  everywhere  when  she  wrote  to  her 
son :  "  Nothing  is  more  shameful  than  a  voluntary 
rudeness.  Men  have  found  it  necessary  as  well  as 
agreeable  to  unite  for  the  common  good;  they  have 
made  laws  to  restrain  the  wicked;  they  have  agreed 
among  themselves  as  to  the  duties  of  society,  and  have 
annexed  an  honorable  character  to  the  practice  of  those 
duties.  He  is  the  honest  man  who  observes  them  with 
the  most  exactness,  and  the  instances  of  them  multiply 
in  proportion  to  the  degree  of  nicety  of  a  person's 
honor." 

Originally  a  gentleman  was  defined  to  be  one  who, 
without  any  title  of  nobility,  wore  a  coat  of  arms.  And 
the  descendants  of  many  of  the  early  colonists  preserve 
with  much  pride  and  care  the  old  armorial  bearings 
which  their  ancestors  brought  with  them  from  their 
homes  ;»j  the  mother  country.  Although  despising 


INTRODUCTORY.  15 

titles  and  ignoring  the  rights  of  kings,  they  still  clung 
to  the  "grand  old  name  of  gentleman."  But  race  is  no 
longer  the  only  requisite  for  a  gentleman,  nor  will  race 
united  with  learning  and  wealth  make  a  man  a  gentle- 
man, unless  there  are  present  the  kind  and  gentle  quali- 
ties of  the  heart,  which  find  expression  in  the  principles 
of  the  Golden  Rule.  Nor  will  race,  education  and  wealth 
combined  make  a  woman  a  true  lady  if  she  shows  a 
want  of  refinement  and  consideration  of  the  feelings  of 
others. 

Good  manners  are  only  acquii-ed  by  education  and 
observation,  followed  up  by  habitual  practice  at  home 
and  in  society,  and  good  manners  reveal  to  us  the  lady 
and  the  gentleman.  He  who  does  not  possess  them, 
though  he  bear  the  highest  title  of  nobility,  cannot 
expect  to  be  called  a  gentleman;  nor  can  a  woman, 
without  good  manners,  aspire  to  be  considered  a  lady 
by  ladies.  Manners  and  morals  are  indissolubly  allied, 
and  no  society  can  be  good  where  they  are  bad.  It  is 
the  duty  of  American  women  to  exercise  their  influence 
to  form  so  high  a  standard  of  morals  and  manners  that 
the  tendency  of  society  will  be  continually  upwards, 
seeking  to  make  it  the  best  society  of  any  nation. 

As  culture  is  the  first  requirement  of  good  society,  so 
self -improvement  should  be  the  aim  of  each  -and  all  of 
its  members.  Manners  will  improve  with  the  cultiva- 
tion of  the  mind,  until  the  pleasure  and  harmony  of 
social  intercourse  are  no  longer  marred  by  the  introduc- 
tion of  discordant  elements,  and  they  only  will  be 
excluded  from  the  best  society  whose  lack  of  education 


16  INTRODUCTORY. 

and  whose  rude  manners  will  totally  unfit  them  for  its 
enjoyments  and  appreciation.  Good  manners  are  even 
more  essential  to  harmony  in  society  than  a  good  educa- 
tion, and  may  be  considered  as  valuable  an  acquisition 
as  knowledge  in  any  form. 

The  principles  of  the  Golden  Rule,  "  whatsoever  ye 
would  that  men  should  do  to  you,  do  ye  even  so  to 
them,"  is  the  basis  of  all  true  politeness — principles 
which  teach  us  to  forget  ourselves,  to  be  kind  to  our 
neighbors,  and  to  be  civil  even  to  our  enemies.  The 
appearance  of  so  being  and  doing  is  what  society 
demands  as  good  manners,  and  the  man  or  woman 
trained  to  this  mode  of  life  is  regarded  as  well-bred. 
The  people,  thus  trained,  are  easy  to  get  along  with,  for 
they  are  as  quick  to  make  an  apology  when  they  have 
been  at  fault,  as  they  are  to  accept  one  when  it  is 
made.  "The  noble-hearted  only  understand  the  noble- 
hearted." 

In  a  society  where  the  majority  are  rude  from  the 
thoughtf ulness  of  ignorance,  or  remiss  from  the  insolence 
of  bad  breeding,  the  iron  rule,  "  Do  unto  others,  as  they 
do  unto  you,"  is  more  often  put  into  practice  than  the 
golden  one.  The  savages  know  nothing  of  the  virtues 
of  forgiveness,  and  regard  those  who  are  not  revengeful 
as  wanting  in  spirit;  so  the  ill-bred  do  not  understand 
undeserved  civilities  extended  to  promote  the  general 
interests  of  society,  and  to  carry  out  the  injunction  of 
the  Scriptures  to  strive  after  the  things  that  make  for 
peace. 

Society  is  divided  into  sets,  according  to  their  breed- 


17 

ing.  One  set  may  be  said  to  have  no  breeding  at  all, 
another  to  have  a  little,  another  more,  and  another 
enough;  and  between  the  first  and  last  of  these,  there 
are  more  shades  than  in  the  rainbow.  Good  manners 
are  the  same  in  essence  everywhere — at  courts,  in  fash- 
ionable society,  in  literary  circles,  in  domestic  life — 
they  never  change,  but  social  observances,  customs  and 
points  of  etiquette,  vary  with  the  age  and  with  the 
people. 

A  French  writer  has  said:  "To  be  truly  polite,  it  is 
necessary  to  be,  at  the  same  time,  good,  just,  and  gen- 
erous. True  politeness  is  the  outward  visible  sign  of 
those  inward  spiritual  graces  called  modesty,  unselfish- 
ness and  generosity.  The  manners  of  a  gentleman  are 
the  index  of  his  souL  His  speech  is  innocent,  because 
his  life  is  pure;  his  thoughts  are  right,  because  his 
actions  are  upright;  his  bearing  is  gentle,  because  his 
feelings,  his  impulses,  and  his  training  are  gentle  also. 
A  gentleman  is  entirely  free  from  every  kind  of  pre- 
tence. He  avoids  homage,  instead  of  exacting  it.  Mere 
ceremonies  have  no  attraction  for  him.  He  seeks  not  to 
say  any  civil  things,  but  to  do  them.  His  hospitality, 
though  hearty  and  sincere,  will  be  strictly  regulated  by 
his  means.  His  friends  will  be  chosen  for  their  good 
qualities  and  good  manners;  his  servants  for  their  truth- 
fulness and  honesty;  his  occupations  for  their  usefulness, 
their  gracefulness  or  their  elevating  tendencies,  whether 
moral,  mental  or  political." 

In  the  same  general  tone  does  Ruskin  describe  a 
gentleman,  when  he  says:  "A  gentleman's  first  char- 


18  INTRODUCTORY. 

acteristic  is  that  fineness  of  structure  in  the  body 
which  renders  it  capable  of  the  most  delicate  sensation, 
and  of  that  structure  in  the  mind  which  renders  it 
capable  of  the  most  delicate  sympathies — one  may  say, 
simply,  '  fineness  of  nature.'  This  is,  of  course,  compati- 
ble with  the  heroic  bodily  strength  and  mental  firmness; 
in  fact,  heroic  strength  is  not  conceivable  without  such 
delicacy.  Elephantine  strength  may  drive  its  way 
through  a  forest  and  feel  no  touch  of  the  boughs,  but 
the  white  skin  of  Homer's  Atrides  would  have  felt  a 
bent  rose-leaf,  yet  subdue  its  feelings  in  the  glow  of 
battle  and  behave  itself  like  iron.  I  do  not  mean  to  call 
an  elephant  a  vulgar  animal;  but  if  you  think  about 
him  carefully,  you  will  find  that  his  non- vulgarity  con- 
sists in  such  gentleness  as  is  possible  to  elephantine 
nature — not  in  his  insensitive  hide  nor  in  his  clumsy 
foot,  but  in  the  way  he  will  lift  his  foot  if  a  child  lies 
in  his  way,  and  in  his  sensitive  trunk  and  still  more 
sensitive  mind  and  capability  of  pique  on  points  of 
honor.  Hence  it  will  follow  that  one  of  the  probable 
signs  of  high  breeding  in  men  generally,  will  be  their 
kindness  and  mercifulness,  these  always  indicating 
more  or  less  firmness  of  make  in  the  mind." 

Can  any  one  fancy  what  our  society  might  be,  if  all 
its  members  were  perfect  gentlemen  and  true  ladies,  if 
all  the  inhabitants  of  the  earth  were  kind-hearted;  if, 
instead  of  contending  with  the  faults  of  our  fellows  we 
were  each  to  wage  war  against  our  own  faults  ?  Every 
one  needs  to  guard  constantly  against  the  evil  from 


INTRODUCTORY.  19 

within  as  well  as  from  without,  for  as  has  been  truly- 
said,  "a  man's  greatest  foe  dwells  in  his  own  heart." 

A  recent  English  writer  says:  "Etiquette  may  be 
defined  as  the  minor  morality  of  life.  No  observances, 
however  minute,  that  tend  to  spare  the  feelings  of 
others,  can  be  classed  under  the  head  of  trivialities ;  and 
politeness,  which  is  but  another  name  for  general 
amiability,  will  oil  the  creaking  wheels  of  life  more 
effectually  than  any  of  those  unguents  supplied  by  mere 
wealth  and  station."  While  the  social  observances, 
customs  and  rules  which  have  grown  up  are  numerous, 
and  some  perhaps  considered  trivial,  they  are  all 
grounded  upon  principles  of  kindness  to  one  another, 
and  spring  from  the  impulses  of  a  good  heart  and  from 
friendly  feelings.  The  truly  polite  man  acts  from  the 
highest  and  noblest  ideas  of  what  is  right. 

Lord  Chesterfield  declared  good  breeding  to  be  "the 
result  of  much  good  sense,  some  good  nature  and  a 
little  self-denial  for  the  sake  of  others,  and  with  a  view 
to  obtain  the  same  indulgence  from  them."  Again  he 
says:  "  Good  sense  and  good  nature  suggest  civility  in 
general,  but  in  good  breeding  there  are  a  thousand  little 
delicacies  which  are  established  only  by  custom." 


CHAPTER  II. 


O  one  quality  of  the  mind  and  heart 
ifi  more  important  as  an  element  con- 
ducive to  worldly  success  than  civili- 
ty— that   feeling   of    kindness   and 
love  for  our  fellow-beings  which  is 
expressed  in  pleasing  manners.     Yet 
how  many  of  our  young  men,  with 
an  affected  contempt  for  the  forms  and 
conventionalities  of  life,  assume  to  despise 
those    delicate  attentions,  that  exquisite 
tenderness  of  thought  and  manner,  that 
mark  the  true  gentleman. 

MANNERS   AS   AN   ELEMENT   OF   SUCCESS. 

History  repeats,  over  and  over  again,  examples  show- 
ing that  it  is  the  bearing  of  a  man  toward  his  fellow- 
men  which,  more  than  any  other  one  quality  of  his 
naturej.  promotes  or  retards  his  advancement  in  life. 
The  success  or  failure  of  one's  plans  have  often  turned 
upon  the  address  and  manner  of  the  man.  Though 
there  are  a  few  people  who  can  look  beyond  the  rough 
husk  or  shell  of  a  fellow-being  to  the  finer  qualities 

(201 


OTJK   MANNERS.  21 

hidden  within,  yet  the  vast  majority,  not  so  keen- 
visaged  nor  tolerant,  judge  a  person  by  his  appearance 
and  demeanor,  more  than  by  his  substantial  character. 
Experience  of  every  day  life  teaches  us,  if  we  would 
but  learn,  that  civility  is  not  only  one  of  the  essentials 
of  high  success,  but  that  it  is  almost  a  fortune  of  itself, 
and  that  he  who  has  this  quality  in  perfection,  though  a 
blockhead,  is  almost  sure  to  succeed  where,  without  it, 
even  men  of  good  ability  fail. 

A  good  manner  is  the  best  letter  of  recommendation 
among  strangers.  Civility,  refinement  and  gentleness 
are  passports  to  hearts  and  homes,  while  awkwardness, 
coarseness  and  gruffness  are  met  with  locked  doors  and 
closed  hearts.  Emerson  says:  "  Give  a  boy  address  and 
accomplishments,  and  you  give  him  the  mastery  of  pal- 
aces and  fortunes  wherever  he  goes ;  he  has  not  the 
trouble  of  earning  or  owning  them;  they  solicit  him  to 
enter  and  possess." 

In  every  class  of  life,  in  all  professions  and  occupa- 
tions, good  manners  are  necessary  to  success.  The  busi- 
ness man  has  no  stock-in-trade  that  pays  him  better  than 
a  good  address.  If  the  retail  dealer  wears  his  hat  on 
his  head  in  the  presence  of  ladies  who  come  to  buy  of 
him,  if  he  does  not  see  that  the  heavy  door  of  his  shop 
is  opened  and  closed  for  them,  if  he  seats  himself  in 
their  presence,  if  he  smokes  a  pipe  or  cigar,  or  has  a 
chew  of  tobacco  in  his  mouth,  while  talking  with  them, 
or  is  guilty  of  any  of  the  small  incivilities  of  life,  they 
will  not  be  apt  to  make  his  shop  a  rendezvous,  no  mat- 
ter how  attractive  the  goods  he  displays. 


22  OUB   MANNERS. 

A  telling  preacher  in  his  opening  remarks  gains  the 
good  will  of  his  hearers,  and  makes  them  feel  both  that 
he  has  something  to  say,  and  that  he  can  say  it,  by  his 
manner.  The  successful  medical  man  inspires  in  his  pa- 
tients belief  in  his  sympathy,  and  confidence  in  his  skill, 
by  his  manner.  The  lawyer,  in  pleading  a  case  before 
a  jury,  and  remembering  that  the  passions  and  preju- 
dices of  the  jurymen  govern  them  to  as  great  an  extent 
as  pure  reason,  must  not  be  forgetful  of  his  manner,  if 
he  would  bring  them  to  his  own  way  of  thinking.  And 
how  often  does  the  motto,  "  Manners  make  the  man," 
govern  both  parties  in  matters  of  courtship,  the  lady 
giving  preference  to  him  whose  manners  indicate  a  true 
nobility  of  the  soul,  and  the  gentleman  preferring  her 
who  displays  in  her  manner  a  gentleness  of  spirit. 

MANXES   AN   INDEX   OP   CHABACTEB. 

A  rude  person,  though  well  meaning,  is  avoided  by 
all.  Manners,  in  fact,  are  minor  morals;  and  a  rude 
person  is  often  assumed  to  be  a  bad  person.  The  man- 
ner in  which  a  person  says  or  does  a  thing,  furnishes  a 
better  index  of  his  character  than  what  he  does  or  says, 
for  it  is  by  the  incidental  expression  given  to  his 
thoughts  and  feelings,  by  his  looks,  tones  and  gestures, 
rather  than  by  his  words  and  deeds,  that  we  prefer  to 
judge  him,  for  the  reason  that  the  former  are  involun- 
tary. The  manner  in  which  a  favor  is  granted  or  a 
kindness  done,  often  affects  us  more  than  the  deed  itself. 
The  deed  may  have  been  prompted  by  vanity,  pride,  or 
some  selfish  motive  or  interest;  the  warmth  or  coldness 


OUK   MANNEBS.  23 

with  which  the  person  who  has  done  it  speaks  to  you, 
or  grasps  your  hand,  is  less  likely  to  deceive.  The 
manner  of  doing  any  thing,  it  has  been  truly  said,  is 
that  which  stamps  its  life  and  character  on  any  action. 
A  favor  may  be  performed  so  grudgingly  as  to  prevent 
r.ny  feeling  of  obligation,  or  it  may  be  refused  so  cour- 
teously as  to  awaken  more  kindly  feelings  than  if  it  had 
been  ungraciously  granted. 

THB   TRUE    GENTLEMAN. 

Politeness  is  benevolence  in  small  things.  A  true 
gentleman  must  regard  the  rights  and  feelings  of  others, 
even  in  matters  the  most  trivial.  He  respects  the  indi- 
viduality of  others,  just  as  he  wishes  others  to  respect 
his  own.  In  society  he  is  quiet,  easy,  unobtrusive,  put- 
ting on  no  airs,  nor  hinting  by  word  or  manner  that  he 
deems  himself  better,  or  wiser,  or  richer  than  any  one 
^bout  him.  He  never  boasts  of  his  achievements,  or 
rishes  for  compliments  by  affecting  to  underrate  what  he 
has  done.  He  is  distinguished,  above  all  things,  by  his 
deep  insight  and  sympathy,  his  quick  perception  of,  and 
prompt  attention  to,  those  small  and  apparently  insig- 
nificant things  that  may  cause  pleasure  or  pain  to 
others.  In  giving  his  opinions  he  does  not  dogmatize; 
he  listens  patiently  and  respectfully  to  other  men,  and, 
if  compelled  to  dissent  from  their  opinions,  acknowl- 
edges his  fallibility  and  asserts  his  own  views  in  such  a 
manner  as  to  command  the  respect  of  all  who  hear  him. 
Frankness  and  cordiality  mark  all  his  intercourse  with 


24  OUB   MANNERS. 

his  fellows,  and,  however  high  his  station,  the  humblest 
man  feels  instantly  at  ease  in  his  presence. 

THE    TRUE    LADY. 

Calvert  says:  "Ladyhood  is  an  emanation  from  the 
heart  subtilized  by  culture  ;"  giving  as  two  requisites 
for  the  highest  breeding,  transmitted  qualities  and  the 
culture  of  good  training.  He  continues:  "  Of  the 
higher  type  of  ladyhood  may  always  be  said  what 
Steele  said  of  Lady  Elizabeth  Hastings,  *  that  unaf- 
fected freedom  and  conscious  innocence  gave  her  the 
attendance  of  the  graces  in  all  her  actions.'  At  its 
highest,  ladyhood  implies  a  spirituality  made  manifest 
in  poetic  grace.  From  the  lady  there  exhales  a  subtle 
magnetism.  Unconsciously  she  encircles  herself  with 
an  atmosphere  of  unruffled  strength,  which,  to  those 
who  come  into  it,  gives  confidence  and  repose.  Within 
her  influence  the  diffident  grow  self-possessed,  the  impu- 
dent are  checked,  the  inconsiderate  are  admonished; 
even  the  rude  are  constrained  to  be  mannerly,  and  the 
refined  are  perfected;  all  spelled,  unawares,  by  the  flex- 
ible dignity,  the  commanding  gentleness,  the  thorough 
womanliness  of  her  look,  speech  and  demeanor.  A 
sway  is  this,  purely  spiritual.  Every  sway,  every  legiti- 
mate, every  enduring  sway  is  spiritual;  a  regnancy  of 
light  over  obscurity,  of  right  over  brutality.  The  only 
real  gains  ever  made  are  spiritual  gains — a  further  sub- 
jection of  the  gross  to  the  incorporeal,  of  body  to  soul, 
of  the  animal  to  the  human.  The  finest  and^most  char- 
acteristic acts  of  a  lady  involve  a  spiritual  ascension,  a 


OUK   MANNERS.  25 

growing  out  of  herself.  In  her  being  and  bearing,  pa- 
tience, generosity,  benignity  are  the  graces  that  give 
shape  to  the  virtues  of  truthfulness." 

Here  is  the  test  of  true  ladyhood.  Whenever  the 
young  find  themselves  in  the  company  of  those  who  do 
not  make  them  feel  at  ease,  they  should  know  that  they 
are  not  in  the  society  of  true  ladies  and  true  gentlemen, 
but  of  pretenders;  that  well-bred  men  and  women  can 
only  feel  at  home  in  the  society  of  the  well-bred. 

THE    IMPORTANCE    OF   TRIFLES. 

Some  people  are  wont  to  depreciate  these  kind  and  ten- 
der qualities  as  trifles;  but  trifles,  it  must  be  remembered, 
make  up  the  aggregate  of  human  life.  The  petty  incivili- 
ties, slight  rudenesses  and  neglects  of  which  men  are 
guilty,  without  thought,  or  from  lack  of  foresight  or  sym- 
pathy, are  often  remembered,  while  the  great  acts  per- 
formed by  the  same  persons  are  often  forgotten.  There  is 
no  society  where  smiles,  pleasant  looks  and  animal  spirits 
are  not  welcomed  and  deemed  of  more  importance  than 
sallies  of  wit,  or  refinements  of  understanding.  The  lit- 
tle civilities,  which  form  the  small  change  of  life  may 
appear  separately  of  little  moment,  but,  like  the  spare 
pennies  which  amount  to  such  large  fortunes  in  a  life- 
time, they  owe  their  importance  to  repetition  and  accum- 
ulation. 

VALUE   OF   PLEASING   MANNERS. 

The  man  who  succeeds  in  any  calling  in  life  is  almost 
invariably  he  who  has  shown  a  willingness  to  please  and 
to  be  pleased,  who  has  responded  heartily  to  the  advan- 


26  CUE   MANNERS. 

ces  of  others,  through  nature  and  habit,  while  his  rival 
has  sniffed  and  frowned  and  snubbed  away  every  help- 
ing hand.  "  The  charming  mauners  of  the  Duke  of 
Marlborough,"  it  is  said,  "  often  changed  an  enemy  to  a 
friend,  and  to  be  denied  a  favor  by  him  was  more  pleas- 
ing than  to  receive  one  from  another.  It  was  these  per- 
sonal graces  that  made  him  both  rich  and  great.  His 
address  was  so  exquisitely  fascinating  as  to  dissolve 
fierce  jealousies  and  animosities,  lull  suspicion  and 
beguile  the  subtlest  diplomacy  of  its  arts.  His  fascin- 
ating smile  and  winning  tongue,  equally  with  his  sharp 
sword,  swayed  the  destinies  of  empires."  The  gracious 
manners  of  Charles  James  Fox  preserved  him  from  per- 
sonal dislike,  even  when  he  had  gambled  away  his  last 
shilling,  and  politically,  was  the  most  unpopular  man  in 
England. 

MANNERS    AND   PERSONAL   APPEARANCE. 

A  charming  manner  not  only  enhances  personal 
beauty,  but  even  hides  ugliness  and  makes  plainness 
agreeable.  An  ill-favored  countenance  is  not  neces- 
sarily a  stumbling-block,  at  the  outset,  to  its  owner, 
which  cannot  be  surmounted,  for  who  does  not  know 
how  much  a  happy  manner  often  does  to  neutralize  the 
ill  effects  of  forbidding  looks  ?  The  fascination  of  the 
demagogue  TVilkes's  manner  triumphed  over  both  phys- 
ical and  moral  deformity,  rendering  even  his  ugliness 
agreeable;  and  he  boasted  to  Lord  Townsend,  one  of  the 
handsomest  men  in  Great  Britain,  that  "with  half  an 
hour's  start  he  would  get  ahead  of  his  lordship  in  the 


CUE   MANNERS.  27 

affections  of  any  woman  in  the  kingdom."  The  ugliest 
Frenchman,  perhaps,  that  ever  lived  was  Mirabeau;  yet 
such  was  the  witchery  of  his  manner,  that  the  belt  of  no 
gay  Lothario  was  hung  with  a  greater  number  of  bleed- 
ing female  hearts  than  this  "  thunderer  of  the  tribune," 

O 

whose  looks  were  so  hideous  that  he  was  compared  to  a 
tiger  pitted  with  the  small-pox. 

FOETUSES    MADE    BY    PLEASING    MANNERS. 

Pleasing  manners  have  made  the  fortunes  of  men  in 
all  professions  and  in  every  walk  of  life — of  lawyers, 
doctors,  clergymen,  merchants,  clerks  and  mechanics — 
and  instances  of  this  are  so  numerous  that  they  may  be 
recalled  by  almost  any  person.  The  politician  who  has 
the  advantage  of  a  courteous,  graceful  and  pleasing  man- 
ner finds  himself  an  easy  winner  in  the  race  with  rival 
candidates,  for  every  voter  with  whom  he  speaks  becomes 
instantly  his  friend.  Civility  is  to  a  man  what  beauty  is 
to  a  woman.  It  creates  an  instantaneous  impression  in 
his  behalf,  while  gruffness  or  coarseness  excites  as  quick 
a  prejudice  against  him.  It  is  an  ornament,  worth  more 
as  a  means  of  winning  favor  than  the  finest  clothes 
and  jewels  ever  worn.  Lord  Chesterfield  said  the  art  of 
pleasing  is,  in  truth,  the  art  of  rising,  of  distinguishing 
one's  self,  of  making  a  figure  and  a  fortune  in  the  world. 
Some  years  ago  a  drygoods  salesman  in  a  London  shop 
had  acquired  such  a  reputation  for  courtesy  and  exhaust- 
less  patience,  that  it  was  said  to  be  impossible  to  pro- 
voke from  him  any  expression  of  irritability,  or  the 
smallest  symptom  of  vexation.  A  lady  of  rank  learning 


28  OUR   MANNERS. 

of  his  wonderful  equanimity,  determined  to  put  it  to  the 
test  by  all  the  annoyances  with  which  a  veteran  shop- 
visitor  knows  how  to  tease  a  shopman.  She  failed  in 
her  attempt  to  vex  or  irritate  him,  and  thereupon  set 
him  up  in  business.  He  rose  to  eminence  in  trade,  and 
the  main  spring  of  his  later,  as  of  his  earlier  career,  was 
politeness.  Hundreds  of  men,  like  this  salesman,  have 
owed  their  start  in  life  wholly  to  their  pleasing  address 
and  manners. 

CULTIVATION    OP    GOOD    MANNERS. 

The  cultivation  of  pleasing,  affable  manners  should  be 
an  important  part  of  the  education  of  every  person  of 
whatever  calling  or  station  in  life.  Many  people  think 
that  if  they  have  only  the  substance,  the  form  is  of  lit- 
tle consequence.  But  manners  are  a  compound  of  spirit 
and  form — spirit  acted  into  form.  The  first  law  of 
good  manners,  which  epitomizes  all  the  rest  is,  "  Thou 
shalt  love  thy  neighbor  as  thyself."  True  courtesy  is 
simply  the  application  of  this  golden  rule  to  all  our 
social  conduct,  or,  as  it  has  been  happily  defined,  "  real 
kindness,  kindly  expressed."  It  may  be  met  in  the  hut 
of  the  Arab,  in  the  courtyard  of  the  Turk,  in  the  hovel 
of  the  freedman,  and  the  cottage  of  the  Irishman.  Even 
Christian  men  sometimes  fail  in  courtesy,  deeming  it  a 
mark  of  weakness,  or  neglecting  it  from  mere  thought- 
lessness. Yet  when  we  find  this  added  to  the  other  vir- 
tues of  the  Christian,  it  will  be  noted  that  his  influence 
for  good  upon  others  has  been  powerfully  increased,  for 
it  was  by  this  that  he  obtained  access  to  the  hearts  of 


OUR   MANNERS.  29 

others.  An  old  English  writer  said  reverently  of  our 
Saviour:  "He  was  the  first  true  gentleman  that  ever 
lived."  The  influence  of  many  good  men  would  be 
more  than  doubled  if  they  could  manage  to  be  less  stiff 
and  more  elastic.  Gentleness  in  society,  it  has  been 
truly  said,  "  is  like  the  silent  influence  of  light  which 
gives  color  to  all  nature;  it  is  far  more  powerful  than 
loudness  or  force,  and  far  more  fruitful.  It  pushes  its 
way  silently  and  persistently  like  the  tiniest  daffodil  in 
spring,  which  raises  the  clod  and  thrusts  it  aside  by  the 
simple  persistence  of  growing." 

POLITENESS. 

Politeness  is  kindness  of  manner,,  This  is  the  out- 
growth of  kindness  of  heart,  of  nobleness,  and  of  cour- 
age. But  in  some  persons  we  find  an  abundance  of 
courage,  nobleness  and  kindness  of  heart,  without  kind- 
ness of  manner,  and  we  can  only  think  and  speak  of 
them  as  not  only  impolite,  but  even  rude  and  gruff. 
Such  a  man  was  Dr.  Johnson,  whose  rudeness  secured 
for  him  the  nickname  of  Ursa  Major,  and  of  whom 
Goldsmith  truthfully  remarked,  "  No  man  alive  has  a 
more  tender  heart;  he  has  nothing  of  the  bear  about  him 
but  his  skin."  To  acquire  that  ease  and  grace  of  man- 
ners which  is  possessed  by  and  which  distinguishes 
every  well-bred  person,  one  must  think  of  others  rather 
than  of  himself,  and  study  to  please  them  even  at  his 
own  inconvenience.  "  Do  unto  others  as  you  would 
that  others  should  do  unto  you" — the  golden  rule  of 
life — is  also  the  law  of  politeness,  and  such  politeness 


30  OUR   MANNEES. 

implies  self-sacrifice,  many  struggles  and  conflicts.  It 
is  an  art  and  tact,  rather  than  an  instinct  and  inspira- 
tion. An  eminent  divine  has  said:  "A  noble  and 
attractive  every-day  bearing  comes  of  goodness,  of 
sincerity,  of  refinement.  And  these  are  bred  in  years, 
not  moments.  The  principle  that  rules  our  life  is  the 
sure  posture-master.  Sir  Philip  Sidney  was  the  pattern 
to  all  England  of  a  perfect  gentleman;  but  then  he  was 
the  hero  that,  on  the  field  of  Zutphen.  pushed  away  the 
cup  of  cold  water  from  his  own  fevered  and  parched 
lips,  and  held  it  out  to  the  dying  soldier  at  his  side."  A 
Christian  by  the  very  conditions  of  his  creed,  and  the 
obligations  of  his  faith  is,  of  necessity,  in  mind  and  soul 
— and  therefore  in  word  and  act — a  gentleman,  but  a 
man  may  be  polite  without  being  a  Christian. 


CHAPTER  III. 


N    acquaintanceship     or    friendship 
usually  begins  by  means  of  intro- 
tions,   though   it   is  by  no  means 
uncommon  that  when  it  has  taken 
place  under  other  circumstances — 
without  introduction — it  has  been 
a  great  advantage  to  both  parties; 
nor  can  it  be  said  that  it  is  improper  to 
begin  an  acquaintance  in  this  way.     The 
formal  introduction  has  been  called   the 
highway  to  the  beginning  of  friendship, 
and  the  "scraped"  acquaintance  the  by-path. 

PROMISCUOUS  INTRODUCTION. 

There  is  a  large  class  of  people  who  introduce 
friends  and  acquaintances  to  everybody  they  meet, 
whether  at  home  or  abroad,  whije  walking  or  riding 
out.  Such  promiscuous  introductions  are  neither  neces- 
sary, desirable,  nor  at  all  times  agreeable. 

AN   INTRODUCTION   A   SOCIAL   ENDORSEMENT. 

It  is  to    be  remembered    that  an    introduction    ie 
regarded  as '  a  social  endorsement  of  the  person  intro« 

era 


32  INTRODUCTIONS. 

duced,  and  that,  under  certain  circumstances,  it  would 
be  wrong  to  introduce  to  our  friends  casual  acquain- 
tances, of  whom  we  know  nothing,  and  who  may  after- 
wards prove  to  be  anything  but  desirable  persons  to 
know.  Care  should  be  taken,  therefore,  in  introducing 
two  individuals,  that  the  introduction  be  mutually 
agreeable.  Whenever  it  is  practicable,  it  is  best  to 
settle  the  point  by  inquiring  beforehand.  When  this  is 
inexpedient  from  any  cause,  a  thorough  acquaintance 
with  both  parties  will  warrant  the  introducer  to  judge 
of  the  point  for  him  or  herself. 

UNIVERSAL   INTRODUCTIONS. 

While  the  habit  of  universal  introductions  is  a  bad 
one,  there  are  many  men  in  cities  and  villages  who  are 
not  at  all  particular  whom  they  introduce  to  each  other. 
As  a  general  rule,  a  man  should  be  as  careful  about  the 
character  of  the  person  he  introduces  to  his  friends,  as 
he  is  of  him  whose  notes  he  would  endorse. 

THE    INTRODUCTION    OP  A   GENTLEMAN   TO    A   LADY. 

A  gentleman  should  not  be  introduced  to  a  lady, 
unless  her  permission  has  been  previously  obtained,  and 
no  one  should  ever  be  introduced  into  the  house  of  a 
friend,  except  permission  is  first  granted.  Such  intro- 
ductions, however,  are  frequent,  but  they  are  improper, 
for  a  person  cannot  know  that  an  introduction  of  this 
kind  will  be  agreeable.  If  a  person  asks  you  to  intro- 
duce him  to  another,  or  a  gentleman  asks  to  be  intro- 
duced to  a  lady,  and  you  find  the  introduction  would 


INTRODUCTIONS.  33 

not  be  agreeable  to  the  other  party,  you  may  decline  on 
the  grounds  that  you  are  not  sufficiently  intimate  to 
take  that  liberty. 

When  a  gentleman  is  introduced  to  a  lady,  both  bow 
slightly,  and  the  gentleman  opens  conversation.  It  is 
the  place  of  the  one  who  is  introduced  to  make  the  first 
remark. 

INFORMAL    INTRODUCTION. 

It  is  not  strictly  necessary  that  acquaintanceship 
should  wait  a  formal  introduction.  Persons  meeting  at 
the  house  of  a  common  friend  may  consider  that  fact  a 
sufficient  warrant  for  the  preliminaries  of  acquaintance- 
ship, if  there  appears  to  be  a  mutual  inclination  toward 
such  acquaintanceship.  The  presence  of  a  person  in  a 
friend's  house  is  a  sufficient  guaranty  for  his  or  her  re- 
spectability. Gentlemen  and  ladies  may  form  acquaint- 
ances in  traveling,  on  a  steamboat,  in  a  railway  car,  or 
a  Btage-coach,  without  the  formality  of  an  introduction. 
Such  acquaintanceship  should  be  conducted  with  a  cer- 
tain amount  of  reserve,  and  need  not  be  prolonged  be- 
yond the  time  of  casual  meeting.  The  slightest  ap- 
proach to  disrespect  or  familiarity  should  be  checked 
by  dignified  silence.  A  young  lady,  however,  is  not 
accorded  the  same  privilege  of  forming  acquaintances 
as  is  a  married  or  elderly  lady,  and  should  be  careful 
about  doing  so. 

INTRODUCTIONS   AT   A   BALL. 

It  is  the  part  of  the  host  and  hostess  at  a  ball  to 
introduce  their  guests,  though  guests  may,  with  perfect 


34-  INTRODUCTIONS. 

propriety,  introduce  each  other,  or,  as  already  intimated, 
may  converse  with  one  another  without  the  ceremony 
of  a  formal  introduction.  A  gentleman,  before  intro- 
ducing his  friends  to  ladies,  should  obtain  permission  of 
the  latter  to  do  so,  unless  he  is  perfectly  sure,  from  his 
knowledge  of  the  ladies,  that  the  introductions  will  be 
agreeable.  The  ladies  should  always  grant  such  permis- 
sion, unless  there  is  a  strong  reason  for  refusing.  The 
French,  and  to  some  extent  the  English,  dispense  with 
introductions  at  a  private  ball.  The  fact  that  they  have 
been  invited  to  meet  each  other  is  regarded  as  a  guar- 
anty that  they  are  fit  to  be  mutually  acquainted,  and  is 
a  sufficient  warrant  for  self -introduction.  At  a  public 
ball  partners  must  be  introduced  to  each  other.  Special 
introducing  may  be  made  with  propriety  by  the  master 
of  ceremonies.  At  public  balls  it  is  well  for  ladies  to 
dance  only,  or  for  the  most  part,  with  gentlemen  of 
their  own  party,  or  those  with  whom  they  have  had  a 
previous  acquaintance. 

THB   MANNER   OP   INTRODUCTION. 

The  proper  form  of  introduction  is  to  present  the 
gentleman  to  the  lady,  the  younger  to  the  older,  the  in- 
ferior in  social  standing  to  the  superior.  In  introducing, 
you  bow  to  the  lady  and  say,  "  Miss  C.,  allow  me  to 
introduce  to  you  Mr.  D.  Mr.  D.,  Miss  C."  It  is  the 
duty  of  Mr.  I>.  upon  bowing  to  say,  "  It  gives  me  great 
pleasure  to  form  your  acquaintance,  Miss  C.,"  or  a  re- 
mark of  this  nature. 

If  gentlemen  are  to  be  introduced  to  one  another,  the 


INTRODUCTIONS.  35 

form  is,  "  Col.  Blank,  permit  me  to  introduce  to  you  Mr. 
Cole.  Mr.  Cole,  Col.  Blank."  The  exact  words  of  an 
introduction  are  immaterial,  so  long  as  the  proper  form 
and  order  it  preserved. 

The  word  '*  present "  is  often  used  in  place  of  "  intro- 
duce." Whilf  it  is  customary  to  repeat  the  names  of 
the  two  parties  *  Produced  at  the  close  of  the  introduc- 
tion, it  is  often  omitted  as  a  useless  formality.  It  is  of 
the  utmost  importance  that  each  name  should  be  spoken 
distinctly.  If  either  of  the  parties  does  not  distinctly 
hear  the  name  of  the  other  he  should  say  at  once,  with- 
out hesitation  or  embarrassment,  before  making  the 
bow,  "I  beg  your  pardon;  I  did  not  catch  (or  under- 
stand) the  name,"  when  it  may  be  repeated  to  him. 

If  several  persons  are  to  be  introduced  to  one  indi- 
vidual, mention  the  name  of  the  single  individual  first, 
and  then  call  the  others  in  succession,  bowing  slightly 
as  each  name  is  pronounced. 

It  is  the  part  of  true  politeness,  after  introductions, 
to  explain  to  each  person  introduced  something  of  the 
business  or  residence  of  each,  as  they  will  assist  in 
opening  conversation.  Or,  if  one  party  has  recently 
returned  from  a  foreign  trip,  it  is  courteous  to  say  so. 

CASUAL   INTRODUCTIONS. 

While  it  is  not  necessary  to  introduce  people  who 
•chance  to  meet  in  your  house  during  a  morning  call; 
yet,  if  there  is  no  reason  for  supposing  that  such  an 
introduction  will  be  objectionable  to  either  party,  it 
seems  better  to  give  it,  as  it  sets  both  parties  at  ease  in 


36  INTRODUCTIONS. 

conversation.  Acquaintanceship  may  or  may  not  follow 
such  an  introduction,  at  the  option  of  the  parties. 
People  who  meet  at  the  house  of  a  mutual  friend 
need  not  recognize  each  other  as  acquaintances  if  they 
meet  again  elsewhere,  unless  they  choose  to  do  so. 

INTRODUCING    RELATIVES. 

In  introducing  members  of  your  own  family,  be  care- 
ful not  only  to  specify  the  degree  of  relationship,  but 
to  give  the  name  also.  It  is  awkward  to  a  stranger  to- 
be  introduced  to  "  My  brother  Tom,"  or  "  My  sister 
Carrie."  When  either  the  introducer  or  the  introduced 
is  a  married  lady,  the  name  of  the  party  introduced  can 
only  be  guessed  at. 

BESTOWING   OF   TITLES. 

In  introducing  a  person  give  him  his  appropriate  title. 
If  he  is  a  clergyman,  say  "  The  Rev.  Mr.  Clark."  If  a 
doctor  of  divinity,  say  "  The  Rev.  Dr.  Clark."  If  he 
is  a  member  of  Congress,  call  him  "  Honorable,"  and 
specify  to  which  branch  of  Congress  he  belongs.  If  he 
is  governor  of  a  State,  mention  what  State.  If  he  is. 
a  man  of  any  celebrity  in  the  world  of  art  or  letters,  it 
is  well  to  mention  the  fact  something  after  this  manner: 
"Mr.  Fish,  the  artist,  whose  pictures  you  have  fre- 
quently seen,"  or  "Mr.  Hart,  author  of  'Our  Future 
State,'  which  you  so  greatly  admired." 

OBLIGATORY   INTRODUCTIONS. 

A  friend  visiting  at  your  house  must  be  introduced  to 
all  callers,  and  courtesy  requires  the  latter  to  cultivate 


INTRODUCTIONS.  3T 

the  acquaintance  while  your  visitor  remains  with  you. 
If  you  are  the  caller  introduced,  you  must  show  the  same 
attention  to  the  friend  of  your  friend  that  you  wish 
shown  your  own  friends  under  the  same  circumstances. 
Persons  meeting  at  public  places  need  not  introduce 
each  other  to  the  strangers  who  may  chance  to  be  with 
them;  and,  even  if  the  introduction  does  take  place,  the 
acquaintance  need  not  be  continued  unless  desired. 

THE    OBLIGATION    OP  AN    INTRODUCTION. 

Two  persons  who  have  been  properly  introduced  have 
in  future  certain  claims  upon  one  another's  acquaintance 
which  should  be  recognized,  unless  there  are  sufficient 
reasons  for  overlooking  them.  Even  in  that  case  good 
manners  require  the  formal  bow  of  recognition  upon 
meeting,  which,  of  itself,  encourages  no  familiarity. 
Only  a  very  ill-bred  person  will  meet  another  with  a 
stare.  • 

•  THE  SALUTATION  AFTER  INTRODUCTION. 

A  slight  bow  is  all  that  is  required  by  courtesy,  after 
an  introduction.  Shaking  hands  is  optional,  and  it 
should  rest  with  the  older,  or  the  superior  in  social  stand- 
ing to  make  the  advances.  It  is  often  an  act  of  kind- 
ness on  their  part,  and  as  such  to  be  commended.  It  is 
a  common  practice  among  gentlemen,  when  introduced 
to  one  another,  to  shake  hands,  and  as  it  evinces  more 
cordiality  than  a  mere  bow,  is  generally  to  be  preferred. 
An  unmarried  lady  should  not  shake  hands  with  gentle- 
men indiscriminately. 


88  INTRODUCTIONS. 

THE  FIRST  TO  RECOGNIZE. 

It  is  the  privilege  of  the  lady  to  determine  whether 
she  will  recognize  a  gentleman  after  an  introduction,  and 
he  is  bound  to  return  the  bow.  In  bowing  to  a  lady  on 
the  street,  it  is  not  enough  that  a  gentleman  should  touch 
his  hat,  he  should  lift  it  from  his  head. 

THE   "CUT  DIRECT." 

The  "  cut  direct,"  which  is  given  by  a  prolonged  stare 
at  a  person,  if  justified  at  all,  can  only  be  in  case  of 
extraordinary  and  notoriously  bad  conduct  on  the  part 
of  the  individual  "  cut,"  and  is  very  seldom  called  for. 
If  any  one  wishes  to  avoid  a  bowing  acquaintance  with 
another,  it  can  be  done  by  looking  aside  or  dropping 
the  eyes.  It  is  an  invariable  rule  of  good  society,  that 
a  gentleman  cannot  "cut"  a  lady  under  any  circum- 
stances, but  circumstrances  may  arise  when  he  may  be 
excused  for  persisting  in  not  meeting  her  eyes,  for  if 
their  eyes  meet,  he  must  bow. 

MEETING  US  THE  STSEET. 

If,  while  walking  with  one  friend,  in  the  street,  you 
meet  another  and  stop  a  moment  to  speak  with  the  lat- 
ter, it  is  not  necessary  to  introduce  the  two  who  are 
strangers  to  one  another;  but,  when  you  separate,  the 
friend  who  accompanies  you  gives  a  parting  salutation, 
the  same  as  yourself.  The  same  rule  applies  if  the 
friend  you  meet  chances  to  be  a  lady. 


INTEODUCTION8.  39 

raTBODTJCING   YOUESELF. 

If,  on  entering  a  drawing-room  to  pay  a  visit,  you  are 
not  recognized,  mention  your  name  immediately.  If 
you  know  but  one  member  of  the  family  and  you  find 
others  only  in  the  room,  introduce  yourself  to  them. 
Unless  this  is  done,  much  awkwardness  may  be  occas- 
ioned. 

ABOUT   SHAKING   HANDS. 

When  a  lady  is  introduced  to  a  gentleman,  she  should 
merely  bow  but  not  give  her  hand,  unless  the  gentleman 
is  a  well  known  friend  of  some  member  of  the  family. 
In  that  case  she  may  do  so  if  she  pleases,  as  a  mark  of 
esteem  or  respect.  A  gentleman  must  not  offer  to  shake 
hands  with  a  lady  until  she  has  made  the  first  movement. 

A  married  lady  should  extend  her  hand  upon  being 
introduced  to  a  stranger  brought  to  her  house  by  her 
husband,  or  by  a  common  friend,  as  an  evidence  of  her 
cordial  welcome. 

LETTEES   OP   INTEODUCTION. 

Friendly  letters  of  introduction  should  only  be  given 
to  personal  friends,  introducing  them,  and  only  ad- 
dressed to  those  with  whom  the  writer  has  a  strong 
personal  friendship.  It  is  not  only  foolish,  but  positively 
dangerous  to  give  such  a  letter  to  a  person  with  whom 
the  writer  is  but  slightly  acquainted,  as  you  may  thus 
give  your  countenance  and  endorsement  to  a  person  who 
will  take  advantage  of  your  carelessness  to  bring  you 
mio  embarrassing  and  mortifying  positions.  Again,  you 


40  INTRODUCTIONS. 

should  never  address  a  letter  of  introduction  to  any  but 
an  intimate  friend  of  long  standing,  and  even  then  it 
should  not  be  done,  unless  you  are  perfectly  satisfied  that 
the  person  you  are  to  introduce  will  be  an  agreeable  and 
congenial  person  for  your  friend  to  meet,  as  it  would  be 
very  annoying  to  send  to  your  friend  a  visitor  who  would 
prove  to  him  disagreeable.  Even  amongst  friends  of 
long  standing  such  letters  should  be  given  very  cau- 
tiously and  sparingly. 

The  form  of  letters  of  introduction  is  given  in  the 
chapter  on  "Letter-writing." 

DELIVERING    A   LETTER   OF   INTRODUCTION. 

~It  Is  not  necessary  to  deliver  a  friendly  letter  of  intro- 
duction to  a  person  who  resides  in  another  town.  It  is 
better  to  send  it  to  the  person  to  whom  it  is  directed,  on 
your  arrival,  accompanied  by  your  card  of  address.  If 
he  wishes  to  comply  with  the  request  of  his  friend  he 
will  call  upon  you,  and  give  you  an  invitation  to  visit 
him;  circumstances,  however,  might  render  it  exceed- 
ingly inconvenient,  or  impossible  for  the  person  to  whom 
the  letter  is  addressed,  to  call  upon  you;  consequently  a 
neglect  to  call  need  not  be  considered  a  mark  of  ill- 
breeding,  though  by  some  people  it  is  so  considered. 
The  person  addressed  must  consult  his  own  feelings  in 
the  matter,  and  while  aiming  to  do  what  is  right,  he  is 
not  bound  to  sacrifice  business  or  other  important  mat- 
ters to  attend  to  the  entertainment  of  a  friend's  friend. 
In  such  a  case  he  may  send  his  own  card  to  the  address 


INTKODUCnONS.  4:1 

of  the  person  bearing  the  letter  of  introduction,  and  the 
latter  is  at  liberty  to  call  upon  him  at  his  leisure. 

THE  DUTY  OP  THE  PERSON  ADDRESSED. 

In  Europe  it  is  the  custom  for  a  person  with  a  letter 
of  introduction  to  make  the  first  call,  but  in  this  coun- 
try we  think  that  a  stranger  should  never  be  made  to 
feel  that  he  is  begging  our  attention,  and  that  it  is 
indelicate  for  him  to  intrude  until  he  is  positive  that  his 
company  would  be  agreeable.  Consequently,  if  it  is 
your  wish  and  in  your  power  to  welcome  any  one 
recommended  to  you  by  letter  from  a  friend,  or  to  show 
your  regard  for  your  friend's  friend,  you  must  call  upon 
him  with  all  possible  dispatch,  after  you  receive  his 
letter  of  introduction,  and  give  him  as  hospitable  a 
reception  and  enterta"_ment  as  it  is  possible  to  give, 
and  such  as  you  would  be  pleased  to  receive  were  you 
in  his  place. 

LETTERS   OF   INTRODUCTION   FOR   BUSINESS    PURPOSES. 

Letters  of  introduction  to  and  from  business  men  may 
be  delivered  by  the  bearers  in  person,  and  etiquette  does 
not  require  the  receiver  to  entertain  the  person  intro- 
duced as  a  friend  of  the  writer.  It  is  entirely  optional 
with  the  person  to  whom  the  latter  is  introduced  how 
he  welcomes  irim,  or  whether  he  entertains  him  or  not, 
though  his  courtesy  would  be  apt  to  suggest  that  some 
kind  attentions  should  be  paid  him. 


CHAPTER  IV. 


'ARLYLE  says:  "What  we  call  'for- 
mulas  '  are  not  in  their  origin  bad; 
they  are  indisputably  good.  Formula 
is  method,  habitude;  found  wherever 
man  is  found.  Formulas  fashion 
themselves  as  paths  do,  as  beaten 
highways  leading  toward  some 
sacred,  high  object,  whither  many  men 
are  bent.  Cx>ns_.ier  it:  One  man  full  of 
heartfelt,  earnest  impulse  finds  out  a  way 
of  doing  something  —  were  it  uttering  his 
soul's  reverence  for  the  Highest,  were  it  but 
of  fitly  saluting  his  fellow-man.  An  inventor 
was  needed  to  do  that,  a  poet;  he  has  articu- 
lated the  dim,  struggling  thought  that  dwelt  in  his  own 
and  many  hearts.  This  is  the  way  of  doing  that. 
These  are  his  footsteps,  the  beginning  of  a  *  path.'  And 
now  see  the  second  man  travels  naturally  in  the  foot- 
steps of  his  foregoer;  it  is  the  easiest  method.  In  the 
footsteps  of  his  foregoer,  yet  with  his  improvements, 
with  changes  where  such  seem  good;  at  all  events  with 
enlargements,  the  path  ever  widening  itself  as  more 

(48) 


SALUTATIONS.  43 

travel  it,  till  at  last  there  is  a  broad  highway,  whereon 
the  whole  world  may  travel  and  drive." 

SALUTATION  ORIGINALLY  AN  ACT  OP  WORSHIP. 

A  lady  writer  of  distinction  says  of  salutations:  "It 
would  seem  that  good  manners  were  originally  the 
expression  of  submission  from  the  weaker  to  the 
stronger.  In  a  rude  state  of  society  every  salutation  is 
to  this  day  an  act  of  worship.  Hence  the  commonest 
acts,  phrases  and  signs  of  courtesy  with  which  we  are 
now  familiar,  date  from  those  earlier  stages  when  the 
strong  hand  ruled  and  the  inferior  demonstrated  his 
allegiance  by  studied  servility.  Let  us  take,  for 
example,  the  words  '  sir '  and  ' madam.'  *  Sir '  is  derived 
from  seigneur,  sieur,  and  originally  meant  lord,  king, 
ruler  and,  in  its  patriarchal  sense,  father.  The  title  of 
sire  was  last  borne  by  some  of  the  ancient  feudal 
families  of  France,  who,  as  Selden  .has  said,  'affected 
rather  to  be  styled  by  the  name  of  sire  than  baron,  as 
Le  Sire  de  Montmorenci  and  the  like.'  'Madam*  or 
'madame,'  corrupted  by  servants  into  'ma'am,'  and  by 
Mrs.  Gamp  and  her  tribe  into  'mum,'  is  in  substance 
equivalent  to  'your  exalted,'  or  'your  highness,' 
madame  originally  meaning  high-born,  or  stately,  and 
being  applied  only  to  ladies  of  the  highest  rank. 

"  To  turn  to  our  every -day  forms  of  salutation.  We 
take  off  our  hats  on  visiting  an  acquaintance.  We  bow 
on  being  introduced  to  strangers.  We  rise  when 
visitors  enter  our  drawing-room.  We  wave  our  hand  to 
our  friend  as  he  passes  the  window  or  drives  away  from 


44  SALUTATIONS. 

our  door.  The  Oriental,  in  like  manner,  leaves  his  shoes 
on  the  threshold  when  he  pays  a  visit.  The  natives  of  the 
Tonga  Islands  kiss  the  soles  of  a  chieftain's  feet.  The 
Siberian  peasant  grovels  in  the  dust  before  a  Russian 
noble.  Each  of  these  acts  has  a  primary,  an  historical 
significance.  The  very  word  'salutation,'  in  the  first 
place,  derived  as  it  is  from  salutatio,  the  daily  homage 
paid  by  a  Roman  client  to  his  patron,  suggests  in  itself 
a  history  of  manners. 

"  To  bare  the  head  was  originally  an  act  of  submis- 
sion to  gods  and  rulers.  A  bow  is  a  modified  prostra- 
tion. A  lady's  courtesy  is  a  modified  genuflection. 
Rising  and  standing  are  acts  of  homage;  and  when  we 
wave  our  hand  to  a  friend  on  the  opposite  side  of  the 
street,  we  are  unconsciously  imitating  the  Romans,  who, 
as  Selden  tells  us,  used  to  stand  '  somewhat  off  before 
the  images  of  their  gods,  solemnly  moving  the  right 
hand  to  the  lips  and  casting  it,  as  if  they  had  cast 
kisses.'  Again,  men  remove  the  glove  when  they  shake 
hands  with  a  lady — a  custom  evidently  of  feudal  origin. 
The  knight  removed  his  iron  gauntlet,  the  pressure  of 
which  would  have  been  all  too  harsh  for  the  palm  of  a 
fair  chatelaine  ;  and  the  custom,  which  began  in  neces- 
sity, has  traveled  down  to  us  as  a  point  of  etiquette." 

•     SALUTATIONS    OF   DIFFERENT    NATIONS. 

Each  nation  has  its  own  method  of  salutation.  In 
Southern  Africa  it  is  the  custom  to  rub  toes.  In  Lap- 
land your  friend  rubs  his  nose  against  yours.  The  Turk 
folds  his  arms  upon  his  breast  and  bends  his  head  very 


SALUTATIONS.  45 

low.  The  Moors  of  Morocco  have  a  somewhat  startling 
mode  of  salutation.  They  ride  at  a  gallop  toward  a 
stranger,  as  though  they  would  unhorse  him,  and  when 
close  at  hand  suddenly  check  their  horse  and  fire  a 
pistol  over  the  person's  head.  The  Egyptian  solicitously 
asks  you,  "How  do  you  perspire  ?"  and  lets  his  hand  fall 
to  the  knee.  The  Chinese  bows  low  and  inquires, 
"  Have  you  eaten?"  The  Spaniard  says,  "  God  be  with 
you,  sir,"  or,  "  How  do  you  stand?"  And  the  Neapoli- 
tan piously  remarks,  "  Grow  in  holiness."  The  German 
asks,  "  How  goes  it  with  you?"  The  Frenchman  bows 
profoundly  and  inquires,  "  How  do  you  carry  yourself." 

Foreigners  are  given  to  embracing.  In  France  and 
Germany  the  parent  kisses  his  grown-up  son  on  the 
forehead,  men  throw  their  arms  around  the  necks  of 
their  friends,  and  brothers  embrace  like  lovers.  It  is  a 
curious  sight  to  Americans,  with  their  natural  pre- 
judices against  publicity  in  kissing. 

In  England  and  America  there  are  three  modes  of 
salutation — the  bow,  the  hand-shaking  and  the  kiss. 

THE  BOW. 

It  is  said:  "A  bow  is  a  note  drawn  at  sight.  You 
are  bound  to  acknowledge  it  immediately,  and  to  the 
full  amount."  It  should  be  respectful,  cordial,  civil  or 
familiar,  according  to  circumstances.  Between  gentle- 
men, an  inclination  of  the  head,  a  gesture  of  the  hand, 
or  the  mere  touching  of  the  hat  is  sufficient;  but  in 
bowing  to  a  lady,  the  hat  must  be  lifted  from  the  head. 
If  you  know  peaple  slightly,  you  -recognize  them 


46  SALUTATIONS. 

slightly;  if  you  know  them  well,  you  bow  with  more 
familiarity.  The  body  is  not  bent  at  all  in  bowing;  the 
inclination  of  the  head  is  all  that  is  necessary. 

If  the  gentleman  is  smoking,  he  withdraws  his  cigar 
from  his  mouth  before  lifting  his  hat  to  a  lady,  or  if  he 
should  happen  to  have  his  hand  in  his  pocket  he 
removes  it. 

At  the  moment  of  the  first  meeting  of  the  eyes  of  an 
acquaintance  you  bow.  Any  one  who  has  been  intro- 
duced to  you,  or  any  one  to  whom  you  have  been  intro- 
duced, is  entitled  to  this  mark  of  respect. 

The  bow  is  the  touchstone  of  good  breeding,  and  to 
neglect  it,  even  to  one  with  whom  you  may  have  a 
trifling  difference,  shows  deficiency  in  cultivation  and  in 
the  instincts  of  refinement.  A  bow  does  not  entail  a 
calling  acquaintance.  Its  entire  neglect  reveals  the 
character  and  training  of  the  person;  the  manner  of  its 
observance  reveals  the  very  shades  of  breeding  that 
exist  between  the  ill-bred  and  the  well-bred. 

RETURNING   A   BOW. 

A  gentleman  walking  with  a  lady  returns  a  bow  made 
to  her,  whether  by  a  lady  or  gentleman  (lifting  his  hat 
not  too  far  from  his  head),  although  the  one  bowing  is 
an  entire  stranger  to  him. 

It  is  civility  to  return  a  bow,  although  you  do  not 
know  the  one  who  is  bowing  to  you.  Either  the  one 
who  bows,  knows  you,  or  has  mistaken  you  for  some 
one  else.  In  either  case  you  should  return  the  bow,  and 
probably  the  mistake  will  be  discovered  to  have 


SALUTATIONS.  47 

occurred  for  want  of  quick  recognition  on  your  own 
part,  or  from  some  resemblance  that  you  bear  to 
another. 

THE    MANNER    OF    BOWING. 

The  manner  in  which  the  salutation  of  recognition  is 
made,  may  be  regarded  as  an  unerring  test  of  the  breed- 
ing, training,  or  culture  of  a  person.  It  should  be 
prompt  as  soon  as  the  eyes  meet,  whether  on  the  street 
or  in  a  room.  The  intercourse  need  go  no  further-  but 
that  bow  must  be  made.  There  are  but  few  laws  whicu 
have  better  reasons  for  their  observance  than  this.  This 
rule  holds  good  under  all  circumstances,  whether  witnm 
doors  or  without.  Those  who  abstain  from  bowing  at 
one  time,  and  bow  at  another,  should  not  be  surprised 
to  find  that  the  person  whom  they  have  neglected,  has 
avoided  the  continuation  of  their  acquaintance. 

DUTIES    OF   YOUNG   TO    OLDER   PEOPLE. 

Having  once  had  an  introduction  that  entitles  to 
recognition,  it  is  the  duty  of  the  person  to  recall  him- 
self or  herself  to  the  recollection  of  the  older  person,  if 
there  is  much  difference  in  age,  by  bowing  each  time  of 
meeting,  until  the  recognition  becomes  mutual.  As 
persons  advance  in  life,  they  look  for  these  attentions 
upon  the  part  of  the  young.  Persons  who  have  large 
circles  of  acquaintance,  often  confuse  the  faces  of  the 
young  whom  they  know  with  the  familiar  faces  which 
they  meet  and  do  not  know,  and  from  frequent  errors 
of  this  kind,  they  get  into  the  habit  of  waiting  to  catch 
some  look  or  gesture  of  recognition. 


48  SALUTATIONS. 

HOW   TO    AVOID    RECOGNITION. 

If  a  person  desires  to  avoid  a  bowing  acquaintance 
with  a  person  who  has  been  properly  introduced,  he  may 
do  so  by  looking  aside,  or  dropping  the  eyes  as  the  per- 
son approaches,  for,  if  the  eyes  meet,  there  is  no  alterna- 
tive, bow  he  must. 

ON    PUBLIC    PROMENADES. 

Bowing  once  to  a  person  upon  a  public  promenade  or 
drive  is  all  that  civility  requires.  If  the  person  is  a 
friend,  it  is  in  better  form,  the  second  and  subsequent 
passings,  should  you  catch  his  or  her  eye,  to  smile 
slightly  instead  of  bowing  repeatedly.  If  an  acquain- 
tance, it  is  best  to  avert  the  eyes. 

A   SMILING   BOW. 

A  bow  should  never  be  accompanied  by  a  broad  smile, 
even  when  you  are  well  acquainted,  and  yet  a  high 
authority  well  says:  "You  should  never  speak  to  an 
acquaintance  without  a  smile  in  your  eyes." 

DEFERENCE    TO    ELDERLY   PEOPLE. 

A  young  lady  should  show  the  same  deference  to  an 
•Iderly  lady  that  a  gentleman  does  to  a  lady.  It  may 
also  be  said  that  a  young  man  should  show  proper  defer- 
ence to  elderly  gentlemen. 

WORDS    OF   SALUTATION. 

The  words  commonly  used  in  saluting  a  person  are 
"Good  Morning,"  " Good  Afternoon,"  "Good  Evening," 


SALUTATIONS.  49 

"  How  do  you  do  "  (sometimes  contracted  into  "  Howdy  " 
and  "  How  dye  do,")  and  "  How  are  you."  The  three 
former  are  most  appropriate,  as  it  seems  somewhat 
absurd  to  ask  after  a  person's  health,  unless  you  stop  to 
receive  an  answer.  A  respectful  bow  should  accompany 
the  words. 

SHAKING   HANDS. 

Among  friends  the  shaking  of  the  hand  is  the  most 
genuine  and  cordial  expression  of  good-will.  It  is  not 
necessary,  though  in  certain  cases  it  is  not  forbidden, 
upon  introduction;  but  when  acquaintanceship  has 
reached  any  degree  of  intimacy,  it  is  perfectly  proper. 

ETIQUETTE    OF   HANDSHAKING. 

An  authority  upon  this  subject  says:  "The  etiquette 
of  handshaking  is  simple.  A  man  has  no  right  to  take  a 
lady's  hand  until  it  is  offered.  He  has  even  less  right  to 
pinch  or  retain  it.  Two  young  ladies  shake  hands  gen- 
tly and  softly.  A  young  lady  gives  her  hand,  but  does 
not  shake  a  gentleman's  unless  she  is  his  friend.  A  lady 
should  always  rise  to  give  her  hand;  a  gentleman,  of 
course,  never  dares  to  do  so  seated.  On  introduction  in 
a  room,  a  married  Jady  generally  offers  her  hand;  a 
young  lady,  not.  In  a  ballroom,  where  the  introduction 
is  to  dancing,  not  to  friendship,  you  never  shake  hands; 
and  as  a  general  rule,  an  introduction  is  not  followed  by 
shaking  hands,  only  by  a  bow.  It  may  perhaps  be  laid 
down  that  the  more  public  the  place  of  introduction,  the 
less  handshaking  takes  place.  But  if  the  introduction 
be  particular,  if  it  be  accompanied  by  personal  recom- 


50  SALUTATIONS. 

mendation,  such  as,  'I  want  you  to  know  my  friend 
Jones,'  or  if  Jones  comes  with  a  letter  of  presentation, 
then  you  give  Jones  your  hand,  and  warmly,  too. 
Lastly^  it  is  the  privilege  of  a  superior  to  offer  or  with- 
hold his  or  her  hand,  so  that  an  inferior  should  never  put 
his  forward  first." 

When  a  lady  so  far  puts  aside  her  reserve  as  to  shake 
hands  at  all,  she  should  give  her  hand  with  frankness 
and  cordiality.  There  should  be  equal  frankness  and 
cordiality  on  the  gentleman's  part,  and  even  more 
warmth,  though  a  careful  avoidance  of  anything  like 
offensive  familiarity  or  that  which  might  be  mistaken 
as  such. 

In  shaking  hands,  the  right  hand  should  always  be 
offered,  unless  it  be  so  engaged  as  to  make  it  impossible, 
and  then  an  excuse  should  be  offered.  The  French  give 
the  left  hand,  as  nearest  the  heart. 

The  mistress  of  a  household  should  offer  her  hand  to 
every  guest  invited  to  her  house. 

A  gentleman  must  not  shake  hands  with  a  lady  until 
she  has  made  the  first  move  in  that  direction.  It  is  a 
mark  of  rudeness  not  to  give  his  hand  instantly,  should 
she  extend  her  own.  A  married  lady  should  always 
extend  her  hand  to  a  stranger  brought  to  her  house  by 
a  common  friend,  as  an  evidence  of  her  cordial  welcome. 
Where  an  introduction  is  for  dancing  there  is  no  shak- 
ing of  hands. 

THE    KISS. 

This  is  the  most  affectionate  form  of  salutation,  and 
is  only  proper  among  near  relations  and  dear  friends. 


SALUTATIONS. 


51 


THE   KISS  OF    FRIENDSHIP. 

The  kiss  of  friendship  and  relationship  is  on  the 
cheeks  and  forehead.  In  this  country  this  act  of  affec- 
tion is  generally  excluded  from  public  eyes,  and  in  the 
case  of  parents  and  children  and  near  relations,  it  is  per- 
haps unnecessarily  so. 

KISSING  IN  PUBLIC. 

The  custom  -which  has  become  quite  prevalent  of 
women  kissing  each  other  whenever  they  meet  in  pub- 
lic, is  regarded  as  vulgar,  and  by  ladies  of  delicacy  and 
refinement  is  entirely  avoided. 

THE    KISS    OP    RESPECT. 

The  kiss  of  respect — almost  obsolete  in  this  country — 
is  made  on  the  hand.  The  custom  is  retained  in  Ger- 
many and  among  gentlemen  of  the  most  courtly  man- 
ners in  England. 


CHAPTER  V. 

of  Calls. 


HERE  are  calls  of  ceremony,  of  con- 
dolence, of  congratulation  and  of 
friendship.'  All  but  the  latter  are 
usually  of  short  duration.  The  call 
of  friendship  is  usually  of  less  for- 
mality and  may  be  of  some  length. 


MORNING   CALLS. 

"  Morning  calls,"  as  they  are  termed, 
should  not  be  made  earlier  than  12  M.,  nor 
later  than  5  p.  M. 

A  morning  call  should  not  exceed  half  an 
hour  in  length.  From  ten  to  twenty  minutes 
is  ordinarily  quite  long  enough.  If  other 
visitors  come  in,  the  visit  should  terminate 
as  speedily  as  possible.  Upon  leaving,  bow  slightly  to 
the  strangers. 

In  making  a  call  be  careful  to  avoid  the  luncheon 
and  dinner  hour  of  your  friends.  From  two  until 
five  is  ordinarily  the  most  convenient  time  for  morning 
calls. 

(52) 


ETIQUETTE   OF    CALLS.  53 

EVEOTNG   CALLS. 

It  is  sometimes  more  convenient  for  both  the  caller 
and  those  called  upon  that  the  call  should  be  made  in 
the  evening.  An  evening  call  should  never  be  made 
later  than  nine  o'clock,  nor  be  prolonged  after  ten, 
neither  should  it  exceed  an  hour  in  length. 

RULES   FOB   FORMAL   CALLS. 

The  lady  of  the  house  rises  upon  the  entrance  of  her 
visitors,  who  at  once  advance  to  pay  their  respects  to 
her  before  speaking  to  others.  If  too  many  callers  are 
present  to  enable  her  to  take  the  lead  in  conversation, 
she  pays  special  attention  to  the  latest  arrivals,  watch- 
ing to.  see  that  no  one  is  left  alone,  and  talking  to  each 
of  her  guests  in  succession,  or  seeing  that  some  one  is 
doing  so. 

A  lady  who  is  not  in  her  own  house  does  not  rise, 
either  on  the  arrival  or  departure  of  ladies,  unless 
there  is  some  great  difference  of  age.  Attention  to  the 
aged  is  one  of  the  marks  of  good  breeding  which  is 
never  neglected  by  the  thoughtful  and  refined. 

It  is  not  customary  to  introduce  residents  of  the 
same  city,  unless  the  hostess  knows  that  an  introduction 
will  be  agreeable  to  both  parties.  Strangers  in  the 
place  are  always  introduced. 

Ladies  and  gentlemen  who  meet  in  the  drawing-room 
of  a  common  friend  are  privileged  to  speak  to  each 
other  without  an  introduction;  though  gentlemen  gen- 
erally prefer  to  ask  for  introductions.  When  introduced 


ETIQUETTE    OF   CALLS. 

.  to  any  one,  bow  slightly,  and  enter  at  once  into  conver- 
sation.    It  shows  a  lack  of  good  breeding  not  to  do  so. 

When  introductions  are  given,  it  is  the  gentleman 
who  should  be  presented  to  the  lady;  when  two  ladies 
are  introduced,  it  is  the  younger  who  is  presented  to 
the  older. 

A  lady  receiving  gives  her  hand  to  a  stranger  as  to 
a  friend,  when  she  wishes  to  bestow  some  mark  of  cor- 
diality in  welcoming  a  guest  to  her  home,  but  a  gentle- 
man should  not  take  the  initiatory  in  handshaking. 
It  is  the  lady's  privilege  to  give  or  withhold,  as  she 
chooses. 

A  gentleman  rises  when  those  ladies  with  whom  he 
is  talking  rise  to  take  their  leave.  He  also  rises  upon 
the  entrance  of  ladies,  but  he  does  not  offer  seats  to 
those  entering,  unless  in  his  own  house,  or  unless  re- 
quested to  do  so  by  the  hostess,  and  then  he  does  not 
offer  his  own  chair  if  others  are  available. 

A  call  should  not  be  less  than  fifteen  minutes  in  dura- 
tion, nor  should  it  be  so  long  as  to  become  tedious.  A 
bore  is  a  person  who  does  not  know  when  you  have  had 
enough  of  his  or  her  company,  and  gives  more  of  it 
than  is  desirable.  Choose  a  time  to  leave  when  there  is 
a  lull  in  the  conversation,  and  the  hostess  is  not  occupied 
with  fresh  arrivals.  Then  take  leave  of  your  hostess, 
bowing  to  those  you  know  as  you  leave  the  room,  not 
to  each  in  turn,  but  let  one  bow  include  all. 

Calls  ought  to  be  made  within  three  days  after  a 
dinner  or  tea  party,  if  it  is  a  first  invitation;  and  if 
not,  within  a  week.  After  a  party  or  a  ball,  whether 


ETIQUETTE    OF    CALLS.  55 

you  have  accepted  the  invitation  or  not,  you  call  within 
a  week. 

A  lady  who  has  no  regular  reception  day  will  en- 
deavor to  receive  callers  at  any  time.  If  she  is  occu- 
pied, she  will  instruct  her  servant  to  say  that  she  is 
engaged;  but  a  visitor  once  admitted  into  the  house 
must  he  seen  at  any  inconvenience. 

A  lady  should  never  keep  a  caller  waiting  without 
sending  to  see  whether  a  delay  of  a  few  minutes  will 
inconvenience  the  caller.  Servants  should  be  instructed 
to  return  and  announce  to  the  person  waiting  that  the 
lady  will  be  down  immediately.  Any  delay  whatever 
should  be  apologized  for. 

If,  on  making  a  call,  you  are  introduced  into  a  room 
where  you  are  unknown  to  those  assembled,  at  once 
give  your  name  and  mention  upon  whom  your  call  is 
made. 

In  meeting  a  lady  or  gentleman  whose  name  you  can- 
not recall,  frankly  say  so,  if  you  find  it  necessary.  Sen- 
sible persons  will  prefer  to  recall  themselves  to  your 
memory  rather  than  to  feel  that  you  are  talking  to  them 
without  fully  recognizing  them.  To  affect  not  to  re- 
member a  person  is  despicable,  and  reflects  only  on  the 
pretender. 

Gentlemen,  as  well  as  ladies,  when  making  formal 
calls,  send  in  but  one  card,  no  matter  how  many  mem- 
bers of  the  family  they  may  wish  to  see.  If  a  guest  is 
stopping  at  the  house,  the  same  rule  is  observed.  If 
not  at  home,  one  card  is  left  for  the  lady,  and  one  for 


56  ETIQUETTE   OF   CALLS. 

the  guest.     The  card  for  the  lady  may  be  folded  so  as 
to  include  the  family. 

RULES    FOE    SUMMER    RESORTS. 

At  places  of  summer  resort,  those  who  own  their 
cottages,  call  first  upon  those  who  rent  them,  and  those 
who  rent,  in  turn,  call  upon  each  other,  according  to 
priority  of  arrival.  In  all  these  cases  there  are  excep- 
tions; as,  where  there  is  any  great  difference  in  ages, 
the  younger  then  calling  upon  the  older,  if  there  has 
been  a  previous  acquaintance  or  exchange  of  calls.  If 
there  has  been  no  previous  acquaintance  or  exchange  of 
calls,  the  older  lady  pays  the  first  call,  unless  she  takes 
the  initiative  by  inviting  the  younger  to  call  upon  her, 
or  by  sending  her  an  invitation  to  some  entertainment, 
which  she  is  about  to  give.  When  the  occupants  of 
two  villas,  who  have  arrived  the  same  season,  meet  at 
the  house  of  a  common  friend,  and  the  older  of  the  two 
uses  her  privilege  of  inviting  the  other  to  call,  it  would 
be  a  positive  rudeness  not  to  call;  and  the  sooner  the 
call  is  made,  the  more  civil  will  it  be  considered.  It  is 
equally  rude,  when  one  lady  asks  permission  of  another 
to  bring  a  friend  to  call,  and  then  neglects  to  do  it,  after 
permission  has  been  given.  If  the  acquaintance  is  not 
desired,  the  first  call  can  be  the  last. 

CALLS  MADE    BY    CARDS. 

Only  calls  of  pure  ceremony — such  as  are  made  pre- 
vious to  an  entertainment  on  those  persons  who  are  not 
to  be  invited,  and  to  whom  you  are  indebted  for  any 


ETIQUETTE   OF   CALLS.  57 

attentions — are  made  by  handing  in  cards;  nor  can  a 
call  in  person  be  returned  by  cards.  Exceptions  to  this 
rule  comprise  P.  P.  C.  calls,  cards  left  or  sent  by  per- 
sons in  mourning,  and  those  which  announce  a  lady's 
day  for  receiving  calls,  on  her  return  to  town,  after  an 
absence. 

RECEPTION   DAYS. 

Some  ladies  receive  only  on  certain  days  or  evenings, 
which  are  once  a  week,  once  a  fortnight,  or  once  a 
montH  as  the  case  may  be,  and  the  time  is  duly 
announced  by  cards.  When  a  lady  has  made  this  rule 
it  is  considerate,  on  the  part  of  her  friends,  to  observe 
it,  for  it  is  sometimes  regarded  as  an  intrusion  to  call  at 
any  other  time.  The  reason  of  her  having  made  this 
rule  may  have  been  to  prevent  the  loss  of  too  much 
time  from  her  duties,  in  the  receiving  of  calls  from  her 
friends. 

CALLS    AFTEE    BETROTHAL. 

When  a  betrothal  takes  place  and  it  is  formally 
announced  to  the  relatives  and  friends  on  both  sides, 
calls  of  congratulation  follow.  The  bridegroom  that  is 
to  be,  is  introduced  by  the  family  of  the  proposed 
bride  to  their  connections  and  most  intimate  friends, 
and  his  family  in  return  introduce  her  to  relatives  and 
acquaintances  whom  they  desire  her  to  know.  The 
simplest  way  of  bringing  this  about  is  by  the  parents 
leaving  the  cards  of  the  betrothed,  with  their  own, 
upon  all  families  on  their  visiting  list  whom  they  wish 
to  have  the  betrothed  pair  visitw 


58  ETIQUETTE    OF   CALLS. 

THE    CARDS    AND    CALLS    OF    STRANGERS., 

Strangers  arriving  are  expected  to  send  their  cards  to 
their  acquaintances,  bearing  their  direction,  as  an 
announcement  that  they  are  in  the  city.  This  rule  ig 
often  neglected,  but,  unless  it  is  observed,  strangerg 
may  be  a  long  time  in  town  without  their  presence 
being  known. 

RETURNING  A  FIRST  CALL. 

A  first  call  ought  to  be  returned  within  three  or  four 
days.  A  longer  delay  than  a  week  is  considered  an 
intimation  that  you  are  unwilling  to  accept  the  new 
acquaintance,  unless  some  excuse  for  the  remissness  i* 
made. 

FORMING  ACQUAINTANCE. 

In  an  event  of  exchange  of  calls  between  two  ladies., 
without  meeting,  who  are  known  to  each  other  only  by 
sight,  they  should  upon  the  first  opportunity,  make 
themselves  acquainted  with  one  another.  The  younger 
should  seek  the  older,  or  the  one  who  has  been  the  reci- 
pient of  the  first  attention  should  introduce  herself,  or 
seek  an  introduction,  but  it  is  not  necessary  to  stand 
upon  ceremony  on  such  points.  Ladies  knowing  each 
other  by  sight,  bow,  after  an  exchange  of  cards. 

THE   FIRST   CALL. 

When  it  becomes  a  question  as  to  who  shall  call  first, 
between  old  residents,  the  older  should  take  the  initia- 
tory. Ladies,  who  have  been  in  the  habit  of  meeting 
for  sometime  without  exchanging  calls,  sometimes  say 


ETIQUETTE   OF   CALLS.  59 

to  each  other:  "I  hope  you  will  come  and  see  me." 
and  often  the  answer  is  made:  "  Oh,  you  must  come 
and  see  me  first!"  That  answer  could  only  be  given, 
with  propriety,  by  a  lady  who  is  much  the  older  of  the 
two.  The  lady  who  extends  the  invitation  makes  the 
first  advance,  and  the  one  who  receives  it  should  at 
least  say:  "  I  thank  you — you  are  very  kind,"  and  then 
accept  the  invitation  or  not,  as  it  pleases  her.  It  is  the 
custom  for  residents  to  make  the  first  call  upon 
strangers. 

CALLS    OP   CONGRATULATION. 

Calls  of  congratulation  are  made  when  any  happy  or 
auspicious  event  may  have  occurred  in  the  family 
visited — such  as  a  birth,  marriage,  or  any  piece  of  good 
fortune.  Such  visits  may  be  made  either  similar  to  the 
morning  or  the  evening  call.  Such  visits  may  also  be 
made  upon  the  appointment  of  friends  to  any  important 
office  or  honored  position,  or  when  a  friend  has  distin- 
guished himself  by  a  notable  public  address  or  oration. 

p.  P.  c.  CALLS. 

When  persons  are  going  abroad  to  be  absent  for  a 
considerable  period,  if  they  have  not  time  or  inclination 
to  take  leave  of  all  their  friends  by  making  formal 
calls,  they  will  send  to  each  of  their  friends  a  card  with 
the  letters  P.  P.  C.  written  upon  it.  They  are  the 
initials  of  "  Pour  Prendre  Conge  " — to  take  leave — and 
may  with  propriety  stand  for  "  presents  parting  compli- 
ments.*' On  returning  home,  it  is  customary  that  friends 


60  ETIQUETTE   OF   CAJ.L8. 

should  first  call  upon  them.  A  neglect  to  do  so,  unless 
for  some  good  excuse,  is  sufficient  cause  to  drop  their 
acquaintance.  In  taking  leave  of  a  family,  you  send  as 
many  cards  as  you  would  if  you  were  paying  an  ordin- 
ary visit. 

VISITS    OP   CONDOLENCE. 

Visits  of  condolence  should  be  made  within  a  week 
after  the  event  which  occasioned  them;  but  if  the 
acquaintance  be  slight,  immediately  after  the  family 
appear  at  public  worship.  A  card  should  be  sent  in, 
and  if  your  friends  are  able  to  receive  you,  your  manners 
and  conversation  should  be  in  harmony  with  the  charac- 
ter of  your  visit.  It  is  deemed  courteous  to  send  in 
a  mourning  card;  and  for  ladies  to  make  their  calls  in 
black  silk  or  plain-colored  apparel.  It  denotes  that  they 
sympathize  with  the  afflictions  of  the  family,  and  a 
warm,  heartfelt  sympathy  is  always  appreciated. 

EVENING  VISITS. 

Evening  visits  are  paid  only  to  those  with  whom  we 
are  well  acquainted.  They  should  not  be  frequent,  even 
where  one  is  intimate,  nor  should  they  be  protracted  to 
a  great  length.  Frequent  visits  are  apt  to  become  tire- 
some to  your  friends  or  acquaintances,  and  long  visits 
may  entitle  you  to  the  appellation  of  "  bore." 

If  you  should  happen  to  pay  an  evening  visit  at  a 
house  where  a  small  party  had  assembled,  unknown  to 
you,  present  yourself  and  converse  for  a  few  minutes 
with  an  unembarrassed  air,  after  which  yx>u  may  leave, 


ETIQUETTE   OF   CALLS.  61 

pleading  as  an  excuse  that  you  had  only  intended  to 
make  a  short  call.  An  invitation  to  stay  and  spend  the 
evening,  given  for  the  sake  of  courtesy,  should  not  be 
accepted.  If  urged  very  strongly  to  remain,  and  the 
company  is  an  informal  gathering,  you  may  with  pro- 
priety consent  to  do  so. 

KEEP  AN  ACCOUNT  OF  CALLS. 

A  person  should  keep  a  strict  account  of  ceremonial 
calls,  and  take  note  of  how  soon  calls  are  returned.  By 
doing  so,  an  opinion  can  be  formed  as  to  how  frequently 
visits  are  desired.  Instances  may  occur,  when,  in  con- 
sequence of  age  or  ill  health,  calls  should  be  made  with- 
out any  reference  to  their  being  returned.  It  must  be 
remembered  that  nothing  must  interrupt  the  discharge 
of  this  duty. 

CALLS  OF  CEREMONT  AMONG  FRIENDS. 

Among  relatives  and  friends,  calls  of  mere  ceremony 
are  unnecessary.  It  is,  however,  needful  to  make  suit- 
able calls,  and  to  avoid  staying  too  long,  if  your  friend 
is  engaged.  The  courtesies  of  society  should  be  main- 
tained among  the  nearest  friends,  and  even  the  domestic 
circle. 

"  ENGAGED  "  OB  "  NOT  AT  HOME." 

If  a  lady  is  so  employed  that  she  cannot  receive  call- 
ers she  should  charge  the  servant  who  goes  to  answer 
the  bell  to  say  that  she  is  "  engaged  "  or  "  not  at  home." 
This  will  prove  sufficient  with  all  well-bred  people. 


62  ETIQUETTE   OF   CALLS. 

The  servant  should  have  her  orders  to  say  "  engaged  " 
or  "  not  at  home  "  before  any  one  has  called,  so  that  the 
lady  shall  avoid  all  risk  of  being  obliged  to  inconven- 
ience herself  in  receiving  company  when  she  has  in- 
tended to  deny  herself.  If  there  are  to  be  exceptions 
made  in  favor  of  any  individual  or  individuals,  mention 
their  names  specially  to  the  servant,  adding  that  you  will 
see  them  if  they  call,  but  to  all  others  you  are  "  en- 
gaged." 

A  lady  should  always  be  dressed  sufficiently  well  to 
receive  company,  and  not  keep  them  waiting  while  she 
is  making  her  toilet. 

A  well-bred  person  always  endeavors  to  receive  visi- 
tors at  whatever  time  they  call,  or  whoever  they  may 
be,  but  there  are  times  when  it  is  impossible  to  do  so, 
and  then,  of  course,  a  servant  is  instructed  beforehand 
to  say  "  not  at  home  "  to  the  visitor.  If,  however,  the 
servant  admits  the  visitor  and  he  is  seated  in  the  draw- 
ing room  or  parlor,  it  is  the  duty  of  the  hostess  to  receive 
him  or  her  at  whatever  inconvenience  it  may  be  to  her- 
self. 

When  you  call  upon  persons,  and  are  informed  at  the 
door  that  the  parties  whom  you  ask  for  are  engaged,  you 
should  never  insist  in  an  attempt  to  be  admitted,  but 
should  acquiesce  at  once  in  any  arrangements  which 
they  have  made  for  their  convenience,  and  to  protect 
themselves  from  interruption.  However  intimate  you 
may  be  in  any  house  you  have  no  right,  when  an  order 
has  been  given  to  exclude  general  visitors,  and  no  excep- 
tion has  been  made  of  you,  to  violate  that  exclusion,  and 


ETIQUETTE   OF   CALLS.  63 

declare  that  the  party  should  be  at  home  to  you.  There 
are  times  and  seasons  when  a  person  desires  to  be  left 
entirely  alone,  and  at  such  times  there  is  no  friendship 
for  which  she  would  give  up  her  occupation  or  her  soli- 
tude. 

GENERAL  RULES  REGARDING  CALLS. 

A  gentleman  in  making  a  formal  call  should  retain  his 
hat  and  gloves  in  his  hand  on  entering  the  room.  The 
tat  should  not  be  laid  upon  a  table  or  stand,  but  kept  in 
the  hand,  unless  it  is  found  necessary  from  some  cause 
to  set  it  down.  In  that  case,  place  it  upon  the  floor. 
An  umbrella  should  be  left  in  the  hall.  In  an  informal 
evening  call,  the  hat,  gloves,  overcoat  and  cane  may  be 
left  in  the  hall. 

A  lady,  in  making  a  call,  may  bring  a  stranger,  even 
&  gentleman,  with  her,  without  previous  permission.  A 
gentleman,  however,  should  never  take  the  same  liberty. 

No  one  should  prolong  a  call  if  the  person  upon  whom 
the  call  is  made  is  found  dressed  ready  to  go  out. 

A  lady  should  be  more  richly  dressed  when  calling  on 
her  friends  than  for  an  ordinary  walk. 

A  lady  should  never  call  upon  a  gentleman  except 
upon  some  business,  officially  or  professionally. 

Never  allow  young  children,  dogs  or  pets  of  any  sort 
to  accompany  you  in  a  call.  They  often  prove  disagree- 
able and  troublesome. 

Two  persons  out  of  one  family,  or  at  most  three,  are 
all  that  should  call  together. 

It  is  not  customary  in  cities  to  offer  refreshments  to 


64  ETIQUETTE   OF   CALLS. 

callers.  In  the  country,  where  the  caller  has  come  from 
some  distance,  it  is  exceedingly  hospitable  to  do  so. 

Calls  in  the  country  may  be  less  ceremonious  and  of 
longer  duration,  than  those  made  in  the  city. 

A  person  making  a  call  should  not,  while  waiting  for 
a  hostess,  touch  an  open  piano,  walk  about  the  room 
examining  pictures,  nor  handle  any  ornament  in  the 
room. 

If  there  is  a  stranger  visiting  at  the  house  of  a  friend, 
the  acquaintances  of  the  family  should  be  punctilious  to 
call  at  an  early  date. 

Never  offer  to  go  to  the  room  of  an  invalid  upon  whom 
you  have  called,  but  wait  for  an  invitation  to  do  so. 

In  receiving  morning  calls,  it  is  unnecessary  for  a  lady 
to  lay  aside  any  employment,  not  of  an  absorbing  nature 
upon  which  she  may  happen  to  be  engaged.  Embroi- 
dery, crocheting  or  light  needle-work  are  perfectly  in 
harmony  with  the  requirements  of  the  hour,  and  the 
lady  looks  much  better  employed  than  in  absolute  idle- 
ness. 

A  lady  should  pay  equal  attention  to  all  her  guests. 
The  display  of  unusual  deference  is  alone  allowable 
when  distinguished  rank  or  reputation  or  advanced  age 
justifies  it. 

A  guest  should  take  the  seat  indicated  by  the  hostess. 
A  gentleman  should  never  seat  himself  on  a  sofa  beside 
her,  nor  in  a  chair  in  immediate  proximity,  unless  she 
specially  invites  him  to  do  so. 

A  lady  need  not  lay  aside  her  bonnet  during  a  formal 
call,  even  though  urged  to  do  so.  If  the  call  be  a 


ETIQUETTE    OF    CALLS.  65 

friendly  and  unceremonious  one,  she  may  do  so  if  she 
thinks  proper,  but  not  without  an  invitation. 

A  gentleman  caller  must  not  look  at  his  watch  during 
a  call,  unless,  in  doing  so,  he  pleads  some  engagement 
and  asks  to  be  excused. 

Formal  calls  are  generally  made  twice  a  year;  but 
only  once  a  year  is  binding,  when  no  invitations  have 
been  received  that  require  calls  in  return. 

In  calling  upon  a  person  living  at  a  hotel  or  boarding- 
house,  it  is  customary  to  stop  in  the  parlor  and  send 
your  card  to  the  room  of  the  person  called  upon. 

When  a  person  has  once  risen  to  take  leave,  he  should 
not  be  persuaded  to  prolong  his  stay. 

Callers  should  take  special  pains  to  make  their  visits 
opportune.  On  the  other  hand,  a  lady  should  always 
receive  her  callers,  at  whatever  hour  or  day  they  come, 
if  it  is  possible  to  do  so. 

When  a  gentleman  has  called  and  not  found  the  lady 
at  home,  it  is  civility  on  the  part  of  the  lady,  upon  the 
occasion  of  their  next  meeting,  to  express  her  regret  at 
not  seeing  him.  He  should  reciprocate  the  regret,  and 
not  reply  unthinkingly  or  awkwardly:  "Oh,  it  made  no 
particular  difference,"  "  it  was  of  no  great  consequence," 
or  words  to  that  effect. 

After  you  have  visited  a  friend  at  her  country  seat, 
or  after  receiving  an  invitation  to  visit  her,  a  call  is  due 
her  upon  her  return  to  her  town  residence.  This  is  one 
of  the  occasions  when  a  call  should  be  made  promptly 
and  in  person,  unless  you  have  a  reason  for  wishing  to 
discontinue  the  acquaintance;  even  then  it  would  be 

0 


66  ETIQUETTE    OF    CALLS. 

more  civil  to  take  another  opportunity  for  dropping  a 
friend  who  wished  to  show  a  civility,  unless  her  character 
has  been  irretrievably  lost  in  the  meantime. 

NEW-TEAR'S   CALLS. 

The  custom  of  New- Year's  calling  is  prevalent  in  all 
cities,  and  most  villages  in  the  country,  and  so  agreeable 
a  custom  is  it,  that  it  is  becoming  more  in  favor  every 
year.  This  is  the  day  when  gentlemen  keep  up  their 
acquaintanceship  with  ladies  and  families,  some  of  whom 
they  are  unable  to  see,  probably,  during  the  whole  year. 
Of  late  it  has  been  customary  in  many  cities  to  publish 
in  one  or  more  newspapers,  a  day  or  two  before  New 
Years,  a  list  of  the  ladies  who  will  receive  calls  on  that 
day,  and  from  this  list  gentlemen  arrange  their  calls. 
For  convenience  and  to  add  to  the  pleasure  of  the  day, 
several  ladies  frequently  unite  in  receiving  calls  at  the 
residence  of  one  of  their  number,  but  this  is  usually  done 
when  only  one  or  two  members  of  a  family  can  receive. 
Where  there  are  several  members  of  a  family,  who  can 
do  so,  they  usually  receive  at  their  own  home. 

Gentlemen  call  either  singly,  in  couples,  by  threes  or 
fours  and  sometimes  even  more,  in  carriages  or  on  foot, 
as  they  choose.  Calls  commence  about  ten  o'clock  in 
the  morning,  and  continue  until  about  nine  in  the  even- 
ing. When  the  gentlemen  go  in  parties,  they  call  upon 
the  lady  friends  of  each,  and  if  all  are  not  acquainted, 
those  who  are,  introduce  the  others.  The  length  of  a 
call  is  usually  from  five  to  fifteen  minutes,  but  it  is  ofteo 


ETIQUETTE    OF    CALLS.  67 

governed  by  circumstances,  and  may  be  prolonged  to 
even  an  hour. 

Refreshments  are  usually  provided  for  the  callers,  and 
should  always  be  offered,  but  it  is  not  necessary  that 
they  should  be  accepted.     If  not  accepted,  an  apology 
should  be  tendered,  with  thanks  for  the   offer.      Tlv 
refreshments  may  consist  of  oysters,  raw  or  scallop* 
cold  meats,  salads,  fruits,  cakes,  sandwiches,  etc.,   u 
hot  tea  and  coffee. 

When  callers  are  ushered  into  the  reception-room, 
they  are  met  by  the  ladies,  when  introductions  are  given, 
and  the  callers  are  invited  to  remove  their  overcoats,  but 
it  is  optional  with  them  whether  they  do  so  or  not.  It 
is  also  optional  with  them  whether  they  remove  their 
gloves.  When  gentlemen  are  introduced  to  ladies  in 
making  New- Year's  calls,  they  are  not  thereby  warranted 
in  calling  again  upon  any  of  these  ladies,  unless  especially 
invited  to  do  so.  It  is  the  lady's  pleasure  whether  the 
acquaintance  shall  be  maintained. 

In  making  Xew- Year's  calls,  a  gentleman  leaves  one 
card,  whatever  may  be  the  number  of  ladies  receiving 
with  the  hostess.  If  there  is  a  basket  at  the  door,  LJ 
leaves  a  card  for  each  of  the  ladies  at  the  house,  including 
lady  guests  of  the  family,  provided  there  are  any.  The 
Xew- Year's  card  should  not  differ  from  an  ordinary 
calling  card.  It  should  be  plain,  with  the  name  engraved, 
or  printed  in  neat  script.  It  is  not  now  considered  in 
good  taste  to  have  "  Happy  New  Year  "  or  other  words 
upon  it,  unless  it  may  be  the  residence  of  the  gentleman, 


68 


ETIQUETTE    OF   CALLS. 


which  may  be  printed  or  written  in  the  right  hand  cor- 
ner, if  deemed  desirable.  A  gentleman  does  not  make 
calls  the  first  New- Year's  after  his  marriage,  but  receives 
at  home  with  his  wife. 


CHAPTER  VI. 
0t 


OME  of  the  social  observances  per- 
taining to  visiting  away  from  one's 
own  home,  and  accepting  the  hospi- 
talities of  friends,  are  here  given, 
and  are  applicable  to  ladies  and 
gentlemen  alike. 

GENERAL   INVITATIONS. 

No  one  should  accept  a  general  invita- 
tion for  a  prolonged  visit.      "Do   come 
and  spend  some  time  with  me  "  may  be 
said  with  all  earnestness  and  cordiality,  but  to 
give   the   invitation  real   meaning    the    date 
should  be  definitely  fixed  and  the  length  of 
time  stated. 

A  person  who  pays  a  visit  upon  a  general  invitation 
need  not  be  surprised  if  he  finds  himself  as  unwelcome 
as  he  is  unexpected.  His  friends  may  be  absent  from 
home,  or  their  house  may  be  already  full,  or  they  may 
not  have  made  arrangements  for  visitors.  From  these 
and  other  causes  they  may  be  greatly  inconvenienced  by 
an  unexpected  arrival. 

(89) 


TU  ETIQUETTE   OF    VISITING. 

It  would  be  well  if  people  would  abstain  altogether 
from  this  custom  of  giving  general  invitations,  which 
really  mean  nothing,  and  be  scrupulous  to  invite  their 
desired  guests  at  a  stated  time  and  for  a  given  period. 

LIMIT  OF  A  PROLONGED  VISIT. 

If  no  exact  length  of  time  is  specified,  it  is  well  for 
visitors  to  limit  a  visit  to  three  days  or  a  week,  accord- 
ing to  the  degree  of  intimacy  they  may  have  with  the 
family,  or  the  distance  they  have  come  to  pay  the  visit, 
announcing  this  limitation  soon  after  arrival,  so  that  the 
host  and  the  hostess  may  invite  a  prolongation  of  the 
stay  if  they  desire  it,  or  so  that  they  can  make  their 
arrangements  in  accordance.  One  never  likes  to  ask  of 
a  guest,  "  How  long  do  you  intend  to  remain  ?"  yet  it  is 
often  most  desirable  to  know. 

TRUE  HOSPITALITY. 

Offer  your  guests  the  best  that  you  have  in  the  way 
of  food  and  rooms,  and  express  no  regrets,  and  make  no 
excuses  that  you  have  nothing  better  to  give  them. 

Try  to  make  your  guests  feel  at  home;  and  do  this, 
not  by  urging  them  in  empty  words  to  do  so,  but  by 
making  their  stay  as  pleasant  as  possible,  at  the  same 
time  being  careful  to  put  out  of  sight  any  trifling  trouble 
or  inconvenience  they  may  cause  you. 

Devote  as  much  time  as  is  consistent  with  other 
engagements  to  the  amusement  and  entertainment  of 
your  guests. 


ETIQUETTE   OF   VISITING.  71 

DUTIES    OP    THE    VISITOR.  - 

On  the  other  hand,  the  visitor  should  try  to  conform 
as  much  as  possible  to  the  habits  of  the  house  which 
temporarily  shelters  him.  He  should  never  object  to  the 
hours  at  which  meals  are  served,  nor  should  he  ever 
allow  the  family  to  be  kept  waiting  on  his  account. 

It  is  a  good  rule  for  a  visitor  to  retire  to  his  own 
apartment  in  the  morning,  or  at  least  seek  out  some 
occupation  or  amusement  of  his  own,  without  seeming 
to  need  the  assistance  or  attention  of  host  or  hostess ; 
for  it  is  undeniable  that  these  have  certain  duties  which 
must  be  attended  to  at  this  portion  of  the  day,  in  order 
to  leave  the  balance  of  the  time  free  for  the  entertain- 
ment of  their  guests. 

If  any  family  matters  of  a  private  or  unpleasant  nature 
come  to  the  knowledge  of  the  guest  during  his  stay,  he 
must  seem  both  blind  and  deaf,  and  never  refer  to  them 
unless  the  parties  interested  speak  of  them  first. 

The  rule  on  which  a  host  and  hostess  should  act  is  to 
make  their  guests  as  much  at  ease  as  possible;  that  on 
which  a  visitor  should  act  is  to  interfere  as  little  as  pos- 
sible with  the  ordinary  routine  of  the  house.  . 

It  is  not  required  that  a  hostess  should  spend  her 
whole  time  in  the  entertainment  of  her  guests.  The 
latter  may  prefer  to  be  left  to  their  own  devices  for  a 
portion  of  the  day.  On  the  other  hand,  it  shows  the 
worst  of  breeding  for  a  visitor  to  seclude  himself  from 
the  family  and  seek  his  own  amusements  and  occupations 
regardless  of  their  desire  to  join  in  them  or  entertain  him. 


72  .  ETIQUETTE    OF    VISITING. 

You  should  try  to  hold  yourself  at  the  disposal  of 
those  whom  you  are  visiting.  If  they  propose  to  you 
to  ride,  to  drive  or  walk,  you  should  acquiesce  as  far  as 
your  strength  will  permit,  and  do  your  best  to  seem 
pleased  at  the  efforts  made  to  entertain  you. 

You  should  not  accept  invitations  without  consulting 
your  host.  You  should  not  call  upon  the  servants  to  do 
errands  for  you,  or  to  wait  upon  you  too  much,  nor  keep 
the  family  up  after  hours  of  retiring. 

If  you  have  observed  anything  to  the  disadvantage  of 
your  friends,  while  partaking  of  their  hospitality,  it 
should  never  be  mentioned,  either  while  you  are  under 
their  roof  or  afterwards.  Speak  only  of  what  redounds 
to  their  praise  and  credit.  This  feeling  ought  to  be 
mutual  between  host  and  guest.  Whatever  good  is 
observed  in  either  may  be  commented  upon,  but  the 
curtain  of  silence  must  be  drawn  over  their  faults. 

Give  as  little  trouble  as  possible  when  a  guest,  but  at 
the  same  time  never  think  of  apologizing  for  any  little 
additional  trouble  which  your  visit  may  occasion.  It 
would  imply  that  you  thought  your  friends  incapable  of 
entertaining  you  without  some  inconvenience  to  them- 
selves. 

Keep  your  room  as  neat  as  possible,  and  leave  no  arti- 
cles of  dress  or  toilet  around  to  give  trouble  to  servants. 

A  lady  guest  will  not  hesitate  to  make  her  own  bed, 
if  few  or  no  servants  are  kept ;  and  in  the  latter  case 
she  will  do  whatever  else  she  can  to  lighten  the  labors  of 
her  hostess  as  a  return  for  the  additional  exertion  her 
visit  occasions. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING.  73 

INVITATIONS  TO  GUESTS. 

Any  invitation  given  to  a  lady  guest  should  also 
mclude  the  hostess,  and  the  guest  is  justified  in  declin- 
ing to  accept  any  invitation  unless  the  hostess  is  also 
invited.  Invitations  received  by  the  hostess  should 
include  the  guest.  Thus,  at  all  places  of  amusement  and 
entertainment,  guest  and  host  may  be  together. 

FORBEARANCE  WITH  CHILDREN. 

A  guest  should  not  notice  nor  find  fault  with  the  bad 
behavior  of  the  children  in  the  household  where  visit- 
ing, and  should  put  up  with  any  of  their  faults,  and 
overlook  any  ill-bred  or  disagreeable  actions  on  their 
part. 

GUESTS  MAKING  PRESENTS. 

If  a  guest  wishes  to  make  a  present  to  any  member  of 
the  family  she  is  visiting,  it  should  be  to  the  hostess,  or 
if  to  any  of  the  children,  to  the  youngest  in  preference, 
though  it  is  usually  better  to  give  it  to  the  mother. 
Upon  returning  home,  when  the  guest  writes  to  the  host- 
ess, she  expresses  her  thanks  for  the  hospitality,  and 
requests  to  be  remembered  to  the  family. 

TREATMENT  OF  A    HOST*S  FRIENDS. 

If  you  are  a  guest,  you  must  be  very  cautious  as  to  the 
treatment  of  the  friends  of  your  host  or  hostess.  If  you 
do  not  care  to  be  intimate  with  them,  you  must  be  care- 
ful not  to  show  a  dislike  for  them,  or  that  you  wish  to 
avoid  them.  You  must  be  exceedingly  polite  and  agree- 


74:  ETIQUETTE   OF   VISITING. 

able  to  them,  avoiding  any  special  familiarity,  and  keep 
them  at  a  distance  without  hurting  their  feelings.  Do 
not  say  to  your  host  or  hostess  that  you  do  not  like  any 
of  their  friends. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

Upon  taking  leave,  express  the  pleasure  you  have 
experienced  in  your  visit.  Upon  returning  home  it  is 
an  act  of  courtesy  to  write  and  inform  your  friends  of 
your  Bafe  arrival,  at  the  same  time  repeating  your 
thanks. 

A  host  and  hostess  should  do  all  they  can  to  make  the 
visit  of  a  friend  agreeable  ;  they  should  urge  him  to  stay 
as  long  as  it  is  consistent  with  his  own  plans,  and  at  the 
same  time  convenient  to  themselves;  But  when  the 
time  for  departure  has  been  fully  fixed  upon,  no  obstacle 
should  be  placed  in  the  way  of  leave-taking.  Help  him 
in  every  possible  way  to  depart,  at  the  same  time  giving 
him  a  cordial  invitation  to  renew  the  visit  at  some  future 
period. 

"Welcome  the  coining,  speed  the  parting,  guest," 

expresses  the  true  spirit  of  hospitality. 


CHAPTER  VII. 


atxd  falling 


•  N  authentic  writer  upon  visiting  cards 
says:  "  To  the  unrefined  or  under- 
bred, the  visiting  card  is  but  a  tri- 
fling and  insignificant  bit  of  paper; 
but  to  the  cultured  disciple  of 
social  law,  it  conveys  a  subtle  and 
unmistakable  intelligence.  Its  tex- 
ture, style  of  engraving,  and  even  the 
hour  of  leaving  it  combine  to  place  the 
stranger,  whose  name  it  bears,  in  a  pleas- 
ant or  a  disagreeable  attitude,  even  before 
his  manners,  conversation  and  face  have  been 
able  to  explain  his  social  position.  The  higher 
the  civilization  of  a  community,  the  more 
careful  it  is  to  preserve  the  elegance  of  its 
social  forms.  It  is  quite  as  easy  to  express  a  perfect 
breeding  in  the  fashionable  formalities  of  cards,  as  by 
any  other  method,  and  perhaps,  indeed,  it  is  the  safest 
herald  of  an  introduction  for  a  stranger.  Its  texture 
should  be  fine,  its  engraving  a  plain  script,  its  size  nei- 
ther too  small,  so  that  its  recipients  shall  say  to  them- 
selves, '  A  whimsical  person,'  nor  too  large  to  suggest 

(75) 


76  VISITING   AND   CALLING   CARDS. 

ostentation.      Refinement   seldom  touches  extremes  in 
anything." 

CALLING  CAEDS. 

A  card  used  in  calling  should  have  nothing  upon  it 
but  the  name  of  the  caller.  A  lady's  card  should  not 
bear  her  place  of  residence;  such  cards  having,  of  late, 
been  appropriated  by  the  members  of  the  demi-monde. 
The  street  and  number  always  look  better  upon  the  card 
of  the  husband  than  upon  that  of  the  wife.  When  nec- 
essary, they  can  be  added  in  pencil  on  the  cards  of  the 
svife  and  daughter.  A  business  card  should  never  be 
used  for  a  friendly  call.  A  physician  may  put  the  pre- 
fix "Dr.,"  or  the  affix  "M.  D.,"  upon  his  card,  and  an 
army  or  navy  officer  his  rank  and  branch  of  service. 

WEDDING  CARDS. 

Wedding  cards  are  only  sent  to  those  people  whom 
the  newly  married  couple  desire  to  keep  among  their 
acquaintances,  and  it  is  then  the  duty  of  those  receiving 
the  cards  to  call  first  on  the  young  couple. 

An  ancient  custom,  but  one  which  has  been  recently 
revived,  is  for  the  friends  of  the  bride  and  groom  to 
send  cards;  these  are  of  great  variety  in  size  and  design, 
and  resemble  Christmas  or  Easter  cards  but  are  usually 
more  artistic. 

CHRISTMAS  AND  EASTER  CARDS. 

A  very  charming  custom  that  is  coming  into  vogue  is 
the  giving  or  sending  of  Easter  and  Christmas  cards. 
These  are  of  such  elegant  designs  and  variety  of  colors 


VISITING   AND   CALLING   CARDS.  77 

that  the  stationer  takes  great  pride  in  decorating  his 
shop  windows  with  them;  indeed  some  of  them  are  so 
elegant  as  to  resemble  oil  paintings.  Books  and  other 
small  offerings  may  accompany  cards  as  a  token  of 
remembrance. 

CAEDS  TO  SERVE  FOE  CALLS. 

A  person  may  make  a  card  serve  the  purpose  of  a  call, 
and  it  may  either  be  sent  in  an  envelope,  by  messenger 
or  left  in  person.  If  left  in  person,  one  corner  should  be 
turned  down.  To  indicate  that  a  call  is  made  on  all  or 
several  members  of  the  family;  the  card  for  the  lady  of 
the  house  is  folded  in  the  middle.  If  guests  are  visiting 
at  the  house,  a  card  is  left  for  each  guest. 

ENCLOSING  A  CAED  IN  AN  ENVELOPE. 

To  return  a  call  made  in  person  with  a  card  inclosed 
in  an  envelope,  is  an  intimation  that  visiting  between 
the  parties  is  ended.  Those  who  leave  or  send  their 
cards  with  no  such  intention,  should  not  inclose  them  in 
an  envelope.  An  exception  to  this  rule  is  where  they 
are  sent  in  return  to  the  newly  married  living  in  other 
cities,  or  in  answering  wedding  cards  forwarded  when 
absent  from  home.  P.  P.  C.  cards  are  also  sent  in  this 
way,  and  are  the  only  cards  that  it  is  as  yet  universally 
considered  admissible  to  send  by  post. 

SIZE  AND  STYLE  OP  VISITING  OB  CALLING  CAEDS. 

A  medium  sized  is  in  better  taste  than  a  very  large 
card  for  married  persons.  Cards  bearing  the  name  of 
the  husband  alone  are  smaller.  The  cards  of  unmarried 


78 


VISITING    AND    CALLING    CARDS. 


men  should  also  be  small.  The  engraving  in  simple 
writing  is  preferred,  and  without  flourishes.  Nothing 
in  cards  can  be  more  commonplace  than  large  printed 
letters,  be  the  type  what  it  may.  Young  men  should 
dispense  with  the  "  Mr."  before  their  names. 


CALLING  CARDS. 


CORNERS  OF  CARDS  TURNED  DOWN. 

The  signification  of  turning  down  the  corners  of  cards 


are: 


Visite — The  right  hand  upper  corner. 
Felicitation — The  left  hand  upper  corner. 
Condolence — The  left  hand  lower  corner. 

To  TaJceCLeave  \  The  riSht  hand  lower  corner' 
Card,  right  hand  end  turned  down — Delivered  in  Per- 


son. 


VISITING   AND    CALLING    CARDS.  79 

CARD  FOB  MOTHER  AND  DAUGHTER. 

The  name  of  young  ladies  are  sometimes  printed  or 
engraved  on  their  mother's  cards;  both  in  script.  It  is, 
of  course,  allowable,  for  the  daughter  to  have  cards  of 
her  own. 

Some  ladies  have  adopted  the  fashion  of  having  the 
daughter's  name  on  the  same  card  with  their  own  and 
their  husband's  names. 

GLAZED  CARDS. 

Glazed  cards  are  quite  out  of  fashion,  as  are  cards  and 
note  paper  with  gilt  edges.  The  fashion  in  cards,  how- 
ever, change  *so  often,  that  what  is  in  style  one  year, 
may  not  be  the  next. 

p.  P.  c.  CARDS. 

A  card  left  at  a  farewell  visit,  before  a  long  protracted 
absence,  has  "P.  P.  C."  (Pour  Prendre  Conge)  written 
in  one  corner.  It  is  not  necessary  to  deliver  such  cards 
in  person,  for  they  may  be  sent  by  a  messenger,  or  by 
post  if  necessary.  P.  P.  C.  cards  are  not  left  when  the 
absence  from  home  is  only  for  a  few  months,  nor  by 
persons  starting  in  mid-summer  for  a  foreign  country, 
as  residents  are  then  supposed  to  be  out  of  town.  They 
are  sent  to  or  left  with  friends  by  ladies  just  previous 
to  their  contemplated  marriage  to  serve  the  purpose  of 
a  call. 

CARDS  OF  CONGRATULATION.- 

Cards  of  congratulation  must  be  left  in  person,  or  a 
congratulatory  note,  if  desired,  can  be  made  to  serve 


80  VISITING   AND   CALLING   CARDS. 

instead  of  a  call;  excepting  upon  the  newly  married. 
Calls  in  person  are  due  to  them,  and  to  the  parents  wh» 
have  invited  you  to  the  marriage.  When  there  has  been 
a  reception  after  the  ceremony,  which  you  have  beea 
unable  to  attend,  but  have  sent  cards  by  some  member 
of  your  family,  your  cards  need  not  again  represent  you 
until  they  have  been  returned,  with  the  new  residence 
announced;  but  a  call  is  due  to  the  parents  or  relative* 
who  have  given  the  reception.  When  no  wedding 
cards  are  sent  you,  nor  the  card  of  the  bridegroom,  you 
cannot  call  without  being  considered  intrusive.  One 
month  after  the  birth  of  a  child  the  call  of  congratula- 
tion is  made  by  acquaintances. 

LEAVE  CARDS  IN  MAKING  FIEST  CALL. 

In  making  the  first  calls  of  the  season  (in  the  autumn) 
both  ladies  and  gentlemen  should  leave  a  card  each,  at 
every  house  called  upon,  even  if  the  ladies  are  receiving. 
The  reason  of  this  is  that  where  a  lady  is  receiving 
morning  calls,  it  would  be  too  great  a  tax  upon  her 
memory  to  oblige  her  to  keep  in  mind  what  calls  she  has 
to  return  or  which  of  them  have  been  returned,  and  ia 
making  out  lists  for  inviting  informally,  it  is  often  the 
card-stand  which  is  first  searched  for  bachelors'  cards,  to 
meet  the  emergency.  Young  men  should  be  careful  t» 
write  their  street  and  number  on  their  cards. 

LEAVE  CARDS  AFTEK  AN  INVITATION. 

After  an  invitation,  cards  must  be  left  upon  those  who 
have  sent  it,  whether  it  is  accepted  or  not.  They  must 


VISITING   AND   CALLING   CARDS.  81 

be  left  in  person,  and  if  it  is  desired  to  end  the  acquain- 
tance the  cards  can  be  left  without  inquiring  whether 
the  ladies  are  at  home. 

Gentlemen  should  not  expect  to  receive  invitations 
from  ladies  with  whom  they  are  only  on  terms  of  formal 
visiting,  until  the  yearly  or  autumnal  call  has  been  made, 
or  until  their  cards  have  been  left  to  represent  themselves. 

CABDS    IN    MEMOBIAM. 

These  are  a  loving  tribute  to  the  memory  of  the 
departed ;  an  English  custom  rapidly  gaining  favor 
with  us;  it  announces  to  friends  the  death,  of  which 
they  might  remain  in  ignorance  but  for  this  mark  of 
respect : 


Stated 
5tfv,  1839, 


itfv  &i 

f  Sittfc. 

,  1876. 


3»vto  tf-uz-  U«MI    iavus  o 


82  YI8ITINQ    AND   CALLING    CARDS. 

CARDS    OF    CONDOLENCE. 

Cards  of  condolence  left  by  mere  acquaintances  must 
be  returned  by  "mourning  cards"  before  such  persons 
feel  at  liberty  to  make  a  call.  When  the  bereaved  are 
ready  to  receive  calls  (instead  of  the  cards)  of  their 
acquaintances,  "  mourning  cards  "  in  envelopes,  or  other- 
wise, are  returned  to  all  those  who  have  left  their  cards 
since  the  death,  which  was  the  occasion  of  the  cards 
being  left.  Intimate  friends,  of  course,  do  not  wait  for 
cards,  but  continue  their  calls,  without  regard  to  any 
ceremonious  observances  made  for  the  protection  of  the 
bereaved.  Acquaintances  leaving  cards  should  inquire 
after  the  health  of  the  family,  leaving  the  cards  in  person. 

MOURNING   CARDS. 

On  announcement  of  a  death  it  is  correct  to  call  in 
person  at  the  door;  to  make  inquiries  and  leave  your 
card,  with  lower  left  hand  corner  turned  town.  Unless 
close  intimacy  exists,  it  is  not  usage  to  ask  to  see  the 
afflicted.  Cards  can  be  sent  to  express  sympathy,  but 
notes  of  condolence  are  permissible  only  from  intimate 

friends. 

A  BRIDEGROOM'S  CARD. 

When  only  the  family  and  the  most  intimate  friends 
of  a  bride  and  bridegroom  have  been  included  in  the 
invitation  for  the  marriage,  or  where  there  has  been  no 
reception  after  the  marriage  at  church,  the  bridegroom 
often  sends  his  bachelor  card  (inclosed  in  an  envelope) 
to  those  of  his  acquaintances  with  whom  he  wishes  to 
continue  on  visiting  terms.  Those  who  receive  a  card 


VISITING   AND    CALLING    CARDS. 


83 


should  call  on  the  bride,  within  ten  days  after  she  has 
taken  possession  of  her  home.  Some  persons  have 
received  such  a  card  as  an  intimation  that  the  card  was 
to  end  the  acquaintance.  This  mistake  shows  the 
necessity  of  a  better  understanding  of  social  customs. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


HE  character  of  a  person  is  revealed 
by  his  conversation  as  much  as  by 
any  one  quality  he  possesses,  for 
strive  as  he  may  he  cannot  always 
be  acting. 

IMPORTANCE  OP  CONVERSING  WELL. 

To  be  able  to  converse  well  is  an  attain- 
ment which  should  be  cultivated  by  eveiy 
intelligent  man  and  woman.  It  is  better 
to  be  a  good  talker  than  a  good  singer  or 
musician,  because  the  former  is  more  widely 
appreciated,  and  the  company  of  a  person  who 
is  able  to  talk  well  on  a  great  variety  of  sub- 
jects, is  much  sought  after.  The  importance,  therefore, 
of  cultivating  the  art  of  conversation,  cannot  easily  be 
over-estimated.  It  should  be  the  aim  of  all  intelligent 
persons  to  acquire  the  habit  of  talking  sensibly  and  with 
facility  upon  all  topics  of  general  interest  to  society,  so 
that  they  may  both  interest  others  and  be  themselves 
interested,  in  whatever  company  they  may  chance  to  be 
thrown. 

(84) 


CONVERSATION.  85 

TRAINING    CHILDREN. 

The  training  for  this  should  be  commenced  in  early 
childhood.  Parents  should  not  only  encourage  their 
children  to  express  themselves  freely  upon  everything 
that  attracts  their  attention  and  interests  them,  but  they 
should  also  incite  their  faculties  of  perception,  memory 
and  close  observation,  by  requiring  them  to  recount 
everything,  even  to  its  minutest  details,  that  they  may 
have  observed  in  walking  to  and  from  school,  or  in  tak- 
ing a  ride  in  a  carriage  or  in  the  cars.  By  training  a 
child  to  a  close  observation  of  everything  he  meets  or 
passes,'  his  mind  becomes  very  active,  and  the  habit  hav- 
ing once  been  acquired,  he  becomes  interested  in  a  great 
variety  of  objects;  sees  more  and  enjoys  more  than  one 
who  has  not  been  so  trained. 

CULTIVATING  THE  MEMORY. 

A  good  memory  is  an  invaluable  aid  in  acquiring  the 
art  of  conversation,  and  the  cultivation  and  training  of 
this  faculty  is  a  matter  of  importance.  Early  youth  is 
the  proper  time  to  begin  this  training,  and  parents  and 
teachers  should  give  special  attention  to  the  cultivation 
of  memory.  When  children  are  taken  to  church,  or  to 
hear  a  lecture,  they  should  be  required  to  relate  or  to 
write  down  from  memory,  such  a  digest  of  the  sermon 
or  lecture  as  they  can  remember.  Adults  may  also 
adopt  this  plan  for  cultivating  the  memory,  and  they 
will  be  surprised  to  find  how  continued  practice  in  this 
will  improve  this  faculty.  The  practice  of  taking  notes 


86  CONVERSATION. 

impairs  rather  than  aids  the  memory,  for  then  a  person 
relies  almost  entirely  in  the  notes  taken,  and  does  not 
tax  the  memory  sufficiently.  A  person  should  also  train 
himself  to  remember  the  names  of  persons  whom  he 
becomes  acquainted  with,  so  as  to  recall  them  whenever 
or  wherever  he  may  subsequently  meet  them.  It  is 
related  of  a  large  wholesale  boot  and  shoe  merchant  of 
an  eastern  city,  that  he  was  called  upon  one  day  by  one 
of  his  best  customers,  residing  in  a  distant  city,  whom 
he  had  frequently  met,  but  whose  name,  at  the  time,  he 
could  not  recall,  and  received  his  order  for  a  large  bill 
of  goods.  As  he  was  about  to  leave,  the  merchant  asked 
his  name,  when  the  customer  indignantly  replied  that  he 
supposed  he  was  known  by  a  man  from  whom  he  had 
purchased  goods  for  many  years,  and  countermanding 
his  order,  he  left  the  store,  deaf  to  all  attempts  at 
explanation.  Though  this  may  be  an  extreme  case,  it 
illustrates  the  importance  of  remembering  the  names  of 
people  when  circumstances  require  it. 

HENBY  CLAY'S  MEMOEY  OF  NAMES. 

One  secret  of  Henry  Clay's  popularity  as  a  politician 
was  his  faculty  of  remembering  the  names  of  persons  he 
had  met.  It  is  said  of  him  that  if  he  was  once  intro- 
duced to  a  person,  he  was  ever  afterwards  able  to  call 
him  by  name,  and  recount  the  circumstances  of  their 
first  meeting.  This  faculty  he  cultivated  after  he  entered 
upon  the  practice  of  law  in  Kentucky,  and  soon  after  he 
began  his  political  life.  At  that  time  his  memory  for 
names  was  very  poor,  and  he  resolved  to  improve  it. 


CONVERSATION.  87 

He  adopted  the  practice,  just  before  retiring  at  night, 
of  recalling  the  names  of  all  the  persons  he  had  met 
during  the  day,  writing  them  in  a  note  book,  and  repeat- 
ing over  the  list  the  next  morning.  By  this  practice,  he 
acquired  in  time,  his  wonderful  faculty  in  remembering 
the  names  of  persons  he  had  become  acquainted  with. 

WRITING  AS  AN  AID  TO  CORRECT  TALKING. 

To  converse  correctly — to  use  correct  language  in 
conversation — is  also  a  matter  of  importance,  and  while 
this  can  be  acquired  by  a  strict  attention  to  grammatical 
rules,  it  can  be  greatly  facilitated  by  the  habit  of  writ- 
ing down  one's  thoughts.  In  writing,  strict  regard  is, 
or  should  be,  paid  to  the  correct  use  of  language,  and 
when  a  person,  from  constant  writing,  acquires  the  habit 
of  using  correct  language,  this  habit  will  follow  him  in 
talking.  A  person  who  is  accustomed  to  much  writing, 
will  always  be  found  to  use  language  correctly  in  speak- 
ing. 

REQUISITES  FOR  A  GOOD  TALKER. 

To  be  a  good  talker  then,  one  should  be  possessed  of 
much  general  information,  acquired  by  keen  observation, 
attentive  listening,  a  good  memory,  extensive  reading 
and  study,  logical  habits  of  thought,  and  have  a  correct 
knowledge  of  the  use  of  language.  He  should  also  aim 
at  a  clear  intonation,  well  chosen  phraseology  and  cor- 
rect accent.  These  acquirements  are  within  the  reach 
of  every  person  of  ordinary  ability,  who  has  a  deter- 
mination to  possess  them,  and  the  energy  and  persever- 
ance to  carry  out  that  determination. 


88  CONVERSATION. 


VULGARISMS. 

In  conversation,  one  must  scrupulously  guard  against 
vulgarisms.  Simplicity  and  terseness  of  language  are 
the  characteristics  of  a  well  educated  and  highly  culti- 
vated person.  It  is  the  uneducated  or  those  who  are 
but  half  educated,  who  use  long  words  and  high-sound- 
ing phrases.  A  hyperbolical  way  of  speaking  is  mere 
flippancy,  and  should  be  avoided.  Such  phrases  as  "  aw- 
fully pretty,"  "  immensely  jolly,"  "  abominally  stupid," 
"  disgustingly  mean,"  are  of  this  nature,  and  should  be 
avoided.  Awkwardness  of  attitude  is  equally  as  bad  as 
awkwardness  of  speech.  Lolling,  gesticulating,  fidget- 
ing, handling  an  eye-glass  or  watch  chain  and  the  like, 
give  an  air  of  gaucherie,  and  take  off  a  certain  percent- 
age from  the  respect  of  others. 

LISTENING. 

The  habit  of  listening  with  interest  and  attention 
is  one  which  should  be  specially  cultivated.  Even  if 
the  talker  is  prosy  and  prolix,  the  well-bred  person  will 
appear  interested,  and  at  appropriate  intervals  make 
such  remarks  as  shall  show  that  he  has  heard  and  under- 
stood all  that  has  been  said.  Some  superficial  people  are 
apt  to  style  this  hypocrisy;  but  if  it  is,  it  is  certainly  a 
commendable  hypocrisy,  directly  founded  on  that  strict 
rule  of  good  manners  which  commands  us  to  show  the 
same  courtesy  to  others  that  we  hope  to  receive  ourselves. 
We  are  commanded  to  check  our  impulses,  conceal  our 
dislikes,  and  even  modify  our  likings  whenever  or  wher- 


CONVERSATION.  89 

ever  these  are  liable  to  give  offense  or  pain  to  others. 
The  person  who  turns  away  with  manifest  displeasure, 
disgust  or  want  of  interest  when  another  is  addressing 
him,  is  guilty  not  only  of  an  ill-bred,  but  a  cruel  act. 

''PLIPPANCY. 

In  conversation  all  provincialism,  affectations  of  for- 
eign accents,  mannerisms,  exaggerations  and  slang  are 
detestable.  Equally  to  be  avoided  are  inaccuracies  of 
expression,  hesitation,  an  undue  use  of  foreign  words, 
and  anything  approaching  to  flippancy,  coarseness,  triv- 
iality or  provocation.  Gentlemen  sometimes  address 
ladies  in  a  very  flippant  manner,  which  the  latter  are 
obliged  to  pass  over  without  notice,  for  various  reasons, 
while  inwardly  they  rebel.  Many  a  worthy  man  has 
done  himself  an  irreparable  injury  by  thus  creating  a 
lasting  prejudice  in  the  minds  of  those  whom  he  might 
have  made  his  friends,  had  he  addressed  them  as  though 
he  considered  them  rational  beings,  capable  of  sustain- 
ing their  part  in  a  conversation  upon  sensible  subjects. 
Flippancy  is  as  much  an  evidence  of  ill-breeding  as  is 
the  perpetual  smile,  the  wandering  eye,  the  vacant  stare, 
and  the  half -opened  mouth  of  the  man  who  is  preparing 
to  break  in  upon  the  conversation. 

BE  SYMPATHETIC  AND  ANIMATED. 

Do  not  go  into  society  unless  you  make  up  your  mind 
to  be  sympathetic,  unselfish,  animating,  as  well  as  ani- 
mated. Society  does  not  require  mirth,  but  it  does 
demand  cheerfulness  and  unselfishness,  and  you  must 


90  CONVEKSATION. 

help  to  make  and  sustain  cheerful  conversation.     The 
manner  of  conversation  is  as  important  as  the  matter. 

COMPLIMENTS. 

Compliments  are  said  by  some  to  be  inadmissible. 
But  between  equals,  or  from  those  of  superior  position 
to  those  of  inferior  station,  compliments  should  be  not 
only  acceptable  but  gratifying.  It  is  pleasant  to  know 
that  our  friends  think  well  of  us,  and  it  is  always  agree- 
able to  know  that  we  are  thought  well  of  by  those  who 
hold  higher  positions,  such  as  men  of  superior  talent,  or 
women  of  superior  culture.  Compliments  which  are  not 
sincere,  are  only  flattery  and  should  be  avoided;  but  the 
saying  of  kind  things,  which  is  natural  to  the  kind  heart, 
and  which  confers  pleasure,  should  be  cultivated,  at  least 
not  suppressed.  Those  parents  who  strive  most  for  the 
best  mode  of  training  their  children  are  said  to  have 
found  that  it  is  never  wise  to  censure  them  for  a  fault, 
without  preparing  the  way  by  some  judicious  mention 
of  their  good  qualities. 

SLANG. 

All  slang  is  vulgar.  It  lowers  the  tone  of  society  and 
the  standard  of  thought.  It  is  a  great  mistake  to  sup- 
pose that  slang  is  in  any  manner  witty.  Only  the  very 
young  or  the  uncultivated  so  consider  it. 

FLATTERY. 

Do  not  be  guilty  of  flattery.  The  flattery  of  those 
richer  than  ourselves  or  better  born  is  vulgar,  and  bora 


CONVERSATION.  91 

of  rudeness,  and  is  sure  to  be  received  as  emanating 
from  unworthy  motives.  Testify  your  respect,  your 
admiration,  and  your  gratitude  by  deeds  more  than 
words.  Words  are  easy  but  deeds  are  difficult.  Few 
will  believe  the  former,  but  the  latter  will  carry  con- 
firmation with  them. 

SCANDAL  AND  GOSSIP. 

Scandal  is  the  least  excusable  of  all  conversational  vul- 
garities. Envy  prompts  the  tongue  of  the  slanderer. 
Jealousy  is  the  disturber  of  the  harmony  of  all  interests. 
A  writer  on  this  subject  says:  "Gossip  is  a  trouble- 
some sort  of  insect  that  only  buzzes  about  your  ears 
and  never  bites  deep;  slander  is  the  beast  of  prey  that 
leaps  upon  you  from  its  den  and  tears  you  in  pieces. 
Slander  is  the  proper  object  of  rage;  gossip  of  con- 
tempt." Those  who  best  understand  the  nature  of  gos- 
sip and  slander,  if  the  victims  of  both,  will  take  no 
notice  of  the  former,  but  will  allow  no  slander  of  them- 
selves to  go  unrefuted  during  their  lifetime,  to  spring 
up  in  a  hydra-headed  attack  upon  their  children.  No 
woman  can  be  too  sensitive  as  to  any  charges  affecting 
her  moral  character,  whether  in  the  influence  of  her 
companionship,  or  in  the  influence  of  her  writings. 

RELIGION  AND  POLITICS. 

Religion  and  politics  are  topics  that  should  never  be 
introduced  into  general  conversation,  for  they  are  sub- 
jects dangerous  to  harmony.  Persons  are  most  likely 
to  differ,  and  least  likely  to  preserve  their  tempers  on 


92  CONVERSATION. 

these  topics.  Long  arguments  in  general  company,  how- 
ever entertaining  to  the  disputants,  are  very  tiresome  to 
the  hearers. 

SATIRE  AND    RIDICULE. 

Young  persons  appear  ridiculous  when  satirizing  or 
ridiculing  books,  people  or  things.  Opinions  to  be  worth 
the  consideration  of  others  should  have  the  advantage 
of  coming  from  mature  persons.  Cultivated  people  are 
not  in  the  habit  of  resorting  to  such  weapons  as  satire 
and  ridicule.  They  find  too  much  to  correct  in  them- 
selves to  indulge  in  coarse  censure  of  the  conduct  of 
others,  who  may  not  have  had  advantages  equal  to  their 
own. 

TITLES. 

In  addressing  persons  with  titles  always  add  the  name; 
as  "  what  do  you  think  of  it,  Doctor  Hayes  ?"  not  "  what 
do  you  think  of  it,  Doctor?"  In  speaking  of  foreigners 
the  reverse  of  the  English  rule  is  observed.  No  matter 
what  the  title  of  a  Frenchman  is,  he  is  always  addressed 
as  Monsieur,  and  you  never  omit  the  word  Madame, 
whether  addressing  a  duchess  or  a  dressmaker.  The 
former  is  "Madame  la  Duchesse,"  the  latter  plain 
"  Madame"  Always  give  a  foreigner  his  title.  If  Gen- 
eral Sherman  travels  in  Europe  and  is  received  by  the 
best  classes  with  the  dignity  that  his  worth,  culture  and 
position  as  an  American  general  demand,  he  will  never 
be  called  Mr.  Sherman,  but  his  title  will  invariably  pre- 
cede his  name.  There  are  persons  who  fancy  that  the 
omission  of  the  title  is  annoying  to  the  party  who  pos- 


CONVERSATION.  93 

sesses  it,  but  this  is  not  the  ground  taken  why  the  title 
should  be  given,  but  because  it  reveals  either  ignorance 
or  ill-breeding  on  the  part  of  those  omitting  it. 

CHRISTIAN  NAMES. 

There  is  a  class  of  persons,  who  from  ignorance  of  the 
customs  of  good  society,  or  from  carelessness,  speak  of 
persons  by  their  Christian  names,  who  are  neither  rela- 
tions nor  intimate  friends.  This  is  a  familiarity  which, 
outside  of  the  family  circle,  and  beyond  friends  of  the 
closest  intimacy,  is  never  indulged  in  by  the  well-bred. 

INTERRUPTION. 

Interruption  of  the  speech  of  others  is  a  great  sin 
against  good-breeding.  It  has  been  aptly  said  that  if 
you  interrupt  a  speaker  in  the  middle  of  a  sentence,  you 
act  almost  as  rudely  as  if,  when  walking  with  a  com- 
panion, you  were  to  thrust  yourself  before  him  and  stop 
his  progress. 

ADAPTABILITY  IN  CONVERSATION. 

The  great  secret  of  talking  well  is  to  adapt  your  con- 
versation, as  skillfully  as  may  be,  to  your  company. 
Some  men  make  a  point  of  talking  common-place  to  all 
ladies  alike,  as  if  a  woman  could  only  be  a  trifler. 
Others,  on  the  contrary,  seem  to  forget  in  what  respects 
the  education  of  a  lady  differs  from  that  of  a  gentleman, 
and  commit  the  opposite  error  of  conversing  on  topics 
with  which  ladies  are  seldom  acquainted,  and  in  which 
few,  if  ,ITTT,  are  evor  interested.  A  woman  of  sense  has 


94:  CONVERSATION. 

as  much  right  to  be  annoyed  by  the  one,  as  a  woman  of 
ordinary  education  by  the  other.  If  you  really  wish  to 
be  thought  agreeable,  sensible,  amiable,  unselfish  and 
even  well-informed,  you  should  lead  the  way,  in  tete-a-tete 
conversations,  for  sportsmen  to  talk  of  their  shooting,  a 
mother  to  talk  of  her  children,  a  traveler  of  his  journeys 
and  the  countries  he  has  visited,  a  young  lady  of  her 
last  ball  and  the  prospective  ones,  an  artist  of  his  picture 
and  an  author  of  his  book.  To  show  any  interest  in  the 
immediate  concerns  of  people  is  very  complimentary, 
and  when  not  in  general  rociety  one  is  privileged  to  do 
this.  People  take  more  interest  in  their  own  affairs  than 
in  anything  else  you  can  name,  and  if  you  manifest  an 
interest  to  hear,  there  are  but  few  who  will  not  sustain 
conversation  by  a  narration  of  their  affairs  in  some  form 
or  another.  Thackeray  says:  "Be  interested  by  other 
people  and  by  their  affairs.  It  is  because  you  yourself 
are  selfish  that  that  other  person's  self  does  not  interest 
you." 

CORRECT  USE  OF  WORDS. 

The  correct  use  of  words  is  indispensable  to  a  good 
talker  who  would  escape  the  unfavorable  criticism  of  an 
educated  listener.  There  are  many  words  and  phrases, 
used  in  some  cases  by  persons  who  have  known  better, 
but  who  have  become  careless  from  association  with 
others  who  make  constant  use  of  them.  "  Because  that " 
and  "but  that"  should  never  be  used  in  connection, 
the  word  "  that "  being  entirely  superfluous.  The  word 
"  vocation"  is  often  used  for  "  avocation."  "  Unhealthy  " 
food  is  spoken  of  when  it  should  be  "unwholesome." 


CONVERSATION.  95 

"  Had  not  ought  to  "  is  sometimes  heard  for  "  ought  not 
to;"  "banister"  for  "baluster;"  "handsful"  and 
"spoonsful"  for  "handfuls"  and  "spoonfuls;"  "it  was 
him"  for  "it  was  he;"  "it  was  me"  for  "it  was  I;" 
"whom  do  you  think  was  there?"  for  "who  do  you 
think  was  there?";  " a  mutual  friend "  for  "a  common 
friend;"  "like  I  did"  instead  of  "as  I  did;"  "those  sort 
of  things"  instead  of  "this  sort  of  things;"  "laying 
down"  for  "lying  down;"  "setting  on  a  chair"  for 
"sitting  on  a  chair;"  "try  and  make  him"  instead  of 
"try  to  make  him;"  "she  looked  charmingly"  for  "she 
looked  charming;"  "loan"  for  "lend;"  "to  get  along" 
instead  of  "to  get  on; "  "cupalo"  instead  of  "cupola;" 
"  who  "  for  "  whom  " — as,  "  who  did  you  see  "  for 
"whom  did  you  see;"  double  negatives,  as,  "he  did  not 
do  neither  of  those  things;"  "lesser"  for  "least;" 
"move"  instead  of  "remove;"  "off -set"  instead  of 
"  set-off,"  and  many  other  words  which  are  often  care- 
lessly used  by  those  who  have  been  better  taught,  as 
well  as  by  those  who  are  ignorant  of  their  proper  use. 

SPEAKING    ONE'S  MIND. 

Certain  honest  but  unthinking  people  often  commit 
the  grievous  mistake  of  "  speaking  their  mind "  on  all 
occasions  and  under  all  circumstances,  and  oftentimes 
to  the  great  mortification  of  their  hearers.  And 
especially  do  they  take  credit  to  themselves  for  their 
courage,  if  their  freedom  of  speech  happens  to  give 
offense  to  any  of  them.  A  little  reflection  ought  to 
show  how  cruel  and  unjust  this  is.  The  law  restrains  us 


96  CONVERSATION. 

from  inflicting  bodily  injury  upon  those  with  whom  we 
disagree,  yet  there  is  no  legal  preventive  against  thig 
wounding  of  the  feeling  of  others. 

UNWISE   EXPRESSION    OF    OPINION. 

Another  class  of  people,  actuated  by  the  best  of  inten- 
tions, seem  to  consider  it  a  duty  to  parade  their  opinions 
upon  all  occasions,  and  in  all  places  without  reflectiro: 
that  the  highest  truth  will  suffer  from  an  unwise  and 
over-zealous  advocacy.  Civility  requires  that  we  give 
to  the  opinions  of  others  the  same  toleration  that  we 
exact  for  our  own,  and  good  sense  should  cause  us  to 
remember  that  we  are  never  likely  to  convert  a  person 
to  our  views  when  we  begin  by  violating  his  notions  of 
propriety  and  exciting  his  prejudices.  A  silent  advocate 
of  a  cause  is  always  better  than  an  indiscreet  one. 

PROFANITY. 

No  gentleman  uses  profane  language.  It  is  unneces- 
sary to  add  that  no  gentleman  will  use  profane  language 
in  the  presence  of  a  lady.  For  profanity  there  is  no 
excuse.  It  is  a  low  and  paltry  habit,  acquired  from 
association  with  low  and  paltry  spirits,  who  possess  no 
sense  of  honor,  no  regard  for  decency  and  no  reverence 
or  respect  for  beings  of  a  higher  moral  or  religious 
nature  than  themselves.  The  man  who  habitually  uses 
profane  language,  lowers  his  moral  tone  with  every  oath 
he  utters.  Moreover,  the  silliness  of  the  practice,  if  no 
other  reason,  should  prevent  its  use  by  every  man  of 
good  sense. 


CONVERSATION.  97 

PUBLIC    MENTION    OF    PBIYATE    MATTERS. 

Do  not  parade  merely  private  matters  before  a  public 
or  mixed  assembly  or  to  acquaintances.  If  strangers 
really  wish  to  become  informed  about  you  or  your  affaire, 
they  will  find  the  means  to  gratify  their  curiosity  with- 
out your  advising  them  gratuitously.  Besides,  personal 
and  family  affairs,  no  matter  how  interesting  they  may 
be  to  the  parties  immediately  concerned,  are  generally 
of  little  moment  to  outsiders.  Still  less  will  the  well- 
bred  person  inquire  into  or  narrate  the  private  affairs  of 
any  other  family  or  individual. 

OSTENTATIOUS  DISPLAY  OF  KNOWLEDGE. 

In  refined  and  intelligent  society  one  should  always 
display  himself  at  his  best,  and  make  a  proper  and  legit- 
imate use  of  all  such  acquirements  as  he  may  happen 
to  have.  But  there  should  be  no  ostentatious  or  pedan- 
tic show  of  erudition.  Besides  being  vulgar,  such  a 
show  subjects  the  person  to  ridicule. 

PRUDERY. 

Avoid  an  affectation  of  excessive  modesty.  Do  not 
use  the  word  "limb"  for  "leg."  If  legs  are  really  im- 
proper, then  let  us,  on  no  account,  mention  them.  But 
having  found  it  necessary  to  mention  them,  let  us  by  all 
means  give  them  their  appropriate  name. 

DOUBLE  ENTENDRES. 

No  person  of  decency,  still  less  of  delicacy,  will  be 
guilty  of  double  entendre.  A  well-bred  person  always 


VS  CONVERSATION. 

refuses  to  understand  a  phrase  of  doubtful  meaning.  If 
the  phrase  may  be  interpreted  decently,  and  with  such 
interpretation  would  provoke  a  smile,  then  smile  to  just 
the  degree  called  for  by  such  interpretation,  and  no 
more.  The  prudery  which  sits  in  solemn  and  severe 
rebuke  at  a  double  entendre  is  only  second  in  indelicacy 
to  the  indecency  which  grows  hilarious  over  it,  since 
both  must  recognize  the  evil  intent.  It  is  sufficient  to . 
let  it  pass  unrecognized. 

INDELICATE  WOKDS  AND  EXPEESSIONS. 

v  Not  so  when  one  hears  an  indelicate  word  or  express- 
ion, which  allows  of  no  possible  harmless  interpretation. 
Then  not  the  shadow  of  a  smile  should  flit  across  the 
lips.  Either  complete  silence  should  be  preserved  in 
return,  or  the  words,  "I  do  not  understand  you,"  be 
spoken.  A  lady  will  always  fail  to  hear  that  which  she 
should  not  hear,  or,  having  unmistakably  heard,  she  will 
not  understand. 

VULGAR  EXCLAMATIONS. 

No  lady  should  make  use  of  any  feminine  substitute 
for  profanity.  The  woman  who  exclaims  "  The  Dick- 
ens !"  or  "  Mercy  !"  or  "  Goodness  !"  when  she  is  annoyed 
or  astonished,  is  as  vulgar  in  spirit,  though  perhaps  not 
quite  so  regarded  by  society,  as  though  she  had  used 
expressions  which  it  would  require  but  little  stretch  of 
it  •  imagination  to  be  regarded  as  profane. 


CONVERSATION.  99 

WIT. 

You  may  be  witty  and  amusing  if  you  like,,  or  rather 
if  you  can;  but  never  use  your  wit  |t  the  expense  of 
others. 

"  Wit's  an  unruly  engine,  wildly  striking 

Sometimes  a  friend,  sometimes  the  engineer; 
Hast  thou  the  knack?  pamper  it  not  with  liking; 
But  if  thou  want  it,  buy  it  not  too  dear. 
Many  affecting  wit  beyond  their  power 
Have  got  to  be  a  dear  fool  for  an  hour." — HERBERT. 

DISPLAY  OF  EMOTIONS. 

Avoid  all  exhibitions  of  temper  before  others,  if  you 
find  it  impossible  to  suppress  them  entirely.  All  emo- 
tions, whether  of  grief  or  joy,  should  be  subdued  in 
public,  and  only  allowed  full  play  in  the  privacy  of  your 
own  apartments. 

IMPERTINENT  QUESTIONS. 

Never  ask  impertinent  questions.  Some  authorities 
in  etiquette  even  go  so  far  as  to  say  that  all  questions 
are  strictly  tabooed.  Thus,  if  you  wished  to  inquire 
after  the  health  of  the  brother  of  your  friend,  you  would 
say,  "  I  hope  your  brother  is  well,"  not,  "  How  is  your 
brother's  health  ?" 

THE  CONFIDENCE  OF   OTHERS. 

Never  try  to  force  yourself  into  the  confidence  of 
others  ;  but  if  they  give  you  their  confidence  of  their 
own  free  will,  let  nothing  whatever  induce  you  to  betray 


100  CONVERSATION. 

it.     Never  seek  to  pry  into  a  secret,  and  never  divulge 
one. 

USE  OF  FOREIGN  LANGUAGE. 

Do  not  form  the  habit  of  introducing  words  and 
phrases  of  French  or  other  foreign  languages  into  com- 
mon conversation.  This  is  only  allowable  in  writing, 
and  not  then  except  when  the  foreign  word  or  phrase 
expresses  more  clearly  and  directly  than  English  can  do 
the  desired  meaning.  In  familiar  conversation  this  is  an 
affectation,  only  pardonable  when  all  persons  present 
are  particularly  familiar  with  the  language. 

PRETENSES. 

Avoid  all  pretense  at  gentility.  Pass  for  what  you 
are,  and  nothing  more.  If  you  are  obliged  to  make  any 
little  economies,  do  not  be  ashamed  to  acknowledge 
them  as  economies,  if  it  becomes  necessary  to  speak  of 
them  at  all.  If  you  keep  no  carriage,  do  not  be  over- 
solicitous  to  impress  upon  your  friends  that  the  sole  rea- 
son for  this  deficiency  is  because  you  prefer  to  walk. 
Do  not  be  ashamed  of  poverty;  but,  on  the  other  hand, 
do  not  flaunt  its  rags  unmercifully  in  the  faces  of  others. 
It  is  better  to  say  nothing  about  it,  either  in  excuse  or 
defense. 

DOGMATIC  STYLE  OF  SPEAKING. 

Never  speak  dogmatically  or  with  an  assumption  of 
knowledge  or  information  beyond  that  of  those  with 
whom  you  are  conversing.  Even  if  you  are  conscious 
of  l.iis  superiority,  a  proper  and  becoming  modesty  will 
lead  you  to  conceal  it  as  far  as  possible,  that  you  may 


CONVERSATION.  101 

not  put  to  shame  or  humiliation  those  less  fortunate  than 
yourself.  If  they  discover  your  superiority  of  their 
own  accord,  they  will  have  much  more  admiration  for 
you  than  though  you  forced  the  recognition  upon  them. 
If  they  do  not  discover  it,  you  cannot  force  it  upon  their 
perceptions,  and  they  will  only  hold  you  in  contempt  for 
trying  to  do  so.  Besides,  there  is  the  possibility  that 
you  over-estimate  yourself,  and  instead  of  being  a  wise 
man  you  are  only  a  self-sufficient  fool. 

FAULT-FINDING. 

Do  not  be  censorious  or  fault-finding.  Long  and  close 
friendship  may  sometimes  excuse  one  friend  in  reprov- 
ing or  criticising  another,  but  it  must  always  be  done  in 
the  kindest  and  gentlest  manner,  and  in  nine  oases  out 
of  ten  had  best  be  left  undone.  When  one  is  inclined 
to  be  censorious  or  critical,  it  is  well  to  remember  the 
scriptural  injunction,  "  First  cast  the  beam  out  of  thine 
own  eye,  and  then  shalt  thou  see  clearly  to  oast  the  mote 
out  of  thy  brother's  eye.w 

CONVERSING    WITH    LADIES. 

A  gentleman  should  never  lower  the  intellectual 
standard  of  his  conversation  in  addressing  ladies.  Pay 
them  the  compliment  of  seeming  to  consider  them  cap- 
able of  an  equal  understanding  with  gentlemen.  You 
will,  no  doubt,  be  somewhat  surprised  to  find  in  how 
many  cases  the  supposition  will  be  grounded  on  fact, 
and  in  the  few  instances  where  it  is  not,  tb.3  ladies  will 
be  pleased  rather  than  offended  at  the  dercate  compli- 


102  CONVERSATION. 

mcnt  you  pay  them.  When  you  "  come  down  "  to  com- 
monplace or  small-talk  with  an  intelligent  lady,  one  of 
two  things  is  the  consequence;  she  either  recognizes  the 
condescension  and  despises  you,  or  else  she  accepts  it  as 
the  highest  intellectual  effort  of  which  you  are  capable, 
and  rates  you  accordingly. 

HOBBIES. 

People  with  hobbies  are  at  once  the  easiest  and  most 
difficult  persons  with  whom  to  engage  in  conversation. 
On  general  subjects  they  are  idealess  and  voiceless 
beyond  monosyllables.  But  introduce  their  special 
hobby,  and  if  you  choose  you  need  only  to  listen.  There 
is  much  profit  to  be  derived  from  the  conversation  of 
these  persons.  They  will  give  you  a  clearer  idea  of  the 
aspects  of  any  subject  or  theory  which  they  may  have 
taken  to  heart,  than  you  could  perhaps  gain  in  any  other 
way. 

The  too  constant  riding  of  hobbies  is  not,  however,  to 
be  specially  recommended.  An  individual,  though  he 
may  be  pardoned  in  cultivating  special  tastes,  should 
yet  be  possessed  of  sufficiently  broad  and  general  infor- 
mation to  be  able  to  converse  intelligently  on  all  sub- 
jects, and  he  should,  as  far  as  possible,  reserve  his  hobby- 
riding  for  exhibition  before  those  who  ride  hobbies 
similar  to  his  own. 

THINGS    TO    BE    AVOIDED. 

It  must  be  remembered  that  a  social  gathering  should 
never  be  mado  the  arena  of  a  di^pnto.  Consequently 


CONVERSATION.  103 

every  subject  liable  to  provoke  a  discussion  should  be 
avoided.  Even  slight  inaccuracy  in  a  statement  of  facts 
or  opinions  should  rarely  be  remarked  on  in  conversation. 

Do  not  permit  yourself  to  lose  your  temper  in  society, 
nor  show  that  you  have  taken  offense  at  a  supposed 
slight. 

If  anyone  should  assume  a  disagreeable  tone  of  voice 
or  offensive  manner  toward  you,  never  return  it  in  com- 
pany, and,  above  all,  do  not  adopt  the  same  style  of  con- 
versation with  him.  Appear  not  to  notice  it,  and  gen- 
erally it  will  be  discontinued,  as  it  will  be  seen  that  it 
has  failed  in  its  object. 

Avoid  all  coarseness  and  undue  familiarity  in  addres- 
sing others.  A  person  who  makes  himself  offensively- 
familiar  will  have  few  friends. 

Never  attack  the  character  of  others  in  their  absence; 
and  if  you  hearjothers  attacked,  say  what  you  can  con- 
sistently to  defend  them. 

If  you  are  talking  on  religious  subjects,  avoid  all 
cant.  Cant  words  and  phrases  may  be  used  in  good 
faith  from  the  force  of  habit,  but  their  use  subjects  the 
speaker  to  a  suspicion  of  insincerity. 

Do  not  ask  the  price  of  articles  you  observe,  except 
from  intimate  friends,  and  then  very  quietly,  and  only 
for  some  good  reason. 

Do  not  appear  to  notice  an  error  in  language,  either 
in  pronunciation  or  grammar,  made  by  the  person  with 
whom  you  are  conversing,  and  do  not  repeat  correctly 
the  same  word  or  phrase.  This  would  be  as  ill-bred  as 
to  correct  it  when  spoken. 


104  CONVERSATION. 

Mimicry  is  ill-bred,  and  must  be  avoided. 

Sneering  at  the  private  affairs  of  others  has  long  ago 
been  banished  from  the  conversation  of  well-mannered 
people. 

Never  introduce  unpleasant  topics,  nor  describe 
revolting  scenes  in  general  company. 

Never  give  officious  advice.  Even  when  sought  for, 
give  advice  sparingly.  . 

Never,  directly  or  indirectly,  refer  to  the  affairs  of 
others,  which  it  may  give  them  pain  in  any  degree  to 
recall. 

Never  hold  your  companion  in  conversation  by  the 
button-hole.  If  you  are  obliged  to  detain  him  forcibly 
in  order  to  say  what  you  wish,  you  are  pressing  upon 
him  what  is  disagreeable  or  unwelcome,  and  you  com- 
mit a  gross  breach  of  etiquette  in  so  doing. 

Especially  avoid  contradictions,  interruptions  and 
monopolizing  all  conversation  yourself.  These  faults 
are  all  intolerable  and  very  offensive. 

To  speak  to  one  person  in  a  company  in  ambiguous 
terms,  understood  by  him  alone,  is  as  rude  as  if  you  had 
whispered  in  his  ear. 

Avoid  stale  and  trite  remarks  on  commonplace  sub- 
jects; also  all  egotism  and  anecdotes  of  personal  adven- 
ture and  exploit,  unless  they  should  be  called  out  by 
persons  you  are  conversing  with. 

To  make  a  classical  quotation  in  a  mixed  company  is 
considered  pedantic  and  out  of  place,  as  is  also  an  osten- 
tatious display  of  your  learning. 

A  gentleman  should  avoid  talking  about  his  business 


CONVERSATION. 


105 


or  profession,  unless  such  matters  are  drawn  from  him 
by  the  person  with  whom  he  is  conversing.  It  is  in  bad 
taste,  particularly,  to  employ  technical  or  professional 
terms  in  general  conversation. 

Long  arguments  or  heated  discussions  are  apt  to  be 
tiresome  to  others,  and  should  be  avoided. 

It  is  considered  extremely  ill-bred  for  two  persons  to 
whisper  in  society,  or  to  converse  in  a  language  with 
which  all  persons  are  not  familiar. 

Avoid  talking  too  much,  and  do  not  inflict  upon  your 
hearers  interminably  long  stories,  in  which  they  can 
have  but  little  interest. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

Sitting  ©ttt 


INTNGr  should  be  ranked  among  the 
fine  arts.     A  knowledge  of  dinner- 
table  etiquette  is   all  important  in 
many  respects;    but  chiefly  in  this: 
that   it  is    regarded  as  one  of   the 
strong  tests  of  good  breeding.     Din- 
ners are  generally  looked  upon  as  enter- 
tainments for  married  people  and  the  mid- 
dle aged,  but  it  is  often  desirable  to  have 
some    young  unmarried   persons   among 
the  guests. 

WHOM  TO 


Those  invited  should  be  of  the  same  standing  in  soci- 
ety. They  need  not  necessarily  be  friends,  nor  even 
acquaintances,  but,  at  dinner,  as  people  come  into 
closer  contact  than  at  a  dance,  or  any  other  kind  of  a 
party,  those  only  should  be  invited  to  meet  one  another 
who  move  in  the  same  class  of  circles.  Care  must,  of 
course,  be  taken  that  those  whom  you  think  agreeable  to 

(108) 


DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT.  107 

each  other  are  placed  side  by  side  around  the  festive 
board.  Good  talkers  are  invaluable  at  a  dinner  party — 
people  who  have  fresh  ideas  and  plenty  of  warm  words 
to  clothe  them  in;  but  good  listeners  are  equally  invalu- 
able. 

INVITATIONS. 

Invitations  to  dinner  parties  are  not  usually  sent  by- 
post,  in  cities,  and  are  only  answered  by  post  where  the 
distance  is  such  as  to  make  it  inconvenient  to  send  the 
note  by  hand.  They  are  issued  in  the  name  of  the  gen- 
tleman and  lady  of  the  house,  from  two  to  ten  days  in 
advance.  They  should  be  answered  as  soon  as  received, 
without  fail,  as  it  is  necessary  that  the  host  and  hostess 
should  know  who  are  to  be  their  guests.  If  the  in  dta-. 
tion  is  accepted,  the  engagement  should,  on  no  account, 
be  lightly  broken.  This  rule  is  a  binding  one,  as  the 
non-arrival  of  an  expected  guest  produces  disarrange- 
ment of  plans.  Gentlemen  cannot  be  invited  without 
their  wives,  where  other  ladies  than  those  of  the  family 
are  present;  nor  ladies  without  their  husbands,  when 
other  ladies  are  invited  with  their  husbands.  This  rule 
has  no  exceptions.  No  more  than  three  out  of  a  family 
should  be  invited,  unless  the  dinner  party  is  a  very  large 
one. 

MANNER  OF  WRITING  INVITATIONS. 

The  invitations  should  be  written  on  small  note  paper, 
which  may  have  the  initial  letter  or  monogram  stamped 
upon  it,  but  good  taste  forbids  anything  more.  The 
envelope  should  match  the  sheet  of  paper.  The  invita- 


108  DINNER   GIVING   AND   DINING   OUT. 

tion  should  be  issued  in  the  name  of  the  host  and  hostess. 
The  form  of  invitations  should  be  as  follows: 


An  answer  should  be  returned  at  once,  so  that  if  the 
invitation  is  declined  the  hostess  may  modify  her 
arrangements  accordingly. 


INVITATION   ACCEPTED. 


An  acceptance  may  be  given  in  the  following  form, 
and  may  be  sent  either  by  post  or  messenger: 


DINNEB    GIVING   AND    DINING   OUT.  109 


INVITATION  DECLINED. 

The  invitation  is  declined  in  the  following  manner: 


f 

the  cause  may  be) 


/       s 


Or, 


<? 
preventing  cause  may  be)        -^z-t-u- 


{7 

arz. 


s 

tiz&.ez&meW't   (or    whatever 
S   S 


.       <&mz 


e 

(whatever  the 

tit    szt 


't..   tm^z 


Whatever  the  cause  for  declining  may  be,  it  should 
be  stated  briefly,  yet  plainly,  that  there  may  be  no 
occasion  for  misunderstanding  or  hard  feelings. 


110  DINNER    01 VMSTG    AND    DINING    OUT. 

INVITATION   TO    TEA-PARTY. 

The  invitation  to  a  tea-party  may  be  less  formal.  It 
may  take  the  form  of  a  friendly  note,  something  in  this 
manner: 


jfa 


f 


Z.£&  P  '>$£>  Sfalfa-    -tf 


FAILING  TO  FILL  AN  ENGAGEMENT. 

When  it  becomes  absolutely  necessary  to  break  an 
engagement  once  made  for  dinner  or  tea,  a  note  must 
be  sent  at  once  to  the  hostess  and  host,  with  full  explan- 
ation of  the  cause,  so  that  your  place  may  be  supplied, 
if  possible. 

PUNCTUALITY. 

The  hour  generally  selected  in  cities  is  after  business 
hours,  or  from  five  to  eight  o'clock.  In  the  country  or 
villages  it  may  be  an  hour  or  two  earlier.  To  be  punc- 
tual at  the  hour  mentioned  is  obligatory.  If  you  are 
too  early  you  are  in  the  way;  if  too  late  you  annoy  the 


DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT.  Ill 

hostess,  cause  impatience  among  the  assembled  guests, 
and  perhaps  spoil  the  dinner.  Fifteen  minutes  is  the 
longest  time  required  to  wait  for  a  tardy  guest. 

THE  SUCCESS  OF  A  DINNER. 

A  host  and  hostess  generally  judge  of  the  success  of  a 
dinner  by  the  manner  in  which  conversation  has  been 
sustained.  If  it  has  flagged  often,  it  is  considered  proof 
that  the  guests  have  not  been  congenial;  but  if  a  steady 
stream  of  talk  has  been  kept  up,  it  shows  that  they  have 
smoothly  amalgamated,  as  a  whole.  No  one  should 
monopolize  conversation,  unless  he  wishes  to  win  for 
himself  the  appellation  of  a  bore,  and  be  avoided  as- 
such. 

THE  TABLE    APPOINTMENTS. 

A  snow-white  cloth  of  the  finest  damask,  beaucitul 
ehina,  glistening  or  finely  engraved  glass,  and  polished 
plate  are  considered  essential  to  a  grand  dinner.  Choice 
flowers,  ferns  and  mosses  tastefully  arranged,  add  much 
to  the  beauty  of  the  table.  A  salt-cellar  should  be 
within  the  reach  of  every  guest.  Napkins  should  be 
folded  square  and  placed  with  a  roll  of  bread  upon  each 
plate.  The  dessert  is  placed  on  the  table  amidst  the 
flowers.  An  epergne,  or  a  low  dish  of  flowers,  graces  the 
centre;  stands  of  bon-bons  and  confectionery  are  ranged 
on  both  sides  of  the  table,  which  complete  the  decora- 
tions of  the  table.  The  name  of  each  guest,  written 
upon  a  card  and  placed  one  on  each  plate,  marks  the 
seat  assigned. 


112  DINNER   GIVING   AND   DINING    OUT. 

ASSIGNING  PARTNERS  FOR  DINNER. 

The  number  at  a  dinner  should  not  be  less  than  six^ 
nor  more  than  twelve  or  fourteen.  Then  the  host  will 
be  able  to  designate  to  each  gentleman  the  lady  whom 
he  is  to  conduct  to  the  table;  but  when  the  number 
exceeds  this  limit  it  is  a  good  plan  to  have  the  name  of 
each  couple  written  upon  a  card  and  enclosed  in  aa 
addressed  envelope,  ready  to  be  handed  to  the  gentle- 
man by  the  servant,  before  entering  the  drawing-room, 
or  left  on  a  tray  for  the  guests  to  select  those  which 
bear  their  names. 

If  a  gentleman  finds  upon  his  card  the  name  of  a  lady 
with  whom  he  is  unacquainted,  he  requests  the  host  to 
present  him  immediately  after  he  has  spoken  with  the 
hostess,  also  to  any  members  of  the  family  with  whom 
he  is  not  acquainted. 

INTRODUCTIONS. 

All  the  guests  should  secure  introductions  to  the  one 
for  whom  the  dinner  is  given.  If  two  persons,  unknown 
to  each  other,  find  themselves  placed  side  by  side  at  a 
table,  they  may  enter  into  conversation  without  an 
introduction. 

ARRANGEMENTS  OF  GUESTS  AT  THK  TABLE. 

When  dinner  is  announced,  the  host  offers  his  right  arm 
to  the  lady  he  is  to  escort  to  the  table.  The  others  follow, 
arm  in  arm,  the  hostess  being  the  last  to  leave  the  draw- 
ing-room. Age  should  take  the  precedence  in  proceed- 


DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT.  113 

ing  from  the  drawing-room  to  the  dining-room,  the 
younger  falling  back  until  the  elder  have  advanced. 
The  host  escorts  the  eldest  lady  or  the  greatest  stranger, 
or  if  there  be  a  bride  present,  precedence  is  given  to  her, 
unless  the  dinner  is  given  for  another  person,  in  which 
case  he  escorts  the  latter.  The  hostess  is  escorted  either 
by  the  greatest  stranger,  or  some  gentleman  whom  she 
wishes  to  place  in  the  seat  of  honor,  which  is  at  her 
right.  The  host  places  the  lady  whom  he  escorts  at  his 
right.  The  seats  of  the  host  and  hostess  may  be  in  the 
middle  and  at  opposite  sides  of  the  table,  or  at  the 
opposite  ends.  Husbands  should  not  escort  their  wives, 
or  brothers  their  sisters,  as  this  partakes  of  the  nature 
of  a  family  gathering. 

DINNER  A  LA  RUSSE. 

The  latest  and  most  satisfactory  plan  for  serving  din- 
ners is  the  dinner  a  la  Russe  (the  Russian  style) — all  the 
food  being  placed  upon  a  side  table,  and  servants  do  the 
carving  and  waiting.  This  style  gives  an  opportunity 
for  more  profuse  ornamentation  of  the  table,  which,  as 
the  meal  progresses,  does  not  become  encumbered  with 
partially  empty  dishes  and  platters. 

DUTIES  OF  SERVANTS. 

The  servants  commence,  in  passing  the  dishes,  one 
upon  the  right  of  the  host  and  one  upon  the  right  of 
the  hostess.  A  master  or  mistress  should  never  censure 
the  servants  at  dinner,  however  things  may  go  wrong. 
Servants  should  wear  thin-soled  shoes  that  their  steps 
8 


DINNER   GIVING   AND   DINING   OUT. 

may  be  noiseless,  and  if  they  should  use  napkins  in  .  j*v- 
ing  (as  is  the  English  custom)  instead  of  gloves,  Jieir 
hands  and  nails  should  be  faultlessly  clean.  A  good 
servant  is  never  awkward.  He  avoids  coughing,  breath- 
ing hard  or  treading  on  a  lady's  dress;  never  lets  any 
article  drop,  and  deposits  plates,  glasses,  knives,  forks 
and  spoons  noiselessly.  It  is  considered  good  form  for 
a  servant  not  to  wear  gloves  in  waiting  at  table,  but  to 
use  a  damask  napkin,  with  one  corner  wrapped  around 
the  thumb,  that  he  may  not  touch  the  plates  and  dishes 
with  the  naked  hand. 

SOUP. 

Soup  is  the  first  course.  All  should  accept  it  even  if 
they  let  it  remain  untouched,  because  it  is  better  to  make 
a  pretense  of  eating  until  the  next  course  is  served,  than 
to  sit  waiting,  or  compel  the  servants  to  serve  one  before 
the  rest,.  Soup  should  not  be  called  for  a  second  time. 
A  souy  !  date  should  never  be  tilted  for  the  last  spoonf uL 

FISH. 

Fish  follows  soup  and  must  be  eaten  with  a  fork,  un- 
less fish  knives  are  provided.  If  fish  knives  are  not  pro- 
vided, a  piece  of  bread  in  the  left  hand  answers  the  pur- 
pose as  well,  with  the  fork  in  the  right  hand.  Fish  may 
be  declined,  but  must  not  be  called  for  a  second  time. 

THE  SIDE  DISHES. 

After  soup  and  fish  come  the  side  dishes,  which  must 
be  eaten  with  the  fork,  though  the  knife  is  used  in  cut- 
ting meats  and  anything  too  hard  for  a  fork. 


DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT.  115 

GENERAL  RULES  REGARDING  DINNER. 

When  the  plate  of  each  course  is  set  before  you,  with 
the  knife  and  fork  upon  it,  remove  the  knife  and  fork  at 
once.  This  matter  should  be  carefully  attended  to,  as 
the  serving  of  an  entire  course  is  delayed  by  neglecting 
to  remove  them. 

Greediness  should  not  be  indulged  in.  Indecision 
must  be  avoided.  Do  not  take  up  one  piece  and  lay  it 
down  in  favor  of  another,  or  hesitate. 

Never  allow  the  servant,  or  the  one  who  pours,  to 
fill  your  glass  with  wine  that  you  do  not  wish  to 
drink.  You  can  check  him  by  touching  the  rim  of  your 
glass. 

Cheese  is  eaten  with  a  fork  and  not  with  a  knife. 

If  you  have  occasion  to  speak  to  a  servant,  wait  until 
you  can  catch  his  eye,  and  then  ask  in  a  low  tone  for 
what  you  want. 

The  mouth  should  always  be  kept  closed  in  eating, 
and  both  eating  and  drinking  should  be  noiseless. 

Bread  is  broken  at  dinner.  Vegetables  are  eaten  with 
a  fork. 

Asparagus  can  be  taken  up  with  the  fingers,  if  pre- 
ferred. Olives  and  artichokes  are  always  so  eaten. 

Fruit  is  eaten  with  silver  knives  and  forks. 

You  are  at  liberty  to  refuse  a  dish  that  you  do  not 
wish  to  eat.  If  any  course  is  set  down  before  you  that 
you  do  not  wish,  do  not  touch  it.  Never  play  with  food, 
nor  mince  your  bread,  nor  handle  the  glass  and  silver 
near  you  unnecessarily. 


116  DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT. 

Never  reprove  a  waiter  for  negligence  or  improper 
conduct;  that  is  the  business  of  the  host. 

When  a  dish  is  offered  you,  accept  or  refuse  at  once, 
and  allow  the  waiter  to  pass  on.  A  gentleman  will  see 
that  the  lady  whom  he  has  escorted  to  the  table  is 
helped  to  all  she  wishes,  but  it  is  officiousnsss  to  offer  to 
help  other  ladies  who  have  escorts. 

If  the  guests  pass  the  dishes  to  one  another,  instead 
of  being  helped  by  a  servant,  you  should  always  help 
yourself  from  the  dish,  if  you  desire  it  at  all,  before 
passing  it  on  to  the  next. 

A  knife  should  never,  on  any  account,  be  put  into  the 
mouth.  Many  people,  even  well-bred  in  other  respects, 
seem  to  regard  this  as  an  unnecessary  regulation;  but 
when  we  consider  that  it  is  a  rule  of  etiquette,  and  that 
its  violation  causes  surprise  and  disgust  to  many  people, 
it  is  wisest  to  observe  it. 

Be  careful  to  remove  the  bones  from  fish  before  eating. 
If  a  bone  inadvertently  should  get  into  the  mouth,  the 
lips  must  be  covered  with  the  napkin  in  removing  it. 
Cherry  stones  and  grape  skins  should  be  removed  from 
the  mouth  as  unobtrusively  as  possible,  and  deposited  on 
the  side  of  the  plate. 

Never  use  a  napkin  in  place  of  a  handkerchief  for 
wiping  the  forehead,  face  or  nose. 

Pastry  should  be  eaten  with  a  fork.  Every  thing 
that  can  be  cut  without  a  knife  should  be  eaten  with  the 
fork  alone.  Pudding  may  be  eaten  with  a  fork  or  spoon. 

Never  lay  your  hand,  or  play  with  your  fingers,  upon 
the  table.  Do  not  toy  with  your  knife,  fork  or  spoon, 


DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT.  117 

make  crumbs  of  your  bread,  or  draw  imaginary  lines 
upon  the  table  cloth. 

Never  bite  fruit.  An  apple,  peach  or  pear  should  be 
peeled  with  a  knife,  and  all  fruit  should  be  broken  or  cut. 

WAITING   ON  OTHERS. 

If  a  gentleman  is  seated  by  the  side  of  a  lady  or 
elderly  person,  politeness  requires  him  to  save  them  all 
trouble  of  procuring  for  themselves  anything  to  eat  or 
drink,  and  of  obtaining  whatever  they  are  in  want  of  at 
the  table,  and  he  should  be  eager  to  offer  them  what  he 
thinks  may  be  most  to  their  taste. 

PRAISING  DISHES. 

A  hostess  should  not  express  pride  regarding  what  is 
on  her  table,  nor  make  apologies  if  everything  she  offers 
you  is  not  to  her  satisfaction.  It  is  much  better  that 
she  should  observe  silence  in  this  respect,  and  allow  her 
guests  to  eulogize  her  dinner  or  not,  as  they  deem  proper. 
Neither  is  it  in  good  taste  to  urge  guests  to  eat,  nor  to 
load  their  plates  against  their  inclination. 

MONOPOLIZING    CONVERSATION. 

For  one  or  two  persons  to  monopolize  a  conversation 
which  ought  to  be  general,  is  exceedingly  rude.  If  the 
dinner  party  is  a  large  one,  you  may  converse  with 
those  near  you,  raising  the  voice  only  loud  enough  to 
be  distinctly  heard  by  the  persons  you  are  talking 
with. 


118  DINNER   GIVING   AND   DINING   OUT. 

PICKING  TEETH  AT   THE  TABLE. 

It  is  a  mark  of  rudeness  to  pick  your  teeth  at  the 
table,  and  it  should  always  be  avoided.  To  hold  your 
hand  or  napkin  over  your  mouth  does  not  avoid  the 
rudeness  of  the  act,  but  if  it  becomes  a  matter  of  neces- 
sity to  remove  some  obstacle  from  between  the  teeth, 
then  your  open  mouth  should  be  concealed  by  your  hand 
or  napkin. 

SELECTING  A  PARTICULAR  DISH. 

Never  express  a  preference  for  any  dish  or  any  par- 
ticular portion  of  a  fowl  or  of  meat,  unless  requested  to 
do  so,  and  then  answer  promptly,  that  no  time  may  be 
wasted  in  serving  you  and  others  after  you. 

DUTIES  OP  HOSTESS  AND  HOST. 

Tact  and  self-possession  are  demanded  of  the  hostess, 
in  order  that  she  may  perform  her  duties  agreeably, 
which  are  not  onerous.  She  should  instruct  her  servants 
not  to  remove  her  plate  until  her  guests  have  finished. 
If  she  speaks  of  any  omission  by  which  her  servants 
have  inconvenienced  her  guests,  she  must  do  it  with 
dignity,  not  betraying  any  undue  annoyance.  She  must 
put  all  her  guests  at  their  ease,  and  pay  every  possible 
attention  to  the  requirements  of  each  and  all  around  her. 
No  accident  must  disturb  her;  no  disappointment  em- 
barrags  her.  If  her  precious  china  and  her  rare  glass 
are  broken  before  her  eyes,  she  must  seem  to  take  but 
litt^a  or  no  notice  of  it. 

The  host  must  aid  the  hostess  in  her  efforts.    He  should 


DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT.  119 

have  ease  and  frankness  of  manner,  a  calmness  of  tem- 
per that  nothing  can  ruffle,  and  a  kindness  of  disposition 
that  can  never  be  exhausted.  He  must  encourage  the 
timid,  draw  out  the  silent  and  direct  conversation  rather 
than  sustain  it  himself. 

No  matter  what  may  go  wrong,  a  hostess  should  never 
seem  to  notice  it  to  the  annoyance  of  her  guests.  By 
passing  it  over  herself,  it  will  very  frequently  escape  the 
attention  of  others.  If  her  guests  arrive  late,  she  should 
welcome  them  as  cordially  as  if  they  had  come  early, 
but  she  will  commit  a  rudeness  to  those  who  have  arrived 
punctually,  if  she  awaits  dinner  for  tardy  guests  for 
more  than  the  fifteen  minutes  of  grace  prescribed  by 
custom. 

RETIRING  FROM  THE  TABLE. 

"When  the  hostess  sees  that  all  h%ve  finished,  she  looks 
at  the  lady  who  is  sitting  at  the  right  of  the  host,  and 
the  company  rise,  and  withdraw  in  the  order  they  are 
seated,  without  precedence.  After  retiring  to  the  draw- 
ing-room, the  guests  should  intermingle  in  a  social  man- 
ner. It  is  expected  that  the  guests  will  remain  from 
one  to  three  hours  after  dinner. 

ACCEPTING  HOSPITALITY  A  SIGN  OF  GOOD  WILL. 

As  eating  with  another  under  his  own  roof  is  in  all 
conditions  of  society  regarded  as  a  sign  of  good-will, 
those  who  partake  of  proffered  hospitalities,  only  to 
gossip  about  and  abuse  their  host  and  hostess,  should 
remember,  that  in  the  opinion  of  all  honorable  persons, 
they  injure  themselves  by  so  doing. 


120  DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT. 

CALLS  AFTER  A  DINNER  PARTY. 

Calls  should  be  made  shortly  after  a  dinner  party  by 
all  who  have  been  invited,  whether  the  invitation  be 
accepted  or  not. 

RETURNING  HOSPITALITY. 

Those  who  are  in  the  habit  of  giving  dinner  parties, 
should  return  the  invitation  before  another  is  extended 
to  them.  Society  is  very  severe  upon  those  who  do  not 
return  debts  of  hospitality,  if  they  have  the  means  to  do 
so.  If  they  never  entertain  anyone  because  of  limited 
means,  or  for  other  good  reasons,  it  is  so  understood,  and 
it  is  not  expected  that  they  should  make  exceptions ;  or 
if  they  are  in  the  habit  of  giving  other  entertainments 
and  not  dinners,  their  debts  of  hospitality  can  be 
returned  by  invitations  to  whatever  the  entertainment 
might  be.  Some  are  deterred  from  accepting  invita- 
tions by  the  feeling  that  they  cannot  return  the  hospi- 
tality in  so  magnificent  a  form.  It  is  not  the  costly 
preparations,  nor  the  expensive  repast  offered  which  are 
the  most  agreeable  features  of  any  entertainment,  but  it 
is  the  kind  and  friendly  feeling  shown.  Those  who  are 
not  deterred  from  accepting  such  invitations  for  this 
reason,  and  who  enjoy  the  fruits  of  friendliness  thus 
shown  them,  must  possess  narrow  views  of  their  duty, 
and  very  little  self-respect,  if,  when  an  opportunity  pre- 
sents itself  in  any  way  to  reciprocate  the  kind  feeling 
manifested,  they  fail  to  avail  themselves  of  it.  True 
hospitality,  however,  neither  expects  nor  desires  any 
return. 


DINNER    GIVING    AND    DINING    OUT.  121 

EXPENSIVE  DINNERS  NOT  THE  MOST  ENJOYABLE. 

It  is  a  mistake  to  think  that  in  giving  a  dinner,  it  is 
indispensable  to  have  certain  dishes  and  a  variety  of 
wines,  because  others  serve  them.  Those  who  entertain 
frequently  often  use  their  own  discretion,  and  never 
feel  obliged  to  do  as  others  do,  if  they  wish  to  do  differ- 
ently. Some  of  the  most  enjoyable  dinners  given  are 
those  which  are  least  expensive.  It  is  this  mistaken 
feeling  that  people  cannot  entertain  without  committing 
all  sorts  of  extravagances,  which  causes  many  persons, 
in  every  way  well  qualified  to  do  incalculable  good 
socially,  to  exclude  themselves  from  all  general  society. 

WINES  AT  DINNERS. 

The  menu  of  a  dinner  party  is  by  some  not  regarded 
as  complete,  unless  it  includes  one  or  more  varieties 
of  wine.  When  used  it  is  first  served  after  soup,  but 
any  guest  may,  with  propriety,  decline  being  served. 
This,  however,  must  not  be  done  ostentatiously.  Simply 
say  to  the  waiter,  or  whoever  pours  it,  "not  any;  thank 
you."  Wine,  offered  at  a  dinner  party,  should  never  be 
criticized,  however  poor  it  may  be.  A  person  who  has 
partaken  of  wine,  may  also  decline  to  have  the  glass 
filled  again. 

If  the  guests  should  include  one  or  more  people  of 
well-known  temperance  principles,  in  deference  to  the 
scruples  of  these  guests,  wines  or  liquors  should  not  be 
brought  to  the  table.  People  who  entertain  should 
also  be  cautious  as  to  serving  wines  at  alL  It  is  impos- 


122  DINNER    GIVING   AND   DINING   OUT. 

sible  to  tell  what  harm  you  may  do  to  some  of  your 
highly  esteemed  guests.  It  may  be  that  your  palatable 
wines  may  create  an  appetite  for  the  habitual  use  of 
wines  or  stronger  alcoholic  liquors;  or  you  may  renew 
a  passion  long  controlled  and  entombed;  or  you  may 
turn  a  wavering  will  from  a  seemingly  steadfast  resolu- 
tion to  forever  abstain.  This  is  an  age  of  reforms,  the 
temperance  reform  being  by  no  means  the  least  power- 
ful of  these,  and  no  ladies  or  gentlemen  will  be  censured 
or  misunderstood  if  they  neglect  to  supply  their  din- 
ner table  with  any  kind  of  intoxicating  liquor.  Mrs. 
ex-President  Hayes  banished  wines  and  liquors  from  her 
table,  and  an  example  set  by  the  "  first  lady  of  the  land  n 
can  be  safely  followed  in  every  American  household, 
whatever  may  have  been  former  prevailing  customs.  It 
is  safe  to  say  that  no  "  mistress  of  the  White  House " 
will  ever  set  aside  the  temperance  principles  established 
by  Mrs.  Hayes. 


CHAPTER  X. 
awl 


T  is  of  the  highest  importance  that  all 
persons  should  conduct  themselves 
with  the  strictest  regard  to  good 
breeding,  even  in  the  privacy  of  their 
own  homes,  when  at  table,  a  neglect 
of  such  observances  will  render  one 
stiff  and  awkward  in  society.  There 
are  so  many  little  points  to  be  observed, 
that  unless  a  person  is  habitually  accus- 
tomed to  observe  them,  he  unconsciously 
commits  some  error,  or  will  appear  awk- 
ward and  constrained  upon  occasions  when  it 
is  important  to  be  fully  at  ease.  To  be  thor- 
oughly at  ease  at  such  times  is  only  acquired 
by  the  habitual  practice  of  good  manners  at  the  table, 
and  is  the  result  of  proper  home  training.  It  is  the 
duty  of  parents  to  accustom  their  children,  by  example 
as  well  as  by  precept,  to  be  attentive  and  polite  to  each 
other  at  every  meal,  as  well  as  to  observe  proper  rules  of 
etiquette,  and  if  they  do  so,  they  need  never  fear  that 
they  will  be  rude  or  awkward  when  they  go  abroad. 
Even  when  persons  habitually  eat  alone,  they  should  pay 

(123) 


124  TABLE   MANNERS  AND   ETIQUETTE. 

due  regard  to  the  rules  of  etiquette,  for  by  so  doing  they 
form  habits  of  ease  and  gracefulness  which  are  requisite 
in  refined  circles;  otherwise  they  speedily  acquire  rude 
and  awkward  habits  which  they  cannot  shake  off  with- 
out great  difficulty,  and  which  are  at  times  embarrassing 
to  themselves  and  their  friends.  In  private  families  it 
should  be  observed  as  a  rule  to  meet  together  at  all 
meals  of  the  day  around  one  common  table,  where  the 
same  rules  of  etiquette  should  be  rigidly  enforced,  as 
though  each  member  of  the  family  were  sitting  at  a 
stranger's  table.  It  is  only  by  this  constant  practice  of 
the  rules  of  good  behaviour  at  home,  that  good  manners 
become  easy  when  any  of  them  go  abroad. 

THE  BREAKFAST. 

At  the  first  meal  of  the  day,  even  in  the  most  orderly 
households,  an  amount  of  freedom  is  allowed,  which 
would  be  unjustifiable  at  any  other  meal.  The  head  of 
the  house  may  look  over  his  morning  paper,  and  the 
various  other  members  may  glance  over  correspondence 
or  such  books  or  studies  as  they  are  interested  in.  Each 
may  rise  and  leave  the  table  when  business  or  pleasure 
dictates,  without  awaiting  for  the  others  or  for  a  gen- 
eral signal. 

The  breakfast  table  should  be  simply  decorated,  yet 
it  may  be  made  very  attractive  with  its  snowy  cloth  and 
napkins,  its  array  of  glass,  and  its  ornamentation  of 
fruits  and  flowers.  Bread  should  be  placed  upon  the 
table,  cut  in  slices.  In  eating,  it  must  always  be 
broken,  never  cut,  and  certainly  not  bitten.  Fruit  should 


TABLE    MANNERS   AND    ETIQUETTE.  125 

be  served  in  abundance  at  breakfast  whenever  practi- 
cable. There  is  an  old  adage  which  declares  that  "  fruit 
is  gold  in  the  morning,  silver  at  noon,  and  lead  at  night." 

LUNCHEON. 

In  many  of  our  large  cities,  where  business  prevents 
the  head  of  the  family  from  returning  to  dinner  until  a 
late  hour,  luncheon  is  served  about  midday  and  serves 
as  an  early  dinner  for  children  and  servants.  There  is 
much  less  formality  in  the  serving  of  lunch  than  of  din- 
ner. It  is  all  placed  upon  the  table  at  once,  whether  it 
consists  of  one  or  more  courses.  Where  only  one  or 
two  are  at  luncheon,  the  repast  is  ordinarily  served  on  a 
tray. 

DINNER. 

The  private  family  dinner  should  be  the  social  hour  of 
the  day.  Then  parents  and  children  should  meet 
together,  and  the  meal  should  be  of  such  length  as  to 
admit  of  the  greatest  sociality.  It  is  an  old  saying  that 
chatted  food  is  half  digested.  The  utmost  good  feeling 
should  prevail  among  all.  Business  and  domestic  cares 
and  troubles  should  be,  for  the  time,  forgotten,  and  the 
pleasures  of  home  most  heartily  enjoyed.  In  another 
chapter  we  have  spoken  at  length  upon  fashionable  din- 
ner parties. 

THE  KNIFE  AND   B'OKK. 

The  knife  and  fork  were  not  made  for  playthings,  and 
should  not  be  used  as  such  when  people  are  waiting  at 
the  table  for  the  food  to  be  served.  Do  not  hold  them 
erect  in  your  hands  at  each  side  of  your  plate,  nor  cross 


126  TABLE   MANNERS   AND   ETIQUETTE. 

them  on  your  plate  when  you  have  finished,  no^  make  a 
noise  with  them.  The  knife  should  only  be  used  for 
cutting  meats  and  hard  substances,  while  the  fork,  held 
in  the  left  hand,  is  used  in  carrying  food  into  the  mouth. 
A  knife  must  never,  on  any  account,  be  put  into  the 
mouth.  When  you  send  your  plate  to  be  refilled,  do 
not  send  your  knife  and  fork,  but  put  them  upon  a  piece 
of  bread,  or  hold  them  in  your  hand. 

GREEDINESS. 

To  put  large  pieces  of  food  into  your  mouth  appears 
greedy,  and  if  you  are  addressed  when  your  mouth  is 
so  filled,  you  are  obliged  to  pause,  before  answering, 
until  the  vast  mouthful  is  masticated,  or  run  the  risk  of 
choking,  by  swallowing  it  too  hastily.  To  eat  very  fast 
is  also  a  mark  of  greediness,  and  should  be  avoided. 
The  same  may  be  said  of  soaking  up  gravy  with  bread, 
scraping  up  sauce  with  a  spoon,  scraping  your  plate  and 
gormandizing  upon  one  or  two  articles  of  food  only. 

GENERAL  RULES  ON  TABLE    ETIQUETTE. 

Refrain  from  making  a  noise  when  eating,  or  supping 
from  a  spoon,  and  from  smacking  the  lips  or  breathing 
heavily  while  masticating  food,  as  they  are  marks  of  ill- 
breeding.  The  lips  should  be  kept  closed  in  eating  as 
much  as  possible. 

It  is  rude  and  awkward  to  elevate  your  elbows  and 
move  your  arms  at  the  table,  so  as  to  incommode  those 
on  either  side  of  you. 

Whenever  one  or  both  hands  are  unoccupied,  they 


TABLE   MANNERS    AND    ETIQUETTE.  127 

should  be  kept  below  the  table,  and  not  pushed  upon  the 
table  and  into  prominence. 

Do  not  leave  the  table  before  the  rest  of  the  family 
or  guests,  without  asking  the  head,  or  host,  to  excuse 
you,  except  at  a  hotel  or  boarding  house. 

Tea  or  coffee  should  never  be  poured  into  a  saucer  to 
cool,  but  sipped  from  the  cup. 

If  a  person  wishes  to  be  served  with  more  tea  or  cof- 
fee, he  should  place  his  spoon  in  his  saucer.  If  he  has 
had  sufficient,  let  it  remain  in  the  cup. 

If  by  chance  anything  unpleasant  is  found  in  the 
food,  such  as  a  hair  in  the  bread  or  a  fly  in  the  coffee, 
remove  it  without  remark.  Even  though  your  own 
appetite  be  spoiled,  it  is  well  not  to  prejudice  others. 

Always  make  use  of  the  butter-knife,  sugar-spoon  and 
salt-spoon,  instead  of  using  your  knife,  spoon  or  fingers. 

Never,  if  possible,  cough  or  sneeze  at  the  table. 

At  home  fold  your  napkin  when  you  are  done  with  it 
and  place  it  in  your  ring.  If  you  are  visiting,  leave 
your  napkin  unfolded  beside  your  plate. 

Eat  neither  too  fast  nor  too  slow. 

Never  lean  back  in  your  chair,  nor  sit  too  near  or  too 
far  from  the  table. 

Keep  your  elbows  at  your  side,  so  that  you  may  not 
inconvenience  your  neighbors. 

Do  not  find  fault  with  the  food. 

The  old-fashioned  habit  of  abstaining  from  taking  the 
last  piece  upon  the  plate  is  no  longer  observed.  It  is  to 
be  supposed  that  the  vacancy  can  be  supplied,  if  nec- 
essary. 


128 


TABLE   MANNERS    AND    ETIQUETTE. 


If  a  plate  is  handed  you  at  the  table,  keep  it  yourself 
instead  of  passing  it  to  a  neighbor.  If  a  dish  is  passed 
to  you,  serve  yourself  first,  and  then  pass  it  on. 

The  host  or  hostess  should  not  insist  upon  guests  par- 
taking of  particular  dishes;  nor  ask  persons  more  than 
once,  nor  put  anything  on  their  plates  which  they  have 
declined.  It  is  ill-bred  to  urge  a  person  to  eat  of  any- 
thing after  he  has  declined. 

When  sweet  corn  is  served  on  the  ear,  the  grain  should 
be  pared  from  it  upon  the  plate,  instead  of  being  eaten 
from  the  cob. 

Strive  to  keep  the  cloth  as  clean  as  possible,  and  use 
the  edge  of  the  plate  or  a  side  dish  for  potato  skins  and 
other  refuse. 


CHAPTER  XL 
,  parties  and  galls. 


ORNING  RECEPTIONS,  as  they  are 
called,  but  more  correctly  speaking, 
afternoon  parties,  are  generally  held 
from  four  to  seven  o'clock  in  the 
afternoon.  Sometimes  a  sufficient 
number  for  a  quadrille  arrange  to 
remain  after  the  assemblage  has  for 
the  most  part  dispersed. 

THE  DRESS. 

The  dress  for  receptions  is,  for  men, 
morning  dress;  for  ladies,  demi-toilet,  with 
or  without  bonnet.     No  low-necked  dress  nor 
0c^o*        short  sleeves   should  be  seen  at   day  recep- 
tions, nor  white  neck-ties  and  dress  coats. 

The  material  of  a  lady's  costume  may  be  of  velvet, 
silk,  muslin,  gauze  or  grenadine,  according  to  the  season 
of  the  year,  and  taste  of  the  wearer,  but  her  more  elegant 
jewelry  and  laces  should  be  reserved  for  evening  parties. 

THE  REFRESHMENTS. 

The  refreshments  for  "  morning  receptions  "  are  gen- 
erally light,  consisting  of  tea,  coffee,  frozen  punch, 

9  (129) 


130        BECEPTIONS,  PASTIES  AND  BALLS. 

claret  punch,  ices,  fruit  and  cakes.  Often  a  cold  colla- 
tion is  spread  after  the  lighter  refreshments  have  been 
served,  and  sometimes  the  table  is  set  with  all  the  vari- 
eties, and  renewed  from  time  to  time. 

INVITATIONS. 

Invitations  to  a  reception  are  simple,  and  are  usually 
very  informal.  Frequently  the  lady's  card  is  sent  with 
the  simple  inscription,  "  At  Home  Thursday,  from  four 
to  seven."  No  answers  are  expected  to  these  invitations, 
unless  "R.  S.  V.  P."  is  on  one  corner.  One  visiting 
card  is  left  by  each  person  who  is  present,  to  serve  for 
the  after  call.  No  calls  are  expected  from  those  who 
attend.  Those  who  are  not  able  to  be  present,  call  soon 
after. 

MUSICAL  MATINEES. 

A  matinee  musicale  partakes  of  the  nature  of  a  recep- 
tion, and  is  one  of  the  most  difficult  entertainments 
attempted.  For  this  it  is  necessary  to  secure  those  per- 
sons possessing  sufficient  vocal  and  instrumental  talent 
to  insure  the  success  of  the  entertainment,  and  to  arrange 
with  them  a  programme,  assigning  to  each,  in  order,  his 
or  her  part.  It  is  customary  to  commence  with  a  piece 
of  instrumental  music,  followed  by  solos,  duets,  quar- 
tettes, etc.,  with  instrumental  music  interspersed,  in  not 
too  great  proportions.  Some  competent  person  is  needed 
as  accompanist.  It  is  the  duty  of  the  hostess  to  main- 
tain silence  among  her  guests  during  the  performance 
of  instrumental  as  well  as  vocal  music.  If  any  are  un- 
aware of  the  breach  of  good  manners  they  commit  in 


RECEPTIONS,    PAJRTIES    AND   BALLS.  131 

Balking  or  whispering  at  such  times,  she  should  by  a 
gesture  endeavor  to  acquaint  them  of  the  fact.  It  is  the 
duty  of  the  hostess  to  see  that  the  ladies  are  accom- 
panied to  the  piano;  that  the  leaves  of  the  music  are 
turned  for  them,  and  that  they  are  conducted  to  their 
seats  again.  When  not  intimately  acquainted  with  them, 
the  hostess  should  join  in  expressing  gratification. 

The  dress  at  a  musical  matinee  is  the  same  as  at  a 
reception,  only  bonnets  are  more  generally  dispensed 
with.  Those  who  have  taken  part,  often  remain  for  a 
hot  supper. 

PARTIES  IN  THE  COUNTRY. 

Morning  and  afternoon  parties  in  the  country,  or  at 
watering  places,  are  of  a  less  formal  character  than  in 
cities.  The  hostess  introduces  such  of  her  guests  as  she 
thinks  most  likely  to  be  mutually  agreeable.  Music  or 
some  amusement  is  essential  to  the  success  of  such 
parties. 

SUNDAY  HOSPITALITIES. 

In  this  country  it  is  not  expected  that  persons  will 
call  after  informal  hospitalities  extended  on  Sunday. 
All  gatherings  on  that  day  ought  to  be  informal.  No 
dinner  parties  are  given  on  Sunday,  or,  at  least,  they  are 
not  considered  as  good  form  in  good  society. 

FIVE  O'CLOCK  TEA,  COFFEE  AND  KETTLE-DBUMS. 

Five  o'clock  tea,  coffee  and  kettle-drums  have  recently 
introduced  into  this  country  from  England.     For 


132  RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES    AND    BALLS. 

these  invitations  are  usually  issued  on  the  lady's  visiting 
card,  with  the  words  written  in  the  left  hand  corner. 


& 


Or,  if  for  a  kettle-drum: 


No  answers  are  expected  to  these  invitations,  unless 
there  is  an  R.  S.  V.  P.  on  the  card.  It  is  optional  with 
those  who  attend,  to  leave  cards.  Those  who  do  not 
attend,  call  afterwards.  The  hostess  receives  her  guests 
standing,  aided  by  other  members  of  the  family  or  inti- 
mate friends.  For  a  kettle-drum  there  is  usually  a 
crowd,  and  yet  but  few  remain  over  half  an  hour — the 
conventional  time  alloted — unless  they  are  detained  by 
music  or  some  entertaining  conversation.  A  table  set 
in  the  dining-room  is  supplied  with  tea,  coffee,  choco- 
late, sandwiches,  buns  and  cakes,  which  constitute  all 
that  is  offered  to  the  guests. 

There  is  less  formality  at  a  kettle-drum  than  at  a 
larger  day  reception.  The  time  is  spent  in  desultory 
conversation  with  friends,  in  listening  to  music,  or  such 
entertainment  as  has  been  provided. 

Gentlemen  wear  the  usual  morning  dress.  Ladies 
wear  the  demi-toilet,  with  or  without  bonnets. 


RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES   AND   BALLS.  133 

At  five  o'clock  tea  (or  coffee),  the  equipage  is  on  a 
side  table,  together  with  plates  of  thin  sandwiches,  and 
of  cake.  The  pouring  of  the  tea  and  paesiiig  of  refresh- 
ments are  usually  done  by  some  members  of  the  family 
or  friends,  without  the  assistance  of  servants,  where  the 
number  assembled  is  small;  for,  as  a  rule,  the  people  who 
frequent  these  social  gatherings,  care  more  for  social 
intercourse  than  for  eating  and  drinking. 

MORE  FORMAL  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

Evening  parties  and  balls  are  of  a  much  more  formal 
character  than  the  entertainments  that  have  been  men- 
tioned. They  require  evening  dress.  Of  late  years, 
however,  evening  dress  is  almost  as  much  worn  at  grand 
dinners  as  at  balls  and  evening  parties,  only  the  material 
is  not  of  so  diaphanous  a  character.  Lace  and  muslin 
are  out  of  place.  Invitations  to  evening  parties  should 
be  sent  from  a  week  to  two  weeks  in  advance,  and  in  all 
cases  they  should  be  answered  immediately. 

BALLS. 

The  requisites  for  a  successful  ball  are  good  music  and 
plenty  of  people  to  dance.  An  English  writer  says, 
"  The  advantage  of  the  ball  is,  that  it  brings  young  peo- 
ple together  for  a  sensible  and  innocent  recreation,  and 
takes  them  away  from  silly,  if  not  from  bad  ones;  that 
it  gives  them  exercise,  and  that  the  general  effect  of  the 
beauty,  elegance  and  brilliancy  of  a  ball  is  to  elevate 
rather  than  to  deprave  the  mind."  It  may  be  that  the 
round  dance  is  monopolizing  the  ball  room  to  a  too  great 


134  RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES   AND   BALLS. 

extent,  and  it  is  possible  that  these  may  be  so  frequent 
as  to  mar  the  pleasure  of  some  persons  who  do  not  care 
to  participate  in  them,  to  the  exclusion  of  "  square  "  and 
other  dances.  America  should  not  be  the  only  nation 
that  confines  ball  room  dancing  to  waltzes,  as  is  done  in 
some  of  our  cities.  There  should  be  an  eqiial  number 
of  waltzes  and  quadrilles,  with  one  or  two  contra  dances, 
which  would  give  an  opportunity  to  those  who  object 
(or  whose  parents  object)  to  round  dances  to  appear  on 
the  floor. 

PREPARATIONS  FOR  A  BALL. 

There  should  be  dressing-rooms  for  ladies  and  gentle- 
men, with  a  servant  or  servants  to  each.  There  should 
be  cards  with  the  names  of  the  invited  guests  upon  them, 
or  checks  with  duplicates  to  be  given  to  the  guests  ready 
to  pin  upon  the  wraps  of  each  one.  Each  dressing- 
room  should  be  supplied  with  a  complete  set  of  toilet 
articles.  It  is  customary  to  decorate  the  house  elabor- 
ately with  flowers.  Although  this  is  an  expensive  lux- 
ury, it  adds  much  to  beautifying  the  rooms. 

THE  MUSIC. 

Four  musicians  are  enough  for  a  "  dance."  When  the 
dancing  room  is  small,  the  flageolet  is  preferable  to  the 
horn,  as  it  is  less  noisy  and  marks  the  time  as  well.  The 
piano  and  violin  form  the  mainstay  of  the  band;  but 
when  the  rooms  are  large  enough,  a  larger  band  may  be 
employed. 


RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES    AND   BALLS.  135 

THE  DANCES. 

The  dances  should  be  arranged  beforehand,  and  for 
large  balls  programmes  are  printed  with  a  list  of  the 
dances.  Usually  a  ball  opens  with  a  waltz,  followed  by 
a  quadrille,  and  these  are  succeeded  by  galops,  lancers, 
polkas,  quadrilles  and  waltzes  in  turn. 

INTRODUCTIONS    AT   A   BALL. 

Gentlemen  who  are  introduced  to  ladies  at  a  ball, 
solely  for  the  purpose  of  dancing,  wait  to  be  recognized 
before  speaking  with  ladies  upon  meeting  afterwards, 
but  they  are  at  liberty  to  recall  themselves  by  lifting 
their  hats  in  passing.  In  England  a  ball-room  acquaint- 
ance rarely  goes  any  farther,  until  they  have  met  at  more 
balls  than  one;  so,  also,  a  gentleman  cannot,  after  being 
introduced  to  a  young  lady,  ask  her  for  more  than  two 
dances  during  the  same  evening.  In  England  an  intro- 
duction given  for  dancing  purposes  does  not  constitute 
acquaintanceship.  With  us,  as  in  Continental  Europe, 
it  does.  It  is  for  this  reason  that,  in  England,  ladies  are 
expected  to  bow  first,  while  on  the  Continent  it  is  the 
gentlemen  who  give  the  first  marks  of  recognition,  as  it 
should  be  here,  or  better  still,  simultaneously,  when  the 
recognition  is  simultaneous.  It  is  as  much  the  gentle- 
man's place  to  bow  (with  our  mode  of  life)  as  it  is  the 
lady's.  The  one  who  recognizes  first  should  be  the  first 
to  show  that  recognition.  Introductions  take  place  in  a 
ball  room  in  order  to  provide  ladies  with  partners,  or 
between  persons  residing  in  different  cities.  In  all 


136  RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES   AND   BALLS. 

other  cases  permission  is  asked  before  giving  introduc- 
tions. But  where  a  hostess  is  sufficiently  discriminating 
in  the  selection  of  her  guests,  those  assembled  under  her 
roof  should  remember  that  they  are,  in  a  certain  sense, 
made  known  to  one  another,  and  ought,  therefore,  to  be 
able  to  converse  freely  without  introductions. 

RECEIVING  GUESTS. 

The  custom  of  the  host  and  hostess  receiving  together, 
is  not  now  prevalent. '  The  receiving  devolves  upon  the 
hostess,  but  it  is  the  duty  of  the  host  to  remain  within 
sight  until  after  the  arrivals  are  principally  over,  that 
he  may  be  easily  found  by  any  one  seeking  him.  The 
same  duty  devolves  upon  the  sons,  who,  that  evening, 
must  share  their  attentions  with  all.  The  daughters,  as 
well  as  the  sons,  will  look  after  partners  for  the  young 
ladies  who  desire  to  dance,  and  they  will  try  to  see  that 
no  one  is  neglected  before  they  join  the  dancers  them- 
selves. 

AN  AFTEB-CALL. 

After  a  ball,  an  after-call  is  due  the  lady  of  the  house 
at  which  you  were  entertained,  and  should  be  made  as 
soon  as  convenient — within  two  weeks  at  the  farthest. 
The  call  loses  its  significance  entirely,  and  passes  into 
remissness,  when  a  longer  time  is  permitted  to  elapse. 
If  it  is  not  possible  to  make  a  call,  send  your  card  or 
leave  it  at  the  door.  It  has  become  customary  of  late 
for  a  lady  who  has  no  weekly  reception  day,  in  sending 
invitations  to  a  ball,  to  inclose  her  card  in  each  invita- 


RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES   AND   BALLS.  137 

tion  for  one  or  more  receptions,  in  order  that  the  after- 
calls  due  her  may  be  made  on  that  day. 

SUPPEB. 

The  supper-room  at  a  ball  is  thrown  open  generally  at 
twelve  o'clock.  The  table  is  made  as  elegant  as  beauti- 
ful china,  cut-glass  and  an  abundance  of  flowers  can 
make  it.  The  hot  dishes  are  oysters,  stewed,  fried, 
broiled  and  scalloped,  chicken,  game,  etc.,  and  the  cold 
dishes  are  such  as  boned  turkey,  bceuf'd  la  mode,  chicken 
salad,  lobster  salad  and  raw  oysters.  When  supper  is 
announced,  the  host  leads  the  way  with  the  lady  to 
whom  he  wishes  to  show  especial  attention,  who  may  be 
an  elderly  lady,  or  a  stranger  or  a  bride.  The  hostess 
remains  until  the  last,  with  the  gentleman  who  takes  her 
to  supper,  unless  some  distinguished  guest  is  present, 
with  whom  she  leads  the  way.  No  gentleman  should 
ever  go  into  the  supper-room  alone,  unless  he  has  seen 
every  lady  enter  before  him.  When  ladies  are  left 
unattended,  gentlemen,  although  strangers,  are  at  liberty 
to  offer  their  services  in  waiting  upon  them,  for  the  host 
and  hostess  are  sufficient  guarantees  for  the  respecta- 
bility of  their  guests. 

THE  NUMBER  TO  INVITE. 

Persons  giving  balls  or  dancing  parties  should  be 
careful  not  to  invite  more  than  their  rooms  will  accom- 
modate, so  as  to  avoid  a  crush.  Invitations  to  crowded 
balls  are  not  hospitalities,  but  inflictions.  A  hostess  is 
usually  safe,  however,  in  inviting  one-fourth  more  than 


138  BECEPTIONS,    PARTIES    AND   BALLS. 

her  rooms  will  hold,  as  that  proportion  of  regrets  are  apt 
to  be' received.  People  who  do  not  dance  will  not,  as  a 
rule,  expect  to  be  invited  to  a  ball  or  dancing  party. 

DUTIES  OF  GUESTS. 

Some  persons  may  be  astonished  to  learn  that  any 
duties  devolve  upon  the  guests.  In  fact  there  are  circles 
where  all  such  duties  are  ignored. 

It  is  the  duty  of  every  person  who  has  at  first  accepted 
the  invitation,  and  subsequently  finds  that  it  will  be 
impossible  to  attend,  to  send  a  regret,  even  at  the  last 
moment,  and  as  it  is  rude  to  send  an  acceptance  with  ne 
intention  of  going,  those  who  so  accept  will  do  well  to 
remember  this  duty.  It  is  the  duty  of  every  lady  who 
attends  a  ball,  to  make  her  toilet  as  fresh  as  possible. 
It  need  not  be  expensive,  but  it  should  at  least  be  clean; 
it  may  be  simple,  but  it  should  be  neither  soiled  nor 
tumbled.  The  gentlemen  should  wear  evening  dress. 

It  is  the  duty  of  every  person  to  arrive  as  early  as 
possible  after  the  hour  named,  when  it  is  mentioned  in 
the  invitation. 

Another  duty  of  guests  is  that  each  one  should  do  all 
in  his  or  her  power  to  contribute  to  the  enjoyment  of 
the  evening,  and  neither  hesitate  nor  decline  to  be 
introduced  to  such  guests  as  the  hostess  requests.  It  is 
not  binding  upon  any  gentleman  to  remain  one  moment 
longer  than  he  desires  with  any  lady.  By  constantly 
moving  from  one  to  another,  when  he  feels  so  inclined, 
he  gives  an  opportunity  to  others  to  circulate  as  freely; 
and  this  custom,  generally  introduced  in  our  society, 


RECEPTIONS,    PAKTIES   AND   BALLS.  139 

would  go  a  long  way  toward  contributing  to  the  enjoy- 
ment of  all.  The  false  notion  generally  entertainetl  that 
a  gentleman  is  expected  to  remain  standing  by  the  side 
of  a  lady,  like  a  sentinel  on  duty,  until  relieved  by  some 
other  person,  is  absurd,  and  deters  many  who  would 
gladly  give  a  few  passing  moments  to  lady  acquaint- 
ances, could  they  but  know  that  they  would  be  free  to 
leave  at  any  instant  that  conversation  flagged,  or  that 
they  desired  to  join  another.  In  a  society  where  it  is 
not  considered  a  rudeness  to  leave  after  a  few  sentences 
with  one,  to  exchange  some  words  with  another,  there 
is  a  constant  interchange  of  civilities,  and  the  men  circu- 
late through  the  room  with  that  charming  freedom 
which  insures  the  enjoyment  of  alL 

While  the  hostess  is  receiving,  no  person  should 
remain  beside  her  except  members  of  her  family  who 
receive  with  her,  or  such  friends  as  she  has  designated 
to  assist  her.  All  persons  entering  should  pass  on  to 
make  room  for  others. 

SOME    SUGGESTIONS   FOB   GENTLEMEN. 

A  gentleman  should  never  attempt  to  step  across  a 
lady's  train.  He  should  walk  around  it.  If  by  any  acci- 
dent he  should  tread  upon  any  portion  of  her  dress,  he 
must  instantly  beg  her  pardon,  and  if  by  greater  care- 
lessness he  should  tear  it,  he  must  pause  in  his  course  and 
offer  to  escort  her  to  the  dressing-room  so  that  she  may 
have  it  repaired. 

If  a  lady  asks  any  favor  of  a  gentleman,  such  as  to 
send  a  servant  to  her  with  a  glass  of  water,  to  take  her 


14:0  .RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES    AND   BALLS. 

into  the  ball-room  when  she  is  without  an  escort,  to 
inquire  whether  her  carriage  is  in  waiting,  or  any  of 
the  numerous  services  which  ladies  often  require,  no 
gentleman  will,  under  any  circumstances,  refuse  her 
request. 

A  really  well-bred  man  -  will  remember  to  ask  the 
daughters  of  a  house  to  dance,  as  it  is  his  imperative 
duty  to  do  so;  and  if  the  ball  has  been  given  for  a  lady 
who  dances,  he  should  include  her  in  his  attentions.  If 
he  wishes  to  be  considered  a  thorough-bred  gentleman, 
he  will  sacrifice  himself  occasionally  to  those  who  are 
unsought  and  neglected  in  the  dance.  The  conscious- 
ness of  having  performed  a  kind  and  courteous  action 
will  be  his  reward. 

When  gentlemen,  invited  to  a  house  on  the  occasion 
of  an  entertainment,  are  not  acquainted  with  all  the 
members  of  the  family,  their  first  duty,  after  speaking 
to  their  host  and  hostess,  is  to  ask  some  common  friend 
to  introduce  them  to  those  members  whom  they  do  not 
know.  The  host  and  hostess  are  often  too  much  occu- 
pied in  receiving  to  be  able  to  do  this. 

DUTIES  OF  AN  ESCORT. 

A  lady's  escort  should  call  for  her  and  accompany  her 
to  the  place  of  entertainment;  go  with  her  as  far  as  the 
dressing-room,  return  to  meet  her  there  when  she  is  pre- 
pared to  go  to  the  ball-room;  enter  the  latter  room  with 
her  and  lead  her  to  the  hostess;  dance  the  first  dance 
with  her;  conduct  her  to  the  supper-room,  and  be  ready 
to  accompany  her  home  whenever  she  wishes  to  go.  He 


RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES    AND   BALLS.  14:1 

should  watch  during  the  evening  to  see  that  she  is  sup- 
plied with  dancing  partners.  "When  he  escorts  her  home 
she  should  not  invite  him  to  enter  the  house,  and  even 
if  she  does  so,  he  should  by  all  means  decline  the  invi- 
tation. He  should  call  upon  her  within  the  next  two 
days. 

GENERAL  RULES  FOR  BALLS. 

A  young  man  who  can  dance,  and  will  not  dance, 
should  stay  away  from  a  ball. 

The  lady  with  whom  a  gentleman  dances  last  is  the 
one  he  takes  to  supper.  Therefore  he  can  make  no  en- 
gagement to  take  out  any  other,  unless  his  partner  is 
already  engaged. 

Public  balls  are  most  enjoyable  when  you  have  your 
own  party.  The  great  charm  of  a  ball  is  its  perfect 
accord  and  harmony.  All  altercations,  loud  talking  and 
noisy  laughter  are  doubly  ill-mannered  in  a  ball-room. 
Very  little  suffices  to  disturb  the  whole  party. 

In  leaving  a  ball,  it  is  not  deemed  necessary  to  wish 
the  lady  of  the  house  a  good  night.  In  leaving  a  small 
dance  or  party,  it  is  civil  to  do  so. 

The  difference  between  a  ball  and  an  evening  party 
is,  that  at  a  ball  there  must  be  dancing,  and  at  an  even- 
ing party  there  may  or  may  not  be.  A  London  authority 
defines  a  ball  to  be  "  an  assemblage  for  dancing,  of  not 
less  than  seventy-five  persons." 

Common  civility  requires  that  those  who  have  not 
been  present,  but  who  were  among  the  guests  invited, 
should,  when  meeting  the  hostess  the  first  time  after  an 
entertainment,  make  it  a  point  to  express  some  acknowl- 


142  RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES    AND   BALLS. 

edgment  of  their  appreciation  of  the  invitation,  by 
regretting  their  inability  to  be  present. 

When  dancing  a  round  dance,  a  gentleman  should 
never  hold  a  lady's  hand  behind  him,  or  on  his  hip,  or 
high  in  the  air,  moving  her  arm  as  though  it  were  a 
pump  handle,  as  seen  in  some  of  our  western  cities,  but 
should  hold  it  gracefully  by  his  side. 

Never  forget  ball-room  engagements,  nor  confuse 
them,  nor  promise  two  dances  to  one  person.  If  a  lady 
has  forgotten  an  engagement,  the  gentleman  she  has 
thus  slighted  must  pleasantly  accept  her  apology. 
Good-breeding  and  the  appearance  of  good  temper  are 
inseparable. 

It  is  not  necessary  for  a  gentleman  to  bow  to  his  part- 
ner after  a  quadrille;  it  is  enough  that  he  offers  his  arm 
and  walks  at  least  half  way  round  the  room  with  her<. 
He  is  not  obliged  to  reman  beside  her  unless  he  wishes 
to  do  so,  but  may  leave  her  with  any  lady  whom  she 
knows. 

Never  be  seen  without  gloves  in  a  ball-room,  or  with 
those  of  any  other  color  than  white,  unless  they  are  of 
the  most  delicate  hue. 

Though  not  customary  for  a  married  couple  to  dance 
together  in  society,  those  men  who  wish  to  show  their 
wives  the  compliment  of  such  unusual  attention,  if  they 
possess  any  independence,  will  not  be  deterred  from 
doing  so  by  their  fear  of  any  comments  from  Mrs. 
Grundy. 

The  sooner  that  we  recover  from  the  effects  of  the 
Puritanical  idea  that  clergymen  should  never  be  seen  at 


RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES    AND   BALLS.  143 

Iballs,  the  better  for  all  who  attend  them.  Where  it  is 
wrong  for  a  clergyman  to  go,  it  is  wrong  for  any  mem- 
ber of  his  church  to  be  seen. 

In  leaving  a  ball  room  before  the  music  has  ceased,  if 
no  members  of  the  family  are  in  sight,  it  is  not  necessary 
to  find  them  before  taking  your  departure.  If,  how- 
ever, the  invitation  is  a  first  one,  endeavor  not  to  make 
your  exit  until  you  have  thanked  your  hostess  for  the 
entertainment.  You  can  speak  of  the  pleasure  it  has 
afforded  you,  but  it  is  not  necessary  that  you  should 
say  "it  has  been  a  grand  success." 

Young  ladies  must  be  careful  how  they  refuse  to 
dance,  for  unless  a  good  reason  is  given,  a  gentleman  is 
apt  to  take  it  as  evidence  of  personal  dislike.  After  a 
lady  refuses,  the  gentleman  should  not  urge  her  to  dance, 
nor  should  the  lady  accept  another  invitation  for  the 
same  dance.  The  members  of  the  household  should  see 
that  those  guests  who  wish  to  dance  are  provided  with 
partners. 

Ladies  leaving  a  ball  or  party  should  not  allow  gentle- 
men to  see  them  to  their  carriages,  unless  overcoats  and 
hats  are  on  for  departure. 

When  balls  are  given,  if  the  weather  is  bad,  an  awning 
should  be  provided  for  the  protection  of  those  passing 
from  their  carriages  to  the  house.  In  all  cases,  a  broad 
piece  of  carpet  should  be  spread  from  the  door  to  the 
carriage  steps. 

Gentlemen  should  engage  their  partners  for  the 
approaching  dance,  before  the  music  strikes  up. 

In  a  private  dance,  a  lady  cannot  well  refuse  to  dance 


RECEPTIONS,    PARTIES   AND   BALLS. 

with  any  gentleman  who  invites  her,  unless  she  has  a 
previous  engagement.  If  she  declines  from  weariness, 
the  gentleman  will  sJbow  her  a  compliment  by  abstaining 
from  dancing  himself,  and  remaining  with  her  while  the 
dance  progresses. 


CHAPTER  XII. 


of  tfte 


TTE  manners  of  a  person  are  clearly 
shown  by  his  treatment  of  the  peo- 
ple he  meets  in  the  public  streets  of 
a  city  or  village,  in  public  convey- 
ances and    in    traveling    generally. 
The  true  gentleman,  at  all  times,  in 
all  places,  and  under  all  circumstan- 
ces, is  kind  and  courteous  to  all  he  meets, 
regards  not  only  the  rights,  but  the  wishes 
and  feelings  of  others,  is  deferential  to 
women  and  to  elderly  men,  and  is  ever 
ready  to  extend  his  aid  to  those  who  need  it. 

THE  STREET  MANNERS  OF  A  LADY. 

The  true  lady  walks  the  street,  wrapped  in  a  mantle 
of  proper  reserve,  so  impenetrable  that  insult  and  coarse 
familiarity  shrink  from  her,  while  she,  at  the  same  time, 
carries  with  her  a  congenial  atmosphere  which  attracts 
all,  and  puts  all  at  their  ease. 

A  lady  walks  quietly  through  the  streets,  seeing  and 
hearing  nothing  that  she  ought  not  to  see  and  hear,  recog- 


10 


(1451 


146  ETIQUETTE    OF   THE   STREET. 

nizing  acquaintances  with  a  courteous  bow,  and  friends 
with  words  of  greeting.  She  is  always  unobtrusive, 
never  talks  loudly,  or  laughs  boisterously,  or  does  any- 
thing to  attract  the  attention  of  the  passers-by.  She 
walks  along  in  her  own  quiet,  lady-like  way,  and  by  her 
pre-occupation  is  secure  from  any  annoyance  to  which  a 
person  of  less  perfect  breeding  might  be  subjected. 

A  lady  never  demands  attention  and  favors  from  a 
gentleman,  but,  when  voluntarily  offered,  accepts  them 
gratefully,  graciously,  and  with  an  expression  of  hearty 
thanks. 

FORMING  STREET  ACQUAINTANCES. 

A  lady  never  forms  an  acquaintance  upon  the  street, 
or  seeks  to  attract  the  attention  or  admiration  of  persons 
of  the  other  sex.  To  do  so  would  render  false  her  claims 
to  ladyhood,  if  it  did  not  make  her  liable  to  far  graver 
charges. 

RECOGNIZING   FRIENDS  IN  THE  STREET. 

No  one,  while  walking  the  streets,  should  fail,  through 
pre-occupation,  or  absent-mindedness,  to  recognize  friends 
or  acquaintances,  either  by  a  bow  or  some  form  of  salu- 
tation. If  two  gentlemen  stop  to  talk,  they  should  retire 
to  one  side  of  the  walk.  If  a  stranger  should  be  in  com- 
pany with  one  of  the  gentlemen,  an  introduction  is  not 
necessary.  If  a  gentleman  meets  another  gentleman  in 
company  with  a  lady  whom  he  does  not  know,  he  lifts 
his  hat  to  salute  them  both.  If  he  knows  the  lady,  he 
should  salute  her  first.  The  gentleman  who  accompanies 
a  lady,  always  returns  a  salutation  made  to  her. 


ETIQUETTE    OF    THE    STREET.  147 

A  CROWDED  STREET. 

"When  a  gentleman  and  lady  are  walking  in  the  street, 
if  at  any  place,  by  reason  of  the  crowd,  or  from  other 
cause,  they  are  compelled  to  proceed  singly,  the  gentle- 
man should  always  precede  his  companion. 

INTRUSIVE  INQUIRIES. 

If  you  meet  or  join  or  are  visited  by  a  person  who  has 
any  article  whatever,  under  his  arm  or  in  his  hand,  and 
he  does  not  offer  to  show  it  to  you,  you  should  not,  even 
if  it  be  your  most  intimate  friend,  take  it  from  him  and 
look  at  it.  That  intrusive  curiosity  is  very  inconsistent 
with  the  delicacy  of  a  well-bred  man,  and  always  offends 
in  some  degree. 

THE  FIRST  TO  BOW. 

In  England  strict  etiquette  requires  that  a  lady,  meet- 
ing upon  the  street  a  gentleman  with  whom  she  has 
acquaintance,  shall  give  the  first  bow  of  recognition. 
In  this  country,  however,  good  sense  does  not  insist  upon 
an  imperative  following  of  this  rule.  A  well-bred  man 
bows  and  raises  his  hat  to  every  lady  of  his  acquaintance 
whom  he  meets,  without  waiting  for  her  to  take  the  in- 
itiative. If  she  is  well-bred,  she  will  certainly  respond 
to  his  salutation.  As  politeness  requires  that  each  salute 
the  other,  their  salutations  will  thus  be  simultaneous. 

ALWAYS  RECOGKIZE  ACQUAINTANCES. 

One  should  always  recognize  lady  acquaintances  in 
the  street,  either  by  bowing  or  words  of  greeting,  a  gen- 


148 


ETIQUETTE   OF   THE    STREET. 


tleraan  lifting  his  hat.  If  they  stop  to  speak,  it  is  not 
obligatory  to  shake  hands.  Shaking  hands  is  not  for- 
bidden, but  in  most  cases  it  is  to  be  avoided  in  public. 


GENTLEMAN  MEETING  A  LADY. 


BOWING  TO  STRANGERS  WITH   FRIENDS. 

If  a  gentleman  meets  a  friend,  and  the  latter  has  a 
stranger  with  him,  all  three  should  bow.  If  the  gentle- 
man stops  his  friend  to  speak  to  him,  he  should  apolo- 
gize to  the  stranger  for  detaining  him.  If  the  stranger 
is  a  lady,  the  same  deference  should  be  shown  as  if  she 
were  an  acquaintance. 


ETIQUETTE    OF   THE    STREET.  14:9 

DO  NOT  LACK  POLITENESS. 

Never  hesitate  in  acts  of  politeness  for  fear  they  will 
not  be  recognized  or  returned.  One  cannot  be  too 
polite  so  long  as  he  conforms  to  rules,  while  it  is  easy 
to  lack  politeness  by  neglect  of  them.  Besides,  if  cour- 
tesy is  met  by  neglect  or  rebuff,  it  is  not  for  the  cour- 
teous person  to  feel  mortification,  but  the  booris-h  one; 
and  so  all  lookers-on  will  regard  the  matter. 

TALKING  WITH  A  LADY  IN  THE  STREET. 

In  meeting  a  lady  it  is  optional  with  her  whether 
she  shall  pause  to  speak.  If  the  gentleman  has  any- 
thing to  say  to  her,  he  should  not  stop  her,  but  turn 
around  and  walk  in  her  company  until  he  has  said  what 
he  has  to  say,  when  he  may  leave  her  with  a  bow  and 
a  lift  of  the  hat. 

LADT  AND  GENTLEMAN  WALKING  TOGETHER. 

A  gentleman  walking  with  a  lady  should  treat  her 
with  the  most  scrupulous  politeness,  and  may  take  either 
side  of  the  walk.  It  is  customary  for  the  gentleman  to 
have  the  lady  on  his  right  hand  side,  and  he  offers  her  his 
right  arm,  when  walking  arm  in  arm.  If,  however,  the 
street  is  crowded,  the  gentleman  must  keep  the  lady  on 
that  side  of  him  where  she  will  be  the  least  exposed  to 
crowding. 

OFFERING  THE  ARM  TO  A  LADY. 

A  gentleman  should,  in  the  evening,  or  whenever  her 
safety,  comfort  or  convenience  seems  to  require  it,  offer 


150  ETIQUETTE   OF   THE    STREET. 

a  lady  companion  his  arm.  At  other  times  it  is  not  cus- 
tomary to  do  so  unless  the  parties  be  husband  and  wife 
or  engaged.  In  the  latter  case,  it  is  not  always  advis- 
able to  do  so,  as  they  may  be  made  the  subject  of  unjust 
remarks. 

KEEPING  STEP. 

In  walking  together,  especially  when  arm  in  arm,  it  is 
desirable  that  the  two  keep  step.  Ladies  should  be  par- 
ticular to  adapt  their  pace  as  far  as  practicable,  to  that 
of  their  escort.  It  is  easily  done. 

OPENING  THE  DOOE  FOB  A  LADY. 

A  gentleman  should  always  hold  open  the  door  for  a 
lady  to  enter  first.  This  is  obligatory,  not  only  in  the 
case  of  the  lady  who  accompanies  him,  but  also  in  that 
of  any  strange  lady  who  chances  to  be  about  to  enter  at 
the  same  time. 

ANSWERING  QUESTIONS. 

A  gentleman  will  answer  courteously  any  questions 
which  a  lady  may  address  to  him  upon  the  street,  at  the 
same  time  lifting  his  hat,  or  at  least  touching  it  re- 
spectfully. 

SMOKING  UPON  THE  STREETS. 

In  England  a  well-bred  man  never  smokes  upon  the 
streets.  While  this  rule  does  not  hold  good  in  this 
country,  yet  no  gentleman  will  ever  insult  a  lady  by 
smoking  in  the  streets  in  her  company,  and  in  meeting 
and  saluting  a  lady  he  will  always  remove  his  cigar  from 
his  mouth. 


ETIQUETTE    OF    THE    STREET.  151 

OFFENSIVE  BEHAVIOR. 

No  gentleman  is  ever  guilty  of  the  offense  of  standing 
on  street  corners  and  the  steps  of  hotels  or  other  public 
places  and  boldly  scrutinizing  every  lady  who  passes. 

CARRYING  PACKAGES. 

A  gentleman  will  never  permit  a  lady  with  whom  he 
is  walking  to  carry  a  package  of  any  kind,  but  will  in- 
sist upon  relieving  her  of  it.  He  may  even  accost  a 
lady  when  he  sees  her  overburdened  and  offer  his  assist- 
ance, if  their  ways  lie  in  the  same  direction. 

SHOUTING. 

Never  speak  to  your  acquaintances  from  one  side  of 
the  street  to  the  other.  Shouting  is  a  certain  sign  of 
vulgarity.  First  approach,  and  then  make  your  com- 
munication to  your  acquaintance  or  friend  in  a  moder- 
ately loud  tone  of  voice. 

TWO  GENTLEMEN  WALKING  WITH  A  LADY. 

"When  two  gentlemen  are  walking  with  a  lady  in  the 
street  they  should  not  be  both  upon  the  same  side  of  her, 
but  one  of  them  should  walk  upon  the  outside  and  the 
other  upon  the  inside. 

CROSSING  THE  STREET  WITH  A  LADY. 

If  a  gentleman  is  walking  with  a  lady  who  has  his 
arm,  and  they  cross  the  street,  it  is  better  not  to  disen- 
gage the  arm,  and  go  round  upon  the  outside.  Such 


152  ETIQUETTE    OF    THE    STREET. 

effort  evinces  a  palpable  attention  to  form,  and  that  is 
always  to  be  avoided. 

FULFILLING  AN  ENGAGEMENT. 

When  on  your  way  to  fill  an  engagement,  if  a  friend 
stops  you  on  the  street  you  may,  without  committing 
a  breach  of  etiquette,  tell  him  of  your  appointment,  and 
release  yourself  from  any  delay  that  may  be  occasioned 
by  a  long  talk ;  but  do  so  in  a  courteous  manner,  ex- 
pressing regret  for  the  necessity. 

WALKING  WITH  A  LADY  ACQUAINTANCE. 

A  gentleman  should  not  join  a  lady  acquaintance  on 
the  street  for  the  purpose  of  walking  with  her,  unless  he 
ascertains  that  his  company  would  be  perfectly  agree- 
able to  her.  It  might  be  otherwise,  and  she  should 
frankly  say  so,  if  asked. 

PASSING  BEFORE  A  LADY. 

When  a  lady  wishes  to  enter  a  store,  house  or  room, 
if  a  gentleman  accompanies  her,  he  should  hold  the  door 
open  and  allow  her  to  enter  first,  if  practicable;  for  a 
gentleman  must  never  pass  before  a  lady  anywhere  if  he 
can  avoid  it,  or  without  an  apology. 

SHOPPING  ETIQUETTE. 

In  inquiring  for  goods  at  a  store  or  shop,  do  not  say 
to  the  clerk  or  salesman,  "  I  want "  such  an  article,  but, 
"  Please  show  me  "  such  an  article,  or  some  other  polite 
form  of  address. 


ETIQUETTE    OF    THE    STREET.  153 

You  should  never  take  hold  of  a  piece  of  goods  or  an 
article  which  another  person  is  examining.  Wait  until 
It  is  replaced  upon  the  counter,  when  you  are  at  liberty 
to  examine  it. 

It  is  rude  to  interrupt  friends  whom  you  meet  in  a 
store  before  they  have  finished  making  their  purchases, 
or  to  ask  their  attention  to  your  own  purchases.  It  is 
rude  to  offer  your  opinion  unasked,  upon  their  judg- 
ment or  taste,  in  the  selection  of  goods. 

It  is  rude  to  sneer  at  and  depreciate  goods,  and  exceed- 
ingly discourteous  to  the  salesman.  Use  no  deceit,  but 
be  honest  with  them,  if  you  wish  them  to  be  honest  with 
you. 

Avoid  "jewing  down"  the  prices  of  articles  in  any 
way.  If  the  price  does  not  suit,  you  may  say  so  quietly, 
and  depart,  but  it  is  generally  best  to  say  nothing  about 
it. 

It  is  an  insult  for  the  salesman  to  offensively  suggest 
that  you  can  do  better  elsewhere,  which  should  be 
resented  by  instant  departure. 

Ladies  should  not  monopolize  the  time  and  attention 
of  salesmen  in  small  talk,  while  other  customers  are  in 
the  store  to  be  waited  upon. 

Whispering  in  a  store  is  rude.  Loud  and  showy  be- 
haviour is  exceedingly  vulgar. 

ETIQUETTE  FOB  PUBLIC  CONVEYANCES. 

In  street  cars,  omnibuses  and  other  public  street  con- 
veyances, it  should  be  the  endeavor  of  each  passenger 
to  make  room  for  all  persons  entering,  and  no  gentle- 


154:  ETIQUETTE    OF    THE    STREET. 

man  will  retain  his  seat  when  there  are  ladies  standing. 
When  a  lady  accepts  a  seat  from  a  gentleman,  she  ex- 
presses her  thanks  in  a  kind  and  pleasant  manner. 

A  lady  may,  with  perfect  propriety,  accept  the  offer 
of  services  from  a  stranger  in  alighting  from,  or  enter- 
ing an  omnibus  or  other  public  conveyance,  and  should 
always  acknowledge  the  courtesy  with  a  pleasant 
"  Thank  you,  sir,"  or  a  bow. 

Never  talk  politics  or  religion  in  a  public  conveyance. 

Gentlemen  should  not  cross  their  legs,  nor  stretch 
their  feet  out  into  the  passage-way  of  a  public  convey- 
ance. 

AVOID  CUTTING. 

No  gentleman  will  refuse  to  recognize  a  lady  after  she 
has  recognized  him,  under  any  circumstances.  A  young 
lady  should,  under  no  provo«ation,  "cut"  a  married 
lady.  It  is  the  privilege  of  age  to  first  recognize  those 
who  are  younger  in  years.  No  young  man  will  fail  to 
recognize  an  aged  one  after  he  has  met  with  recognition. 
"  Cutting  "  is  to  be  avoided  if  possible.  There  are  other 
ways  of  convincing  a  man  that  you  do  not  know  him, 
yet,  to  young  ladies,  it  is  sometimes  the  only  means 
available  to  rid  them  of  troublesome  acquaintances. 
"  Cutting "  consists  in  returning  a  bow  or  recognition 
with  a  stare,  and  is  publicly  ignoring  the  acquaintance 
of  the  person  so  treated.  It  is  sometimes  done  by  words 
in  saying,  "Really  I  have  not  the  pleasure  of  your 
acquaintance." 


ETIQUETTE    OF    THE    STREET.  155 

AVOIDING  CARRIAGES. 

For  a  lady  to  run  across  the  street  to  avoid  an  ap- 
proaching carriage  is  inelegant  and  also  dangerous.  To 
attempt  to  cross  the  street  between  the  carriages  of  a 
funeral  procession,  is  rude  and  disrespectful.  The  for- 
eign custom  of  removing  the  hat  and  standing  in  a 
respectful  attitude  until  the  melancholy  train  has  passed, 
is  a  commendable  one  to  be  followed  in  this  country. 

KEEP  TO  THE  BIGHT. 

On  meeting  and  passing  people  in  the  street,  keep  to 
your  right  hand,  except  when  a  gentleman  is  walking 
alone;  then  he  must  always  turn  aside  to  give  the  pre- 
ferred side  of  the  walk  to  a  lady,  to  anyone  carrying  a 
heavy  load,  to  a  clergyman  or  to  an  old  gentleman. 

SOME  GENERAL  SUGGESTIONS. 

If  a  gentleman  is  walking  with  two  ladies  in  a  rain 
storm,  and  there  is  but  one  umbrella,  he  should  give  it 
to  his  companions  and  walk  outside.  Nothing  can  be 
more  absurd  than  to  see  a  gentleman  walking  between 
two  ladies  holding  an  umbrella  which  perfectly  protects 
himself,  but  half  deluges  his  companions  with  its  drip- 
ping streams. 

Never  turn  a  corner  at  full  speed  or  you  may  find 
yourself  knocked  down,  or  may  knock  down  another,  by 
the  violent  contact.  Always  look  in  the  way  you  are 
going  or  you  may  chance  to  meet  some  awkward  col- 
lision. 


156 


ETIQUETTE    OF    THE    STREET. 


A  young  lady  should,  if  possible,  avoid  walking  alone 
in  the  street  after  dark.  If  she  passes  the  evening  with 
a  friend,  provision  should  be  made  beforehand  for  an 
escort.  If  this  is  not  practicable,  the  person  at  whose 
house  she  is  visiting  should  send  a  servant  with  her,  or 
some  proper  person — a  gentleman  acquaintance  present, 
or  her  own  husband — to  perform  the  duty.  A  married 
lady  may,  however,  disregard  this  rule,  if  circumstances 
prevent  her  being  able  to  conveniently  find  an  escort. 

A  gentleman  will  always  precede  a  lady  up  a  flight 
of  stairs,  and  allow  her  to  precede  him  in  going  down. 

Do  not  quarrel  with  a  hack-driver  about  his  fare,  but 
pay  him  and  dismiss  him.  If  you  have  a  complaint  to 
make  against  him,  take  his  name  and  make  it  to  the 
proper  authorities.  It  is  rude  to  keep  a  lady  waiting 
while  you  are  disputing  with  a  hack-man. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 
of     xxMic 


LL  well-bred  persons  will  conduct 
themselves  at  all  times  and  in 
all  places  with  perfect  decorum. 
Wherever  they  meet  people  they 
will  be  found  polite,  considerate  of 
the  comfort,  convenience  and  wishes 
of  others,  and  unobtrusive  in  their 
behavior.  They  seem  to  know,  as  if  by 
instinct,  how  to  conduct  themselves, 
wherever  they  may  go,  or  in  whatever 
society  they  may  be  thrown.  They  con- 
sider at  all  times  the  fitness  of  things,  and 
their  actions  and  speech  are  governed  by 
feelings  of  gentleness  and  kindness  towards 
everybody  with  whom  they  come  into  social 
relations,  having  a  due  consideration  for  the  opinions 
and  prejudices  of  others,  and  doing  nothing  to  wound 
their  feelings.  Many  people,  however,  either  from  igno- 
rance, thoughtlessness  or  carelessness,  are  constantly 
violating  some  of  the  observances  of  etiquette  pertaining 
to  places  of  public  assemblages.  It  is  for  this  reason 
that  rules  are  here  given  by  which  may  be  regulated  the 

(157) 


158  ETIQUETTE   OF   PUBLIC    PLACES. 

conduct  of  people  in  various  public  gatherings,  where 
awkwardness  and  ostentatious  display  often  call  forth 
unfavorable  criticism. 

CONDUCT  IK  CHURCH. 

A  gentleman  should  remove  his  hat  upon  entering  the 
auditorium. 

When  visiting  a  strange  church,  you  should  wait  in 
the  vestibule  until  an  usher  appears  to  show  you  to  a 
seat. 

A  gentleman  may  walk  up  the  aisle  either  a  little 
ahead  of,  or  by  the  side  of  a  lady,  allowing  the  lady  to 
first  enter  the  pew.  There  should  be  no  haste  in  pass- 
ing up  the  aisle. 

People  should  preserve  the  utmost  silence  and  deco- 
rum in  church,  and  avoid  whispering,  laughing,  staring, 
or  making  a  noise  of  any  kind  with  the  feet  or  hands. 

It  is  ill-mannered  to  be  late  at  church.  If  one  is 
unavoidably  late,  it  is  better  to  take  a  pew  as  near  the 
door  as  possible. 

Ladies  always  take  the  inside  seats,  and  gentlemen 
the  outside  or  head  of  the  pew.  When  a  gentleman 
accompanies  a  lady,  however,  it  is  customary  for  him  to 
sit  by  her  side  during  church  services. 

A  person  should  never  leave  church  until  the  services 
are  over,  except  in  some  case  of  emergency. 

Do  not  turn  around  in  your  seat  to  gaze  at  anyone,  to 
watch  the  choir,  to  look  over  the  congregation  or  to  see 
the  cause  of  any  disturbing  noise. 

If  books  or  fans  are  passed  in  church,  let  them  be 


ETIQUETTE    OF    PUBLIC    PLACES.  159 

offered  and  accepted  or  refused  with  a  silent  gesture  of 
the  head. 

It  is  courteous  to  see  that  strangers  are  provided  with 
Books;  and  if  the  service  is  strange  to  them,  the  places 
for  the  day's  reading  should  be  indicated. 

It  is  perfectly  proper  to  offer  to  share  the  prayer-book 
or  hymn-book  with  a  stranger  if  there  is  no  separate 
book  for  his  use. 

In  visiting  a  church  of  a  different  belief  from  your 
own,  pay  the  utmost  respect  to  the  services  and  conform 
in  all  things  to  the  observances  of  the  church — that  is, 
kneel,  sit  and  rise  with  the  congregation.  No  matter 
how  grotesquely  some  of  the  forms  and  observances  may 
strike  you,  let  no  smile  or  contemptuous  remark  indicate 
the  fact  while  in  the  church. 

When  the  services  are  concluded,  there  should  be  no 
haste  in  crowding  up  the  aisle,  but  the  departure  should 
be  conducted  quietly  and  decorously.  When  the  vesti- 
fcule  is  reached,  it  is  allowable  to  exchange  greetings 
with  friends,  but  here  there  should  be  no  loud  talking 
nor  boisterous  laughter.  Neither  should  gentlemen 
congregate  in  knots  in  the  vestibule  or  upon  the  steps  of 
the  church  and  compel  ladies  to  run  the  gauntlet  of  their 
eyes  and  tongues. 

If  a  Protestant  gentleman  accompanies  a  lady  who  is 
a  Roman  Catholic  to  her  own  church,  it  is  an  act  of 
courtesy  to  offer  the  holy  water.  This  he  must  do  with 
the  ungloved  right  hand. 

In  visiting  a  church  for  the  mere  purpose  of  seeing 
the  edifice,  one  should  always  go  at  a  time  when  there 


160  ETIQUETTE   OF   PUBLIC    PLACES. 

are  no  services  being  held.  If  people  are  even  the* 
found  at  their  devotions,  as  is  apt  to  be  the  case  in 
Roman  Catholic  churches  especially,  the  demeanor  of 
the  visitor  should  be  respectful  and  subdued  and  hie 
voice  low,  so  that  he  may  not  disturb  them. 

INVITATION  TO  OPEKA  OB  CONCERT. 

A  gentleman  upon  inviting  a  lady  to  accompany  him 
to  opera,  theatre,  concert  or  other  public  place  of  amuse- 
ment, must  send  his  invitation  the  previous  day.  The 
lady  must  reply  immediately,  so  that  if  she  declines, 
there  shall  yet  be  time  for  the  gentleman  to  secure 
another  companion. 

It  is  the  gentleman's  duty  to  secure  good  seats  for 
the  entertainment,  or  else  he  or  his  companion  may  be 
obliged  to  take  up  with  seats  where  they  can  neither  see 
nor  hear. 

CONDUCT  IN  OPERA,  THEATER  OR  PUBLIC  HALL. 

On  entering  the  hall,  theater  or  opera  house  the  gen- 
tleman should  walk  side  by  side  with  his  companioa 
unless  the  aisle  is  too  narrow,  in  which  case  he  should 
precede  her.  Upon  reaching  the  seats,  he  should  allow 
her  to  take  the  inner  one,  assuming  the  outer  one  himself. 

A  gentleman  should,  on  no  account,  leave  the  lady's 
side  from  the  beginning  to  the  close  of  the  performance. 

If  it  is  a  promenade  concert  or  opera,  the  lady  may 
be  invited  to  promenade  during  the  intermission.  If  she 
declines,  the  gentleman  must  retain  his  position  by  her 
side. 


ETIQUETTE    OF    PUBLIC    PLACES.  161 

There  is  no  obligation  whatever  upon  a  gentleman  to 
give  up  his  seat  to  a  lady.  On  the  contrary,  his  duty  is 
solely  to  the  lady  whom  he  accompanies.  He  must 
remain  beside  her  during  the  evening  to  converse  with 
her  between  the  acts,  and  to  render  the  entertainment 
as  agreeable  to  her  as  possible. 

During  the  performance  complete  quiet  should  be 
preserved,  that  the  audience  may  not  be  prevented  from 
seeing  or  hearing.  Between  the  acts  it  is  perfectly 
proper  to  converse,  but  it  should  be  done  in  a  low  tone, 
so  as  not  to  attract  attention.  Neither  should  one  whis- 
per. There  should  be  no  loud  talking,  boisterous  laugh- 
ter, violent  gestures,  lover-like  demonstrations  or  any- 
thing in  manners  or  speech  to  attract  the  attention  of 
others. 

It  is  proper  and  desirable  that  the  actors  be  applauded 
when  they  deserve  it.  It  is  their  only  means  of  know- 
ing whether  they  are  giving  satisfaction. 

The  gentleman  should  see  that  the  lady  is  provided 
with  a  programme,  and  with  libretto  also  if  they  are- 
attending  opera. 

In  passing  out  at  the  close  of  the  performance  the 
gentleman  should  precede  the  lady,  and  there  should  be 
no  crowding  or  pushing. 

If  the  means  of  the  gentleman  warrant  him  in  so- 
doing,  he  should  call  for  his  companion  in  a  carriage.. 
This  is  especially  necessary  if  the  evening  is  stormy.. 
He  should  call  sufficiently  early  to  allow  them  to  reach 
their  destination  before  the  performance  commences. 


162  ETIQUETTE    OF    PUBLIC    PLACES. 

It  is  unjust  to  the  whole  audience  to  come  in  late  and 
make  a  disturbance  in  obtaining  seats. 

The  gentleman  should  ask  permission  to  call  upon  the 
lady  the  following  day,  which  permission  she  should 
grant;  and  if  she  be  a  person  of  delicacy  and  tact,  she 
will  make  him  feel  that  he  has  conferred  a  real  pleasure 
upon  her  by  his  invitation.  Even  if  she  finds  occasion 
for  criticism  in  the  performance,  she  should  be  lenient 
in  this  respect,  and  seek  for  points  to  praise  instead,  that 
he  may  not  feel  regret  at  taking  her  to  an  entertain- 
ment which  has  proved  unworthy. 

REMAIN  UNTIL  THB  PERFORMANCE  CLOSES. 

At  a  theatrical  or  operatic  performance,  you  should 
remain  seated  until  the  performance  is  concluded  and 
the  curtain  falls.  It  is  exceedingly  rude  and  ill-bred  to 
rise  and  leave  the  hall  while  the  play  is  drawing  to  a 
close,  yet  this  severely  exasperating  practice  has  of  late 
been  followed  by  many  well-meaning  people,  who,  if 
they  were  aware  of  the  extent  to  which  they  outraged 
the  feelings  of  many  of  the  audience,  and  unwittingly 
offered  an  insult  to  the  actors  on  the  stage,  would  shrink 
from  repeating  such  flagrantly  rude  conduct. 

CONDUCT  IN  PICTURE-GALLERIES. 

In  visiting  picture-galleries  one  should  always  main- 
tain the  deportment  of  a  gentleman  or  a  lady.  Make 
no  loud  comments  and  do  not  seek  to  show  superior 
knowledge  in  art  matters  by  gratuitous  criticism.  If 
you  have  not  an  art  education  you  will  probably  only 


ETIQUETTE    OF    PUBLIC    PLACES.  163 

be  giving  publicity  to  your  own  ignorance,  Do  not 
stand  in  conversation  before  a  picture,  and  thus  obstruct 
the  view  of  others  who  wish  to  see  rather  than  talk.  If 
you  wish  to  converse  with  any  anyone  on  general  sub- 
jects, draw  to  one  side,  out  of  the  way  of  those  who 
want  to  look  at  the  pictures. 

CONDUCT  AT  CHARITY  FAIRS. 

In  visiting  a  fancy  fair  make  no  comments  on  either 
the  'article  or  their  price,  unless  you  can  praise.  If  you 
want  them,  pay  the  price  demanded,  or  let  them  alone. 
If  you  can  conscientiously  praise  an  article,  by  all  means 
do  so,  as  you  may  be  giving  pleasure  to  the  maker  if 
she  chances  to  be  within  hearing.  If  you  have  a  table 
at  a  fair,  use  no  unladylike  means  to  obtain  buyers. 
Not  even  the  demands  of  charity  can  justify  you  in  im- 
portuning others  to  purchase  articles  against  their  own 
judgment  or  beyond  their  means. 

Never  appear  so  beggarly  as  to  retain  the  change,  if 
a  larger  amount  is  presented  than  the  price,  Offer  the 
change  promptly,  when  the  gentleman  will  be  at  liberty 
to  donate  it  if  he  thinks  best,  and  you  may  accept  it 
with  thanks.  He  is,  however,  under  no  obligation  what- 
ever to  make  such  donation. 

Be  guilty  of  no  loud  talking  or  laughing,  and  by  all 
means  avoid  conspicuous  flirting  in  so  public  a  place. 

As  a  gentleman  must  always  remove  his  hat  in  the 
presence  of  ladies,  so  he  should  remain  with  head  uncov- 
ered, carrying  his  hat  in  his  hand,  in  a  public  place  of 
this  character. 


164-  ETIQUETTE    OF    PUBLIC    PLACES. 

CONDUCT  IN  AN  ARTIST'S  STUDIO. 

If  you  have  occasion  to  visit  an  artist's  studio,  by  no 
means  meddle  with  anything  in  the  room.  Reverse  no 
picture  which  stands  or  hangs  with  face  to  the  wall; 
open  no  portfolio  without  permission,  and  do  not  alter 
by  a  single  touch  any  lay-figure  or  its  drapery,  piece  of 
furniture  or  article  of  vertu  posed  as  a  model.  You  do- 
not  know  with  what  care  the  artist  may  have  arranged 
these  things,  nor  what  trouble  the  disarrangement  may 
cost  him. 

Use  no  strong  expression  either  of  delight  or  disap- 
probation at  anything  presented  for  your  inspection.  If 
a  picture  or  a  statue  please  you,  show  your  approval  and 
appreciation  by  close  attention,  and  a  few  quiet,  well 
chosen  words,  rather  than  by  extravagant  praise. 

Do  not  ask  the  artist  his  prices  unless  you  really  in- 
tend to  become  a  purchaser;  and  in  this  case  it  is  best 
to  attentively  observe  his  works,  make  your  choice,  and 
trjist  the  negotiation  to  a  third  person  or  to  a  written  cor- 
respondence with  the  artist  after  the  visit  is  concluded- 
You  may  express  your  desire  for  the  work  and  obtain 
the  refusal  of  it  from  the  artist.  If  you  desire  to  con- 
clude the  bargain  at  once  you  may  ask  his  price,  and  if 
he  names  a  higher  one  than  you  wish  to  give,  you  may 
say  as  much  and  mention  the  sum  you  are  willing  to  pay, 
when  it  will  be  optional  with  the  artist  to  maintain  his 
first  price  or  accept  your  offer. 

It  is  not  proper  to  visit  the  studio  of  an  artist  except 
by  special  invitation  or  permission,  and  at  an  appointed 


ETIQUETTE    OF    PUBLIC    PLACES.  105 

time,  for  you  cannot  estimate  how  much  you  may  dis- 
turb him  at  his  work.  The  hours  of  daylight  are  all 
golden  to  him;  and  steadiness  of  hand  in  manipulating 
a  pencil  is  sometimes  only  acquired  each  day  after 
hours  of  practice,  and  may  be  instantly  lost  on  the  irrup- 
tion and  consequent  interruption  of  visitors. 

Never  take  a  young  child  to  a  studio,  for  it  may  do 
much  mischief  in  spite  of  the  most  careful  watching. 
At  any  rate,  the  juvenile  visitor  will  try  the  artist's  tem- 
per and  nerves  by  keeping  him  in  a  constant  state  of 
apprehension. 

If  you  have  engaged  to  sit  for  your  portrait  never 
keep  the  artist  waiting  one  moment  beyond  the  appointed 
time.  If  you  do  so  you  should  in  justice  pay  for  the 
time  you  make  him  lose. 

A  visitor  should  never  stand  behind  an  artist  and 
watch  him  at  his  work;  for  if  he  be  a  man  of  nervous 
temperament  it  will  be  likely  to  disturb  him  greatly. 

GENTLEMEN  PASSING  BEFORE  LADIES. 

Gentleman  having  occasion  to  pass  before  ladies  who 
are  already  seated  in  lecture  and  concert  rooms,  theaters 
and  other  public  places,  should  beg  pardon  for  disturbing 
them;  passing  with  their  faces  and  never  with  their 
backs  toward  them. 

WHERE  GENTLEMEN  MAY  KEEP  THEIR  HATS  ON. 

At  garden  parties  and  at  all  assemblies  held  in  the 
open  air,  gentlemen  keep  their  hats  on  their  heads.  If 
draughts  of  cold  air,  or  other  causes,  make  it  necessary 


166 


ETIQUETTE    OF   PUBLIC    PLACES. 


for  them  to  retain  their  hats  on  their  heads,  when  in  the 
presence  of  ladies  within  doors,  they  explain  the  necess- 
ity and  ask  permission  of  the  ladies  whom  they  accom- 
pany. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 
of 


HERE  is  nothing  that  tests  the  natural 
politeness  of  men  and  women  so 
thoroughly-  as  traveling.  We  all  de- 
sire as  much  comfort  as  possible  and 
as  a  rule  are  selfish.  In  these  days 
of  railroad  travel,  when  every  rail- 
way is  equipped  with  elegant  coaches- 
for  the  comfort,  convenience  and  some- 
times luxury  of  its  passengers,  and  pro- 
vided with  gentlemanly  conductors  and 
servants,  the  longest  journeys  by  railroad 
can  be  made  alone  by  self-possessed  ladies  with 
perfect  safety  and  but  little  annoyance.  Then, 
too,  a  lady  who  deports  herself  as  such  may 
travel  from  the  Atlantic  to  the  Pacific,  from 
Maine  to  the  Gulf  of  Mexico,  and  meet  with  no  affront 
or  insult,  but  on  the  contrary  receive  polite  attentions- 
at  every  point,  from  men  who  may  chance  to  be  her  fel- 
low-travelers. This  may  be  accounted  for  from  the 
fact  that,  as  a  rule  in  America,  all  men  show  a  deff  eren- 
tial  regard  for  women,  and  are  especially  desirous  of 
showing  them  such  attentions  as  will  render  a  long  and 
lonesome  journey  as  pleasant  as  possible. 

(167) 


168  ETIQUETTE   OF   TRAVELING. 

DUTIES  OF  AN  ESCORT. 

However  self-possessed  and  ladylike  in  all  her  deport- 
ment and  general  bearing  a  lady  may  be,  and  though 
capable  of  undertaking  any  journey,  howsoever  long  it 
may  be,  an  escort  is  at  all  times  much  more  pleasant, 
and  generally  acceptable.  When  a  gentleman  under- 
takes the  escort  of  a  lady,  he  should  proceed  with  her 
to  the  depot,  or  meet  her  there,  a  sufficient  time  before 
the  departure  of  the  train  to  attend  to  the  checking  of 
her  baggage,  procure  her  ticket,  and  obtain  for  her  an 
eligible  seat  in  the  cars,  allowing  her  to  choose  such 
seat  as  she  desires.  He  will  then  dispose  of  her  pack- 
ages and  hand-baggage  in  their  proper  receptacle,  and 
make  her  seat  and  surroundings  as  agreeable  for  her  as 
possible,  taking  a  seat  near  her,  or  by  the  side  of  her  if 
she  requests  it,  and  do  all  he  can  to  make  her  journey  a 
pleasant  one. 

Upon  arriving  at  her  destination,  he  should  conduct 
her  to  the  ladies'  waiting-room  or  to  a  carriage,  until  he 
has  attended  to  her  baggage,  which  he  arranges  to  have 
delivered  where  the  lady  requests  it.  He  should  then 
escort  her  to  whatever  part  of  the  city  she  is  going  and 
deliver  her  into  the  hands  of  her  friends  before  relaxing 
his  care.  On  the  following  day  he  should  call  upon  her 
to  inquire  after  her  health.  It  is  optional  with  the  lady 
whether  the  acquaintance  shall  be  prolonged  or  not  after 
this  call.  If  the  lady  does  not  wish  to  prolong  the 
acquaintance,  she  can  have  no  right,  nor  can  her  friends, 
to  request  a  similar  favor  of  him  at  another  time. 


ETIQUETTE    OF    TRAVELING.  169 

THE  DUTY  OF  A  LADY  TO  HER  ESCORT. 

The  lady  may  supply  her  escort  with  a  sum  of  money 
ample  to  pay  all  the  expenses  of  the  journey  before  pur- 
chasing her  ticket,  or  furnish  him  the  exact  amount 
required,  or,  at  the  suggestion  of  her  escort,  she  may 
allow  him  to  defray  the  expenses  from  his  own  pocket, 
and  settle  with  him  at  the  end  of  the  journey.  The 
latter  course,  however,  should  only  be  pursued  when  the 
gentleman  suggests  it,  and  a  strict  account  of  the  ex- 
penses incurred  must  be  insisted  on. 

A  lady  should  give  her  attendant  as  little  trouble  and 
annoyance  as  possible,  and  she  should  make  no  unnec- 
essary demands  upon  his  good  nature  and  gentlemanly 
services.  Her  hand-baggage  should  be  as  small  as  cir- 
cumstances will  permit,  and  when  once  disposed  of,  it 
should  remain  undisturbed  until  she  is  about  to  leave 
the  car,  unless  she  should  absolutely  require  it.  As  the 
the  train  nears  the  end  of  her  journey,  she  will  deliber- 
ately gather  together  her  effects  preparatory  to  depar- 
ture, so  that  when  the  train  stops  she  will  be  ready  to 
leave  the  car  at  once  and  not  wait  to  hurriedly  grab 
her  various  parcels,  or  cause  her  escort  unnecessary 
delay. 

A  LADY  TRAVELING  ALONE. 

A  lady,  in  traveling  alone,  may  accept  services  from 
her  fellow-travelers,  which  she  should  always  acknowl- 
edge graciously.  Indeed,  it  is  the  business  of  a  gentle- 
man to  see  that  the  wants  of  an  unescorted  lady  are 
attended  to.  He  should  offer  to  raise  or  lower  her  win- 


170  ETIQUETTE   OF   TRAVELING. 

dow  if  she  seems  to  have  any  difficulty  in  doing  it  her- 
self. He  may  offer  his  assistance  in  carrying  her  pack- 
ages upon  leaving  the  car,  or  in  engaging  a  carriage  or 
obtaining  a  trunk.  Still,  women  should  learn  to  be  as 
self-reliant  as  possible;  and  young  women  particularly 
should  accept  proffered  assistance  from  strangers,  in  all 
but  the  slightest  offices,  very  rarely. 

LADIES  MAT  ASSIST  OTHEE  LADIES. 

It  is  not  only  the  right,  but  the  duty  of  ladies  to  ren- 
der any  assistance  or  be  of  any  service  to  younger  ladies, 
or  those  less  experienced  in  traveling  than  themselves. 
They  may  show  many  little  courtesies  which  will 
make  the  journey  less  tedious  to  the  inexperienced  trav- 
eler, and  may  give  her  important  advice  or  assistance 
which  may  be  of  benefit  to  her.  An  acquaintance  f  ormed 
in  traveling,  need  never  be  retained  afterwards.  It  ig 
optional  whether  it  is  or  not. 

THE  COMFORT  OF  OTHERS. 

In  seeking  his  own  comfort,  no  passenger  has  a  right 
to  overlook  or  disregard  that  of  others.  If  for  his  own 
comfort,  he  wishes  to  raise  or  lower  a  window  he  should 
consult  the  wishes  of  passengers  immediately  around 
him  before  doing  so.  The  discomforts  of  traveling 
should  be  borne  cheerfully,  for  what  may  enhance  your 
own  comfort  may  endanger  the  health  of  some  fellow- 
traveler. 


ETIQUETTE    OF    TRAVELING.  171 

tTTENDING  TO  THE  WANTS  OF  OTHERS. 

See  everywhere  and  at  all  times  that  ladies  and  elderly 
people  have  their  wants  supplied  before  you  think  of 
your  own.  Nor  is  there  need  for  unmanly  haste  or 
pushing  in  entering  or  leaving  cars  or  boats.  There  is 
always  time  enough  allowed  for  each  passenger  to  enter 
in  a  gentlemanly  manner  and  with  a  due  regard  to  the 
rights  of  others. 

If,  in  riding  in  the  street-cars  or  crossing  a  ferry,  your 
friend  insists  on  paying  for  you,  permit  him  to  do  so 
without  serious  remonstrance.  You  can  return  the 
favor  at  some  other  time. 

BEADING  WHEN  TRAVELLING. 

If  a  gentleman  in  traveling,  either  on  cars  or  steam- 
boat, has  provided  himself  with  newspapers  or  other 
reading,  he  should  offer  them  to  his  companions  first. 
If  they  are  refused,  he  may  with  propriety  read  himself, 
leaving  the  others  free  to  do  the  same  if  they  wish. 

OCCUPYING  TOO  MANY  SEATS. 

No  lady  will  retain  possession  of  more  than  her  right- 
ful seat  in  a  crowded  car.  When  others  are  looking 
for  accommodations  she  should  at  once  and  with  all 
cheerfulness  so  dispose  of  her  baggage  that  the  seat 
beside  her  may  be  occupied  by  anyone  who  desires  it, 
no  matter  how  agreeable  it  may  be  to  retain  possession 
of  it. 

It  shows  a  great  lack  of  proper  manners  to  see  two 


172  ETIQUETTE    OF   TRAVELING. 

ladies,  or  a  lady  and  gentleman  turn  over  the  seaA  In 
front  of  them  and  fill  it  with  their  wraps  and  bwtdles, 
retaining  it  in  spite  of  the  entreating  or  remonstrating 
looks  of  fellow-passengers.  In  such  a  case  any  person 
who  desires  a  seat  is  justified  in  reversing  the  back, 
removing  the  baggage  .and  taking  possession  of  the  un- 
used seat. 

RETAINING  POSSESSION  OF  A  SEAT. 

A  gentleman  in  traveling  may  take  possession  of  a 
seat  and  then  go  to  purchase  tickets  or  look  after  bag- 
gage or  procure  a  lunch,  leaving  the  seat  in  charge  of  a 
companion,  or  depositing  traveling-bag  or  overcoat  upon 
it  to  show  that  it  is  engaged.  When  a  seat  is  thus  oc- 
cupied, the  right  of  possession  must  be  respected,  and 
no  one  should  presume  to  take  a  seat  thus  previously 
engaged,  even  though  it  may  be  wanted  for  a  lady.  A 
gentleman  cannot,  however,  in  justice,  vacate  his  seat 
to  take  another  in  the  smoking-car,  and  at  the  same 
time  reserve  his  rights  to  the  first  seat.  He  pays  for 
but  one  seat,  and  by  taking  another  he  forfeits  the  first. 

It  is  not  required  of  a  gentleman  in  a  railway  car  to 
relinquish  his  seat  in  favor  of  a  lady,  though  a  gentle- 
man of  genuine  breeding  will  do  so  rather  than  allow 
the  lady  to  stand  or  suffer  inconvenience  from  poor 
accommodations. 

In  the  street  cars  the  case  is  different.  No  woman 
should  be  allowed  to  stand  while  there  is  a  seat  occupied 
by  a  man.  The  inconvenience  to  the  man  will  be  tem- 
porary and  trifling  at  the  most,  and  he  can  well  afford 
to  suffer  it  rather  than  to  do  an  uncourteous  act. 


ETIQUETTE    OF   TRAVELING  173 

DISCRETION  IN  FOKMING  ACQUAINTANCES. 

While  an  acquaintance  formed  in  a  railway  car  or  on 
a  steamboat,  continues  only  during  the  trip,  discretion 
should  be  used  in  making  acquaintances.  Ladies  may 
as  has  been  stated,  accept  small  courtesies  and  favors 
from  strangers,  but  must  check  at  once  any  attempt  at 
familiarity.  On  the  other  hand,  no  man  who  pretends 
to  be  a  gentleman  will  attempt  any  familiarity.  The 
practice  of  some  young  girls  just  entering  into  woman- 
hood, of  flirting  with  any  young  man  they  may  chance 
to  meet,  either  in  a  railway  car  or  on  a  steamboat,  indi- 
cates low-breeding  in  the  extreme.  If,  however,  the 
journey  is  long,  and  especially  if  it  be  on  a  steamboat, 
a  certain  sociability  may  be  allowed,  and  a  married  lady 
or  a  lady  of  middle  age  may  use  her  privileges  to  make 
the  journey  an  enjoyable  one,  for  fellow-passengers 
should  always  be  sociable  to  one  another. 


CHAPTER  XV. 


NE  of  the  most  exhilarating  and  en- 
joyable amusements  that  can  be  in- 
dulged in  by  either  ladies  or  gen- 
tlemen is  that  of  riding  on  horse- 
back, and  it  is  a  matter  of  regret 
that  it  is  not  participated  in  to  a 
greater  extent  than  it  is.     The  eti- 
quette of  riding,  though  meagre,  is  exact 
and  important. 

LEABNTNG  TO  BIDE. 

The  first  thing  to  do  is  to  learn  to  ride,  and 
no  one  should  attempt  to  appear  in  public 
until  a  few  preliminary  lessons  in  riding  are 
taken.  Until  a  person  has  learned  to  appear 
at  ease  on  horseback,  he  or  she  should  not  appear  in 
public.  The  advice  given  in  the  old  rhyme  should  be 
kept  in  mind,  viz: 

Keep  up  your  head  and  your  heart, 
Your  hands  and  your  heels  keep  down , 

Press  your  knees  close  to  your  horse's  sides, 
And  your  elbows  close  to  your  own. 
(174) 


RIDING  AND  DRIVING. 

THE  GENTLEMAN'S  DUTY  AS  AN  ESCORT. 

When  a  gentleman  contemplates  riding  with  a  lady, 
his  first  duty  is  to  see  that  her  horse  is  a  proper  one  for 
her  use,  and  one  that  she  can  readily  manage.  He 
must  see  that  her  saddle  and  bridle  are  perfectly  secure, 


and  trust  nothing  of  this  kind  to  the  stable  men,  with- 
out personal  examination.  He  must  be  punctual  at  the 
appointed  hour,  and  not  keep  the  lady  waiting  for  him 
clad  in  her  riding  costume.  He  should  see  the  lady 
comfortably  seated  in  her  saddle  before  he  mounts  him- 
self; take  his  position  on  the  lady's  right  in  riding,  open 
all  gates  and  pay  all  tolls  on  the  road. 


176  RIDING   AND    DRIVING 


ASSISTING  A  LADY  TO  MOUNT. 

The  lady  will  place  herself  on  the  left  side  of  the  horse, 
standing  as  close  to  it  as  possible,  with  her  skirts  gath- 
ered in  her  left  hand,  her  right  hand  upon  the  pommel, 
and  her  face  toward  the  horse's  head.  The  gentleman 
should  stand  at  the  horse's  shoulder,  facing  the  lady, 
and  stooping,  hold  his  hand  so  that  she  may  place  her 
foot  in  it.  This  she  does,  when  the  foot  is  lifted  as  she 
springs,  so  as  to  gently  aid  her  in  gaining  the  saddle. 
The  gentleman  must  then  put  her  foot  in  the  stirrup, 
smooth  the  skirt  of  her  riding  habit,  and  give  her  the 
reins  and  her  riding  whip. 

RIDING  WITH  LADIES. 

In  riding  with  one  lady,  a  gentleman  takes  his  posi- 
tion to  the  right  of  her.  When  riding  with  two  or 
more,  his  position  is  still  to  the  right  unless  one  of  them 
needs  his  assistance  or  requests  his  presence  near  her. 
He  must  offer  all  the  courtesies  of  the  road,  and  yield 
the  best  and  shadiest  side  to  the  ladies.  The  lady  must 
always  decide  upon  the  pace  at  which  to  ride.  It  is  un- 
generous to  urge  her  or  incite  her  horse  to  a  faster  gait 
than  she  feels  competent  to  undertake. 

If  a  gentleman,  when  riding  alone,  meets  a  lady  who 
is  walking  and  wishes  to  enter  into  conversation  with 
her,  he  must  alight  and  remain  on  foot  while  talking 
with  her. 


KIDIXG    AXD   DRIVING.  177 


ASSISTING  A  LADY  TO  ALIGHT  FROM  HER  HORSE. 

After  the  ride,  the  gentleman  must  assist  his  com- 
panion to  alight.  She  must  first  free  her  knee  from  the 
pommel,  and  be  certain  that  her  habit  is  entirely  disen- 
gaged. He  must  then  take  her  left  hand  in  his  right, 
and  offer  his  left  hand  as  a  step  for  her  foot.  He  then 
lowers  his  hand  slowly  and  allows  her  to  reach  the 
ground  gently  without  springing.  A  lady  should  not 
attempt  to  spring  from  the  saddle. 

DRIVING. 

The  choicest  seat  in  a  double  carriage  is  the  one  fac- 
ing the  horses,  and  gentlemen  should  always  yield  this 
seat  to  the  ladies.  If  only  one  gentleman  and  one  lady 
are  riding  in  a  two-seated  carriage,  the  gentleman  must 
sit  opposite  the  lady,  unless  she  invites  him  to  a  seat  by 
her  side.  The  place  of  honor  is  on  the  right  hand  of 
the  seat  facing  the  horses.  This  is  also  the  seat  of  the 
hostess,  which  she  never  resigns.  If  she  is  not  driving,  it 
must  be  offered  to  the  most  distinguished  lady.  A  person 
should  enter  a  carriage  with  the  back  to  the  seat,  so  as 
to  prevent  turning  round  in  the  carriage.  A  gentle- 
man must  be  careful  not  to  trample  upon  or  crush  a 
lady's  dress.  In  driving,  one  should  always  remember 
that  the  rule  of  the  road  in  meeting  and  passing  another 
vehicle  is  to  keep  to  the  right. 

12 


178  RIDING   AND   DRIVING. 

ASSISTING  LADIES  TO  ALIGHT, 

A  gentleman  must  first  alight  from  a  carriage,  even 
if  he  has  to  pass  before  a  lady  in  doing  so.  He  must 
then  assist  the  ladies  to  alight.  If  there  is  a  servant 
with  the  carriage,  the  latter  may  hold  open  the  door, 
but  the  gentleman  must  by  all  means  furnish  the  ladiea> 
the  required  assistance.  If  a  lady  has  occasion  to  leave 
the  carriage  before  the  gentleman  accompanying  her,  he 
must  alight  to  assist  her  out,  and  if  she  wishes  to  resume 
her  seat,  he  must  again  alight  to  help  her  to  do  so. 

In  assisting  a  lady  to  enter  a  carriage,  a  gentleman 
will  take  care  that  the  skirt  of  her  dress  is  not  allowed 
to  hang  outside.  A  carriage  robe  should  be  provided 
to  protect  her  dress  from  the  mud  and  dust  of  the  road. 
The  gentleman  should  provide  the  lady  with  her  para- 
sol, fan  and  shawl,  and  see  that  she  is  comfortable  in 
every  way,  before  he  seats  himself. 

TRUSTING  THE  DRIVER. 

While  driving  with  another  who  holds  the  reins,  you 
must  not  interfere  with  the  driver,  as  anything  of  this 
kind  implies  a  reproof,  which  is  very  offensive.  If  you 
think  his  couduct  wrong,  or  are  in  fear  of  danger  result- 
ing, you  may  delicately  suggest  a  change,  apologizing 
theref or,  You  should  resign  yourself  to  the  driver's  con- 
trol, and  be  perfectly  calm  and  self-possessed  during  the 
course  of  a  drive. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 
atxd 


HE  correct  behavior  of  young  men 
toward  young  ladies,  and  of  young 
ladies  toward  young  men,  during 
that  portion  of  their  lives  when  they 
are  respectively  paying  attention  to, 
and  receiving  attention  from,  one 
another,  is  a  matter  which  requires 
consideration  in  a  work  of  this  nature. 

A  GENTLEMAN'S  CONDUCT  TOWARD  LADIES. 

Young  people  of  either  sex,  who  have 
arrived  at  mature  age,  and  who  are  not  en- 
gaged, have  the  utmost  freedom  in  their  social 
intercourse  in  this  country,  and  are  at  liberty 
to  associate  and  mingle  freely  in  the  same  cir- 
cles with  those  of  the  opposite  sex.  Gentlemen  are  at 
liberty  to  invite  their  lady  friends  to  concerts,  operas, 
balls,  etc.,  to  call  upon  them  at  their  homes,  to  ride  and 
drive  with  them,  and  make  themselves  agreeable  to  al) 
young  ladies  to  whom  their  company  is  acceptable.  In 
fact  they  are  at  liberty  to"  accept  invitations  and  give 
them  ad  libitum.  As  soon,  however,  as  a  young  gentle- 


180  OOCKT8HIP    AXD    MARRIAGE. 

man  neglects  all  others,  to  devote  himself  to  a  single 
lady,  he  gives  that  lady  reason  to  suppose  that  he  is  par 
ticularly  attracted  to  her,  and  may  give  her  cause  to 
believe  that  she  is  to  become  engaged  to  him,  without 
telling  her  so.  A  gentleman  who  does  not  contemplate 
matrimony  should  not  pay  too  exclusive  attention  to  any 
one  lady. 

A  LADY'S  CONDUCT  TOWARD  GENTLEMEN. 

A  young  lady  who  is  not  engaged  may  receive  calls 
and  attentions  from  such  unmarried  gentlemen  as  she 
desires,  and  may  accept  invitations  to  ride,  to  concerts, 
theatres,  etc.  She  should  use  due  discretion,  however, 
as  to  whom  she  favors  by  the  acceptance  of  such  invita- 
tions. A  young  lady  should  not  allow  special  attention 
from  anyone  to.  whom  she  is  not  specially  attracted, 
because,  first,  she  may  do  injury  to  the  gentleman  in 
seeming  to  give  his  suit  encouragement;  and,  secondly, 
she  may  keep  away  from  her  those  whom  she  likes  bet- 
ter, but  who  will  not  approach  her  under  the  mistaken 
idea  that  her  feelings  are  already  interested.  A  young 
lady  should  not  encourage  the  addresses  of  a  gentleman 
unless  she  feels  that  she  can  return  his  affections.  It  is 
the  prerogative  of  a  man  to  propose,  and  of  a  woman  to 
accept  or  refuse,  and  a  lady  of  tact  and  kind  heart  will 
exercise  her  prerogative  before  her  suitor  is  brought 
to  the  humiliation  of  an  offer  which  must  result  in  a 
refusal. 

No  well-bred  lady  will  too  eagerly  receive  the  atten- 
tions of  a  gentleman,  no  matter  how  much  she  admires 


OOUKTSHIP   AST)   MABKIA&K.  1S1 

him;  nor,  on  the  other  hand,  will  she  be  so  reserred  as 
to  altogether  discourage  him,  A  man  may  show  con- 
siderable attention  to  a  lady  without  becoming  a  lover; 
and  so  a  lady  may  let  it  be  seen  that  die  is  not  disagree- 
able to  him  without  discouraging  him,  She  will  be  able 
to  judge  soon  from  his  actions  and  deportment,  as  to  his 
motive  in  paying  her  his  attentions,  and  wffl  treat  him 
accordingly.  A  man  does  not  like  to  be  refused  when 
he  makes  a  proposal,  and  no  man  of  tact  will  risk  a 
refusal  Neither  will  a  well-bred  lady  encourage  a  man 
to  make  a  proposal,  which  she  must  refuse.  She  should 
endeavor,  in  discouraging  him  as  a  lover,  to  retain  his 
friendship.  A  young  man  of  sensibilities,  who  can  take 
a  hint  when  it  is  offered  him,  need  not  run  the  risk  of  a 
refusaL 

PEEXATCBE  DECLARATION. 

It  is  very  injudicious,  not  to  say  presumptuous,  for  a 
gentleman  to  make  a  proposal  to  a  young  lady  on  too 
brief  an  acquaintance.  A  lady  who  would  accept  a  gen- 
tleman at  first  sight  can  hardly  possess  the  discretion 
needed  to  make  a  good  wife. 

THOROUGH    ACQUADTTAXCTS    AS   A.   BASK   JOB     MAKKIAGK. 

Perhaps  there  is  such  a  thing  as  love  at  first  sight, 
but  love  alone  is  a  very  uncertain  foundation  upon  which 
to  base  marriage.  There  should  be  thorough  acquain- 
tanceship and  a  certain  knowledge  of  harmony  of 
tastes  and  temperaments  before  matrimony  is  ventured 
upon. 


182  COURTSHIP   AND   MARRIAGE. 

PROPER  MANNER  OF  COURTSHIP. 

It  is  impossible  to  lay  down  any  rule  as  to  the  proper 
mode  of  courtship  and  proposal.  In  France  it  is  the 
business  of  the  parents  to  settle  all  preliminaries.  In 
England  the  young  man  asks  the  consent  of  the  parents 
to  pay  addresses  to  their  daughter.  In  this  country  the 
matter  is  left  almost  entirely  to  the  young  people. 

It  seems  that  circumstances  must  determine  whether 
courtship  may  lead  to  engagement.  Thus,  a  man  may 
begin  seriously  to  court  a  girl,  but  may  discover  before 
any  promise  binds  them  to  each  other,  that  they  are  en- 
tirely unsuited  to  one  another,  when  he  may,  with  per- 
fect propriety  and  without  serious  injury  to  the  lady, 
withdraw  his  attentions. 

Certain  authorities  insist  that  the  consent  of  parents 
must  always  be  obtained  before  the  daughter  is  asked  to 
give  herself  in  marriage.  While  there  is  nothing  improper 
or  wrong  in  such  a  course,  still,  in  this  country,  with 
our  social  customs,  it  is  deemed  best  in  most  cases  not 
to  be  too  strict  in  this  regard.  Each  case  has  its  own 
peculiar  circumstances  which  must  govern  it,  and  it 
seems  at  least  pardonable  if  the  young  man  should  pre- 
fer to  know  his  fate  directly  from  the  lips  of  the  most 
interested  party,  before  he  submits  himself  to  the  cooler 
judgment  and  the  critical  observation  of  the  father  and 
mother,  who  are  not  by  any  means  in  love  with  him, 
and  who  may  possibly  regard  him  with  a  somewhat 
jealous  eye,  as  having  already  monopolized  their  daugh- 
ter's affections,  and  now  desires  to  take  her  away  from 
them  altogether. 


COTJKTSHIP   AXD   MARRIAGE.  183 

PAEEXTS  SHOULD  EXERCISE  AUTHORITY  OVER  DAUGHTERS. 

Parents  should  always  be  perfectly  familiar  with  the 
character  of  their  daughter's  associates,  and  they  should 
exercise  their  authority  so  far  as  not  to  permit  her  to 
form  any  improper  acquaintances.  In  regulating  the 
social  relations  of  their  daughter,  parents  should  bear  in 
mind  the  possibility  of  her  falling  in  love  with  any  one 
with  whom  she  may  come  in  frequent  contact.  There- 
fore, if  any  gentleman  of  her  acquaintance  is  particu- 
larly ineligible  as  a  husband,  he  should  be  excluded  as 
far  as  practicable  from  her  society. 

A  WATCHFUL  CARE  REQUIRED  BY  PARENTS. 

Parents,  especially  mothers,  should  also  watch  with  a 
jealous  care  the  tendencies  of  their  daughter's  affections; 
and  if  they  see  them  turning  toward  unworthy  or  unde- 
sirable objects,  influence  of  some  sort  should  be  brought 
to  bear  to  counteract  this.  Great  delicacy  and  tact  are 
required  to  manage  matters  rightly.  A  more  suitable 
person  may,  if  available,  be  brought  forward,  in  the 
hope  of  attracting  the  young  girl's  attention.  The 
objectionable  traits  of  the  undesirable  suitor  should  be 
made  apparent  to  her  without  the  act  seeming  to  be  in- 
tentional ;  and  if  all  this  fails,  let  change  of  scene  and 
surroundings  by  travel  or  visiting  accomplish  the  desired 
result.  The  latter  course  will  generally  do  it,  if  matters 
have  not  been  allowed  to  progress  too  far  and  the  young 
girl  is  not  informed  why  she  is  temporarily  banished 
from  home. 


184  COURTSHIP    AND   MARRIAGE. 

AN  ACCEPTABLE  SUITOR. 

Parents  should  always  be  able  to  tell  from  observation 
and  instinct  just  how  matters  stand  with  their  daughter; 
and  if  the  suitor  is  an  acceptable  one  and  everything  sat- 
isfactory, then  the  most  scrupulous  rules  of  etiquette 
will  not  prevent  their  letting  the  young  couple  alone. 
If  the  lover  chooses  to  propose  directly  to  the  lady  and 
consult  her  father  afterward,  consider  that  he  has  a  per- 
fect right  to  do  so.  If  her  parents  have  sanctioned  his 
visits  and  attentions  by  a  silent  consent,  he  has  a  right 
to  believe  that  his  addresses  will  be  favorably  received 
by  them. 

REQUIREMENTS  FOR  A  HAPPY  MARRIAGE. 

Hespect  for  each  other  is  as  necessary  to  a  happy 
marriage  as  that  the  husband  and  wife  should  have  an 
affection  for  one  another.  Social  equality,  intellectual 
sympathy,  and  sufficient  means  are  very  important  mat- 
ters to  be  considered  by  those  who  contemplate  matri- 
mony. 

It  must  be  remembered  that  husband  and  wife,  after 
marriage,  have  social  relations  to  sustain,  and  perhaps  it 
will  be  discovered,  before  many  months  of  wedded  life 
have  passed,  when  there  is  a  social  inequality,  that  one 
of  the  two  have  made  a  sacrifice  for  which  no  adequate 
compensation  has  been  or  ever  will  be  received.  And 
so  both  lives  become  soured  and  spoiled,  because  neither 
receives  nor  can  receive  the  sympathy  which  their  efforts 
deserve,  and  because  their  cares  are  multiplied  from  a 


COTJBTSIIIP    AXD    MARRIAGE.  185 

want  of  congeniality.  One  or  the  other  may  find  that 
the  noble  qualities  seen  by  the  impulse  of  early  love, 
were  but  the  creation  of  an  infatuated  fancy,  existing 
only  in  the  mind  where  it  originated. 

Another  condition  of  domestic  happiness  is  intellec- 
tual sympathy.  Man  requires  a  woman  who  can  make 
his  home  a  place  of  rest  for  him,  and  woman  requires  a 
man  of  domestic  tastes.  While  a  woman  who  seeks  to 
find  happiness  in  a  married  life  will  never  consent  to  be 
wedded  to  an  idler  or  a  pleasure-seeker,  so  a  man  of  in- 
telligence will  wed  none  but  a  woman  of  intelligence 
and  good  sense.  Neither  beauty,  physical  characteris- 
tics nor  other  external  qualifications  will  compensate  for 
the  absence  of  intellectual  thought  and  clear  and  quick 
comprehensions.  An  absurd  idea  is  held  by  some  that 
intelligence  and  domestic  virtues  cannot  go  together; 
that  an  intellectual  woman  will  never  be  content  to  stay 
at  home  to  look  after  the  interests  of  her  household  and 
children.  A  more  unreasonable  idea  has  never  been  sug- 
gested, for  as  the  intellect  is  strengthened  and  cultured, 
it  has  a  greater  capacity  of  affection,  of  domesticity  and 
of  self-sacrifice  for  others. 

Mutual  trust  and  confidence  are  other  requisites  for 
happiness  in  married  life.  There  can  be  no  true  love 
without  trust.  The  responsibility  of  a  man's  life  is  in 
a  woman's  keeping  from  the  moment  he  puts  his  heart 
into  her  hands.  Without  mutual  trust  there  can  be  no 
real  happiness. 

Another  requisite  for  conjugal  happiness  is  moral  and 
religious  sympathy,  that  each  may  walk  side  by  side  in 


186  OOTJKT8HIP   AND   MABKIAGE. 

the  same  path ,  of  moral  purpose  and  social  usefulness, 
with  joint  hope  of  immortality. 

PROPOSALS  OP  MARRIAGE. 

Rules  in  regard  to  proposals  of  marriage  cannot  be 
laid  down,  for  they  are  and  should  be  as  different  as 
people.  The  best  way  is  to  apply  to  the  lady  in  person, 
and  receive  the  answer  from  her  own  lips.  If  courage 
should  fail  a  man  in  this,  he  can  resort  to  writing,  by 
which  he  can  clearly  and  boldly  express  his  feelings. 
A  spoken  declaration  should  be  bold,  manly  and  earnest, 
and  so  plain  in  its  meaning  that  there  can  be  no  mis- 
understanding. As  to  the  exact  words  to  be  used,  there 
can  be  no  set  formula;  each  proposer  must  be  governed 
his  own  ideas  and  sense  of  propriety  in  the  matter. 

DO  NOT  PRESS  AN  UNWELCOME  SUIT. 

A  gentleman  should  evince  a  sincere  and  unselfish 
affection  for  his  beloved,  and  he  will  show  as  well  as 
feel  that  her  happiness  must  be  considered  before  his 
own.  Consequently  he  should  not  press  an  unwelcome 
suit  upon  a  young  lady.  If  she  has  no  affection  for  him, 
and  does  not  conceive  it  possible  even  to  entertain  any,  it 
is  cruel  to  urge  her  to  give  her  person  without  her  love. 
The  eager  lover  may  believe,  for  the  time  being,  that 
such  possession  would  satisfy  him,  but  the  day  will 
surely  come  when  he  will  reproach  his  wife  that  she  had 
no  love  for  him,  and  he  will  possibly  make  that  an  excuse 
for  all  manner  of  unkindness. 


COURTSHIP  AND  MARRIAGE.  187 

A  LADY'S  FIRST  REFUSAL. 

It  is  not  always  necessary  to  take  a  lady's  first  refusal 
as  absolute.  Diffidence  or  uncertainty  as  to  her  own 
feelings  may  sometimes  influence  a  lady  to  reply  in  the 
negative,  and  after-consideration  cause  her  to  regret 
that  reply. 

Though  a  gentleman  may  repeat  his  suit  with  pro- 
priety after  having  been  once  repulsed,  still  it  should 
not  be  repeated  too  often  nor  too  long,  lest  it  should 
degenerate  into  importuning. 

No  lady  worthy  any  gentleman's  regard  will  say 
"no"  twice  to  a  suit  which  she  intends  ultimately  to 
receive  with  favor.  A  lady  should  be  allowed  all  the 
time  she  requires  before  making  up  her  mind;  and  if  the 
gentleman  grows  impatient  at  the  delay,  he  is  always  at 
liberty  to  insist  on  an  immediate  answer  and  abide  by 
the  consequences  of  his  impatience. 

A  LADY'S  POSITIVE  REFUSAL, 

A  lady  who  really  means  "  no "  should  be  able  to  so 
say  it  as  to  make  her  meaning  unmistakable.  For  her 
own  sake  and  that  of  her  suitor,  if  she  really  desires  the 
suit  ended  her  denial  should  be  positive,  yet  kind  and 
dignified,  and  of  a  character  to  let  no  doubt  remain  of 
its  being  final. 

TRIFLING  WITH  A  LADY. 

A  man  should  never  make  a  declaration  in  a  jesting 
manner.  It  is  most  unfair  to  a  lady.  He  has  no  right 


188  COURTSHIP    AND    MARRIAGE. 

to  trifle  with  her  feelings  for  mere  sport,  nor  has  he  a 
right  to  hide  his  own  meaning  under  the  guise  of  a  jest. 

A  DOUBTFUL  ANSWER. 

Nothing  can  be  more  unfair  or  more  unjustifiable  than 
a  doubtful  answer  given  under  the  plea  of  sparing  the 
suitor's  feelings.  It  raises  false  hopes.  It  renders  a 
man  restless  and  unsettled.  It  may  cause  him  to  ex- 
press himself  or  to  shape  his  conduct  in  such  a  manner 
as  he  would  not  dream  of  doing  were  his  suit  utterly 
hopeless. 

HOW  TO  TREAT  A  REFUSAL. 

As  a  woman  is  not  bound  to  accept  the  first  offer  that 
is  made  to  her,  so  no  sensible  man  will  think  the  worse 
of  her,  nor  feel  himself  personally  injured  by  a  refusal. 
That  it  will  give  him  pain  is  most  probable.  A  scornful 
"  no  "  or  a  simpering  promise  to  "  think  about  it "  is  the 
reverse  of  generous. 

In  refusing,  the  lady  ought  to  convey  her  full  sense 
of  the  high  honor  intended  her  by  the  gentleman,  and 
to  add,  seriously  but  not  offensively,  that  it  is  not  in 
accordance  with  her  inclination,  or  that  circumstances 
compel  her  to  give  an  unfavorable  answer. 

UNLADYLIKE    CONDUCT  TOWARD  A  SUITOR. 

It  is  only  the  contemptible  flirt  that  keeps  an  honor- 
able man  in  suspense  for  the  purpose  of  glorifying  her- 
self by  his  attentions  in  the  eyes  of  friends.  Nor  would 
any  but  a  frivolous  or  vicious  girl  boast  of  the  offer  she 
had  received  and  rejected.  Such  an  offer  is  a  privileged 


COURTSHIP    AND    MARRIAGE.  189 

communication.  The  secret  of  it  should  be  held  sacred. 
No  true  lady  will  ever  divulge  to  anyone,  unless  it  may 
be  to  her  mother,  the  fact  of  such  an  offer.  It  is  the 
severest  breach  of  honor  to  do  so.  A  lady  who  has 
once  been  guilty  of  boasting  of  an  offer  should  never 
have  a  second  opportunity  for  thus  boasting. 

No  true-hearted  woman  can  entertain  any  other  feel- 
ing than  that  of  commiseration  for  the  man  over  whose 
happiness  she  has  been  compelled  to  throw  a  cloud, 
while  the  idea  of  triumphing  in  his  distress,  or  abusing 
his  confidence,  must  be  inexpressibly  painful  to  her. 

THE  REJECTED  SUITOR. 

The  duty  of  the  rejected  suitor  is  quite  clear.  Etiquette 
demands  that  he  shall  accept  the  lady's  decision  as  final 
and  retire  from  the  field.  He  has  no  right  to  demand 
the  reason  of  her  refusal.  If  she  assign  it,  he  is  bound 
to  respect  her  secret,  if  it  is  one,  and  to  hold  it  inviol- 
able. To  persist  in  urging  his  suit  or  to  follow  up  the 
lady  with  marked  attentions  would  be  in  the  worst  poss- 
ible taste.  The  proper  course  is  to  withdraw  as  much 
as  possible,  from  the  circles  in  which  she  moves,  so  that 
she  may  be  spared  reminiscences  which  cannot  be  other- 
wise than  painful. 

PRESENTS  AFTER  ENGAGEMENT. 

When  a  couple  become  engaged,  the  gentleman  pre- 
sents the  lady  with  a  ring,  which  is  worn  on  the  ring- 
finger  of  the  right  hand.  He  may  also  make  her  other 
small  presents  from  time  to  time,  until  they  are  married, 


190  COURTSHIP    AND   MAURI  AGE. 

but  if  she  has  any  scruples  about  accepting  them,  he  can 
send  her  flowers,  which  are  at  all  times  acceptable. 

CONDUCT  OF  THE  FIANCEE. 

The  conduct  of  the  fiancee  should  be  tender,  assiduous 
and  unobtrusive.  He  will  be  kind  and  polite  to  the 
sisters  of  his  betrothed  and  friendly  with  her  brothers. 
Yet  he  must  not  be  in  any  way  unduly  familiar  or  force 
himself  into  family  confidences  on  the  ground  that  he  is 
to  be  regarded  as  a  member  of  the  family.  Let  the 
advance  come  rather  from  them  to  him,  and  let  him  show 
a  due  appreciation  of  any  confidences  which  they  may 
be  pleased  to  bestow  upon  him.  The  family  of  the 
young  man  should  make  the  first  advances  toward  an 
acquaintance  with  his  future  wife.  They  should  call 
upon  her  or  write  to  her,  and  they  may  with  perfect 
propriety  invite  her  to  visit  them  in  order  that  they  may 
become  acquainted. 

THE  POSITION  OF  AN  ENGAGED  WOMAN. 

An  engaged  woman  should  eschew  all  flirtations, 
though  it  does  not  follow  that  she  is  to  cut  herself  off 
from  all  association  with  the  other  sex  because  she  has 
chosen  her  future  husband.  She  may  still  have  friends 
and  acquaintances,  she  may  still  receive  visits  and  calls, 
but  she  must  try  to  conduct  herself  in  such  a  manner  as 
to  give  no  offense. 

POSITION  OF  AN  ENGAGED  MAN. 

The  same  rules  may  be  laid  down  in  regard  to  the 
other  party  to  the  contract,  only  that  he  pays  visits 


COURTSHIP    AND   MARRIAGE.  191 

instead  of  receiving  them.  Neither  should  assume  a 
masterful  or  jealous  attitude  toward  the  other.  They 
are  neither  of  them  to  be  shut  up  away  from  the  rest  of 
the  world,  but  must  mingle  in  society  after  marriage 
nearly  the  same  as  before,  and  take  the  same  delight  in 
friendship.  The  fact  that  they  have  confessed  their 
love  for  each  other  ought  to  be  deemed  a  sufficient  guar- 
antee of  faithfulness;  for  the  rest  let  there  be  trust  and 
confidence. 

THE  RELATIONS  OF  AN  ENGAGED  COUPLE. 

A  young  man  has  no  right  to  put  a  slight  upon  his 
future  bride  by  appearing  in  public  with  other  ladies 
while  she  remains  neglected  at  home.  He  is  in  future 
her  legitimate  escort.  He  should  attend  no  other  lady 
when  she  needs  his  services;  she  should  accept  no  other 
escort  when  he  is  at  liberty  to  attend  her.  A  lady  should 
not  be  too  demonstrative  of  her  affection  during  the  days 
of  her  engagement.  There  is  always  the  chance  of  "  a 
slip  'twixt  the  cup  and  the  lip ;"  and  over-demonstrations 
of  love  are  not  pleasant  to  be  remembered  by  a  young 
lady,  if  the  man  to  whom  they  are  given  by  any  chance 
fails  to  become  her  husband.  An  honorable  man  will 
never  tempt  his  future  bride  to  any  such  demonstration. 
He  will  always  maintain  a  respectful  and  decorous 
demeanor  toward  her. 

No  young  man  who  would  shrink  from  being  guilty 
of  a  great  impropriety,  should  ever  prolong  his  visits 
beyond  ten  o'clock,  unless  it  be  the  common  custom  of 
the  family  to  remain  up  and  to  entertain  visitors  to  a 


192  COURTSHIP   AND   MARRIAGE. 

later  hour,  and  the  visit  paid  is  a  family  one  and  not  a 
tete-a-tete.  Two  hours  is  quite  long  enough  for  a  call; 
and  the  young  man  will  give  evidence  of  his  affection 
no  less  than  his  consideration,  by  making  his  visits  short, 
and,  if  need  be,  making  them  often,  rather  than  by  pro- 
longing to  unreasonable  hours. 

LOVERS'  DISPUTES. 

Neither  party  should  try  to  make  the  other  jealous  for 
the  purpose  of  testing  his  or  her  affection.  Such  a  course 
is  contemptible;  and  if  the  affections  of  the  other  are 
permanently  lost  by  it,  the  offending  party  is  only  gain- 
ing his  or  her  just  deserts.  Neither  should  there  be 
provocation  to  little  quarrels  for  the  foolish  delight  of 
reconciliation.  No  lover  will  assume  a  domineering 
attitude  over  his  future  wife.  If  he  does  so,  she  will  do 
well  to  escape  from  his  thrall  before  she  becomes  his  wife 
in  reality.  A  domineering  lover  will  be  certain  to  be 
more  domineering  as  a  husband. 

BREAKING  AN  ENGAGEMENT. 

Sometimes  it  is  necessary  to  break  off  an  engagement. 
Many  circumstances  will  justify  this.  Indeed  anything 
which  may  occur  or  be  discovered  which  shall  promise 
to  render  the  marriage  an  unsuitable  or  unhappy  one  is, 
and  should  be  accepted  as,  justification  for  such  rupture. 
Still,  breaking  an  engagement  is  always  a  serious  and 
distressing  thing,  and  ought  not  to  be  contemplated 
without  absolute  and  just  reasons.  It  is  generally  best 
to  break  an  engagement  by  letter.  By  this  means  one 


COURTSHIP    AND    MARRIAGE.  193 

can  express  himself  or  herself  more  clearly,  and  give  the 
true  reason  for  his  or  her  course  much  better  than  in  a 
personal  interview.  The  letter  breaking  the  engage- 
ment should  be  accompanied  by  everything,  in  the  way 
of  portraits,  letters  or  gifts,  that  has  been  received  dur- 
ing the  engagement.  Such  letters  should  be  acknowl- 
edged in  a  dignified  manner,  and  no  efforts  should  be 
made  or  measures  be  taken  to  change  the  decision  of  the 
writer,  unless  it  is  manifest  that  he  or  she  is  greatly 
mistaken  in  his  or  her  premises.  A  similar  return  of 
letters,  portraits  and  gifts  should  be  made. 

Many  men,  in  taking  retrospective  glances,  remember 
how  they  were  devoted  to  women,  the  memory  of  whom 
calls  up  only  a  vague  sort  of  wonder  how  they  ever 
could  have  fallen  into  the  state  of  infatuation  in  which 
th  ay  once  were.  The  same  may  be  said  of  many  women. 
Heart-breaking  separations  have  taken  place  between 
young  men  and  young  women  who  have  learned  that 
the  sting  of  parting  does  not  last  forever.  The  heart, 
lacerated  by  a  hopeless  or  misplaced  attachment,  when 
severed  from  the  cause  of  its  woe,  gradually  heals  and 
prepares  itself  to  receive  fresh  wounds,  for  affection 
requires  either  a  constant  contemplation  of,  or  inter- 
course, with  its  object,  to  keep  it  alive. 


12 


CHAPTER  XVII. 
ttqtteite  01 


HE  circumstances  under  which  wed- 
dings take  place  are  so  varied,  and 
the  religious  forms  observed  in  their 
solemnization  so  numerous,  that  to 
lay  down  rules  applicable  to  all  cases 
would  be  a  matter  of  great  difficulty, 
if  not  an  impossibility.  Consequently 
only  those  forms  of  marriage  attended 
with  the  fullest  ceremonies,  and  all  the 
attendant  ceremonials  will  here  be  given, 
and  others  may  be  modeled  after  them 
as  the  occasion  may  seem  to  require. 
After  the  marriage  invitations  are  issued, 
the  fiancee  does  not  appear  in  public.  It  is 
also  de  rigueur  at  morning  weddings,  that  she  does  not 
see  the  bridegroom  on  the  wedding-day,  until  they  meet 
at  the  altar. 

THE  BRIDEMAIDS  AND  GROOMSMEN. 

Only  relatives  and  the  most  intimate  friends  are  asked 
to  be  bridemaids — the  sisters  of  the  bride  and  of  the 
bridegroom,  where  it  is  possible.  The  bridegroom 

(194) 


ETIQUETTE    OF    WEDDINGS.  195 

chooses  his  best  man  and  the  groomsmen  and  ushers 
from  his  circle  of  relatives  and  friends  of  his  own  aere. 

o     ' 

and  from  the  relatives  of  his  fiancee  of  a  suitable  age. 
The  dresses  of  the  bridemaids  are  not  given  unless  their 
circumstances  are  such  as  to  make  it  necessary. 

THE  BRIDAL  COSTUME. 

The  most  approved  bridal  costume  for  young  brides 
is  of  white  silk,  high  corsage,  a  long  wide  veil  of  white 
tulle,  reaching  to  the  feet,  and  a  wreath  of  maiden-blush 
roses  with  orange  blossoms.  The  roses  she  can  continue 
to  wear,  but  the  orange  blossoms  are  only  suitable  for 
the  ceremony. 

COSTUMES  OF  THE  BRIDEGROOM  AND  USHERS. 

The  bridegroom  and  ushers,  at  a  morning  wedding, 
wear  full  morning  dress,  dark  blue  or  black  frock  coats, 
or  cut-aways,  light  neckties,  and  light  trousers.  The 
bridegroom  wears  white  gloves.  The  ushers  wear  gloves 
of  some  delicate  color. 

PRESENTS  OF    THE  BRIDE  AND  BRIDEGROOM. 

Where  the  bride  makes  presents  to  the  bridemaids  on 
her  wedding-day,  they  generally  consist  of  some  articles 
of  jewelry,  not  costly,  and  given  more  as  a  memento  of 
the  occasion  than  for  their  own  intrinsic  worth.  The 
bridegroom  sometimes  gives  the  groomsmen  a  scarf  pin 
of  some  quaint  device,  or  some  other  slight  memento  of 
the  day,  as  a  slight  acknowledgment  of  their  services. 


196  ETIQUETTE    OF    WEDDINGS. 

CEBEMONIALS    WHEN    THERE    ABE    NO    U8HBRS    OB   BBIDE- 
MAIDS. 

When  there  are  no  bridemaids  or  ushers  the  marriage 
ceremonials  at  the  church  are  as  follows:  The  members 
of  the  bride's  family  proceed  to  the  church  before  the 
bride,  who  follows  with  her  mother.  The  bridegroom 
awaits  them  at  the  church  and  gives  his  arm  to  the 
bride's  mother.  They  walk  up  the  aisle  to  the  altar,  the 
mother  falling  back  to  her  position  on  the  left.  The 
father,  or  relative  representing  him,  conducts  the  bride 
to  the  bridegroom,  who  stands  at  the  altar  with  his  face 
turned  toward  her  as  she  approaches,  and  the  father  falls 
back  to  the  left.  The  relatives  follow,  taking  their 
places  standing;  those  of  the  bride  to  the  left,  those  of 
the  groom  to  the  right*  After  kneeling  at  the  altar  for  a 
moment,  the  bride,  standing  on  the  left  of  the  bride- 
groom, takes  the  glove  off  from  her  left  hand,  while  he 
takes  the  glove  off  from  his  right  hand.  The  service 
then  begins.  The  father  of  the  bride  gives  her  away  by 
bowing  when  the  question  is  asked,  which  is  a  much  sim- 
pler form  than  stepping  forward  and  placing  his  daugh- 
ter's hand  in  that  of  the  clergyman.  Perfect  self-con- 
trol should  be  exhibited  by  all  parties  during  the  cere- 
mony. 

The  bride  leaves  the  altar,  taking  the  bridegroom's 
right  arm,  and  they  pass  down  the  aisle  without  looking 
to  the  right  or  left.  It  is  considered  very  bad  form  to 
recognize  acquaintances  by  bows  and  smiles  while  in  the 
church. 


ETIQUETTE   OF    WEDDINGS.  197 

The  bride  and  bridegroom  drive  away  in  their  own 
carriage,  the  rest  following  in  their  carriages. 

INVITATIONS  TO  THE  CEREMONY  ONLY. 

When  the  circle  of  friends  on  both  sides  is  very  exten- 
sive, it  has  become  customary  of  late  to  send  invitations 
to  such  as  are  not  called  to  the  wedding  breakfast,  to 
attend  the  ceremony  at  church.  This  stands  in  the 
place  of  issuing  cards.  No  one  must  think  of  calling  on 
the  newly  married  couple  who  has  not  received  an  invi- 
tation to  the  ceremony  at  church,  or  cards  after  their 
establishment  in  their  new  home. 

THE  LATEST  CEREMONIALS. 

The  latest  New  York  form  for  conducting  the  mar- 
riage ceremony  is  substantially  as  follows: 

When  the  bridal  party  has  arranged  itself  for  entrance, 
the  ushers,  in  pairs  march  slowly  up  to  the  altar  and 
turn  to  the  right.  Behind  them  follows  the  groom 
alone.  When  he  reaches  the  altar  he  turns,  faces  the 
aisle,  and  watches  intently  for  the  coming  of  his  bride. 
After  a  slight  interval  the  bridemaids  follow,  in  pairs, 
and  at  the  altar  turn  to  the  left.  After  another  brief 
interval,  the  bride,  alone  and  entirely  veiled,  with  her 
eyes  cast  down,  follows  her  companions.  The  groom 
comes  forward  a  few  steps  to  meet  her,  takes  her  hand, 
and  places  her  at  the  altar.  Both  kneel  for  a  moment's 
silent  devotion.  The  parents  of  the  bride,  having  fol- 
lowed her,  stand  just  behind  her  and  partly  to  the 


198  ETIQUETTE   OF   WEDDINGS. 

left.     The  services  by  the  clergyman  now  proceed  as 
usual. 

While  the  bride  and  bridegroom  are  passing  out  of 
the  church,  the  bridemaids  follow  slowly,  each  upon  the 
arm  of  an  usher,  and  they  afterward  hasten  on  as  speed- 
ily as  possible  to  welcome  the  bride  at  her  own  door, 
and  to  arrange  themselves  about  the  bride  and  groom  in 
the  reception  room,  half  of  the  ladies  upon  her  side  and 
half  upon  his — the  first  bridemaid  retaining  the  place  of 

honor. 

THE  USHERS'  DUTIES. 

The  ushers  at.  the  door  of  the  reception  room  offer 
themselves  as  escorts  to  parties,  who  arrive  slowly  from 
the  church,  conducting  them  to  the  bridal  party,  and 
there  presenting  them  by  name.  This  announcement 
becomes  necessary  when  two  families  and  two  sets  of 
friends  are  brought  together  for  the  first  time.  If  ladies 
are  present  without  gentlemen,  the  ushers  accompany 
them  to  the  breakfast  or  refreshment  room,  or  provide 
them  with  attendants. 

At  the  church  the  ushers  are  the  first  to  arrive.  They 
stand  by  the  inner  entrance  and  offer  their  arms  to 
escort  the  ladies,  as  they  enter,  to  their  proper  seats  in 
the  church.  If  a  lady  be  accompanied  by  a  gentleman, 
the  latter  follows  the  usher  and  the  lady  to  the  seat 
shown  her.  The  ushers,  knowing  the  two  families,  un- 
derstand where  to  place  the  nearer,  and  where  the 
remoter  relatives  and  friends  of  the  bridal  party,  the 
groom's  friends  being  arranged  upon  the  right  of  the 
entrance,  and  the  bride's  upon  the  left.  The  distribu- 


ETIQUETTE    OF    WEDDINGS.  199 

tion  of  guests  places  the  father  (or  guardian)  of  the 
bride  at  the  proper  place  during  the  ceremony. 

ANOTHER  FORM  OF  CHURCH  CEREMONIALS. 

The  ceremonials  for  the  entry  to  the  church  by  the 
bridal  party  may  be  varied  to  suit  the  taste.  Prece- 
dents for  the  style  already  described  are  found  among 
the  highest  social  circles  in  New  York  and  other  large 
cities,  but  there  are  brides  who  prefer  the  fashion  of 
their  grandmothers,  which  is  almost  strictly  an  Amer- 
ican fashion.  In  this  style,  the  bridemaids,  each  leanirtg 
upon  the  arm  of  a  groomsman,  first  pass  up  the  aisle  to 
the  altar,  the  ladies  going  to  their  left,  and  the  gentle- 
men to  their  right.  The  groom  follows  with  the  bride's 
mother,  or  some  one  to  represent  her,  leaning  on  his  arm, 
whom  he  seats  in  a  front  pew  at  the  left.  The  bride 
follows,  clinging  to  the  arm  of  her  father  (or  near  rela- 
tive), who  leads  her  to  the  groom.  The  father  waits  at 
her  left  and  a  step  or  two  back  of  her,  until  asked  to 
give  her  away,  which  he  does  by  taking  her  right  hand 
and  placing  it  in  that  of  the  clergyman.  After  this  he 
joins  the  mother  of  the  bride  in  the  front  pew,  and 
becomes  her  escort  while  they  pass  out  of  the  church. 

In  case  there  are  no  bridemaids,  the  ushers  walk  into 
church  in  pairs,  just  in  advance  of  the  groom,  and  part- 
inar  at  the  altar,  half  of  them  stand  at  one  side  and  half 

O  * 

at  the  other.  While  the  clergyman  is  congratulating 
the  bride,  they  pass  out  in  pairs,  a  little  in  advance  of 
the  wedded  couple. 


200  ETIQUETTE   OF   WEDDINGS. 

WEDDINGS  AT  HOME. 

"Weddings  at  home  vary  but  little  from  those  at 
church.  The  music,  the  assembling  of  friends,  the 
entree  of  the  bridal  party  to  the  position  selected,  are 
the  same.  An  altar  of  flowers,  and  a  place  of  kneeling 
can  be  easily  arranged  at  home.  The  space  behind  the 
altar  need  be  no  wider  than  is  allowed  for  the  clergyman 
to  stand.  The  altar  is  generally  only  a  fender  or  rail- 
ing entirely  wound  and  concealed  by  greenery  or  blos- 
soms. Other  floral  accessories,  such  as  the  marriage- 
bell,  horseshoe,  or  white  dove,  etc.,  can  be  arranged  with 
ease  by  a  skillful  florist,  if  desired. 

When  the  marriage  ceremony  is  concluded,  the  party 
turn  in  their  places  and  face  their  friends,  who  proceed 
to  congratulate  them.  If  space  be  required,  the  kneel- 
ing stool  and  floral  altar  may  be  removed,  a  little  later, 
without  observation. 

THE  EVENING  WEDDING. 

If  the  wedding  occur  in  the  evening,  the  only  differ- 
ence in  the  ceremonials  from  those  in  the  morning  ia 
that  the  ushers  or  groomsmen  wear  full  evening  dress, 
and  the  bridal  pair  retire  quietly  to  dress  for  their  jour- 
ney before  the  dancing  party  disperses,  and  thus  leave 
unobserved.  At  the  morning  wedding  only  bridemaids, 
ushers  and  relatives  remain  to  witness  the  departure  of 
the  pair. 

"  AT  HOME  "  BECEPTIONS. 

When  the  newly  married  couple  commence  life  in  a 
home  of  their  own,  it  is  customary  to  issue  "  at  home  " 


ETIQUETTE    OF   WEDDINGS.  201 

cards  for  a  few  evenings,  at  an  early  date  after  the  wed- 
ding, for  informal  receptions.  Only  such  persons  are 
invited  as  the  young  couple  choose  to  keep  as  friends,  or 
perhaps  only  those  whom  they  can  afford  to  retain. 
This  is  a  suitable  opportunity  to  carefully  re-arrange 
one's  social  list,  and  their  list  of  old  acquaintances  may 
be  sifted  at  the  time  of  the  beginning  of  housekeeping. 
This  custom  of  arranging  a  fresh  list  is  admitted  as  a 
social  necessity,  and  nobody  is  offended. 

CALLS. 

All  guests  and  friends  who  receive  "  at  home  "  invita- 
tions, or  who  are  invited  to  the  church,  are  required  by 
etiquette  to  call  upon  the  family  of  the  bride,  or  to  leave 
their  cards,  within  ten  days  after  the  wedding. 

THE  WEDDING  KING. 

All  churches  at  present  use  the  ring,  and  vary  the  sen- 
timent of  its  adoption  to  suit  the  customs  and  ideas  of 
their  own  rites.  A  jeweled  ring  has  been  for  many 
years  the  sign  and  symbol  of  betrothal,  but  at  present  a 
plain  gold  circlet,  with  the  date  of  the  engagement  in- 
scribed within,  is  generally  preferred.  The  ring  is  re- 
moved by  the  groom  at  the  altar,  passed  to  the  clergy- 
man and  used  in  the  ceremony.  A  jeweled  ring  is 
placed  upon  her  hand  by  the  groom  on  the  way  home 
from  the  church,  or  as  soon  after  the  service  as  is  con- 
venient. It  stands  guard  over  its  precious  fellow,  and 
is  a  confirmation  of  the  first  promise. 


202 


THE  MARRIAGE  CEREMONIALS  OF  A  WIDOW. 


The  marriage  ceremonials  of  a  widow  differ  from  that 
of  a  young  lady  in  not  wearing  the  veil  and  orange 
blossoms.  She  may  be  costumed  in  white  and  have  her 
maids  at  the  altar  if  she  pleases.  This  liberty,  however, 
has  only  been  given  her  within  a  few  years.  On  her 
wedding  cards  of  invitation,  her  maiden  name  is  used  as 
a  part  of  her  proper  name;  which  is  done  in  respect  to 
her  parents.  Having  dropped  the  initials  of  her  dead 
husband's  name  when  she  laid  aside  her  mourning,  she 
uses  her  Christian  name.  If  she  has  sons  or  unmarried 
daughters  at  the  time  she  becomes  again  a  wife,  she  may 
prefix  the  last  name  of  her  children  to  her  new  one  on 
all  ceremonious-  occasions  in  which  they  are  interested 
in  common  with  herself.  This  respect  is  really  due 
them,  and  etiquette  permits  it,  although  our  social  usages 
do  not  command  its  adoption.  The  formalities  which 
follow  the  marriage  of  a  widow  can  seldom  be  regulated 
in  the  same  manner  as  those  of  a  younger  bride.  No 
fixed  forms  can  be  arranged  for  entertainments,  which 
must  be  controlled  by  circumstances. 

rNVITATIONS. 

Wedding  invitations  should  be  handsomely  engraved 
in  script.  Neither  Old  English  nor  German  text  are 
admissible  in  invitations.  The  following  is  given  as  the 
latest  form  for -invitations : 


ETIQUETTE    OF    WEDDINGS. 


203 


<7 


r. 


This  invitation  requires  no  answer.  Friends  living  in 
other  towns  and  cities  receiving  it,  inclose  their  cards, 
and  send  ~by  mail.  Residents  call  on  the  family  within 
the  prescribed  time,  or  as  soon  after  as  possible. 

The  invitation  to  the  wedding  breakfast  is  enclosed 
•in  the  same  envelope,  generally  conveyed  on  a  square 
card,  the  same  size  as  the  sheet  of  note  paper  which 
bears  the  invitation  for  the  ceremony  after  it  has  been 


204  ETIQUETTE    OF    VTEDDINGS. 

once  folded  across  the  middle.     The  following  is  one  of 
the  adopted  forms: 


fa-t   £ 


The  separate  cards  of  the  bride  and  groom  are  no 
longer  necessary. 

The  card  of  admission  to  the  church  is  narrower,  and 
is  plainly  engraved  in  large  script,  as  follows: 


izt 

<7 

Generally  only  half  an  hour  intervenes  between  the 
ceremony  and  the  reception. 

DUTIES  OF  THOSE  INVITED. 

People  who  receive  "  At  Home  "  wedding  invitations, 
are  expected  to  acknowledge  them  as  soon  as  received, 
and  never  fail  to  accept,  unless  for  some  very  good  rea- 
son. Guests  invited  to  the  house,  or  to  a  marriage  feast 
following  the  ceremony,  should  not  feel  at  liberty  to 
decline  from  any  whim  or  caprice. 


ETIQUETTE    OF   WEDDINGS.  205 

REQUIREMENTS  OF  THE  BRIDEMAIDS  AND  USHERS. 

Bridesmaids  and  ushers  should  allow  nothing  but  ill- 
ness or  some  unavoidable  accident  to  prevent  them  from 
officiating,  thus  showing  their  appreciation  of  the  friend- 
ship which  has  caused  their  selection  to  this  honored 
position.  If  by  reason  of  sudden  affliction,  some  one  of 
the  bridemaids  or  ushers  is  prevented  from  attending,  a 
substitute  should,  if  possible,  be  provided  immediately. 
The  reasons  for  this,  however,  should  be  well  under- 
stood, that  no  opportunity  may  be  given  for  uncharitable 
comments. 

BRIDAL  PRESENTS. 

When  bridal  presents  are  given,  they  are  sent  to  the 
bride  previous  to  the  day  of  the  marriage  ceremony. 
As  the  universal  bridal  present  has  fallen  into  disuse, 
this  custom  is  not  now  considered  obligatory,  and  if  im- 
mediate friends  and  relatives  desire  to  make  presents,  it 
should  be  spontaneous,  and  in  no  sense  considered  obli- 
gatory. These  presents  are  not  put  on  exhibition  as 
formerly,  but  are  acknowledged  by  the  bride  in  a  private 
note  to  the  donor.  It  is  not  now  considered  in  good 
form  to  talk  about  these  contributions. 

ARRANGEMENTS  FOR  THE  CEREMONIES. 

In  weddings  at  churches  a  master  of  ceremonies  is 
often  provided,  who  is  expected  to  be  at  the  church  as 
soon  as  the  doors  are  opened.  He  arranges  beforehand 
for  the  spreading  of  a  carpet  from  the  church  door  to 
the  pavement,  and  if  the  weather  be  inclement,  he  sees 


206  ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 

that  an  awning  is  also  spread.  He  also  sees  that  a  white 
ribbon  is  stretched  across  the  main  aisle  of  the  church, 
far  enough  back  from  the  altar  to  afford  sufficient  room 
for  all  invited  guests  to  occupy  the  front  pews  of  the 
main  aisle.  Sometimes  an  arch  of  flowers  extends  over 
the  aisle,  so  as  to  divide  those  who  come  in  wedding 
garments,  from  those  who  do  not.  The  organist  should 
be  early  at  his  post,  and  is  expected  to  play  during  the 
arrival  of  guests.  The  order  of  the  religious  part  of  the 
marriage  ceremony  is  fixed  by  the  church  in  which  it 
occurs. 

THE  WEDDING  FEES. 

There  is  no  prescribed  fee  for  performing  the  mar- 
riage ceremony.  It  is  regulated  according  to  the  means 
and  liberality  of  the  bridegroom,  but  no  less  amount 
than  five  dollars  should  be  given  under  any  circum- 
stances. 

THE  CONGRATULATIONS. 

At  wedding  receptions,  friends  who  congratulate  the 
newly  married  couple  should  address  the  bride  first,  if 
they  have  any  previous  acquaintance  with  her,  then  the 
bridegroom,  then  the  bridemaids,  and  after  that  the 
parents  and  family  of  the  bride  and  groom.  They  should 
give  their  good  wishes  to  the  bride  and  congratulate  the 
bridegroom.  If  they  are  acquainted  with  the  bridegroom 
and  not  with  the  bride,  let  them  address  him  first  and 
he  will  introduce  them  to  his  bride. 


ETIQUETTE    OF    WEDDINGS. 


207 


THE  BBIDAi  TO  PR. 

The  honeymoon  of  repose,  exempt  from  all  claims  of 
society,  is  now  prescribed  by  the  dictates  of  common 
sense  and  fashion,  and  the  same  arbiters  unite  in  con- 
demning the  harrassing  bridal  tour.  It  is  no  longer 
de  rigueur  to  maintain  any  secrecy  as  to  their  plans  for 
traveling,  when  a  newly  married  couple  depart  upon  a 
tour 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 


torn*  $ite  atifl  Jptqueite. 

OME    is  the    woman's    kingdom,    and 
there  she   reigns   supreme.     To  em- 
bellish that  home,  to  make  happy  the 
lives  of  her  husband  and  the  dear  ones 
committed  to  her  trust,  is  the  honored 
task  which  it  is  the  wife's  province  to 
perform.     All  praise  be  to  her  who 
so  rules  and  governs  in  that  kingdom, 
that  those  reared  beneath  her  roof  "  shall 
rise  tip  and  call  her  blessed." 

A  HOME. 

After  marriage  one  of  the  first  require- 
ments for  happiness  is  a  home.  This  can 
seldom  be  found  in  a  boarding  house  or  at  a  hotel,  and 
not  always  beneath  the  parental  roof  of  either  husband 
or  wife.  It  will  oftenest  be  found  in  a  house  or  even  a 
cottage  apart  from  the  immediate  association  of  rela- 
tives or  friends,  acquaintances  or  strangers,  and  here  hus- 
band and  wife  may  begin  in  reality,  that  new  life  of 
which  they  have  had  fond  dreams  ;  and  upon  their  own 
actions  must  depend  their  future  welfare. 

(208) 


HOMK    LIFE    AND    ETIQUETTE.  'Ji>(J 

HOME  COMPANIONSHIP. 

'Husband  and  wife  should  remember,  when  starting 
out  upon  their  newly  wedded  life,  that  they  are  to  be 
life  companions,  that  the  affection  they  have  possessed 
and  expressed  as  lovers  must  ripen  into  a  life-long  devo- 
tion to  one  another's  welfare  and  happiness,  that  the 
closest  friendship  must  be  begotten  from  their  early 
love,  and  that  each  must  live  and  work  for  the  other. 


They  must  seek  to  b«  congenial  companions  to  each 
other,  so  that  every  hour  they  pass  together  will  be  mu- 
tually enjoyable.  They  should  aim  to  have  the  same 
tastes,  so  that  what  one  enjoys  will  be  alike  enjoyable  to 
the  other,  and  what  is  distasteful  to  one  shall  be  no  lesa 
so  to  the  other.  Each  should  yield  in  matters  where  it 
is  right  to  yield,  and  be  tirtu  only  where  duty  is  con- 
cerned. With  a  firm  trust  in  one  anotker  they  should 

14 


210  HOME   LIFE    AND    ETIQUETTE. 

ever  abide,  that  each  may  say  to  the  world,  "  I  possess 
one  on  whose  character  and  heart  I  can  lean  as  upon  a 
rock." 

CONDUCT  OF  HUSBAND  AND  WIFE. 

Let  neither  ever  deceive  the  other,  or  do  anything  to 
shake  the  other's  confidence,  for  once  deceived,  the 
heart  can  never  wholly  trust  again.  Fault-finding  should 
only  be  done  by  gentle  and  mild  criticism,  and  then  with 
loving  words  and  pleasant  looks.  Make  allowances  for 
one  another's  weaknesses,  and  at  the  same  time  endeavor 
to  mutually  repress  them.  For  the  sake  of  mutual  im- 
provement the  husband  and  wife  should  receive  and  give 
corrections  to  one  another  in  a  spirit  of  kindness,  and  in 
doing  so  they  will  prepare  themselves  for  the  work  God 
gives  the  parents  of  training  lives  for  usefulness  here 
and  hereafter.  Their  motto  should  be  "faithful  unto 
death  in  all  things,"  and  they  must  exercise  forbearance 
with  each  other's  peculiarities. 

Let  both  preserve  a  strict  guard  over  their  tongues, 
that  neither  may  utter  anything  rude,  contemptuous  or 
severe,  and  guard  their  tempers,  that  neither  may  ever 
grow  passionate  or  become  sullen  or  morose  in  one 
another's  presence.  They  should  not  expect  too  much 
from  each  other;  if  either  offends,  it  is  the  part  of  the 
other  to  forgive,  remembering  that  no  one  is  free  from 
faults,  and  that  we  are  all  constantly  erring. 

If,  perchance,  after  they  have  entered  upon  the  stern 
realities  of  life,  they  find  that  they  have  made  a  mistake, 
that  they  are  not  well  mated,  then  they  must  accept  the 
inevitable  and  endure  to  the  end,  "  for  better  or  for 


HOME    LIFE    AND    ETIQUETTE.  211 

worse;"  for  only  in  this  way  can  they  find  consolation 
for  having  found  out,  when  too  late,  that  they  were 
unfitted  for  a  life-long  companionship.  A  journalist  has 
said:  "No  lessons  learned  by  experience,  however 
sharply  taught  and  sadly  earned,  can  enlighten  the 
numbed  senses  which  love  has  sent  to  sleep  by  its  magic 
fascination;  .and  things  as  plain  as  the  sun  in  heaven  to 
others  are  dark  as  night,  unfathomable  as  the  sea,  to 
those  who  let  themselves  love  before  they  prove." 

DUTIES  OF  THE  WIFE  TO  HER  HUSBAND. 

The  wife  should  remember  that  upon  her,  to  the 
greatest  extent,  devolves  the  duty  of  making  home 
happy.  She  should  do  nothing  to  make  her  husband 
feel  uncomfortable,  either  mentally  or  physically,  but 
on  the  other  hand  she  should  strive  to  the  utmost  of 
her  ability  to  do  whatever  is  best  calculated  to  please 
him,  continually  showing  him  that  her  love,  plighted 
upon  the  altar,  remains  steadfast,  and  that  no  vicissi- 
tudes of  fortune  can  change  or  diminish  it. 

She  should  never  indulge  in  fits  of  temper,  hysterics, 
or  other  habits  of  ill-breeding,  which,  though  easy  to 
conquer  at  first,  grow  and  strengthen  with  indulgence, 
if  she  would  retain  her  husband  as  her  lover  and  her 
dearest  and  nearest  friend.  She  should  be  equally  as 
neat  and  tidy  respecting  her  dress  and  personal  ap- 
pearance at  home  as  when  she  appears  in  society,  and 
her  manners  towards  her  husband  should  be  as  kind 
and  pleasing  when  alone  with  him  as  when  in  company. 
She  should  bear  in  mind  that  to  retain  the  good  opinion 


HOME    LIFE    AM)    KIICJUKTTK 

of  her  husband  is  worth  far  more  than  to  gain  the 
good  opinion  of  hundreds  of  the  devotees  of  society, 
and  that  as  she  possesses  the  love  and  confidence  of  her 
husband,  so  will  she  receive  the  respect  and  esteem  of 
all  his  friends. 

She  should  be  careful  not  to  confide  to  another  any 
small  misunderstandings  or  petty  quarrels  between  her- 
self and  husband,  should  any  occur.  This  is  the  surest 
method  of  widening  any  breach  of  harmony  that  may 
occur  between  husband  and  wife,  for  the  more  such 
misunderstandings  are  talked  about,  and  the  more 
advice  she  receives  from  her  confidants,  there  is  less 
probability  that  harmonious  relations  will  be  speedily 
resumed. 

THE  WIFE  A  HELPMATE. 

A  wife  should  act  openly  and  honorably  in  regard  to 
money  matters,  keeping  an  exact  account  of  her  expen- 
ditures, and  carefully  guarding  against  any  extrava- 
gances; and  while  her  husband  is  industriously  at  work, 
she  should  seek  to  encourage  him,  by  her  own  frugality, 
to  be  economical,  thrifty,  enterprising  and  prosperous 
in  his  business,  that  he  may  be  better  enabled,  as  years 
go  by  and  family  cares  press  more  heavily  on  each,  to 
afford  all  the  comforts  and  perhaps  some  of  the  luxuries 
of  a  happy  home.  No  condition  is  hopeless  when  the 
wife  possesses  firmness,  decision  and  economy,  and  no 
outward  prosperity  can  counteract  indolence,  folly  and 
extravagance  at  home.  She  should  consult  the  disposi- 
tion and  tastes  of  her  husband,  and  endeavor  to  lead 
him  to  high  and  noble  thoughts,  lofty  aims,  and  tern- 


HOME    LIFE    AND    ETIQUETTE.  213 

poral  comfort;  be  ever  ready  to  welcome  him  home, 
and  in  his  companionship  draw  his  thoughts  from  busi- 
ness and  lead  him  to  the  enjoyment  of  home  comforts 
and  happiness.  The  influence  of  a  good  wife  over  her 
husband  may  be  very  great,  if  she  exerts  it  in  the  right 
direction.  She  should,  above  all  things,  study  to  learn 
the  disposition  of  her  husband,  and  if,  perchance,  she 
finds  herself  united  to  a  man  of  quick  and  violent  tem- 
per, the  utmost  discretion,  as  well  as  perfect  equanimity 
on  her  own  part  is  required,  for  she  should  have  such 
perfect  control  over  herself  as  to  calm  his  perturbed 

spirits. 

A  HUSBAND'S  DUTIES. 

It  must  not  be  supposed  that  it  devolves  upon  the 
wife  alone  to  make  married  life  and  home  happy.  She 
must  be  seconded  in  her  noble  efforts  by  him  who  took 
her  from  her  own  parental  fireside  and  kind  friends,  to 
be  his  companion  through  life's  pilgrimage.  He  has 
placed  her  in  a  new  home,  provided  with  such  comforts 
as  his  means  permit,  and  the  whole  current  of  both  their 
lives  have  been  changed.  His  constant  duty  to  his  wife 
is  to  be  ever  kind  and  attentive,  to  love  her  as  he  loves 
himself,  even  sacrificing  his  own  personal  comfort  for 
her  happiness.  From  his  affection  for  her,  there  should 
grow  out  a  friendship  and  fellowship,  such  as  is  pos- 
sessed for  no  other  person.  His  evenings  and  spare 
moments  should  be  devoted  to  her,  and  these  should  be 
used  for  their  intellectual,  moral  and  social  advance- 
ment. 

Tho  caves  and  anxieties  of  business  should  not  exclude 


214:  HOME    LIFE    AND    ETIQUETTE. 

the  attentions  due  to  wife  and  family,  while  he  should 
carefully  keep  her  informed  of  the  condition  of  his 
business  affairs.  Many  a  wife  is  capable  of  giving  her 
husband  important  advice  about  various  details  of  his 
business,  and  if  she  knows  the  condition  of  his  pecu- 
niary affairs,  she  will  be  able  to  govern  her  expenditures 
accordingly. 

It  is  the  husband's  duty  to  join  with  his  wife  in  all 
her  endeavors  to  instruct  her  children,  to  defer  all  mat- 
ters pertaining  to  their  discipline  to  her,  aiding  her  in 
this  respect  .as  she  requires  it.  In  household  matters 
the  wife  rules  predominant,  and  he  should  never  inter- 
fere with  her  authority  and  government  in  this  sphere. 
It  is  his  duty  and  should  be  his  pleasure  to  accompany 
her  to  church,  to  social  gatherings,  to  lectures  and  sucli 
places  of  entertainment  as  they  both  mutually  enjoy 
and  appreciate.  In  fact  he  ought  not  to  attend  a  social 
gathering  unless  accompanied  by  his  wife,  nor  go  to  an 
evening  entertainment  without  her.  If  it  is  not  a  fit 
place  for  his  wife  to  attend,  neither  is  it  fit  for  him. 

While  he  should  give  his  wife  his  perfect  confidence 
in  her  faithfulness,  trusting  implicitly  to  her  honor  at 
all  times  and  in  all  places,  he  should,  on  his  part,  remain 
faithful  and  constant  to  her,  and  give  her  no  cause  of 
complaint.  He  should  pass  by  unnoticed  any  disagree- 
able peculiarities  and  mistakes,  taking  care  at  the  proper 
time,  and  without  giving  offense,  to  remind  her  of  them, 
with  the  idea  of  having  her  correct  them.  He  should 
never  seek  to  break  her  of  any  disagreeable  habits  or 
peculiarities  she  may  possess,  by  ridiculing  them.  He 


HOME    LIFE    AND    ETIQUETTE.  215 

should  encourage  her  in  all  her  schemes  for  promoting 
the  welfare  of  her  household,  or  in  laudable  endeavors 
to  promote  the  happiness  of  others,  by  engaging  in  such 
works  of  benevolence  and  charity  as  the  duties  of  her 
home  will  allow  her  to  perform. 

The  husband,  in  fact,  should  act  toward  his  wife  as 
becomes  a  perfect  gentleman,  regarding  her  as  the  "  best 
lady  in  the  land,"  to  whom,  above  all  other  earthly 
beings,  he  owes  paramount  allegiance.  If  he  so  endeav- 
ors to  act,  his  good  sense  and  judgment  will  dictate  to 
him  the  many  little  courtesies  which  are  due  her,  and 
which  every  good  wife  cannot  fail  to  appreciate.  The 
observance  of  the  rules  of  politeness  are  nowhere  more 
desirable  than  in  the  domestic  circle,  between  husband 
and  wife,  parents  and  children. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 
f|0me 


TJR  earliest  and  best  recollections  are 
associated  with  home.      There  the 
first  lessons  of  infancy  are  learned. 
The  mother's  heart   is  the   child's 
first  school-room.     The  parents'  ex- 
amples  are   first   imitated   by   the 
child,  whose  earliest  impressions  are 
gained  from  them.     In  no  way  are  evil 
habits  more  effectually  propagated  than 
by  example,  and  therefore  parents  should 
be  what  they  wish  their  children  to  be. 

THE  MOTHER'S  INFLUENCE. 

To  the  mother  belongs  the  privilege  of 
planting  in  the  hearts  of  her  children  those  seeds  of  love, 
which,  nurtured  and  fostered,  will  bear  the  fruit  of 
earnest  and  useful  lives.  It  is  she  who  must  fit  them 
to  meet  the  duties  and  emergencies  of  life,  and  in  this 
work  of  training  she  keeps  her  heart  fresh  and  young, 
and  thereby  insures  the  growth  of  those  powers  with 
which  nature  has  endowed  her. 

<£]&> 


HOME    TEAINING.  ^IT 

As  the  faculties  of  man,  woman  or  child  are  brought 
into  active  exercise,  so  do  they  become  strengthened,, 
and  the  mother,  in  doing  her  work  in  the  training  of 
her  children,  grows  in  wisdom,  in  knowledge  and  in 
power,  thus  enabling  her  the  better  to  perform  her 
duties. 

PARENTS  SHOULD  SET  GOOD  EXAMPLES. 

As  children  first  acquire  knowledge  and  habits  from, 
the  examples  of  their  parents,  the  latter  should  be  cir- 
cumspect in  all  their  actions,  manners  and  modes  of 
speech.  If  you  wish  your  children's  faces  illumined  with 
good  humor,  contentment  and  satisfaction,  so  that  they 
will  be  cheerful,  joyous  and  happy,  day  by  day,  then, 
must  your  own  countenance  appear  illumined  by  the 
sunshine  of  love.  Kind  words,  kind  deeds  and  loving: 
looks  are  true  works  of  charity,  and  they  are  needed  in/ 
our  home  circle. 

Never  a  tear  bedims  the  eye, 

That  time  and  patience  can  not  diy ; 
Never  a  lip  is  curved  with  pain. 

That  can  not  be  kissed  into  smiles  again. 
I 

Your  children  will  form  habits  of  evil  speaking  if 
they  hear  you  deal  lightly  with  the  reputation  of 
another — if  they  hear  you  slander  or  revile  your  neigh- 
bor. If  you  wish  your  child  to  show  charity  toward 
the  erring,  you  must  set  the  example  by  the  habitual 
exercise  of  that  virtue  yourself.  Without  this  your 
teaching  will  be  of  but  little  avail.  If  you  take  pleas- 
ure in  dwelling  upon  the  faults  of  others,  if  you  refuse- 
to  cover  over  their  infirmities  with  the  mantle  of  charity,. 


218  HOME    TRAINING. 

your  example  will  nullify  your  teaching,  and  your  admo- 
nitions will  be  lost. 

COURTESIES  IN  THE  HOME  CIRCLE. 

Mothers  should  early  train  their  children  to  regard 
all  the  courtesies  of  life  as  scrupulously  toward  each 
other  as  to  mere  acquaintances  and  strangers.  This  is 
the  only  way  in  which  you  can  secure  to  them  the  daily 
enjoyment  of  a  happy  home.  When  the  extez-nal  forms 
•of  courtesy  are  disregarded  in  the  family  circle,  we  are 
sure  to  find  contention  and  bickering  perpetually  recur- 
ring. Rudeness  is  a  constant  source  of  bickering. 
Each  will  have  his  own  way  of  being  rude,  and  each 
will  be  angry  at  some  portion  of  the  ill-breeding  of  all 
the  rest,  thus  provoking  accusations  and  retorts.  Where 
the  rule  of  life  is  to  do  good  and  to  make  others  happy, 
there  will  be  found  the  art  of  securing  a  happy  home. 
It  is  said  that  there  is  something  higher  in  politeness 
than  Christian  moralists  have  recognized.  In  its  best 
forms,  none  but  the  truly  religious  man  can  show  it,  for 
it  is  the  sacrifice  of  self  in  the  habitual  matters  of  life — 
always  the  best  test  of  our  principles — together  with  a 
respect  for  man  as  our  brother,  under  the  same  great 
•destiny. 

EARLY  MORAL  TRAINING. 

The  true  test  of  the  success  of  any  education  is  its 
efficiency  in  giving  full  use  of  the  moral  and  intellectual 
faculties  wherewith  to  meet  the  duties  and  the  strug- 
gles of  life,  and  not  by  the  variety  of  knowledge  acquired. 
The  development  of  the  powers  of  the  mind  and  its  cwf 


HOME    TRAINING.  219 

tivation  are  the  work  of  a  teacher;  moral  training  is  the 
work  of  the  mother,  and  commences  long  before  one 
word  of  precept  can  be  understood.  Children  should 
be  early  taught  to  regard  the  rights  of  others,  that  they 
may  earl/  learn  the  rights  which  property  confers  and 
not  entertain  confused  ideas  upon  this  subject. 

FORMATION  OF  HABITS. 

Virtue  is  the  child  of  good  habits,  and  the  formation 
of  habits  may  be  said  to  almost  constitute  the  whole 
work  of  education.  The  mother  can  create  habits 
which  shall  mold  character  and  enable  the  mind  to 
maintain  that  habitual  sense  of  dnty  which  gives  com- 
mand over  the  passions,  and  power  to  fight  temptation, 
and  which  makes  obedience  to  principle  comparatively 
•easy,  under  most  circumstances.  The  social  and  domes- 
tic life  are  marred  by  habits  which  have  grown  into  a 
second  nature.  It  is  not  in  an  occasional  act  of  civility 
that  the  charm  of  either  home  or  society  consists,  but  in 
•continued  practice  of  courtesy  and  respect  for  the  rights 
and  feelings  of  those  around  us. .  Whatever  may  be  the 
precepts  for  a  home,  the  practices  of  the  fireside  will 
give  form  to  the  habits.  Parents  who  indulge  in  gossip, 
scandal,  slander  and  tale-telling,  will  rear  children  pos- 
sessing the  same  tastes  and  deteriorating  habits.  A 
parent's  example  outlines  the  child's  character.  It  sinks 
down  deep  into  his  heart  and  influences  his  whole  life 
for  good  or  for  evil.  A  parent  should  carefully  avoid 
speaking  evil  of  others,  and  should  never  exhibit  faults 
requiring  the  mantle  of  charity  to  cover.  A  parent's 


220  HOME    TRAINING. 

example  should  be  such  as  to  excite  an  abhorrence  of 
evil  speaking,  of  tattling  and  of  uncharitable  construc- 
tion of  the  motives  of  others.  Let  the  mother  begin 
the  proper  training  of  her  children  in  early  life  and  she 
will  be  able  to  so  mold  their  characters  that  not  only 
will  they  acquire  the  habit  of  bridling  the  tongue,  but 
they  will  learn  to  avoid  the  presence  of  the  slanderer  as 
they  do  a  deadly  viper. 

POLITENESS  AT  HOME. 

Genuine  politeness  is  a  great  fosterer  of  domestic 
love,  and  those  who  are  habitually  polished  at  home  are 
those  who  exhibit  good  manners  when  abroad.  When 
parents  receive  any  little  attention  from  their  children, 
they  should  thank  them  for  it.  They  should  ask  a  favor 
only  in  a  courteous  way;  never  reply  to  questions  in 
monosyllables,  or  indulge  in  the  rudeness  of  paying  no 
attention  to  a  question,  for  such  an  example  will  be 
surely  followed  by  the  children.  Parents  sometimes 
thoughtlessly  allow  their  children  to  form  habits  of  dis- 
respect in  the  home  circle,  which  crop  out  in  the  bad 
manners  that  are  found  in  society. 

HOW  TO  REPROVB. 

Parents  should  never  check  expressions  of  tenderness 
in  their  children,  nor  humiliate  them  before  others. 
This  will  not  only  cause  suffering  to  little  sensitive 
hearts,  but  will  tend  to  harden  them.  Reproof,  if 
m-i-ded,  should  be  administered  to  each  child  singly  and 


HOMK    TKAKSIN'T. 
CHEERFULNESS  AT  THE  TABLE. 

Children  should  not  be  prohibited  from  laughing 
talking  at  the  table.  Joyousness  promotes  the  circula- 
tion of  the  blood,  enlivens  and  invigorates  it,  and  sends 
it  to  all  parts  of  the  system,  carrying  with  it  animation, 
vigor  and  life.  Controversy  should  not  be  permitted  at 
the  table,  nor  should  any  subjects  which  call  forth  polit- 
ical or  religious  difference.  Every  topic  introduced 
should  be  calculated  to  instruct,  interest  or  amuso. 
Business  matters,  past  disappointments  and  mishaps 
should  not  be  alluded  to,  nor  should  bad  news  be  spoken 
of  at  the  table,  nor  for  half  an  hour  before.  All  con- 
versation should  be  of  joyous  and  gladsome  character, 
such  as  will  bring  out  pleasant  remarks  and  agreeable 
associations.  Reproof  should  never  be  administered  at 
the  table,  either  to  a  child  or  to  a  servant;  no  fault 
found  with  anything,  and  no  unkind  word  should  be 
spoken.  If  remarks  are  to  be  made  of  absent  ones,  they 
should  be  of  a  kind  and  charitable  nature.  Thus  will 
the  family  table  be  the  center  of  pleasant  memories  in 
future  years,  when  the  family  shall  have  been  scattered 
far  and  near,  and  some,  perhaps,  have  been  laid  in  their 
final  resting-place. 

TRAIN'  CHILDREN  FOR  SOME  OCCUPATION. 

Chancellor  Kent  says:  "Without  some  preparation 
made  in  youth  for  the  sequel  of  life,  children  of  all  con- 
ditions would  probably  become  idle  and  vicious  when 
they  grow  up,  from  want  of  good  instruction  and  habits, 


222  HOME    TRAINING. 

and  the  means  of  subsistence,  or  from  want  of  rational 
and  useful  occupations.  A  parent  who  sends  his  son 
into  the  world  without  educating  him  in  some  art, 
science,  profession  or  business,  does  great  injury  to- 
mankind,  as  well  as  to  his  son  and  his  own  family,  for 
he  defrauds  the  community  of  a  useful  citizen,  and  be- 
queaths to  it  a  nuisance.  That  parent  who  trains  his 
child  for  some  special  occupation,  who  inspires  him  with 
a  feeling  of  genuine  self-respect,  has  contributed  a  use- 
ful citizen  to  society." 

BAD  TEMPER. 

Dread  an  insubordinate  temper,  and  deal  with  it  a» 
one  of  the  greatest  evils.  Let  the  child  feel  by  your 
manner  that  he  is  not  a  safe  companion  for  the  rest  of 
the  family  when  he  is  in  anger.  Allow  no  one  to  speak 
to  him  at  such  times,  not  even  to  answer  a  question. 
Take  from  him  books,  and  whatever  he  may  have,  and 
place  him  where  he  shall  feel  that  the  indulgence  of  a 
bad  temper  shall  deprive  him  of  all  enjoyment,  and  he 
will  soon  learn  to  control  himself. 

SELFISHNESS. 

Selfishness  that  binds  the  miser  in  his  chains,  that 
chills  the  heart,  must  never  be  allowed  a  place  in  the 
family  circle.  Teach  the  child  to  share  his  gifts  and 
pleasures  with  others,  to  be  obliging,  kind  and  benevo- 
lent, and  the  influence  of  such  instruction  may  come 
back  into  your  own  bosom,  to  bless  your  latest  hours. 


HOME    TRAINING,  22S 

HOME  MAXIMS  FOB  TRAINING  CHILDREN. 

Remember  that  children  are  men  and  women  in  min- 
iature, and  though  they  should  be  allowed  to  act  as 
children,  still  our  dealings  with  them  should  be  manly 
and  not  morose.  Remember  also  that  every  word, 
tone  and  gesture,  nay,  even  your  dress,  makes  an  im- 
pression. 

Never  correct  a  child  on  suspicion,  or  without  under- 
standing the  whole  matter,  nor  trifle  with  a  child's  feel- 
ings when  under  discipline. 

Be  always  mild  and  cheerful  in  their  presence,  com- 
municative, but  never  extravagant,  trifling  or  vulgar  in 
language  or  gesture.  Never  trifle  with  a  child  nor  speak 
beseechingly  when  it  is  doing  wrong. 

Always  follow  commands  with  a  close  and  careful 
watch,  until  the  thing  is  done,  allowing  no  evasion  and 
no  modification,  unless  the  child  ask  for  it,  and  it  be 
expressly  granted. 

Never  reprove  children  severely  in  company,  nor  hold 
them  up  to  ridicule,  nor  make  light  of  their  failings. 

Never  speak  in  an  impatient,  pitiful  manner,  if  you 
have  occasion  to  find  fault. 

Never  say  to  a  child,  "  I  don't  believe  what  you  say,'* 
nor  even  imply  your  doubts.  If  you  have  such  feelings, 
keep  them  to  yourself  and  wait;  the  truth  will  eventually 
be  made  plain. 

Never  disappoint  the  confidence  a  child  places  in  you, 
whether  it  be  a  thing  placed  in  your  care  or  a  promise. 

Always   give   prompt  attention  to  a  child  when  he 


HOME   TRAINING. 

speaks,  so  as  to  prevent  repeated  calls,  and  that  he  may 
learn  to  give  prompt  attention  when  you  call  him. 

Never  try  to  impress  a  child  with  religious  truth 
when  in  anger,  or  talk  to  him  of  God,  as  it  will  not  have 
the  desired  effect.  Do  it  under  more  favorable  circum- 
«tances. 

At  the  table  a  child  should  be  taught  to  sit  up  and 
behave  in  a  becoming  manner,  not  to  tease  when  denied, 
nor  to  leave  his  chair  without  asking.  A  parent's  wish 
at  such  time  should  be  a  law  from  which  no  appeal 
should  be  made. 

Even  in  sickness  gentle  restraint  is  better  for  a  child 
than  indulgence. 

There  should  never  be  two  sets  of  manners,  the  one 
for  home  and  the  other  for  company,  but  a  gentle  beha- 
vior should  be  always  required. 


MUSIC. 

'  A  protection  against  vice, 
An  incentire  to  virtue." 


CHAPTER  XX. 


HE  work  of  home  culture  should  be 
made  a  matter  of  great  importance 
to  every  one,  for  upon  it  depends  the 
happiness  of  earthly  homes,  as  well 
as  our  fitness  for  the  enjoyment  of 
the  eternal   home   in  heaven.     The 
sufferings  endured  here,  friend  for 
friend,  parents   for   children,  unrequited 
sacrifices,  cares  and  tears,  all  tend  to  dis- 
cipline us,  and  prepare  us  for  the  recom- 
pense which  eternity  brings. 

CULTIVATE  MORAL  COUKAGE. 

Moral  courage  will  be  cultivated  in  your 
children  as  they  observe  that  you  say  and  do 
whatever  you  conscientiously  believe  to  be  right  and 
true,  without  being  influenced  by  the  views  of  others; 
thus  showing  them  that  you  fear  nothing  so  much  as 
failing  to  do  your  duty.  Perhaps  this  may  be  difficult 
to  do,  but  every  mother  can  at  least  show  her  apprecia- 
tion of  moral  courage  when  she  sees  it  exhibited  by 
others,  and  in  this  way  incite  its  growth  in  the  souls  of 


15 


(235) 


226  HOME   CULTURE. 

her  children.  Moral  courage  is  a  rare  endowment,  and 
'those  who  possess  it  are  able  to  act  with  perfect  inde- 
pendence of  the  opinions  of  others,  and  govern  them- 
selves only  by  the  laws  of  propriety,  uprightness  and 
-charity. 

THE  PERNICIOUS  INFLUENCE  OP  INDOLENCE. 

If  you  would  preserve  your  children  from  the  per- 
nicious influence  of  indolence  and  all  its  corrupting  ten- 
dencies, you  must  be  earnest  in  purpose,  active,  ener- 
getic and  fervent  in  spirit.  Earnestness  sharpens  the 
faculties;  indolence  corrodes  and  dulls  them.  By  the 
former  we  rise  higher  and  higher,  by  the  latter  we  sink 
lower  and  lower.  Indolence  begets  discontent,  envy 
and  jealousy,  while  labor  elevates  the  mind  and  char- 
acter. Cultivate  in  your  children  habits  of  thought 
which  will  keep  their  minds  occupied  upon  something 
that  will  be  of  use  or  advantage,  and  prevent  them  from 
acquiring  habits  of  idleness,  if  you  would  secure  their 
future  well-being. 

It  has  been  said  that  he  who  performs  no  useful  act 
in  society,  who  makes  no  human  being  happier,  is  lead- 
ing a  life  of  utter  selfishness — a  life  of  sin — for  a  life  of 
selfishness  is  a  life  of  sin.  There  is  nowhere  room  for 
idleness.  Work  is  both  a  duty  and  a  necessity  of  our 
nature,  and  a  befitting  reward  will  ever  follow  it.  To 
foster  and  encourage  labor  in  some  useful  form,  is  a 
duty  which  parents  should  urge  upon  their  children,  if 
they  should  seek  their  best  good. 


HOME   CULTURE.  227 

SELF-BESPECTo 

It  is  the  mother's  duty  to  see  that  her  children  pro- 
tect themselves  from  the  many  pit-falls  which  surround 
them,  such  as  malice,  envy,  conceit,  avariciousness,  and 
other  evils,  by  being  clad  in  the  armor  of  self-respect; 
and  then  they  will  be  able  to  encounter  temptation  and 
corruption,  unstained  and  unpolluted.  This  feeling  of 
self-respect  is  something  stronger  than  self-reliance, 
higher  than  pride.  It  is  an  energy  of  the  soul  which 
masters  the  whole  being  for  its  good,  watching  with  a 
never-ceasing  vigilance.  It  is  the  sense  of  duty  and  the 
sense  of  honor  combined.  It  is  an  armor,  which,  though 
powerless  to  shield  from  sorrows  that  purify  and  invig- 
orate, yet  will  avert  all  hostile  influences  that  assail, 
from  whatever  source  they  come.  The  mother  having 
once  made  her  children  conscious  that  always  and  every- 
where they  carry  with  them  such  an  angel  to  shield, 
warn  and  rescue  them,  may  let  them  go  out  into  the 
world,  and  fear  nothing  from  the  wiles  and  temptations 
which  may  beset  them. 

BESULTS  OP  GOOD-BBEEDING  IN"  THB  HOME  CIBCLE. 

The  laws  of  good-breeding  in  no  place  bear  more  grati- 
fying results  than  in  the  home  circle.  Here,  tempered 
with  love,  and  nurtured  by  all  kindly  impulses,  they 
bear  the  choicest  fruit.  A  true  lady  will  show  as  much 
courtesy,  and  observe  the  duties  of  politeness  a^  unfail- 
ingly,'toward  every  member  of  her  family  as  toward 


228  HOME   CULTUKE. 

her  most  distinguished  guest.  A  true  gentleman  will 
feel  bound  to  exercise  courtesy  and  kindness  in  his  inter- 
course with  those  who  depend  upon  him  for  protection 
and  example.  Children  influenced  by  such  examples  at 
home,  will  never  fail  to  show  to  their  elders  the  respect 
due  them,  to  their  young  companions  the  same  consider- 
ation for  their  feelings  which  they  expect  to  meet  with 
in  return,  nor  to  servants  that  patience  which  even  the 
best  too  often  require.  In  such  a  home  peace  and  good 
will  are  the  household  gods. 

FAULT-FINDING  AND  GRUMBLING. 


The  oil  of  civility  is  required  to  make  the  wheels  of 
domestic  life  run  smoothly.  The  habit  of  fault-finding 
and  grumbling  indulged  in  by  some,  is  an  exceedingly 
vexatious  one,  and  will,  in  time,  ruffle  the  calmest  spirit 
and  the  sweetest  temper.  It  is  the  little  annoyances, 
perplexities  and  misfortunes  which  often  render  life  a 
burden;  the  little  omission  of  minor  duties  and  the  com- 
mitting of  little  faults  that  perpetually  scourge  us  and 
keep  the  heart  sore.  Constant  fault-finding,  persistent 
misrepresentations  of  motives,  suspicions  of  evil  where 
no  evil  was  intended,  will  complete  the  work  in  all  but 
the  finest  and  most  heroic  natur.es,  They  alone  can 
stand  the  fiery  test,  coming  out  purer  and  stronger  for 
the  ordeal.  Children  who  habitually  obey  the  com- 
mandment, "  Be  kind  to  one  another,*'  will  find  in  mature 
life,  how  strong  the  bonds  of  affection  may  be  that  bind 
the  members  of  the  household  together. 


HOME    CULTUBE.  229 

FAMILY  JARS  NOT  TO  BE  MADE  PUBLIC. 

Whatever  may  be  the  family  disagreements,  they 
should  never  be  made  known  outside  of  the  home  circle, 
if  it  can  be  avoided.  Those  who  expose  the  faults  of 
the  members  of  their  family  are  severely  judged  by 
the  world,  and  no  provocation  can  be  a  good  excuse  for 
it.  It  is  exceedingly  vulgar,  not  to  say  unchristianlike, 
for  the  members  of  the  same  family  to  be  at  enmity 
with  one  another. 

YIELDING  TO  ONE  ANOTHER. 

One  of  the  greatest  disciplines  of  human  life,  is  that 
which  teaches  us  to  yield  our  wills  to  those  who  have  a 
claim  upon  us  to  do  so,  even  in  trifling,  every-day  affairs; 
the  wife  to  the  husband,  children  to  parents,  to  teachers 
and  to  one  another.  In  cases  where  principle  is  con- 
cerned, it  is,  of  course,  necessary  to  be  firm,  which 
requires  an  exercise  of  moral  courage. 

CONFLICTING  INTERESTS. 

Conflicting  interests  are  a  fruitful  source  of  family 
difficulties.  The  command  of  Christ  to  the  two  broth- 
ers who  came  to  Him  with  their  disputes,  "Beware  of 
covetousness,"  is  as  applicable  among  members  of  the 
same  family  now,  as  it  was  when  those  words  were 
spoken.  It  is  better  that  you  have  few  or  no  business 
transactions  with  any  one  who  is  near  and  dear  to  you, 
and  connected  by  family  ties,  In  business  relations 


230  HOME    CULTURE. 

men  are  apt  to  be  very  exact,  because  of  their  habits  of 
business,  and  this  exactness  is  too  often  construed  by 
near  friends  and  relatives  as  actuated  by  purely  selfish 
motives.  Upon  this  rock  many  a  bark  of  family  love 
has  been  wrecked. 

RELIGIOUS  EDUCATION. 

It  is  well  to  remember  that  every  blessing  of  our 
lives,  every  joy  of  our  hearts  and  every  ray  of  hope 
shed  upon  our  pathway,  have  had  their  origin  in  reli- 
gion, and  may  be  traced  in  all  their  hallowed,  healthful 
influences  to  the  Bible.  With  the  dawn  of  childhood,, 
then,  in  the  earliest  days  of  intelligence,  should  the  mind 
be  impressed  and  stored  with  religious  truth,  and  noth- 
ing should  be  allowed  to  exclude  or  efface  it.  It  should 
be  taught  so  early  that  the  mind  will  never  remember 
when  it  began  to  learn;  it  will  then  have  the  character 
of  innate,  inbred  principles,  incorporated  with  their 
very  being. 

OBEDIENCE. 

If  you  would  not  have  all  your  instructions  and  coun- 
sels ineffectual,  teach  your  children  to  obey.  Govern- 
ment in  a  family  is  the  great  safeguard  of  religion 
and  morals,  the  support  of  order  and  the  source  of  pros- 
perity. Nothing  has  a  greater  tendency  to  bring  a  curse 
upon  a  family  than  the  insubordination  and  disobe- 
dience of  children,  and  there  is  no  more  painful  and 
disgusting  sight  than  an  ungoverned  child. 


HOME    CULTURE.  231 


INFLUENCE  OF  EXAMPLE. 

Never  forget  that  the  first  book  children  read  is  their 
parents'  example — their  daily  deportment.  If  this  is 
forgotten  you  may  find,  in  the  loss  of  your  domestic 
peace,  that  while  your  children  well  know  the  right 
path,  they  follow  the  wrong. 

Childhood  is  like  a  mirror,  catching  and  reflecting 
images  all  around  it.  Remember  that  an  impious,  pro- 
fane or  vulgar  thought  may  operate  upon  the  heart  of  a 
young  child  like  a  careless  spray  of  water  upon  polished 
steel,  staining  it  with  rust  that  no  efforts  can  thoroughly 
efface. 

Improve  the  first  ten  years  of  life  as  the  golden  op- 
portunity, which  may  never  return.  It  is  the  seed  time, 
and  your  harvest  depends  upon  the  seed  then  sown. 

THE  INFLUENCE  OF  BOOKS. 

Few  mothers  can  over-estimate  the  influence  which 
the  companionship  of  books  exerts  in  youth  upon  the 
habits  and  tastes  of  their  children,  and  no  mother  who 
has  the  welfare  of  her  children  at  heart  will  neglect  the 
important  work  of  choosing  the  proper  books  for  them 
to  read,  while  they  are  under  her  care.  She  should 
select  for  them  such  as  will  both  interest  and  instruct, 
and  this  should  be  done  during  the  early  years,  before 
their  minds  shall  have  imbibed  the  pernicious  teachings 
of  bad  books  and  sensational  novels.  The  poison  im- 
bibed from  bad  books  works  so  secretly  that  their  influ- 
ence for  evil  is  even  greater  than  the  influence  of  bad 


232 


HOME    CULTUKK. 


associates.  The  mother  has  it  in  her  power  to  make 
such  books  the  companions  and  friends  of  her  children 
as  her  good  judgment  may  select,  and  to  impress  upon 
them  their  truths,  by  conversing  with  them  about  the 
moral  lessons  or  the  intellectual  instructions  they  con- 
tain. A  taste  may  be  easily  cultivated  for  books  on 
natural  science  and  for  history,  as  well  as  for  those  that 
teach  important  and  wholesome  lessons  for  the  young, 
such  as  are  contained  in  the  works  of  Mrs.  Edgeworth, 
Mrs  Child,  Mrs.  Yonge,  and  many  other  books  written 
for  the  young. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 
Roman's 


has  been  seen  that  in  the  rearing  and 
training  of  her  children,  woman  has 
a  great  work  to  perform;  that  in  this 
work  she  exerts  an  incalculable  influ- 
ence upon  untold  numbers,  and  that 
she  molds  the  minds  and  characters 
of  her  sons  and  daughters.  How- 
important,  then,  that  she  should  cultivate 
her  mental  faculties  to  the  highest  extent, 
if  for  no  other  reason  than  to  fit  herself 
the  better  for  the  performance  of  this 
great  duty  of  educating  her  children.  How 
important  it  is,  also,  that  she  should  look  to 
the  higher  education  of  her  daughters,  who, 
in  turn,  will  become  mothers  of  future  generations,  or 
may,  perhaps,  by  some  vicissitude  of  fortune,  become 
dependent  upon  their  own  resources  for  support.  With 
the  highest  culture  of  the  mental  faculties,  woman  will 
be  best  enabled  to  faithfully  perform  whatever  she  may 
undertake. 

(2831 


234  WOMAN'S  HIGHER  EDUCATION. 

TRAIN  YOUNG  WOMEN  TO  SOME  OCCUPATION. 

Owing  to  the  changes  in  social  and  industrial  life 
which  have  crowded  many  women  from  their  homes  into 
business  and  public  life,  women  must  train  for  their 
branch  of  labor  as  men  train  for  their  work,  if  they  wish 
to  attain  any  degree  of  success.  Even  where  women 
have  independent  fortunes,  their  lives  will  be  all  the 
happier  if  they  have  been  trained  to  some  occupation, 
that,  in  case  of  reverses,  may  be  made  a  self-sustaining 
one.  A  young  woman  who  is  able  to  support  herself, 
increases  her  chances  for  a  happy  marriage,  for,  not 
being  obliged  to  rely  upon  a  husband  for  support  or  for 
a  home,  she  is  able  to  judge  calmly  of  an  offer  when  it 
comes,  and  is  free  to  accept  or  decline,  because  of  her 
independence.  Women  are  capable  of  and  adapted  to 
a  large  number  of  employments,  which  have  hitherto 
been  kept  from  them,  and  some  of  these  they  are  slowly 
wrenching  from  the  hands  of  the  sterner  sex.  In  order 
that  women  may  enter  the  ranks  of  labor  which  she 
is  forcing  open  to  herself,  she  needs  a  special  education 
and  training  to  fit  her  for  such  employment. 

EDUCATION  OP  GIRLS  TOO  SUPERFICIAL. 

The  school  instruction  of  our  girls  is  too  superficial. 
There  is  a  smattering  of  too  many  branches,  where  two 
or  three  systematically  studied  and  thoroughly  mastered, 
•would  accomplish  much  more  for  them  in  the  way  of  a 
sound  mental  training,  which  is  the  real  object  of  educa- 
tion. The  present  method  of  educating  young  girls  is 


WOMAN'S  HIGHER  EDUCATION.  235' 

to  give  them  from  five  {o  ten  studies,  in  which  they  pre- 
pare lessons,  and  this,  too,  at  an  age  when  their  physical! 
development  suffers  and  is  checked  by  excess  of  mental 
labor.  Such  a  course  of  instruction,  bestowing  only  a 
smattering  of  many  branches,  wastes  the  powers  of  the 
mind,  and  deters,  rather  than  aids,  self-improvement. 
It  is  only  a  concentration  of  the  mind  upon  the  thorough 
acquisition  of  all  it  undertakes  that  strengthens  the 
reflective,  and  forms  the  reasoning,  faculties,  and  thus 
helps  to  lay  a  solid  foundation  for  future  usefulness. 
The  word  education  means  to  educe,  to  draw  out  the- 
powers  of  the  mind;  not  the  cramming  into  it  of  facts,, 
dates  and  whole  pages  to  be  repeated  verbatim. 

AN  EDUCATION  APPROPRIATE    TO    EACH  SEX. 

The  fact  is  becoming  more  palpable  every  year  that 
there  is  an  education  appropriate  to  each  sex;  that  iden- 
tical education  for  the  two  sexes  is  so  unnatnral,  that 
physiology  protests  against  it  and  experience  weeps  over 
it.  The  physiological  motto  in  education  is,  "  Educate 
a  man  for  manhood,  a  woman  for  womanhood,  and  both 
for  humanity."  Herbert  Spencer,  in  speaking  of  the 
want  of  a  proper  course  of  education  for  girls,  says: 
"  It  is  an  astonishing  fact  that,  though  on  the  treatment 
of  offspring  depend  their  lives  or  deaths,  and  their 
moral  welfare  or  ruin,  yet  not  one  word  of  instruction 
on  treatment  of  offspring  is  ever  given  to  those  who 
will,  by  and  by,  be  parents."  It  will  thus  be  seen,  that 
as  women  have  the  care,  the  training  and  the  education 
of  children,  they  need  an  education  in  a  special  direc- 


236  WOMAN'S  HIGHER  EDUCATION. 

tion,  and  should  have  a  very  thorough  one,  to  prepare 
them  for  the  task. 

WOMEN  SHOULD  HAVE  A  KNOWLEDGE  OP  THE  LAWS  OP 
HEALTH. 

Physiology  is  one  of  the  branches  of  that  higher  edu- 
cation, which  should  be  thoroughly  pursued  by  women 
to  enable  them  to  fulfill  the  various  duties  of  their 
allotted  stations.  Yet  it  is  also  desirable  that  they 
should  have  a  thorough  knowledge,  of  all  branches  that 
they  undertake,  and  a  mastery  of  the  studies  pursued 
by  them;  for  the  want  of  thoroughness  in  woman's  edu- 
cation is  an  obstacle  to  success  in  all  branches  of  labor. 
But  woman  should  especially  have  a  thorough  knowledge 
of  the  laws  of  physiology  and  hygiene.  If  she  becomes  a 
mother,  such  knowledge  will  enable  her  to  guard  better 
the  lives  and  health  of  her  children.  She  will  under- 
stand that  when  she  sends  out  her  child  insufficiently 
clad,  and  he  comes  home  chilled  through,  that  his  vital- 
ity, his  power  of  resisting  disease,  is  wasted.  She  will 
know  that  by  taking  the  necessary  precautions,  she  may 
save  the  child's  life;  that  she  must  not  take  him  thus 
•chilled,  to  the  fire  or  into  a  room  highly  heated,  but 
that  by  gentle  exercise  or  friction,  she  must  restore  the 
circulation  of  the  blood,  and  in  using  such  precautions, 
she  may  ward  off  the  attacks  of  disease  that  would  surely 
follow  if  they  were  neglected.  This  is  but  a  single  case, 
for  there  are  instances  of  almost  daily  occurrence  when 
.a  proper  knowledge  of  the  laws  of  health  will  ward  off 
•disease,  in  her  own  case,  as  well  as  in  those  of  various 


WOMAN'S  HIGHER  EDUCATION.  237 

members  of  her  household.  The  diseases  which  carry 
off  children,  are  for  the  most  part,  such  as  ought  to  be 
under  the  control  of  the  women  who  love  them,  pet 
them,  educate  them,  and  who  would,  in  many  cases,  lay 
down  their  lives  for  them. 

RESULT  OF  IGNORANCE  OF  SANITARY  LAWS. 

Ignorance  of  the  laws  of  ventilation  in  sleeping-rooms 
and  school-rooms  is  the  cause  of  a  vast  amount  of  dis- 
ease. From  ignorance  of  the  signs  of  approaching 
disease,  children  are  often  punished  for  idleness,  listless- 
ness,  sulkiness  and  wilfulness,  and  this  punishment  is 
too  often  by  confinement  in  a  closed  room,  and  by  an 
increase  of  tasks;  when  what  is  really  needed  is  more 
oxygen,  more  open-air  exercise,  and  less  study.  These 
forms  of  ignorance  have  too  often  resulted  in  malignant 
typhus  and  brain  fevers.  Knowledge  of  the  laws  of 
hygiene  will  often  spare  the  waste  of  health  and 
strength  in  the  young,  and  will  also  spare  anxiety  and 
misery  to  those  who  love  and  tend  them.  If  the  time 
devoted  to  the  many  trashy  so-called  "accomplishments  " 
in  a  young  lady's  education,  were  given  to  a  study  of 
the  laws  of  preserving  health,  how  many  precious  lives 
might  be  spared  to  loving  parents,  and  how  many  frail 
and  delicate  forms,  resulting  from  inattention  to  physi- 
cal training,  might  have  become  strong  and  beautiful 
temples  of  exalted  souls.  We  are  all  in  duty  bound  to 
know  and  to  obey  the  laws  of  nature,  on  which  the  wel- 
fare of  our  bodies  depends,  for  the  full  enjoyment  of 


'238  WOMAN'S  HIGHER  EDUCATION. 

•our  faculties  can  only  be  attained  when  the  body  is  in 
iperfect  health. 

IDLENESS  A  SOURCE  OP  MISERY. 

Perhaps  the  greatest  cause  of  misery  and  wretchedness 
in  social  life  is  idleness.  The  want  of  something  to  do 
is  what  makes  people  wicked  and  miserable.  It  breeds 
selfishness,  mischief -making,  envy,  jealousy  and  vice,  in 
.all  its  most  dreadful  forms.  It  is  the  duty  of  mothers 
to  see  >that  their  daughters  are  trained  to  habits  of 
industry,  that  their  minds  are  at  all  times  occupied,  that 
they  are  well  informed  as  to  household  duties,  and  to 
the  duties  of  married  life,  for  upon  a  knowledge  of 
household  details  may  depend  their  life-long  happiness 
•or  misery.  It  is  frequently  the  case,  that  a  girl's  educa- 
tion ends  just  as  her  mind  is  beginning  to  mature  and 
her  faculties  are  beginning  to  develop.  Her  education 
ends  when  it  ought  properly  to  begin.  She  enters  upon 
marriage  entirely  unprepared,  and,  perchance,  by  some 
misfortune,  she  is  thrown  penniless  upon  the  world  with 
no  means  of  obtaining  a  livelihood,  for  her  education 
has  never  fitted  her  for  any  vocation.  Not  having  been 
properly  taught  herself,  she  is  not  able  to  teach,  and 
she  finds  no  avenue  of  employment  open  to  her.  An 
English  clergyman,  writing  upon  this  subject,  says: 
" Let  girls  take  a  serious  interest  in  art;  let  them  take 
up  some  congenial  study,  let  it  be  a  branch  of  science 
or  history.  Let  them  write.  They  can  do  almost  any- 
thing they  try  to  do,  but  let  their  mothers  never  rest 
iuntil  they  have  implanted  in  their  daughters'  lives  one 


WOMAN'S  HIGHER  EDUCATION.  239 

growing  interest  beyond  flirtation  and  gossip,  whether 
it  be  work  at  the  easel,  music,  literature,  the  structure 
of  the  human  body  and  the  laws  of  health,  any  solid 
interest  that  will  occupy  their  thoughts  and  their  hearts. 
Idleness,  frivolity  and  ignorance  can  only  be  put  down 
by  education  and  employment.  In  the  last  resort,  the 
spirit  of  evil  becomes  teacher  and  task-master." 

WOMEN  SHOULD    CULTIVATE  A  SPIRIT    OF   INDEPENDENCE. 

In  this  country  more  than  any  other,  women  should, 
to  some  extent,  cultivate  a  spirit  of  independence. 
They  should  acquire  a  knowledge  of  how  business  is 
transacted,  of  the  relation  between  capital  and  labor, 
and  of  the  value  of  labor,  skilled  and  unskilled.  As 
housekeepers,  they  would  then  be  saved  from  many 
annoyances  and  mistakes.  If  they  chance  to  be  left 
alone,  widows,  or  orphans  possessing  means,  they  would 
be  saved  from  many  losses  and  vexatious  experiences  by 
knowing  how  to  transact  their  own  business.  And  those 
women  who  are  obliged  to  take  care  of  themselves,  who 
have  no  means,  how  necessary  is  it  that  they  should 
have  a  thorough  knowledge  of  some  occupation  or  busi- 
ness by  which  they  can  maintain  themselves  and  others 
dependent  upon  them.  In  this  country,  the  daughter 
brought  up  in  affluence,  may,  by  some  rapid  change  of 
fortune,  be  obliged,  upon  arriving  at  maturity,  to  be 
among  the  applicants  for  whatever  employment  she  may 
be  fitted.  If  she  has  been  trained  to  some  useful  occu- 
pation, or  if  her  faculties  have  been  developed  by  a 
thoroughness  of  study  of  any  sub]ect  she  has  undertaken, 


240  WOMAN'S  HIGHER  EDUCATION. 

she  will  be  better  qualified  to  prepare  herself  to  fill  any 
position  which  may  be  open  to  her.  With  a  mind, 
drilled  by  constant  study  she  will  the  more  quickly  ac- 
quire a  knowledge  aud  grasp  the  details  of  any  subject 
or  business  to  which  she  may  devote  herself. 

HEALTH  AND  LIFE  DEPENDENT  UPON  A  HIGHER  CULTURE. 

Not  only  wealth  and  comfort,  but  health  and  life  are 
dependent  upon  a  higher  form  of  culture,  a  more  thor- 
ough course  of  education  than  is  now  the  standard. 
Not  more,  but  fewer  branches  of  study  and  a  more 
thorough  comprehension  of  those  pursued.  Not  only 
are  the  health  and  life  of  each  woman  dependent  upon 
the  kind  and  degree  of  the  education  she  receives,  but 
the  health  and  lives  of  great  numbers  may  depend  upon 
it.  In  proportion  as  she  has  a  knowledge  of  the  laws 
and  nature  of  a  subject  will  she  be  able  to  work  at  it 
easily,  rapidly  and  successfully.  Knowledge  of  physi- 
cal laws  saves  health  and  life,  knowledge  of  the  laws  of 
intellect  saves  wear  and  tear  of  the  brain,  knowledge  of 
the  laws  of  political  economy  and  business  affairs  saves- 
anxiety  and  worrying. 

CULTIVATION  OF  THE  MORAL  SENSE. 

A  well  educated  moral  sense  prevents  idleness  and 
develops  a  well  regulated  character,  which  will  preserve 
from  excess  those  tenderer  emotions  and  deeper  passions- 
of  woman,  which  are  potent  in  her  for  evil  or  for  good, 
in  proportion  as  they  are  undisciplined  and  allowed  to> 


WOMAN'S  HIGHER  EDUCATION.  241 

ran  wild,  or  are  trained  and  developed  into  a  noble  and 
harmonious  self-restraint. 

The  girl  who  has  so  educated  and  regulated  her  intel- 
lect, her  tastes,  her  emotions  and  her  moral  sense,  as  to 
be  able  to  discern  the  true  from  the  false,  will  be  ready 
for  the  faithful  performance  of  whatever  work  in  life  is 
allotted  to  her;  while  she  who  is  allowed  to  grow  up 
ignorant,  idle,  vain,  frivolous,  will  find  herself  fitted  for 
no  state  of  existence,  and,  in  after  years,  with  feelings 
of  remorse  and  despair  over  a  wasted  life,  may  cast 
reproach  upon  those  in  whose  trust  was  reposed  her 
early  education. 

It  is  not  for  women  alone  that  they  should  seek  a 
higher  education  of  their  faculties  and  powers  but  for 
the  sake  of  the  communities  in  which  they  live,  for  the 
sake  of  the  homes  in  which  they  rule  and  govern,  and 
govern  immortal  souls,  and  for  the  sake  of  those  other 
homes  in  the  humbler  walks  of  life,  where  they  owe 
•duties  as  ministering  spirits  as  well  as  in  their  own,  for 
in  proportion  as  they  minister  to  the  comfort  and  health 
-of  others,  so  do  they  exalt  their  own  souls.  Women 
should  seek  a  higher  education  in  order  that  they  may 
•elevate  themselves,  and  that  they  may  prepare  them- 
selves for  whatever  duty  they  may  be  called  upon  to 
perform.  In  social  life  we  find  that  the  truest  wives, 
the  most  patient  and  careful  mothers,  the  most  exem- 
plary house-keepers,  the  model  sisters,  the  wisest  philan- 
thropists and  the  women  of  the  greatest  social  influence 
are  women  of  cultivated  minds. 


CHAPTER  XXII. 
3^rt  0f  Setter  letting. 

FREXCH  writer  says,  that  the 
writing  a  note  or  letter,  the  word- 
ing of  a  regret,  the  prompt  or  the 
delayed  answering  of  an  invitation, 
the  manner  of  a  salutation,  the 
neglect  of  a  required  attention,  all 
betray  to  the  well-bred  the  degree 
or  the  absence  of  good-breeding. 

A  person  who  has  self-respect  as  well 
as  respect  for  others,  should  never  care- 
lessly write  a  letter  or  note. 

nffH1lFB*fl¥JI>*"  fOft  COKKKCT  WKJ.Ti.sG. 

The  letter  or  note  should  be  free  from  all 
flourishes.  The  rules  of  punctuation  should 
be  followed  as  nearly  as  possible,  and  no  capital  letter* 
wed  where  they  are  not  required.  Ink-biota,  eraauie» 
and  stains  on  the  paper  are  inadmissible.  Any  abbrevi- 
ations of  name,  rank  or  title  are  considered  rude,  beyond 
those  sanctioned  by  eastom.  Xo  abbreviations  of  words 
Aoald  be  indulged  in,  nor  underlining  of  words  intended 
to  be  made  emphatic.  All  amounts  of  money  or  other 


THE    AKT    OF    LETTER    WRITING.  24:3 

numbers  should  be  written,  reserving  the  use  of  numer- 
ical figures  for  dates  only.  It  is  a  good  form  to  have 
the  address  of  the  writer  printed  at  the  top  of  the  sheet> 
especially  for  all  business  letters.  For  letters  of  friend- 
ship and  notes,  pure  white  paper  and  envelopes  are  in 
better  taste  than  tinted  or  colored,  and  the  paper  should 
be  of  a  superior  quality.  When  a  page  is  once  written 
from  left  to  right  side,  it  should  not  be  written  over 
again  from  top  to  bottom. 

ANONYMOUS  LETTERS, 

No  attention  should  ever  be  paid  to  anonymous  let- 
ters. The  writers  of  such  stamp  themselves  as  cow- 
ardly, and  cowards  do  not  hesitate  to  say  or  write  what 
is  not  true  when  it  suits  their  purpose.  All  state- 
ments made  in  such  letters  should  be  regarded  as  false, 
and  the  writers  as  actuated  by  some  bad  motives.  An- 
onymous letters  should  be  burned  at  once,  for  they  »r« 
not  to  be  noticed. 

LETTERS  AND  NOTKS. 

The  writing  of  notes  in  the  third  person  is  generally 
confined  to  notes  of  invitation,  and  such  notes  are  never 
signed. 

When  a  letter  is  upon  business,  commencing  "Sir"  or 
"Dear  Sir,"  the  name  of  the  person  addressed  may  be 
written  either  at  the  beginning  or  at  the  close  of  the 
\etter,  in  the  left  hand  corner.  In  letters  commencing 
•with  the  name  of  the  person  to  whom  you  are  writing, 


244  THE   ART   OF    LETTER   WRITING. 

as,  "My  Dear  Mrs.  Brown,"  the  name  should  not  be 
repeated  in  the  left  hand  corner. 

No  notes  should  be  commenced  very  high  or  very  low 
ion  the  page,  but  nearer  the  top  than  the  middle  of  the 
sheet. 

MANNER  OF  ADDRESS. 

In  addressing  a  clergyman,  it  is  customary  to  com- 
mence "Reverend  Sir,"  or  "Dear  Sir."  It  is  not  now 
customary  to  write  "B.  A."  or  "M.  A."  after  his  name. 

Doctors  of  divinity  and  medicine  are  thus  distin- 
guished: "To  the  Rev.  John  Blair,  D.  D.,"  or  "Rev. 
Dr.  Blair;"  "To  G.  T.  Roscoe,  M.  D.,"  "Doctor  Ros- 
coe"  or  "Dr.  Roscoe." 

The  President  of  the  United  States  and  Governors  of 
States,  are  addressed  "His  Excllency."  U.  S.  Senators, 
members  of  Congress  and  men  distinguished  by  holding 
various  political  offices  of  an  honorable  nature,  are 
addressed  as  "  Honorable." 

The  superscription  or  address  should  be  written  upon 
the  envelope  as  legibly  as  possible,  beginning  a  little  to 
the  left  of  the  center  of  the  envelope.  The  number  of 
the  house  and  name  of  the  street  may  be  written  imme- 
diately under  this  line,  or  in  the  lower  left  hand  corner, 
as  the  writer  sees  fit.  The  postage  stamp  should  be 
securely  fixed  in  the  upper  right  hand  corner  of  the 
envelope.  The  following  forms  will  show  the  appear- 
ance of  a  properly  addressed  envelope: 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING.  245 


796 


246 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRUTNO.. 


£v^»»W-W^ 

J        STAMP.         •* 


(  . 


In  sending  a  letter  in  care  of  another  person  the  fol- 
lowing form  is  the  manner  in  which  the  envelope  should 
be  addressed: 


3C. 


In  sending  a  letter  by  a  friend  or  acquaintance,  and 
not  through  the  mail,  acknowledge  the  courtesy  of  your 
friend  on  the  envelope.  The  letter  should  not  be  sealed. 
The  following  is  the  proper  form : 


THE   AET  OF   LETTER   WRITING. 


247 


734 


A  note  or  letter  sent  to  a  friend  residing  in  the  same 
place,  by  a  messenger,  may  be  addressed  as  follows,  or 
bear  the  full  address: 


t 


248  THB    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING. 


FORM  OF  A  LETTER. 


cJ?  wecewtecl  M 
w  aoact  fate*,  andAa&ten  fo 

aiLewoued  at  t/ie  /wa&fiecfo  o^  a, 


"ffttu  a/  t/ie  Qfacwfo.  "  and 

tf          ' 


mew-  utitfisU&u  and  mu  man 
^¥%  av-e 
& 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING.  249> 

DEGREES  OF  FORMALITY  OBSERVED. 

In  commencing  and  signing  notes  and  letters  there  is 
a  difference  of  opinion  in  the  degrees  of  formality  to 
be  observed,  but  generally  this  scale  is  used  according 
to  the  degree  of  acquaintance  or  friendship.  "  Madam  'r 
or  "Sir,"  "Dear  Madam"  or  "Dear  Sir,"  "My  Dear 
Madam"  or  "My  Dear  Sir,"  "Dear  Mrs.  Brown"  or 
"Dear  Mr.  Brown,"  "My  Dear  Mrs  Brown"  or  "My 
Dear  Mr.  Brown,"  "My  Dear  Friend."  In  closing  a 
note,  the  degrees  are  implied  as  follows:  "Truly 
Yours"  or  "Yours  Truly,"  "Very  Truly  Yours,"  "Sin- 
cerely Yours,"  "  Cordially  Yours,"  "  Faithfully  Yours,'* 
"Affectionately  Yours."  The  proper  words  should  be 
carefully  selected,  as  the  conclusion  of  a  note  or  letter 
makes  an  impression  on  the  person  reading  it.  To 
aged  persons  the  form,  "With  great  respect,  sincerely 
yours,"  recommends  itself  as  a  proper  form.  "  Yours,.x 
etc.,"  is  considered  a  rude  ending.  If  you  are  suf- 
ficiently well  acquainted  with  a  person  to  address  her 
"  My  Dear  Mrs.  -  — ,"  do  not  sign  "  Yours  Truly," 
or  "Truly  Yours,"  as  this  is  the  form  to  be  used  in 
writing  to  strangers  or  in  business  letters. 

SIGNATURE  OF   LADIES. 

A  married  lady  should  not  sign  herself  with  the 
"Mrs."  before  her  baptismal  name,  or  a  single  lady 
with  the  "  Miss."  In  writing  to  strangers  who  do  not 
know  whether  to  address  you  as  Mrs»  or  Miss,  the- 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER   WRITING. 

address  should  be  given  in  full,  after  signing  your  let- 
ter; as  "Mrs.  John  Smith,"  followed  by  the  direction j 
or  if  unmarried,  the  "  Miss  "  should  be  placed  in  brack- 
ets a  short  distance  preceding  the  signature. 

Only  the  letters  of  unmarried  ladies  and  widows  are 
addressed  with  their  baptismal  names.  The  letters  of 
married  ladies  are  addressed  with  their  husbands' 
names,  as  "  Mrs  John  Smith." 

LETTERS  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

Letters  of  introduction  should  be  brief  and  carefully 
worded.  Give  in  full  the  name  of  the  person  intro- 
duced, the  city  or  town  he  is  from,  intimating  the 
mutual  pleasure  that  you  believe  the  acquaintance  will 
•confer,  adding  a  few  remarks  concerning  the  one  intro- 
duced, as  circumstances  seem  to  require.  Modest  per- 
sons sometimes  shrink  from  delivering  letters  of  intro- 
duction which  appear  to  them  to  be  undeservedly  com- 
plimentary. Letters  of  introduction  are  left  unsealed, 
to  be  sealed  before  delivery  by  the  one  introduced. 
They  should  receive  immediate  attention  by  the  parties 
who  receive  them.  When  a  gentleman  delivers  such  a 
letter  to  a  lady,  he  is  at  liberty  to  call  upon  her,  send- 
ing her  his  card  to  ascertain  whether  she  will  receive 
him  then,  or  appoint  another  hour  that  will  be  more 
convenient.  The  same  rule  is  to  be  observed  by  those 
whose  stay  in  the  city  is  short.  He  may  also  send  it 
to  her  with  his  card  bearing  his  address. 

A  letter  of  introduction  should  not  be  given,  unless 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING.  251 

the  person  writing  it  is  very  well  acquainted  with  the 
one  whom  he  introduces,  and  the  one  to  whom  he  writes. 
If  the  person  who  receives  such  a  letter  is  really  well- 
l)red,  you  will  hear  from  him  or  her  within  twenty-four 
hours,  for  a  letter  of  introduction  is  said  to  be  like  a 
draft,  it  must  be  cashed  at  sight.  The  one  receiving  it 
either  invites  you  to  dine,  or  to  meet  others,  or  to  a 
drive,  or  to  visit  some  place  of  amusement.  Too  great 
caution  cannot  be  exercised  in  giving  a  letter  which 
makes  such  demands  upon  an  acquantance. 

When  the  letter  of  introduction  is  left  with  a  card,  if 
there  is  a  gentleman  in  the  family,  he  may  call  upon 
the  stranger  the  next  day,  unless  some  engagement  pre- 
vents, when  he  should  send  his  card  with  an  invitation. 
If  the  letter  introduces  a  gentleman  to  a  lady,  she  may 
write  a  note  of  invitation  in  answer,  appointing  a  time 
for  him  to  call. 

The  following  is  an  appropriate  form  for  a  letter  of 
introduction, 


252  THE   ART   OF   LETTER   WRITING. 


'£ 


s       s 

ct-tip.      Cr 
s 


M.£e< 

' 


-W4.>£&  w&t. 


s 

</  jr 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING.  253 

The   envelope   containing   a   letter   of   introduction, 
•should  be  addressed  as  follows: 


</  6 


f  J  fltzcJ& 


<r    ' 


NOTES  OF  CONGRATULATION  OR  CONDOLENCE. 

Notes  of  congratulation  and  condolence  should  be 
brief,  and  the  letter  should  only  be  sent  by  near  and 
intimate  friends.  Do  not  allude  to  any  subject  except 
the  one  for  which  you  are  offering  your  congratulations 
or  sympathy.  Such  notes  should  be  made  expressive  of 
real  feeling,  and  not  be  mere  matters  of  form. 

INVITATION   TO    A   RECEPTION. 

For  a  general  reception,  invitations  are  printed  on 
cards.  Their  style  is  like  the  following,  and  do  not 
require  an  answer  unless  "  B.  S.  V.  P."  is  upon  one 
corner. 


254 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING, 


Cs%£  •n 


-  . 


8  toi  ,  *>.  M. 


INVITATION   TO    A   BALL. 

The  "At  Home "  form  of  invitation  for  a  reception 
is  often  adopted  for  a  ball  with  the  word  "  Dancing  "  in 
one  corner,  though  many  people  use  the  "At  Home'* 
form  only  for  receptions.  For  balls  the  hours  are  not 
limited  as  at  receptions.  When  the  above  form  is  not 
used  for  a  ball,  the  invitation  may  read  as  follows: 

"Mrs.  Blair  requests  the  pleasure  of  Miss  Milton's 
company  at  a  ball,  on  Tuesday,  February  7,  at  0 
o'clock." 

Invitations  to  a  ball  are  always  given  in  the  name  of 
the  lady  of  the  house,  and  require  an  answer,  which 
should  not  be  delayed.  If  the  invitation  is  accepted,, 
the  answer  should  be  as  follows: 

"  Miss  Milton  accepts  with  pleasure  Mrs.  Blair's  kind 
invitation  for  Tuesday,  February  7." 

If  it  is  found  impossible  to  attend,  a  note  of  regrets, 
something  like  tb*1  following,  should  be  sent: 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING.  255- 

"Miss  Milton  regrets  that  intended  absence  from 
home  (or  whatever  may  be  the  preventing  cause)  pre- 
vents her  accepting  Mrs.  Blair's  kind  invitation  for 
February  7." 

INVITATION  TO  A  LARGE  PARTY. 

The  invitation  to  a  large  party  is  similar  to  that  for 
a  ball,  only  the  words  "  at  a  ball "  are  omitted,  and  the 
hour  may  be  earlier.  The  notes  of  acceptance  and 
regret  are  the  same  as  for  a  ball.  If  the  party  is  a  small 
one,  it  should  be  indicated  by  inserting  the  words,  "  to  a. 
small  evening  party,"  so  that  there  may  be  no  misunder- 
standing. A  large  party  calls  for  full  evening  dress, 
and  it  would  be  embarrassing  for  a  lady  or  gentleman 
to  go  to  a  house  in  full  evening  dress,  expecting  to  find 
a  large  party  there  in  similar  costumes,  and  meet  only  a 
few  friends  and  acquaintances  plainly  dressed.  If  there 
is  any  special  feature  which  is  to  give  character  to  the 
evening,  it  is  best  to  mention  this  fact  in  the  note  of 
invitation.  Thus  the  words  "  musical  party,"  "  to  take 
part  in  dramatic  readings,"  "  amateur  theatricals,"  will 
denote  the  character  of  the  evening's  entertainment.  If 
you  have  programmes,  enclose  one  in  the  invitation. 

INVITATION  TO  A  PUBLIC  ENTERTAINMENT. 

An  invitation  from  a  gentleman  to  a  lady  to  attend  a, 
concert,  lecture,  theatre,  opera  or  other  amusement,  may 
read  as  follows : 

"Mr.  Hayden  would  be  pleased  to  have  Miss  Mor- 
ton's company  to  the  Academy  of  Music,  on  Monday 
evening,  November  8,  when  '  Richelieu '  will  be  played 
by  Edwin  Booth's  Company." 


"256  THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING. 

An  invitation  of  this  kind  demands  an  immediate 
answer  of  acceptance  or  regrets.  A  previous  engage- 
ment may  be  a  reason  for  rejection. 

DINNER  INVITATIONS. 

These  are  written  in  the  name  of  the  husband  and 
wife,  and  demand  an  immediate  reply.  This  form  may 
be  used: 

"Mr.  and  Mrs.  Eugene  Snow  request  the  pleasure  of 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Horace  Allen's  company  at  dinner,  on 
Tuesday,  the  13th  of  January,  at  7  o'clock." 

A  note  of  acceptance  may  read  as  follows: 

"  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Horace  Allen  accept  with  pleasure  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Eugene  Snow's  kind  invitation  to  dine  with 
them  on  Tuesday,  the  13th  inst.,  at  7  o'clock." 

A  note  of  regret  may  read: 

"  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Horace  Allen  regret  exceedingly  that 
•sickness  in  the  family  (or  whatever  the  cause  may  be) 
prevents  the  acceptance  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Eugene  Snow's 
kind  invitation  to  dine  with  them  on  Tuesday,  January 
13th." 

INVITATIONS  TO  TEA. 

An  invitation  to  a  tea-drinking  may  be  less  formal 
And  should  partake  more  of  the  nature  of  a  private  note; 
thus: 

"Dear  Miss  Brock:  Some  friends  are  coming  to 
drink  tea  with  me  on  Thursday,  and  I  should  be  glad  of 
the  pleasure  of  your  company  also.  Please  do  not  dis- 
appoint me." 

An  invitation  of  this  informal  nature  needs  no  reply, 
unless  "R.  S.  V.  P."  is  appended,  in  which  case  the 


THE    ART   OF    LETTER    WRITING.  257 

answer  must  be  returned,  if  possible,  by  the  messenger 
who  brought  it,  or  sent  at  once,  as  your  friend  may 
depend  upon  having  a  certain  number  of  people  at  her 
tea-drinking,  and  if  you  cannot  go,  she  will  want  to 
supply  your  place. 

LESS  FORMAL  INVITATIONS. 

Invitations  of  a  less  formal  character  are  sent  for 
charades,  private  theatricals,  and  for  archery,  croquet, 
sailing  and  garden  parties;  but,  however  informal  the 
invitation  (except  only  when  a  visiting  card  is  used)  on 
no  account  neglect  to  give  immediate  attention  to  it, 
'  by  sending  an  acceptance  or  a  regret,  for  any  want  of 
courtesy  in  this  respect  is  unpardonable. 

PROMPTNESS  IN  ANSWERING. 

All  invitations  requiring  answers  should  be  answered 
as  soon  as  possible  after  receiving  them.  The  French 
have  a  saying,  applicable  to  all  notes  of  invitation,  to 
the  effect  that  it  is  as  important  to  reply  as  promptly  to 
a  note  requiring  an  answer,  as  it  is  to  a  question  in 
speaking.  All  refined  people  who  are  accustomed  to 
the  best  social  forms,  consider  that  it  would  be  an  un- 
pardonable negligence  to  omit  for  a  single  day  replying 
to  an  invitation  or  a  note  requiring  a  reply. 

In  accepting  dinner  invitations,  repeat  the  hour  and 
day  named  in  your  letter  of  acceptance,  in  order  that  if 
any  mistake  has  been  made  it  may  be  corrected. 

Promptly   acknowledge    all  attentions    you  receive, 
Buch  as  receiving  presents  of  books,  flowers,  etc. 
ir 


258  THE    AKT    OF    LETTER    WRITING. 


EXPRESSIONS  TO  BE  USED. 

The  expression  "  presents  compliments  "  has  become 
obsolete  in  the  writing  of  invitations.  The  expression 
"  kind  "  or  "  very  kind  "  invitation  has  taken  the  place 
of  "  polite,"  in  notes  of  acceptance  or  regret.  Be  par- 
ticular to  distinguish  between  "  go "  and  "  come,"  you 
go  to  a  friend's  house  and  your  friend  comes  to  your 
house. 

TIME  TO  SEND  INVITATIONS. 

Invitations  for  parties  and  entertainments  of  a  formal 
nature,  can  be  sent  out  for  a  week  or  two  weeks  before 
the  entertainment  is  to  take  place.  A  notice  of  not  less 
than  one  week  is  expected  for  such  invitations.  They 
should  be  printed  or  engraved  on  small  note  paper  or 
large  cards,  with  the  envelopes  to  match,  with  no  colors 
in  the  monogram,  if  one  is  used. 

INVITATIONS  FOR  SEVERAL  MEMBERS  OF  A  FAMILY. 

It  is  not  considered  good  form  to  have  one  card  of 
invitation  answer  for  several  persons  belonging  to  the 
same  family,  or  to  address  an  invitation  "  Mrs.  Blank 
and  family,"  as  it  indicates  a  scarcity  of  cards.  One 
card  or  invitation  may  be  sent  to  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Blank, 
and  one  each  to  the  several  members  of  the  family  who 
are  to  be  invited. 

THE  LEAST  FORMAL  INVITATIONS. 

The  least  formal,  of  formal  invitations,  is  when  a  lady 
sends  or  leaves  her  own  visiting  card  with  the  invitation 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING.  259 

upon  it.  An  invitation  of  this  kind  need  not  be  an- 
swered unless  an  "R.  S.  V.  P."  (Respondez  sHl  v&us 
plait),  is  on  the  card.  You  go  or  not,  as  you  please, 
but  if  you  do  not  go,  you  call,  or  leave  a  card  as  soon 
after  as  is  convenient. 

UNCIVIL  ANSWERS. 

Uncivil  and  curt,  not  to  say  rude,  answers  are  some- 
times returned  to  invitations,  more  frequently  the  result 
of  carelessness  in  their  writers  than  of  premeditated 
rudeness. 

"  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Adam  Brown  regret  that  they  cannot 
accept  Mrs.  Smith's  invitation  for  Wednesday  evening," 

is  a  rude  form  of  regret. 

"Mr.  and  Mrs.  Adam  Brown  decline  Mrs.  Moses 
Smith's  invitation  for  Friday  evening," 

is  a  still  ruder  form. 

A  curt  and  thoughtless  reply  is: 

"Mr.  and  Mrs.  Adam  Brown's  compliments  and  re- 
grets for  Friday  evening." 

REASONS  FOR  REGRETS. 

"  All  regrets  from  persons  who  are  not  able  to  accept 
invitations,  should  contain  a  reason  for  regretting,"  is  a 
rule  strictly  observed  in  our  best  society,  and  is  consid- 
ered especially  binding  in  answering  a  first  invitation. 
If  persons  are  in  mourning,  they  regret  that  a  recent 
bereavement  prevents  them  from  accepting.  Those  con- 
templating being  absent  from  home,  regret  that  contem- 
plated absence  from  home  prevents  them  from  accept- 


260  THE   ART   OF    LETTER   WRITING. 

ing.  "  A  previous  engagement "  is  made  the  excuse 
when  there  is  an  engagement  either  at  home  or  away 
from  it,  and  also  when  one  has  no  inclination  to  accept; 
which  makes  it  quite  necessary  for  those  who  really 
regret  their  inability  to  accept,  to  mention  what  that 
engagement  is. 

THE  FAMILY  LETTER. 

It  seems  hardly  necessary  to  give  the  form  of  a  letter 
from  one  member  of  a  family  to  another.  It  is  often 
the  case  that  letters  sent  from  home  to  an  absent  mem- 
ber are  decidedly  unsatisfactory,  if  not  to  a  great  extent 
of  little  interest  outside  of  one  or  two  facts  mentioned. 
Consequently  some  hint  as  to  what  those  letters  should 
be,  are  here  given.  They  should  be  written  as  though 
the  writer  were  talking,  using  familiar  expressions,  and 
such  peculiarities  as  the  writer  possesses  in  ordinary 
speech  should  find  a  place  in  the  letter.  The  writer 
may  speak  of  many  trivial  things  at  and  about  home, 
and  gossipy  matters  in  the  neighborhood,  and  should 
keep  the  absent  one  posted  upon  all  minor  facts  and 
occurrences,  as  well  as  the  more  important  ones.  The 
writer  may  make  inquiries  as  to  how  the  absent  one  is 
enjoying  himself,  whether -he  finds  any  place  better  than 
home,  and  ask  such  other  questions  as  he  may  desire, 
concluding  with  sincere  expressions  of  affection  from 
various  members  of  the  family.  The  absent  one  may, 
in  like  manner,  express  himself  freely  on  all  subjects, 
describe  his  journey  minutely,  and  speak  of  whatever 
he  may  feel  deep  interest  in.  In  short,  a  family  letter 
may  be  as  gossipy  as  the  writer  can  make  it,  without 


THE   ART    OF    LETTER   WRITING.  261 

much  regard  to  an  attempt  at  showy  or  dignified  com- 
position. 

THE  LETTER  OP  FRIENDSHIP. 

This  should  be  of  a  more  dignified  tone,  contain  less 
trivialties  than  the  family  letter,  and  should  embrace 
matters  that  will  be  of  interest  to  both.  A  letter  of 
friendship  should  be  answered  in  due  time,  according  to 
the  intimacy  of  the  parties,  but  should  not  be  delayed 
long  enough  to  allow  the  friendship  to  cool,  if  there  is 
a  desire  to  keep  it  warm. 

THE  LOVE  LETTER. 

Of  this  it  may  be  only  said,  that  while  it  may  be 
expressive  of  sincere  esteem  and  affection,  it  should  be 
of  a  dignified  tone,  and  written  in  such  a  style,  that  if 
it  should  ever  come  under  the  eyes  of  others  than  the 
party  to  whom  it  was  written,  there  may  be  found  in  it 
nothing  of  which  the  writer  may  be  ashamed,  either  of 
silliness  or  of  extravagant  expression. 

BUSINESS  LETTERS. 

These  should  be  brief  and  to  the  point,  should  be  of 
plain  chirography,  and  relate  to  the  business  in  hand,  in 
as  few  words  and  as  clearly  as  possible.  Begin  at  once 
without  apology  or  explanation,  and  finish  up  the  matter 
pertaining  to  the  business.  If  an  apology  or  explanation 
is  due,  it  may  be  made  briefly  at  the  close  of  the  letter, 
after  the  business  has  been  attended  to.  A  letter  on 
business  should  be  answered  at  once,  or  as  soon  as  possi- 
ble after  receiving  it. 


262  THE   ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING 

It  is  allowable,  in  some  cases,  upon  receiving  a  brief 
business  letter,  to  write  the  reply  on  the  same  page, 
beneath  the  original  letter,  and  return  both  letter  and 
answer  together. 

Among  business  letters  may  be  classed  all  correspond- 
ence relating  to  business,  applications  for  situations, 
testimonials  regarding  the  character  of  a  servant  or 
employe,  letters  requesting  the  loan  of  money  or  an 
article,  and  letters  granting  or  denying  the  favor;  while 
all  forms  of  drawing  up  notes,  drafts  and  receipts  may 
properly  be  included.  The  forms  of  some  of  these  are 
here  given. 

LETTERS    REQUESTING   EMPLOYMENT. 

A  letter  of  this  kind  should  be  short,  and  written  with 
care  and  neatness,  that  the  writer  may  both  show  his 
penmanship  and  his  business-like  qualities,  which  are 
often  judged  of  by  the  form  of.  his  letter.  It  may  be 
after  this  fashion: 

NEW  YORK,  March  1,  1880. 
MESSRS.  LORD  &  NOBLE, 

DEAR  SIRS: 

Having  heard  that  you  are  in  need  of  more  assistance 
in  your  establishment  (or  store,  office)  I  venture  to  ask 
you  for  employment.  I  can  refer  you  to  Messrs.  Jones 
&  Smith,  my  late  employers,  as  to  my  qualifications, 
should  you  decide  to  consider  my  application. 
Yours  truly, 

JAMES  ROBERTS. 


THE   ART   OF    LETTER    WRITING.  263 


LETTERS  REGARDING  THE  CHARACTER  OF  A  SERVANT. 

DEAR  MADAM:  Sarah  Riley,  having  applied  to  me 
for  the  position,  of  cook,  refers  me  to  you  for  a  charac- 
ter. I  feel  particularly  anxious  to  obtain  a  good  servant 
for  the  coming  winter,  and  shall  therefore  feel  obliged 
by  your  making  me  acquainted  with  any  particulars 
referring  to  her  character,  and  remain,  madam, 
Your  very  obedient  servant, 

MRS.  GEORGB  STONE. 
To  MRS.  ALFRED  STARK. 

MRS.  GEORGE  STONE, 

DEAR  MADAM:  It  gives  me  pleasure  to  say  that 
Sarah  Riley  lived  with  me  for  two  years,  and  during 
that  time  I  found  her  active,  diligent  and  efficient.  She 
is  a  superior  cook,  and  I  have  full  confidence  in  her 
honesty.  I  feel  that  I  can  recommend  her  with  full 
confidence  of  her  being  likely  to  give  you  satisfaction. 
I  am,  madam, 

Your  very  obedient  servant, 

MRS.  ALFRED  STARK. 

MRS.  GEORGE  STONE, 

DEAR  MADAM:  In  replying  to  your  note  of  inquiry, 
I  beg  to  inform  you  that  Sarah  Riley,  who  lived  with 
me  in  the  capacity  of  cook,  left  my  services  because  I 
did  not  find  her  temper  and  habits  in  all  respects  satis- 
factory. She  was  thoroughly  competent  as  a  cook,  but 
in  other  respects  I  cannot  conscientiously  recommend 
her.  I  remain, 

Yours,  very  truly, 

MRS.  ALFRED  STARK. 

NOTES,  DRAFTS,  BILLS  AND  RECEIPTS. 

The  following  are  forms  of  notes,  drafts,  receipts, 
etc.: 


264  THE    ART    OF    LETTER    WRITING, 

Promissory  Note  Without  Interest. 
$500.  CINCINNATI,  O.,  June  6,  1880o 

Sixty  days  after  date,  I  promise  to  pay  Samuel  Arch- 
over,  or  order,  at  my  office  in  Cincinnati,  five  hundred 
dollars,  value  received. 

TIMOTHY  MORTGRAVE. 

Promissory  Note  With  Interest  but  not  Negotiable. 
$125.30.  CHICAGO,  Sept.  2,  1880. 

For  value  received,  I  promise  to  pay  Daniel  Cartright 
one  hundred  and  twenty-five  dollars  and  thirty  cents,  on 
August  12th  next,  with  interest  at  seven  per  cent,  after 
January  1,  1881. 

JOHN  S.  ALLBRIGHT. 

A  Negotiable  Note  Payable  to  Bearer. 
$75.  DETROIT,  MICH.,  Oct.  8,  1881. 

Thirty  days  after  date,  for  value  received,  I  promise 
to  pay  Silas  G.  Smithers,  or  bearer,  at  my  office  in 
Detroit,  seventy-five  dollars  with  interest  from  date. 

SAMUEL  Q.  PETTIBONB. 

Form  of  a  Receipt. 
$25.  NEW  YORK,  Nov.  3,  1880. 

Received  from  James  O.  Mitchell,  twenty-five  dollar^ 
to  apply  on  account.  SMITH,  JONES  &  Co. 

Form  of  a  Draft,  Time  from  Sight. 
$1,000.  DETROIT,  MICH.,  July  7,  1880. 

At  ten  days  sight,  pay  to  the  order  of  J.  Smith  &  Co., 
one  thousand  dollars,  and  charge  the  same  to  the  ao- 
eount  of  SHEPARD  &  NILES. 

To  SAMUEL  STOKER  &  Co., 
Indianapolis,  Ind. 


THE    ART    OF    LETTER   WRITING. 


266 


A  Draft  or  Order  "  Without  Grace." 

$175.  CINCINNATI,  OHIO,  Aug.  12,  1880. 

At  sight,  without  grace,  pay  to  F.  B.  Dickerson  <fe 
Co.,  one  hundred  and  seventy-five  dollars,  and  charge 
to  the  account  of  H.  S.  MOREHOUSE. 

To  TRADERS'  NATIONAL  BANK, 
Cincinnati,  Ohio. 

Form  of  a  Bill. 

BUFFALO,  N.  Y.,  Dec.  6,  1880. 
MARTIN  HUGHES,  Dr. 

To  JOHN  J.  HART. 

Four  volumes  History  of  France,  at  $2.50  per  volume, 
$10.00. 

Received  payment. 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

of  (&&n&mct. 


N   society,  everybody   should   receive 
equal  attention,  the  young  as  well  as 
the  old.     A  high  authority  says,  "  If 
we  wish  our  young  people  to  grow 
up   self-possessed   and    at   ease,   we 
must  early  train  them  in  those  graces 
by  giving  them  the  same  attention 
and  consideration  we  do  those  of  maturer 
years.     If  we  snub  them,  and  systemat- 
ically neglect  them,  they  will  acquire  an 
awkwardness  and  a  deprecatory  manner, 
which  will  be  very  difficult  for  them  to  over- 
come." 

GRACEFULNESS  OF  CARRIAGE. 

Physical  education  is  indispensable  to  every  well-bred 
man  and  woman.  A  gentleman  should  not  only  know 
how  to  fence,  to  box,  to  ride,  to  shoot  and  to  swim,  but 
he  should  also  know  how  to  carry  himself  gracefully, 
and  how  to  dance,  if  he  would  enjoy  life  to  the  utmost. 
A  graceful  carriage  can  best  be  attained  by  the  aid  of  a 
drilling  master,  as  dancing  and  boxing  are  taught.  A 


GENERAL    RULES    OF   CONDUCT.  267 

man  should  be  able  to  defend  himself  from  ruffians,  if 
attacked,  and  also  to  defend  women  from  their  insults. 
Dancing  and  calisthenics  are  also  essential  for  a  lady, 
for  the  better  the  physical  training,  the  more  graceful 
and  self-possessed  she  will  be.  Every  lady  should  know 
how  to  dance,  whether  she  intends  to  dance  in  society 
or  not.  Swimming,  skating,  archery,  games  of  lawn- 
tennis,  and  croquet,  riding  and  driving,  all  aid  in 
strengthening  the  muscles  and  giving  open  air  exercise, 
and  are  therefore  desirable  recreations  for  the  young  of 
both  sexes. 

ATTITUDE. 

Awkwardness  of  attitude  is  a  mark  of  vulgarity. 
Lolling,  gesticulating,  fidgeting,  handling  an  eye-glass, 
a  watch-chain  or  the  like,  gives  an  air  of  gaucherie.  A 
lady  who  sits  cross-legged  or  sidewise  on  her  chair,  who 
stretches  out  her  feet,  who  has  a  habit  of  holding  her 
chin,  or  twirling  her  ribbons  or  fingering  her  buttons; 
a  man  who  lounges  in  his  chair,  nurses  his  leg,  bites  his 
nails,  or  caresses  his  foot  crossed  over  on  his  knee, 
shows  clearly  a  want  of  good  home  training.  Each 
should  be  quiet  and  graceful,  either  in  their  sitting  or 
standing  position,  the  gentleman  being  allowed  more 
freedom  than  the  lady.  He  may  sit  cross-legged  if  he 
wish,  but  should  not  sit  with  his  knees  far  apart,  nor 
with  his  foot  on  his  knee.  If  an  object  is  to  be  indi- 
cated, you  must  move  the  whole  hand,  or  the  head,  but 
never  point  the  finger. 


268  GENERAL    RULES    OF    CONDUCT. 

COUGHING,  SNEEZING,  ETC. 

Coughing,  sneezing,  clearing  the  throat,  etc.,  if  done 
at  all,  must  be  done  as  quickly  as  possible.  Snuffing, 
hawking  and  expectorating  must  never  be  done  in 
society.  A  sneeze  can  be  checked  by  pressing  the 
thumb  or  fingers  firmly  across  the  bridge  of  the  nose. 
If  not  checked,  the  face  should  be  buried  in  the  hand- 
kerchief, during  the  act  of  sneezing,  for  obvious  reasons. 

ANECDOTES,  PUNS  AND  REPARTEES. 

Anecdotes  should  be  seldom  brought  into  a  conversa- 
tion. Puns  are  always  regarded  as  vulgar.  Repartee 
should  be  indulged  in  with  moderation,  and  never  kept 
up,  as  it  degenerates' into  the  vulgarity  of  an  altercation. 

A   SWEET  AND   PURE   BREATH. 

The  breath  should  be  kept  sweet  and  pure.  Onions 
are  the  forbidden  fruit,  because  of  their  offensiveness  to 
the  breath.  No  gentleman  should  go  into  the  presence 
of  ladies  smelling  of  tobacco. 

SMOKING. 

It  is  neither  respectful  nor  polite  to  smoke  in  the 
presence  of  ladies,  even  though  they  have  given  per- 
mission, nor  should  a  gentleman  smoke  in  a  room  which 
ladies  are  in  the  habit  of  frequenting.  In  those  homes 
when  the  husband  is  permitted  to  smoke  in  any  room  of 
the  house,  the  sons  will  follow  the  father's  example,  and 
the  air  of  the  rooms  becomes  like  that  of  a  public  house. 


GENERAL    RULES    OF    CONDUCT. 


SUPPRESSION    OF   EMOTION. 

Suppression  of  undue  emotion,  whether  of  laughter, 
of  anger,  or  of  mortification,  of  disappointment,  or  of 
selfishness  in  any  form,  is  a  mark  of  good  breeding. 

A   GOOD    LISTENER. 

To  be  a  good  listener  is  almost  as  great  an  art  as  to 
be  a  good  talker;  but  it  is  not  enough  only  to  listen, 
you  must  endeavor  to  seem  interested  in  the  conversa- 
tion of  those  who  are  talking.  Only  the  low-bred  allow 
their  impatience  to  be  manifest. 


Give  precedence  to  those  older  or  of  higher  social 
position  than  yourself,  unless  they  required  you  to  take 
the  precedence,  when  it  is  better  to  obey  than  to  refuse. 
Be  more  careful  to  give  others  their  rank  of  precedence 
than  to  take  your  own. 

BE    MODERATE. 

Always  express  your  own  opinions  with  modesty,  and, 
if  called  upon,  defend  them,  but  without  that  warmth 
which  may  lead  to  hard  feelings.  Do  not  enter  into 
argument.  Having  spoken  your  mind,  and  thus  shown 
you  are  not  cowardly  in  your  beliefs  and  opinions,  drop 
the  subject  and  lead  to  some  other  topic.  There  i« 
seldom  any  profit  in  idle  discussion. 


270  GENERAL   RULES   OP   CONDUCT. 

SINGING   AND    PLATING   IN    SOCIETY. 

A  lady  in  company  should  never  exhibit  any  anxiety 
to  sing  or  play:  but  being  requested  to  do  so,  if  she 
intends  to  comply,  she  should  do  so  at  once,  without 
waiting  to  be  urged.  If  she  refuses,  she  should  do 
so  in  a  manner  that  shall  make  her  decision  final.  Hav- 
ing complied,  she  should  not  monopolize  the  evening 
with  her  performances,  but  make  room  for  others. 

RECEIVING    AND    MAKING    PRESENTS. 

Emerson  says:  "Our  tokens  of  love  are  for  the  most 
part  barbarous,  cold  and  lifeless,  because  they  do  not 
represent  our  life.  The  only  gift  is  a  portion  of  thy- 
self. Therefore  let  the  farmer  give  his  corn;  the 
miner  his  gem;  the  sailor  coral  or  shells;  the  painter  his 
picture,  and  the  poet  his  poem."  To  persons  of  refined 
nature,  whatever  the  friend  creates  takes  added  value  as 
part  of  themselves — part  of  their  lives,  as  it  were,  hav- 
ing gone  into  it.  People  of  the  highest  rank,  abroad, 
will  often  accept,  with  gratitude,  a  bit  of  embroidery 
done  by  a  friend,  a  poem  inscribed  to  them  by  an  author; 
a  painting  executed  by  some  artist;  who  would  not 
care  for  the  most  expensive  bauble  that  was  offered 
them.  Mere  costliness  does  not  constitute  the  soul  of  a 
present;  it  is  the  kind  feeling  that  it  manifests  which 
gives  it  its  value.  People  who  possess  noble  natures 
do  not  make  gifts  where  they  feel  neither  affection  nor 
respect,  but  their  gifts  are  bestowed  out  of  the 'fullness 
of  kind  hearts 


GENERAL  RULES  OF  CONDUCT          271 

A  present  should  be  acknowledged  without  delay,  but 
you  must  not  follow  it  quickly  by  a  return.  It  is  to  be 
taken  for  granted  that  a  gift  is  intended  to  afford  pleas- 
ure to  the  recipient,  not  to  be  regarded  as  a  question 
of  investment  or  exchange.  Never  allude  to  a  present 
you  have  given,  unless  you  have  reason  to  believe  that  it 
has  not  been  received  by  the  person  to  whom  it  was 
sent 

Unmarried  ladies  should  not  accept  presents  from 
gentlemen  who  are  neither  related  nor  engaged  to  them, 
nor  indebted  to  them  for  some  marked  favors.  A  mar- 
ried lady  may  accept  presents  from  a  gentleman  who  is 
indebted  to  her  for  hospitality. 

In  presenting  a  book  to  a  friend,  do  not  write  in  it 
the  name  of  the  person  to  whom  it  is  given.  But  this 
is  a  rule  better  honored  in  its  breach  than  in  its  observ- 
ance, when  the  giver  of  the  book  is  its  author. 

Presents  made  by  a  married  lady  to  a  gentleman, 
should  be  in  the  name  of  both  herself  and  her  husband. 

Never  refuse  a  present  if  offered  in  kindness,  unless 
the  circumstances  are  such  that  you  cannot,  with  pro- 
priety, receive  it.  Nor,  in  receiving  a  present,  make 
such  comments  as  would  seem  to  indicate  that  your 
friend  cannot  afford  to  make  the  present.  On  the  other 
hand,  never  make  a  present  which  you  cannot  afford  to 
make.  In  that  case  the  recipient,  if  he  or  she  knows 
anything  of  your  circumstances,  will  think  that  you  had 
better  kept  it  yourself. 


272  GENERAL   KULES    OF   CONDUCT. 

GOVERNING  OUR  MOODS. 

We  should  subdue  our  gloomy  moods  before  we  enter 
society.  To  look  pleasantly  and  to  speak  kindly  is  a 
duty  we  owe  to  others.  Neither  should  we  afflict  them 
with  any  dismal  account  of  our  health,  state  of  mind  or 
outward  circumstances.  Nevertheless,  if  another  makes 
us  the  confidant  of  his  woes,  we  should  strive  to  appear 
sympathetic,  and  if  possible  help  him  to  be  stronger 
under  them.  A  lady  who  shows  by  act,  or  expresses  in 
plain,  curt  words,  that  the  visit  of  another  is  unwelcome, 
may  perhaps  pride  herself  upon  being  no  hypocrite. 
But  she  is,  in  reality,  worse.  She  is  grossly  selfish. 
Courtesy  requires  her,  for  the  time  being,  to  forget  her 
own  feelings,  and  remember  those  of  her  visitor,  and 
thus  it  is  her  duty  to  make  that  visitor  happy  while  she 
remains. 

A  LADY  DRIVING  WITH  A  GENTLEMAN. 

When  a  lady  offers  to  drive  a  gentleman  in  her  phae- 
ton, he  should  walk  to  her  house,  if  he  accepts  the  invi- 
tation, unless,  the  distance  being  great,  she  should  pro- 
pose to  call  for  him.  In  that  case  he  will  be  on  the 
watch,  so  as  not  to  keep  her  waiting,  and,  if  possible, 
meet  her  on  the  way. 

AN  INVITATION  CANNOT  BE  RECALLED. 

An  invitation,  once  given,  cannot  be  recalled,  even 
from  the  best  motives,  without  subjecting  the  one  who 
recalls  it  to  the  charge  of  being  either  ignorant  or  re- 
gardless of  all  conventional  rules  of  politeness.  There 


GENERAL   RULES    OF   CONDUCT.  273 

is  but  one  exception  to  this  rule,  and  that  is  when  the 
invitation  has  been  delivered  to  the  wrong  person. 

AVOID  TALKING  OF  PERSONALITIES. 

Avoid  speaking  of  your  birth,  your  travels  and  of  all 
personal  matters,  to  those  who  may  misunderstand  you, 
and  consider  it  boasting.  When  induced  to  speak  of 
them,  do  not  dwell  too  long  upon  them,  and  do  not 
speak  boastfully. 

ABOUT  PERSONS'  NAMES. 

Do  not  speak  of  absent  persons,  who  are  not  relatives 
or  intimate  friends,  by  their  Christian  names  or  sur- 
names, but  always  as  Mr. ,  or  Mrs. ,  or  Miss 

.      Never  name  anyone  by  the  first  letter  of  his 

name,  as  "Mr.  C."     Give  a  foreigner  his  name  in  full 
when  speaking  of  him. 

SHUN  GOSSIP  AND  TALE-BEARING. 

Gossip  and  tale-bearing  are  always  a  personal  confes- 
sion either  of  malice  or  imbecility.  The  young  of  both 
sexes  should  not  only  shun  these  things,  but,  by  the 
most  thorough  culture,  relieve  themselves  from  all  temp- 
tation in  that  direction. 

REMOVING  THE  HAT. 

A  gentleman  never  sits  in  the  house  with  his  hat  OB 
in  the  presence  of  ladies.  Indeed,  a  gentleman  instinc- 
tively removes  his  hat  as  soon  as  he  enters  a  room,  the 
habitual  resort  of  ladies.  A  gentleman  never  retain* 

18 


274:  GENERAL   RULES   OF   CONDUCT. 

his  hat  in  a  theatre  or  other  place  of  public  entertain- 
ment 

TREATMENT  OF  INFERIORS. 

Never  affect  superiority.  In  the  company  of  an  in- 
ferior never  let  him  feel  his  inferiority.  If  you  invite 
an  inferior  as  your  guest,  treat  him  with  all  the  polite- 
ness and  consideration  you  would  show  an  equal. 

INTRUDING  ON  PRIVACY. 

Never  enter  a  private  room  anywhere  without  knock- 
ing. Sacredly  respect  the  private  property  of  others, 
and  let  no  curiosity  tempt  you  to  pry  into  letters,  desks, 
packets,  trunks,  or  other  belongings  of  another.  It  is 
ill-mannered  to  read  a  written  paper  lying  upon  a  table 
or  desk;  whatever  it  may  be,  it  is  certainly  no  business 
of  yours.  No  person  should  ever  look  over  the  shoulder 
of  another  who  is  reading  or  writing.  You  must  not 
question  a  servant  or  child  upon  family  affairs.  Never 
betray  an  implied  confidence,  even  if  you  have  not  been 
bound  to  secrecy. 

KEEPING  ENGAGEMENTS. 

Nothing  is  more  rude  than  to  make  an  engagement, 
be  it  of  business  or  pleasure,  and  break  it.  If  your 
memory  is  not  sufficiently  retentive  to  keep  all  the  en- 
gagements you  make,  carry  a  little  memorandum  book, 
and  enter  them  there. 

VALUE  OF  POLITENESS. 

Chesterfield  says:  "As  learning,  honor  and  virtue 
are  absolutely  necessary  to  gain  you  the  esteem  and 


GENERAL    RULES    OF    CONDUCT.  275 

admiration  of  mankind,  politeness  and  good-breeding 
are  equally  necessary  to  make  you  welcome  and  agree- 
able in  conversation  and  common  life.  Great  talents, 
such  as  honor,  virtue,  learning  and  arts,  are  above  the 
generality  of  the  world,  who  neither  possess  them  them- 
selves, nor  judge  of  them  rightly  in  others;  but  all  peo- 
ple are  judges  of  the  lesser  talents,  such  as  civility,  affa- 
bility, and  an  obliging,  agreeable  address  and  manner; 
because  they  feel  the  good  effects  of  them,  as  making 
society  easy  and  pleasing." 

ADAPTING  YOURSELF  TO  OTHERS. 

Conform  your  conduct  as  far  as  possible  to  the  com- 
pany you  chance  to  be  with,  only  do  not  throw  your- 
self into  improper  company.  It  is  better  even  to  laugh 
at  and  join  in  with  vulgarity,  so  that  it  do  not  degen- 
erate into  indecency,  than  to  set  yourself  up  as  better, 
and  better-mannered  than  those  with  whom  you  may 
chance  to  be  associated.  True  politeness  and  genuine 
good  manners  often  not  only  permit  but  absolutely 
demand  a  temporary  violation  of  the  ordinary  obliga- 
tions of  etiquette. 

A  WOMAN'S  GOOD  NAME. 

Let  no  man  speak  a  word  against  a  woman  at  any 
time,  or  mention  a  woman's  name  in  any  company  where 
it  should  not  be  spoken.  "  Civility,"  says  Lord  Chester- 
field, "is  particularly  due  to  all  women;  and  remember 
that  no  provocation  whatsoever  can  justify  any  man  in 
not  being  civil  to  every  woman;  and  the  greatest  man 


276         GENEBAL  BULKS  OP  CONDUCT. 

would  justly  be  reckoned  a  brute  if  he  were  not  civil  to 
the  meanest  woman.  It  is  due  to  their  sex,  and  is  the 
only  protection  they  have  against  the  superior  strength 
of  ours." 

DO  NOT  CONTBADICT. 

Never  directly  contradict  anyone.  Say,  "  I  beg  your 
pardon,  but  I  think  you  are  mistaken  or  misinformed," 
or  some  such  similar  phrase  which  shall  break  the  weight 
of  direct  contradiction.  Where  the  matter  is  unimport- 
ant it  is  better  to  let  it  pass  without  correction. 

EXPBESSING  UNFAVOBABLE  OPINIONS. 

You  should  be  exceedingly  cautious  about  expressing 
an  unfavorable  opinion  relative  to  a  young  lady  to  a 
young  man  who  appears  to  be  attracted  by,  and  atten- 
tive to  her.  If  they  should  marry,  the  remembrance  of 
your  observations  will  not  be  pleasurable  to  yourself  nor 
the  married  parties. 

A  CONVEBSATION  CHECKED. 

If  a  person  checks  himself  in  a  conversation,  you 
should  not  insist  on  hearing  what  he  intended  to  say. 
There  is  some  good  reason  for  checking  himself,  and  it 
might  cause  him  unpleasant  feelings  to  urge  him  to  carry 
out  his  first  intentions. 

VULGABITIES. 

Some  of  the  acts  which  may  be  classed  as  vulgarities 
when  committed  in  the  presence  of  others  are  given: 

To  sit  with  your  back  to  a  person,  without  asking  to 
be  excused 


GENERAL    RULES    OF    CONDUCT.  277 

To  stand  or  sit  with  the  feet  wide  apart. 

To  hum,  whistle  or  sing  in  suppressed  tones. 

To  stand  with  the  arms  akimbo;  to  lounge  or  yawn, 
or  to  do  anything  which  shows  disrespect,  selfishness  or 
indifference. 

To  correct  inaccuracies  in  the  statements  of  others,  or 
their  modes  of  speech. 

To  use  profane  language,  or  stronger  expression  than 
the  occasion  justifies. 

To  chew  tobacco  and  its  unnecessary  accompaniment, 
spitting,  are  vulgar  in  the  extreme. 

MISCELLANEOUS  RULES. 

A  gentleman  precedes  a  lady  passing  through  a  crowd; 
ladies  precede  gentlemen  under  ordinary  circumstances. 

Give  your  children,  unless  married,  their  Christian 
names  only,  or  say  "my  daughter"  or  "my  son,"  in 
speaking  of  them  to  any  one  except  servants. 

Ladies  in  escorting  each  other,  never  offer  to  take  the 
arm. 

Acknowledge  an  invitation  to  stop  with  a  friend,  or 
any  unusual  attention  without  delay. 

Never  boast  of  birth,  money  or  friends,  or  of  any  su- 
perior advantages  you  may  possess. 

Never  ridicule  others,  be  the  object  of  your  ridicule 
present  or  absent. 

Always  show  respect  for  the  religious  opinions  and 
observances  of  others,  no  matter  how  much  they  may 
differ  from  your  own. 


278         GENERAL  RULES  OF  CONDUCT. 

You  should  never  scratch  your  head,  pick  your  teeth, 
clean  your  nails  or  pick  your  nose  in  company. 

Never  lean  your  head  against  the  wall,  as  you  may 
disgust  your  wife  or  hostess  by  soiling  the  paper  of  her 
room. 

Never  slam  a  door  or  stamp  noisily  on  entering  a 
room. 

Always  be  punctual.  You  have  no  right  to  waste 
the  time  of  others  by  making  them  wait  for  you. 

Always  hand  a  chair  for  a  lady,  pick  up  her  glove  and 
perform  any  little  service  she  may  seem  to  require. 

Never  attract  attention  to  yourself  by  talking  or 
laughing  loudly  in  public  gatherings. 

Keep  yourself  quiet  and  composed  under  all  circum- 
stances. Do  not  get  fidgety.  If  you  feel  that  time 
drags  heavily,  do  not  let  this  be  apparent  to  others  by 
any  visible  sign  of  uneasiness. 

Refrain  from  absent-mindedness  in  the  presence  of 
others.  You  pay  them  a  poor  compliment  if  you  thus 
forget  them. 

Never  refuse  to  accept  an  apology  for  an  offense,  and 
never  hesitate  to  make  one,  if  one  is  due  from  you. 

Never  answer  another  rudely  or  impatiently.  Reply 
courteously,  at  whatever  inconvenience  to  yourself. 

Never  intrude  upon  a  business  man  or  woman  in 
business  hours  unless  you  wish  to  see  them  on  busi- 
ness. 

Never  engage  a  person  in  private  conversation  in 
presence  of  others,  nor  make  any  mysterious  allusions 
which  no  one  else  understands. 


GENERAL   KTTLES   OF   CONDUCT.  279 

On  entering  a  room,  bow  slightly  as  a  general  saluta- 
tion, before  speaking  to  each  of  the  persons  assembled. 

Do  not  seem  to  notice  by  word  or  glance,  the  deform- 
ity of  another. 

To  administer  reproof  to  anyone  in  the  presence  of 
others  is  very  impolite.  To  scold  at  any  time  is  unwise. 

Never  undertake  a  commission  for  a  friend  and  neg- 
lect to  perform  it. 

Never  play  a  practical  joke  upon  anyone,  or  answer  a 
serious  remark  by  a  flippant  one. 

Never  lend  a  borrowed  book,  and  never  keep  such  a 
book  a  single  day  after  you  are  done  with  it. 

Never  pass  between  two  persons  who  are  talking  to- 
gether; and  never  pass  before  persons  when  it  is  possible 
to  pass  behind  them.  When  such  an  act  is  absolutely 
necessary,  always  apologize  for  so  doing. 

"  Never  speak  of  a  man's  virtues  before  his  face,  or 
his  faults  behind  his  back,"  is  a  maxim  to  be  remembered. 

Another  maxim  is,  "In  private  watch  your  thoughts; 
in  your  family  watch  your  temper;  in  society  watch 
your  tongue." 

Never  address  a  mere  acquaintance  by  his  or  her 
Christian  name.  It  is  a  presumption  at  which  the  ac- 
quaintance may  take  offense. 

Haughtiness  and  contempt  are  among  the  habits  to 
be  avoided.  The  best  way  is  to  deal  courteously  with 
the  rude  as  well  as  with  the  courteous. 

In  the  presence  of  others,  talk  as  little  of  yourself  as 
possible,  or  of  the  business  or  profession  in  which  you 
are  engaged. 


280  GENERAL   KULE8   OF   CONDUCT. 

It  shows  a  want  of  courtesy  to  consult  your  watch, 
either  at  home  or  abroad.  If  at  home,  it  appears  as 
though  you  were  tired  of  your  company,  and  wished 
them  to  be  gone.  If  abroad,  it  appears  as  though  the 
hours  dragged  heavily,  and  you  were  calculating  how 
soon  you  would  be  released. 

Do  not  touch  or  handle  any  of  the  ornaments  in  the 
house  where  you  visit.  They  are  intended  to  be  ad- 
mired, not  handled  by  visitors. 

Do  not  read  in  company.  A  gentleman  or  lady  may, 
however,  look  over  a  book  of  engravings  or  a  collection 
of  photographs  with  propriety. 

Every  species  of  affectation  should  be  avoided,  as  it  is 
always  detected,  and  exceedingly  disagreeable. 

WASHINGTON'S  MAXIMS. 

Mr.  Sparks,  in  his  biography  of  Washington,  has 
given  to  the  public  a  collection  of  Washington's  direc- 
tions as  to  personal  conduct,  which  he  called  his  "  Rules 
of  Civility  and  Decent  Behavior  in  Company."  We 
give  these  rules  entire,  as  the  reader  may  be  interested 
in  learning  the  principles  which  governed  the  conduct 
of  the  "  Father  of  his  Country." 

Every  action  in  company  ought  to  be  with  some  sign 
of  respect  to  those  present. 

In  the  presence  of  others  sing  not  to  yourself  with  a 
humming  voice,  nor  drum  with  your  fingers  or  feet. 

Speak  not  when  others  speak,  sit  not  when  others 
aland,  and  walk  not  when  others  stop. 

Turn  not  your  back  to  others,  especially  in  speaking; 


GENERAL    RULES    OF    CONDUCT.  281 

jog  not  the  table  or  desk  on  which  another  reads  or 
writes;  lean  not  on  anyone. 

Be  no  flatterer,  neither  play  with  anyone  that  delights 
not  to  be  played  with. 

Read  no  letters,  books  or  papers  in  company;  but 
when  there  is  a  necessity  for  doing  it,  you  must  not 
leave.  Come  not  near  the  books  or  writings  of  anyone 
so  as  to  read  them  unasked;  also  look  not  nigh  when 
another  is  writing  a  letter. 

Let  your  countenance  be  pleasant,  but  in  serious  mat- 
ters somewhat  grave. 

Show  not  yourself  glad  at  the  misfortune  of  another, 
though  he  were  your  enemy. 

They  that  are  in  dignity  or  office  have  in  all  places 
precedency,  but  whilst  they  are  young,  they  ought  to 
respect  those  that  are  their  equals  in  birth  or  other 
qualities,  though  they  have  no  public  charge. 

It  is  good  manners  to  prefer  them  to  whom  we  speak 
before  ourselves,  especially  if  they  be  above  us. 

Let  your  discourse  with  men  of  business  be  short  and 
comprehensive. 

In  visiting  the  sick  do  not  presently  play  the  physician 
if  you  be  not  knowing  therein. 

In  writing  or  speaking,  give  to  every  person  his  due 
title  according  to  his  degree  and  the  custom  of  the 
place. 

Strive  not  with  your  superiors  in  argument,  but  al- 
ways submit  your  judgment  to  others  with  modesty. 

Undertake  not  to  teach  your  equal  in  the  art  he  him- 
self professes;  it  savors  arrogancy. 

When  a  man  does  all  he  can  though  it  succeeds  not 
well,  blame  not  him  that  did  it. 

Being  to  advise  or  reprehend  anyone,  consider  whether 
it  ought  to  be  in  public  or  in  private,  presently  or  at 
some  other  time,  also  in  what  terms  to  do  it;  and  in 


282  GENERAL    RULES    OF    CONDUCT. 

reproving  show  no  signs  of  choler,  but  do  it  with  sweet- 
ness and  mildness. 

Mock  not  nor  jest  at  anything  of  importance;  break 
no  jests  that  are  sharp  or  biting,  and  if  you  deliver  any- 
thing witty  or  pleasant,  abstain  from  laughing  thereat 
yourself. 

Wherein  you  reprove  another  be  unblamable  yourself, 
for  example  is  more  prevalent  than  precept. 

Use  no  reproachful  language  against  any  one,  neither 
curses  or  revilings. 

Be  not  hasty  to  believe  flying  reports  to  the  dispar- 
agement of  anyone. 

In  your  apparel  be  modest,  and  endeavor  to  accom- 
modate nature  rather  than  procure  admiration.  Keep 
to  the  fashion  of  your  equals,  such  as  are  civil  and 
orderly  with  respect  to  time  and  place. 

Play  not  the  peacock,  looking  everywhere  about  you 
to  see  if  you  be  well  decked,  if  your  shoes  fit  well,  if 
your  stockings  set  neatly  and  clothes  handsomely. 

Associate  yourself  with  men  of  good  quality  if  you 
esteem  your  reputation,  for  it  is  better  to  be  alone  than 
in  bad  company. 

Let  your  conversation  be  without  malice  or  envy,  for 
it  is  a  sign  of  a  tractable  and  commendable  nature;  and 
in  all  cases  of  passion  admit  reason  to  govern. 

Be  not  immodest  in  urging  your  friend  to  discover  a 
secret. 

Utter  not  base  and  frivolous  things  amongst  grown 
and  learned  men,  nor  very  difficult  questions  or  subjects 
amongst  the  ignorant,  nor  things  hard  to  be  believed. 

Speak  not  of  doleful  things  in  time  of  mirth  nor  at 
the  table ;  speak  not  of  melancholy  things,  as  death  and 
wounds;  and  if  others  mention  them,  change,  if  you 
can,  the  discourse.  Tell  not  your  dreams  but  to  your 
intimate  friends. 


GENERAL    KULES    OF    CONDUCT.  283 

Break  not  a  jest  when  none  take  pleasure  in  mirth. 
Laugh  not  aloud,  nor  at  all  without  occasion.  Deride 
no  man's  misfortunes,  though  there  seem  to  be  some 
cause. 

Speak  not  injurious  words,  neither  in  jest  nor  earnest. 
Scoff  at  none,  although  they  give  occasion. 

Be  not  forward,  but  friendly  and  courteous,  the  first 
to  salute,  hear  and  answer,  and  be  not  pensive  when  it 
is  time  to  converse. 

Detract  not  from  others,  but  neither  be  excessive  in 
commending. 

Go  not  thither  where  you  know  not  whether  you  shall 
be  welcome  or  not.  Give  not  advice  without  being 
asked;  and  when  desired,  do  it  briefly. 

If  two  contend  together,  take  not  the  part  of  either 
unconstrained,  and  be  not  obstinate  in  your  opinions; 
in  things  indifferent  be  of  the  major  side. 

Reprehend  not  the  imperfection  of  others,  for  that 
belongs  to  parents,  masters  and  superiors. 

Gaze  not  on  the  marks  or  blemishes  of  others,  and  ask 
not  how  they  came.  What  you  may  speak  in  secret  to 
your  friend  deliver  not  before  others. 

Speak  not  in  an  unknown  tongue  in  company,  but  in 
your  own  language;  and  that  as  those  of  quality  do, 
and  not  as  the  vulgar.  Sublime  matters  treat  seriously. 

Think  before  you  speak;  pronounce  not  imperfectly, 
nor  bring  out  your  words  too  heartily,  but  orderly  and 
distinctly. 

When  another  speaks,  be  attentive  yourself,  and  dis- 
turb not  the  audience.  If  any  hesitate  in  his  words, 
help  him  not,  nor  prompt  him  without  being  desired; 
interrupt  him  not,  nor  answer  him  till  his  speech  be 
ended. 

Treat  with  men  at  fit  times  about  business,  and  whis- 
per not  in  the  company  of  others. 


284  GENERAL    RULES    OF    CONDUCT. 

Make  no  comparisons;  and  if  any  of  the  company  be 
commended  for  any  brave  act  of  virtue,  commend  not 
another  for  the  same. 

Be  not  apt  to  relate  news  if  you  know  not  the  truth 
thereof.  In  discoursing  of  things  that  you  have  heard, 
name  not  your  author  always.  A  secret  discover  not. 

Be  not  curious  to  know  the  affairs  of  others,  neither 
approach  to  those  who  speak  in  private. 

Undertake  not  what  you  cannot  perform;  but  be 
careful  to  keep  your  promise. 

When  you  deliver  a  matter,  do  it  without  passion  and 
indiscretion,  however  mean  the  person  may  be  you  do  it 
to. 

When  your  superiors  talk  to  anybody,  hear  them; 
neither  speak  nor  laugh. 

In  disputes  be  not  so  desirous  to  overcome  as  not  to 
give  liberty  to  each  one  to  deliver  his  opinion,  and  sub- 
mit to  the  judgment  of  the  major  part,  especially  if  they 
are  judges  of  the  dispute. 

Be  not  tedious  in  discourse,  make  not  many  digress- 
ions, nor  repeat  often  the  same  matter  of  discourse. 

Speak  no  evil  of  the  absent,  for  it  is  unjust. 

Be  not  angry  at  table,  whatever  happens;  and  if  you 
have  reason  to  be  so  show  it  not;  put  on  a  cheerful 
countenance,  especially  if  there  be  strangers,  for  good 
humor  makes  one  dish  a  feast. 

Set  not  yourself  at  the  upper  end  of  the  table;  but  if 
it  be  your  due,  or  the  master  of  the  house  will  have  it 
so,  contend  not,  lest  you  should  trouble  the  company. 

When  you  speak  of  God  or  his  attributes,  let  it  be 
seriously,  in  reverence  and  honor,  and  obey  your  natural 
parents. 

Let  your  recreations  be  manful,  not  sinful. 

Labor  to  keep  alive  in  your  breast  that  little  spark  of 
celestial  fire  called  conscience. 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 


HE  custom  of  celebrating  anniversary 
weddings  has,  of  late  years,  been 
largely  practiced,  and  they  have 
become  a  very  pleasant  means  of 
social  reunion  among  the  relatives 
and  friends  of  both  husband  and 
wife.  Often  this  is  the  only  reason 
for  celebrating  them,  and  the  occasion  is 
sometimes  taken  advantage  of  to  give  a 
large  party,  of  a  more  informal  nature 
than  could  be  given  under  other  circum- 
stances. The  occasion  becomes  one  of  the 
memorable  events  in  the  life  of  the  couple 
whose  wedding  anniversary  is  celebrated.  It 
is  an  occasion  for  recalling  the  happy  event  which 
brought  to  each  a  new  existence,  and  changed  the  cur- 
rent of  their  lives.  It  is  an  occasion  for  them  to  receive 
congratulations  upon  their  past  married  life,  and  wishes 
for  many  additional  years  of  wedded  bliss. 

Upon  these  occasions  the  married  couple  sometimes 
appear  in  the  costumes  worn  by  them  on  their  wedding 

(285) 


286  ANNIVERSARY    WEDDINGS. 

day,  which  they  have  preserved  with  punctilious  care, 
and  when  many  years  have  intervened  the  quaintness 
and  oddity  of  the  style  of  dress  from  the  prevailing 
style  is  a  matter  of  interest,  and  the  occasion  of  pleasant 
comments.  The  couple  receive  their  guests  together, 
who  upon  entering  the  drawing-room,  where  they  are 
receiving,  extend  to  them  their  congratulations  and 
wishes  for  continued  prosperity  and  happiness.  The 
various  anniversaries  are  designated  by  special  names, 
indicative  of  the  presents  suitable  on  each  occasion, 
should  guests  deem  it  advisable  to  send  presents.  It 
may  be  here  stated  that  it  is  entirely  optional  with  par- 
ties invited  as  to  whether  any  presents  are  sent  or  taken. 
At  the  earlier  anniversaries,  much  pleasantry  and  amuse- 
ment is  occasioned  by  presenting  unique  and  fantastic 
articles,  gotten  up  for  the  occasion.  When  this  is  con- 
templated, care  should  be  taken  that  they  should  not  be 
such  as  are  liable  to  give  offense  to  a  person  of  sensitive 
nature. 

THE   PAPER,    COTTON   AND    LEATHER   WEDDING. 

The  first  anniversay  of  the  wedding-day  is  called  the 
Paper  Wedding,  the  second  the  Cotton  Wedding,  and 
the  third  the  Leather  Wedding.  The  invitations  to  the 
first  should  be  issued  on  a  grey  paper,  representing  thin 
cardboard.  Presents,  if  given  should  be  solely  articles 
made  of  paper. 

The  invitations  for  the  cotton  wedding  should  be 
neatly  printed  on  fine  white  cloth,  and  presents  should 
be  of  articles  of  cotton  cloth. 


ANNIVERSARY    WEDDINGS.  287 

For  the  leather  wedding  invitations  should  be  issued 
upon  leather,  tastily  gotten  up,  and  presents,  of  course, 
should  be  articles  made  of  leather. 

THE   WOODEN    WEDDING. 

The  wooden  wedding  is  the  fifth  anniversay  of  the 
marriage.  The  invitations  should  be  upon  thin  cards 
of  wood,  or  they  may  be  written  on  a  sheet  of  wedding 
note  paper,  and  a  card  of  wood  enclosed  in  the  envelope. 
The  presents  suitable  to  this  occasion  are  most  numer- 
ous, and  may  range  from  a  wooden  paper  knife  or  tri- 
fling article  for  kitchen  use  up  to  a  complete  set  of 
parlor  or  kitchen  furniture. 

THE   TIN   WEDDING. 

The  tenth  anniversary  of  the  marriage  is  called  the  tin 
wedding.  The  invitations  for  this  anniversary  may  be 
made  upon  cards  covered  with  a  tin  card  inclosed.  The 
guests,  if  they  desire  to  accompany  their  congratula- 
tions with  appropriate  presents,  have  the  whole  list  of 
articles  manufactured  by  the  tinner's  art  from  which  to 
select. 

THE    CRYSTAL    WEDDING. 

The  crystal  wedding  is  the  fifteenth  anniversary. 
Invitations  may  be  on  thin,  transparent  paper,  or  col- 
ored sheets  of  prepared  gelatine,  or  on  ordinary  wed- 
ding note-paper,  enclosing  a  sheet  of  mica.  The  guests 
make  their  offerings  to  their  host  and  hostess  of  trifles 
of  glass,  which  may  be  more  or  less  valuable,  as  the 
donor  feels  inclined. 


288  ANNIVERSARY    WEDDINGS. 

THE    CHINA    WEDDING. 

The  china  wedding  occurs  on  the  twentieth  anniver- 
sary of  the  wedding-day.  Invitations  should  be  issued 
on  exceedingly  fine,  semi-transparent  note-paper  or 
cards.  Various  articles  for  the  dining  or  tea-table  or 
for  the  toilet-stand,  vases  or  mantel  ornaments,  all  are 
appropriate  on  this  occasion. 

THE    SILVER    WEDDING. 

The  silver  wedding  occurs  on  the  twenty-fifth  mar- 
riage anniversary.  The  invitations  issued  for  this  wed- 
ding should  be  upon  the  finest  note-paper,  printed  in 
bright  silver,  with  monogram  or  crest  upon  both  paper 
and  envelope,  in  silver  also.  If  presents  are  offered  by 
any  of  the  guests,  they  should  be  of  silver,  and  may  be 
the  merest  trifles,  or  more  expensive,  as  the  means  and 
inclinations  of  the  donors  incline. 

THE   GOLDEN   WEDDING. 

The  close  of  the  fiftieth  year  of  married  life  brings 
round  the  appropriate  time  for  the  golden  wedding. 
Fifty  years  of  married  happiness  may  indeed  be  crowned 
with  gold.  The  invitations  for  this  anniversary  celebra- 
tion should  be  printed  on  the  finest  note-paper  in  gold, 
with  crest  or  monogram  on  both  paper  and  envelopes  in 
highly-burnished  gold.  The  presents,  if  any  are  offered, 
are  also  in  gold. 


ANNIVERSARY    WEDDINGS.  289 

THE    DIAMOND    WEDDING. 

Rarely,  indeed,  is  a  diamond  wedding  celebrated. 
This  should  be  held  on  the  seventy-fifth  anniversary  of 
the  marriage-day.  So  seldom  are  these  occurrences 
that  custom  has  sanctioned  no  particular  style  or  form 
to  be  observed  in  the  invitations.  They  might  be 
issued  upon  diamond-shaped  cards,  enclosed  in  envel. 
opes  of  a  corresponding  shape.  There  can  be  no  gen- 
eral offering  of  presents  at  such  a  wjedding,  since  dia- 
monds in  any  number  are  beyond  the  means  of  most 
persons. 

PRESENTS    AT    ANNIVERSARY    WEDDINGS. 

It  is  not,  as  before  stated,  required  that  an  invitation 
to  an  anniversary  wedding  be  acknowledged  by  a  val- 
uable gift,  or  indeed  by  any.  The  donors  on  such  occa- 
sions are  usually  only  members  of  the  family  or  inti- 
mate friends,  and  may  act  at  their  own  discretion  in  the 
matter  of  giving  presents. 

On  the  occasion  of  golden  or  silver  weddings,  it  is 
not  amiss  to  have  printed  at  the  bottom  of  the  invita- 
tion the  words  "  No  presents,"  or  to  enclose  a  card 
announcing — 

"  It  is  preferred  that  no  wedding  gifts  be  offered." 

INVITATIONS    TO    ANNIVERSARY   WEDDINGS. 

The  invitations  to  anniversary  weddings  may  vary- 
something  in  their  wording,  according  to  the  fancy  of 
the  writer,  but  they  are  all  similar.  They  should  give 
the  date  of  the  marriage  and  the  anniversary.  They 

16 


290  ANNIVERSARY    WEDDINGS. 

may  or  may  not  give  the  name  of  the  husband  at  the 
right-hand  side  and  the  maiden  name  of  the  wife  at  the 
left.     What  the  anniversary  is  should  also  be  indicated. 
The  following  form  will  serve  as  a  model: 


at  mttfie  a 


A  proper  variation  will  make  this  form  equally  suit- 
able for  any  of  the  other  anniversary  weddings. 

MARRIAGE  CEREMONY  AT  ANNIVERSARY  WEDDINGS. 

It  is  not  unusual  to  have  the  marriage  ceremony  re- 
peated at  these  anniversary  weddings,  especially  at  the 
silver  or  golden  wedding.  The  earliest  anniversaries 
are  almost  too  trivial  occasions  upon  which  to  introduce 
this  ceremony.  The  clergyman  who  officiates  may  so 
change  the  exact  words  of  the  marriage  ceremony  as  to 
render  them  appropriate  to  the  occasion. 


CHAPTER  XXV. 
tvtto  atifl 


PON  the  announcement  of  the  birth 
of  a  child,  the  lady  friends  of  the 
mother  send  her  their  cards,  with 
inquiries  after  her  health.     As  soon 
as  she  is  strong  enough  to  permit, 
the   mother  returns  her  own  card  to 
all  from  whom  she  received  cards  and 
inquiries,  with  "thanks  for  kind  inqui- 
ries."    Her  lady  friends  then  make  per- 
sonal visits,  but   gentlemen  do  not  call 
upon  the  mother  on  these  occasions.     If 
they  wish,  they  may  pay  their  visits  to  the 
father,  and  inquire  after  the   health   of   the 
mother  and  child. 

NAMING  THE  CHILD. 

It  becomes  an  all-important  matter  to  the  parents, 
what  name  they  shall  give  to  the  newly-born  child,  and 
as  this  is  a  matter  which  may  also  concern  the  latter  at 
some  future  day,  it  becomes  an  object  of  solicitude, 
until  a  suitable  name  is  settled  upon.  The  custom  in 

(291) 


292  BIRTHS    AND    CHRISTENINGS. 

Scotland  is  to  name  the  first  son  after  the  father's 
father,  and  the  first  daughter  after  the  mother's  mother, 
the  second  son  after  the  father,  the  second  daughter 
after  the  mother,  and  succeeding  children  after  other 
near  relations.  This  perpetuates  family  names,  and  if 
they  are  persons  whose  names  are  regarded  as  worthy  of 
perpetuation,  it  may  be  considered  a  good  custom  to 
follow.  With  some  it  is  customary  to  name  children 
after  some  renowned  person,  either  living  or  dead. 
There  are  objections  to  this  plan,  however,  for  if  the 
person  be  still  living,  he  may  commit  some  act  which 
will  bring  opprobrium  to  his  name,  and  so  cause  both 
the  parent  and  child  to  be  ashamed  of  bearing  such  a 
disgraced  name.  If  the  person  after  whom  the  child  is 
named  be  dead,  it  may  be  that  the  child's  character 
may  be  so  entirely  different  from  the  person  who  for- 
merly bore  it,  that  the  name  shall  be  made  a  reproach 
or  satire. 

The  plan  of  reviving  the  old  Saxon  names  has  been 
adopted  by  some,  and  it  has  been  claimed  that  the 
names  of  Edgar,  Edwin,  Arthur,  Alfred,  Ethel,  Maud, 
Edith,  Theresa,  and  many  others  of  the  Saxon  names 
are  pleasant  sounding  and  strong,  and  a  desirable  con- 
trast to  the  Fannies,  Mamies,  Minnies,  Lizzies,  Sadies, 
and  other  petty  diminutives  which  have  taken  the  place 
of  better  sounding  and  stronger  names. 

THE  CHRISTENING. 

The  christening  and  the  baptism  usually  occur  at  the 
same  time,  and  are  regulated  according  to  the  practices 


BERTHS    AND   CHRISTENINGS. 

of  the  special  church  where  the  parents  attend  worship. 
As  these  are  quite  varied,  it  will  be  sufficient  only  to 
indicate  the  forms  and  customs  which  society  imposes 
at  such  times. 

GODPARENTS  OR  SPONSORS. 

In  the  Episcopal  Church  there  are  two,  and  somtimes 
three,  godparents  or  sponsors.  If  the  child  is  a  boy, 
there  are  two  godfathers  and  one  godmother.  If  a  girl, 
two  godmothers  and  one  godfather.  The  persons  se- 
lected for  godparents  should  be  near  relatives  or  friends 
of  long  and  close  standing,  and  should  be  members  of 
the  same  church  into  which  the  child  is  baptized.  The 
maternal  grandmother  and  paternal  grandfather  usually 
act  as  sponsors  for  the  first  child,  the  maternal  grand- 
father and  paternal  grandmother  for  the  second.  A 
person  invited  to  act  as  godparent  should  not  refuse 
without  good  reason.  If  the  grandparents  are  not 
selected,  it  is  an  act  of  courtesy  to  select  the  godmother, 
and  allow  her  to  designate  the  godfather.  Young  per- 
sons should  not  stand  sponsors  to  an  infant;  and  none 
should  offer  to  act  unless  their  superior  position  war- 
rants them  in  so  doing. 

PRESENTS  FROM  GODFATHERS. 

The  sponsors  must  make  their  godchild  a  present  of 
some  sort — a  silver  mug,  a  knife,  spoon  and  fork,  a 
handsomely-bound  bible,  or  perhaps  a  costly  piece  of 
lace  or  embroidery  suitable  for  infants'  wear.  The  god- 
father may  give  a  cup,  with  name  engraved,  and  the 
godmother  the  christening  robe  and  cap. 


294  BIRTHS    AND   CHRISTENINGS. 


THE  CHRISTENING  CEREMONY. 

Upon  entering  the  church  the  babe  is  carried  first  in 
the  arms  of  its  nurse.  Next  come  the  sponsors,  and 
after  them  the  father  and  mother,  if  she  is  able  to  be 
present.  The  invited  guests  follow.  In  taking  their 
places  the  sponsors  stand,  the  godfather  on  the  right 
and  the  godmother  on  the  left  of  the  child.  When  the 
question  is  asked,  "  Who  are  the  sponsors  for  the  child  ?" 
the  proper  persons  should  merely  bow  their  heads  with- 
out speaking. 

In  the  Roman  Catholic  Church  baptism  takes  place  at 
as  early  a  date  as  possible.  If  the  child  does  not  seem 
to  be  strong,  a  priest  is  sent  for  at  once,  and  the  cere- 
mony is  performed  at  the  mother's  bedside.  If,  on  the 
other  hand,  the  child  is  healthy,  it  is  taken  to  the  church 
within  a  few  days  after  its  birth.  In  Protestant  churches 
the  ceremony  of  baptism  is  usually  deferred  until  the 
mother  is  able  to  be  present.  If  the  ceremony  is  per- 
formed at  home,  a  carriage  must  be  sent  for  the  clergy- 
man, and  retained  to  convey  him  back  again  after  the 
ceremony  is  concluded.  A  luncheon  may  follow  the 
christening,  though  a  collation  of  cake  and  wine  will  fill 
all  the  requirements  of  etiquette.  It  is  the  duty  of  tha 
godfather  to  propose  the  health  of  the  infant. 

PRESENTS  PROM  GUESTS. 

Friends  invited  to  a  christening  should  remember  the 
babe  in  whose  honor  they  convene,  by  some  trifling  gift. 


BIRTHS    AND    CHRISTENINGS.  295 

Gentlemen  may  present  an  article  01  silver,  ladies  some- 
thing of  their  own  manufacture. 

THE  HERO  OF  THE  OCCASION. 

It  should  be  remembered  that  the  baby  is  the  person 
of  the  greatest  importance  on  these  occasions,  and  the 
guests  should  give  it  a  large  share  of  attention  and 
praise.  The  parents,  however,  must  not  make  this  duty 
too  onerous  to  their  guests  by  keeping  a  tired,  fretful 
child  on  exhibition.  It  is  better  to  send  it  at  once  to 
the  care  of  the  nurse  as  soon  as  the  ceremony  is  over. 

FEES  TO  THE  CLERGYMAN. 

Though  the  Church  performs  the  ceremony  of  bap- 
tism gratuitously,  the  parents  should,  if  they  are  able, 
make  a  present  to  the  officiating  clergyman,  or,  through 
him  a  donation  to  the  poor  of  the  neighborhood. 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 


HE  saddest  of  all  ceremonies  is  that  at- 
tendant upon  the  death  of  relatives 
and  friends,  and  it   becomes  us  to 
show,  in  every  possible  way,  the  ut- 
most consideration  for  the  feelings 
of  the   bereaved,    and    the   deepest 
respect  for  the  melancholy  occasion. 
Of  late  the  forms  of  ostentation  at  funer- 
als are  gradually    diminishing,    and    by 
some  people  of  intelligence,  even  mourn- 
ing habiliments  are  rejected  in  whole  or 
in  part. 

INVITATION  TO  A  FUNERAL. 

It  is  customary  in  cities  to  give  the  notice 
of  death  and  announcement  of  a  funeral  through  the 
daily  newspapers,  though  sometimes  when  such  announce- 
ment may  not  reach  all  friends  in  time,  invitations 
to  the  funeral  are  sent  to  personal  and  family  friends  of 
the  deceased.  In  villages  where  there  is  no  daily  paper, 
such  invitations  are  often  issued. 

(296) 


FUNERALS.  29T 

Private  invitations  are  usually  printed  on  fine  small 
note  paper,  with  a  heavy  black  border,  and  in  such 
form  as  the  following: 


.    (or  from  £«.  Pawfs  Episcopal 


Church),  'fa  ^t&ee-etz  £& 

*?' 

When  an  announcement  of  a  death  is  sent  to  a  friend 
or  relative  at  a  distant  point,  it  is  usual  to  telegraph  or 
to  write  the  notice  of  death,  time  and  place  of  funeral, 
to  allow  the  friend  an  opportunity  to  arrive  before  the 
services. 

It  is  a  breach  of  good  manners  not  to  accept  an  invi- 
tation to  a  funeral,  when  one  is  sent. 

ARRANGEMENTS  FOR  THE  FUNERAL. 

It  is  customary  to  trust  the  details  of  the  arrange- 
ments for  the  funeral  to  some  relative  or  friend  of  the 
family,  and  if  there  be  no  friend  who  can  perform  thia 


298  FUNERALS. 

duty,  it  can  be  safely  left  with  the  undertaker  to  per- 
form the  painful  duties  of  master  of  ceremonies.  It  is 
prudent  to  name  a  limit  for  the  expenses  of  the  funeral, 
and  the  means  of  the  family  should  always  govern  these. 
Pomp  and  display  should  always  be  avoided,  as  they 
are  out  of  keeping  with  the  solemn  occasion,  and  incon- 
sistent with  real  grief.  At  the  funeral  some  one  should 
act  as  usher  to  seat  the  friends  who  attend. 

THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

Upon  entering  the  house  of  mourning,  a  gentleman 
should  always  remove  his  hat  in  the  hall,  and  not  re- 
place it  until  he  is  about  to  depart.  No  calls  of  condo- 
lence should  be  made  upon  the  bereaved  family  while 
the  dead  remains  in  the  house,  and  members  of  the 
family  may  be  excused  from  receiving  any  but  their 
most  intimate  friends  at  that  time. 

There  should  be  no  loud  talking  or  confusion  while 
the  body  remains  in  the  house.  All  differences  and 
quarrels  must  be  forgotten  in  the  house  of  mourning, 
and  personal  enemies  who  meet  at  a  funeral  must  treat 
each  other  with  respect  and  dignity.  The  bell  knob  or 
door  handle  is  draped  with  black  crape,  with  a  black 
ribbon  tied  on,  if  the  deceased  is  married  or  advanced 
in  years,  and  with  a  white  ribbon,  if  young  or  unmar- 
ried. 

THE  FUNERAL  SERVICES. 

If  the  services  are  held  at  the  house,  some  near  friend 
or  relative  will  receive  the  guests.  The  immediate 
members  of  the  family  and  near  relatives  should  take  a 


FUNERALS.  299 

final  view  of  the  corpse  just  before  the  arrival  of  the 
guests,  and  should  not  make  their  appearance  again 
until  the  services  are  about  to  commence.  It  is  becom- 
ing customary  now  to  reserve  a  room  of  the  house  ad- 
joining that  in  which  the  services  are  held,  for  the  ex- 
clusive use  of  the  near  relatives  and  members  of  the 
family  during  the  services.  Then  the  clergyman  takes 
his  position  at  the  door  between  the  two  rooms  while 
conducting  the  services.  As  guests  arrive,  they  are 
requested  to  take  a  last  look  at  the  corpse  before  seating 
themselves,  and  upon  the  conclusion  of  the  services  the 
coffin  lid  is  closed,  and  the  remains  are  borne  to  the 
hearse.  The  custom  of  opening  the  coffin  at  the  church 
to  allow  all  who  attend  to  take  a  final  look  at  the  corpse, 
is  rapidly  coming  into  disfavor.  The  friends  who  desire 
it  are  requested  to  view  the  corpse  at  the  house,  before 
it  is  taken  to  the  church. 

If,  however,  the  deceased  is  a  person  of  great  promi- 
nence in  the  community,  and  the  house  is  not  able  to 
accommodate  the  large  numbers  who  desire  to  take  a 
last  look  at  the  face  of  the  deceased,  then,  perhaps,  it 
may  be  well  that  the  coffin  should  be  opened  at  the 
church. 

THE  PALL-BEARERS. 

The  pall-bearers,  usually  six,  but  sometimes  eight, 
when  the  deceased  is  a  person  of  considerable  promi- 
nence, are  generally  chosen  from  the  intimate  acquaint- 
ances of  the  deceased,  and  of  nearly  the  same  age.  If 
they  walk  to  the  cemetery,  they  take  their  position  in 


300  FUNERALS. 

equal  nmrabers  on  either  side  of  the  hearse.     If  they  ride, 
their  carriage  or  carriages  precede  the  hearse. 

OBDEB  OF  THE  PBOCESSION. 

The  carriages  containing  the  clergyman  and  pall- 
bearers precede  the  hearse,  immediately  following  which 
are  the  carriages  of  the  nearest  relatives,  more  distant 
relatives  and  friends  respectively.  When  societies  or 
masonic  bodies  take  part  in  the  procession  they  precede 
the  hearse. 

The  horse  of  a  deceased  mounted  military  officer, 
fully  equipped  and  draped  in  mourning,  will  be  led 
immediately  after  the  hearse.  As  the  mourners  pass 
out  to  enter  the  carriage,  the  guests  stand  with  uncov- 
ered heads.  No  salutations  are  given  or  received.  The 
person  who  officiates  as  master  of  ceremonies,  assists 
the  mourners  to  enter  and  alight  from  the  carriages. 
At  the  cemetery  the  clergyman  or  priest  walks  in  ad- 
vance of  the  coffin.  In  towns  and  villages  where  the 
cemetery  is  near  at  hand  and  the  procession  goes  on 
foot,  the  men  should  go  with  uncovered  heads,  if  the 
weather  permit,  the  hat  being  held  in  the  right  hand. 
Guests  return  to  their  respective  homes  after  the  services 
at  the  grave. 

FLOBAL  DECOBATION8. 

The  usual  decorations  of  the  coffin  are  flowers,  taste- 
fully arranged  in  a  beautiful  wreath  for  a  child  or  young 
person,  and  a  cross  for  a  married  person,  which  are 
placed  upon  the  coffin.  These  flowers  should  mostly  be 
white.  Near  friends  of  the  deceased  may  send  beauti- 


FUNEKALS.  301 

f ul  floral  devices,  if  they  wish,  as  a  mark  of  their  esteem 
for  the  deceased,  which  should  be  sent  in  time  to  be 
used  for  decorative  purposes. 

OTHER  DECORATIONS. 

A  person  of  rank  generally  bears  some  insignia  upon 
his  coffin.  Thus  a  deceased  army  or  naval  officer  will 
have  his  coffin  covered  with  the  national  flag,  and  his 
hat,  epaulettes,  sword  and  sash  laid  upon  the  lid.  The 
regalia  of  a  deceased  officer  of  the  Masonic  or  Odd  Fel- 
lows' fraternity  is  often  placed  upon  the  coffin. 

CALLS  UPON  THE  BEREAVED  FAMILY. 

About  a  week  after  the  funeral,  friends  call  upon  the 
bereaved  family,  and  acquaintances  call  within  a  month. 
The  calls  of  the  latter  are  not  repeated  until  cards  of 
acknowledgment  have  been  received  by  the  family,  the 
leaving  of  which  announces  that  they  are  ready-  to  see 
their  friends.  It  is  the  custom  for  friends  to  wear  no 
bright  colors  when  making  their  calls  of  condolence. 
In  making  first  calls  of  condolence,  none  but  most  inti- 
mate friends  ask  to  see  the  family.  Short  notes  of  con- 
dolence, expressing  the  deepest  sympathy,  are  usually 
accepted,  and  help  to  comfort  stricken  hearts.  Formal 
notes  of  condolence  are  no  longer  sent.  Those  who 
have  known  anything  of  the  unsounded  depths  of  sor- 
row do  not  attempt  consolation.  All  that  they  attempt 
to  do  is  to  find  words  wherein  to  express  their  deep  sym- 
pathy with  the  grief-stricken  ones. 


302 


FUNERALS. 


SECLUSION  OF  THE  BEREAVED  FAMILY. 

No  member  of  the  immediate  family  of  the  deceased 
will  leave  the  house  between  the  time  of  the  death  and 
the  funeral.  A  lady  friend  will  be  commissioned  to 
make  all  necessary  purchases,  engage  seamstresses,  etc. 
It  is  not  desirable  to  enshroud  ourselves  in  gloom  after 
a  bereavement,  however  great  it  may  be,  andvconser 
quently  no  prescribed  period  of  seclusion  can  be  given. 
Real  grief  needs  no  appointed  time  for  seclusion.  It  is 
the  duty  of  every  one  to  interest  himself  or  herself  in 
accustomed  objects  of  care  as  soon  as  it  is  possible  to 
make  the  exertion;  for,  in  fulfilling  our  duties  to  the 
living,  we  best  show  the  strength  of  our  affection  for 
the  dead,  as  well  as  our  submission  to  the  will  of  Him 
who  knows  what  is  better  for  our  dear  ones  than  we  can 
know  or  dream. 


CHAPTER  XXVII. 


ERTAIN  local  rules  have  been  recog- 
nized in  society  at  Washington,  from 
the  fact  that  a  gentleman's  social 
position  is  acquired  by  virtue  of  cer- 
tain offices  which  he  holds,  and  the 
social  status  of  woman  is  also  deter- 
mined by  the  official  rank  of  her 
husband. 

THE   PRESIDENT. 

As  the  President  of  the  United  States 
holds  the  highest  official  rank  in  political  life, 
so  is  he  also  by  virtue  of  that  office,  awarded 
precedence  in  social  life.  There  is  no  neces- 
sity of  special  formalities  to  form  his  acquaintance,  and 
he  receives  calls  without  being  under  any  obligation  to 
return  them.  He  may  be  addressed  either  as  "Mr. 
President,"  or  "  Your  Excellency."  Sometimes  he  gives 
up  the  morning  hours  to  receiving  calls,  and  at  such 
times  precedence  is  given  to  such  people  as  have  busi- 
ness with  him,  over  parties  who  go  to  make  a  formal 
call.  In  either  case,  the  caller  is  shown  to  the  room 
occupied  by  the  President's  secretaries,  presents  his 
card  and  waits  his  turn  to  be  admitted.  If  the  caller 

(303) 


304:  WASHINGTON    ETIQUETTE. 

has  no  business,  but  goes  out  of  curiosity,  he  pays  his 
respects  and  withdraws  to  make  room  for  others.  It  is 
better  in  making  a  private  call,  to  secure  the  company 
of  some  official  or  some  friend  of  the  President  to 
introduce  you. 

BECEPTIONS  AT  THE  WHITE  HOUSE. 

Stated  receptions  are  given  at  the  White  House  by 
the  President  during  sessions  of  congress,  and  all  are  at 
liberty  to  attend  them.  Sometimes  these  are  morning, 
and  sometimes  evening,  receptions.  Upon  entering  the 
reception  room,  the  caller  gives  his  name  to  the  usher, 
who  announces  it,  and  upon  approaching  the  President 
is  introduced,  by  some  official  to  whom  the  duty  is 
assigned,  both  to  the  President  and  to  the  members  of 
his  family  who  receive  with  him.  The  callers  pass  on, 
after  being  introduced,  mingle  in  social  intercourse  and 
view  the  various  rooms  until  ready  to  depart.  If  a 
caller  wishes  he  may  leave  his  card. 

The  same  rules  of  etiquette  prevail  at  state  dinners 
given  by  the  President  as  at  any  formal  dinner,  prece- 
dence being  given  to  guests  according  to  official^  rank 
and  dignity.  An  invitation  by  the  President  must  be 
accepted,  and  it  is  admissible  to  break  any  other  engage- 
ment already  made;  however,  it  is  necessary  to  explain 
the  cause,  in  order  to  avoid  giving  offense.  It  is  not 
regarded  as  discourteous  to  break  an  engagement  for 
this  reason. 

The  wife  of  the  President  is  not  under  obligation  to 
return  calls,  though  she  may  visit  those  whom  she 


WASHINGTON    ETIQUETTE.  305 

wishes  to  favor  with  such  attentions.     Other  members 
of  the  President's  family  may  receive  and  return  calls. 

NEW-YEAR'S  RECEPTIONS  AT  THE  WHITE  HOUSE. 

As  the  New- Year's  receptions  at  the  White  House 
are  the  most  ceremonious  occasions  of  the  executive 
mansion,  it  is  the  custom  of  the  ladies  who  attend  them 
to  appear  in  the  most  elegant  toilets  suited  to  a  morning 
reception.  Members  of  foreign  legations  appear  in  the 
court  dresses  of  their  respective  countries  on  this  occa- 
sion, in  paying  their  respects  to  the  President  of  the 
United  States. 

ORDER  OF  OFFICIAL  RANK. 

Next  in  rank  to  the  President  come  the  Chief  Justice, 
the  Vice-President  and  the  Speaker  of  the  House  of 
Representatives.  These  receive  first  visits  from  all 
others.  The  General  of  the  army  and  the  Admiral  of 
the  navy  come  next  in  the  order  of  official  rank.  Mem- 
bers of  the  House  of  Representatives  call  first  on  all 
the  officials  named.  The  wife  of  any  official  is  entitled 
to  the  same  social  precedence  as  her  husband.  Among 
officers  of  the  army  and  navy,  the  Lieutenant-General 
corresponds  to  the  Vice- Admiral,  the  Major-General  to 
Rear- Admiral,  Brigadier-General  to  Commodore,  Colo- 
nel to  Captain  in  the  navy,  and  so  on  through  the  lower 
grades. 

THE  CABINET  OFFICERS. 

The  officers  of  the  cabinet,  comprising  the  Secreta- 
ries of  State,  the  Treasury,  the  War,  the  Navy,  the 


306  WASHINGTON   ETIQUETTE. 

Postmaster-General,  the  Secretary  of  the  Interior  and 
Attorney-General,  expect  to  receive  calls,  aud  as  all  the 
officers  are  of  the  same  rank  and  dignity,  it  is  only  on 
occasions  of  State  ceremonies  that  an  order  of  prefer- 
ence is  observed,  which  is  as  above  given.  The  wives 
of  the  cabinet  officers,  or  the  ladies  of  their  household, 
have  onerous  social  duties  to  perform.  They  hold  recep- 
tions every  Wednesday  during  the  season,  which  lasts 
from  the  first  oi'  January  to  Lent,  when  their  houses  are 
open  to  all  who  choose  to  favor  them  with  a  call,  and  on 
these  occasions  refreshments  are  served.  The  ladies' of 
the  family  are  expected  to  return  these  calls,  at  which 
time  they  leave  the  card  of  the  cabinet  officer,  and  an 
invitation  to  an  evening  reception.  The  cabinet  officers 
are  expected  to  entertain  Senators,  Representatives,  Jus- 
tices of  the  Supreme  Court,  members  of  the  diplomatic 
corps  and  distinguished  visitors  at  Washington,  as  well 
as  the  ladies  of  their  respective  families.  The  visiting 
hours  at  the  capital  are  usually  from  two  until  half-past 
five.  The  labor  and  fatigue  which  social  duties  require 
of  the  ladies  of  the  family  of  a  cabinet  officer  are  fairly 
appalling.  To  stand  for  hours  during  receptions  at  her 
own  house,  to  stand  at  a  series  of  entertainments  at  the 
houses  of  others,  whose  invitation  courtesy  requires 
should  be  accepted,  and  to  return  in  person  calls  made 
upon  her,  are  a  few  of  the  duties  of  the  wife  of  a  cabinet 
officer. 

HOW  TO  ADDRESS  THE  OFFICIALS. 

When  writing  to  the  different  officials,  the  President 
is   addressed   "His  Excellency,  the  President  of    the 


WASHINGTON    ETIQUETTE.  307 

United  States;"  the  members  of  the  cabinet  "The 
Honorable,  the  Secretary  of  State,"  etc.,  giving  each  his 
proper  title;  the  Vice-President,  "The  Honorable,  the 
Vice-President  of  the  United  States."  In  a  ceremon- 
ious note,  words  must  not  be  abbreviated.  In  conver- 
sation the  Speaker  of  the  House  of  Representatives  is 
addressed  as  "Mr.  Speaker;"  a  member  of  the  cabinet 
as  "Mr.  Secretary;"  a  senator  as  "Mr.  Senator;"  a 
member  of  the  House  of  Representatives  as  "  Mister," 
unless  he  has  some  other  title;  but  he  is  introduced  as 
"  The  Honorable  Mr.  Burrows,  of  Michigan."  The  cus- 
tom is  becoming  prevalent  of  addressing  the  wives  of 
officials  with  the  prefixed  titles  of  their  husbands,  as 
"Mrs.  General  Sherman,"  "Mrs.  Senator  Thurman," 
"  Mrs.  Secretary  Evarts." 

THE  FIRST  TO  VISIT. 

The  custom  of  first  visits  or  calls  at  the  capital  is  that 
residents  shall  make  the  first  call  on  strangers,  and 
among  the  latter  those  arriving  first  upon  those  coming 
later.  "Foreign  ministers,  however,  in  order  to  make 
themselves  known,  call  first  upon  the  members  of  the 
cabinet,  which  is  returned. 

SENATORS  AND  REPRESENTATIVES. 

It  is  entirely  optional  with  Senators,  Representatives 
and  all  other  officials  except  the  President  and  members 
of  his  cabinet,  whether  they  entertain.  They  act  upon 
their  own  pleasure  in  the  matter. 


CHAPTER  XXVIII. 
gitles. 


this  country,  where  everybody  pos- 
sesses one  and  the  same  title,  that  of 
a  citizen  of  this  Republic,  no  one  can 
claim  a  superiority  of  rank  and  title. 
Not  so  in  European  countries,  where 
the  right  of  birth  entitles  a  person  to 
honor,  rank  and  title.     And  as  our 
citizens    are  constantly  visiting  foreign 
countries,  it  is  well  to  understand  some- 
thing of  titles  and  ranks  and  their  order 
of  precedence. 

ROYALTY. 

In  England,  the  king  and  queen  are  placed 
at  the  top  of  the  social  structure.  The  mode  by  which 
they  are  addressed  is  in  the  form  "Your  Majesty." 

The  Prince  of  Wales,  the  heir-apparent  to  the  throne, 
stands  second  in  dignity.  The  other  children  are  all 
known  during  their  minority  as  princes  and  princesses. 
The  eldest  princess  is  called  the  crown  princess.  Upon 
their  majority  the  younger  sons  have  the  title  of  duke 

$08) 


FOREIGN    TITLES.  309 

bestowed  upon  them,  and  the  daughters  retain  that  of 
princesses,  adding  to  it  the  title  of  their  husbands. 
They  are  all  designated  as  "Their  Royal  Highnesses." 

/ 

THE  NOBILITY. 

A  duke  who  inherits  the  title  from  his  father,  stands 
one  grade  below  a  royal  duke.  The  wife  of  a  duke  is 
known  as  a  duchess.  They  are  both  addressed  as 
"  Your  Grace.  The  eldest  son  is  a  marquis  until  he  in- 
herits the  higher  title  of  his  father.  His  wife  is  a 
marchioness.  The  younger  sons  are  lords  by  courtesy, 
and  the  daughters  are  distinguished  by  having  "  Lady  " 
prefixed  to  their  Christian  names.  Earls  and  barons  are 
both  spoken  of  as  lords  and  their  wives  as  ladies,  though 
the  latter  are  by  right  respectively  countesses  and 
baronesses.  The  daughters  of  the  former  are  "  ladies," 
the  younger  sons  of  both  "  honorables."  The  earl 
occupies  the  higher  position  of  the  two  in  the  peerage. 

These  complete  the  list  of  nobility,  unless  we  include 
bishops,  who  are  lords  in  right  of  their  ecclesiastical 
office,  but  whose  title  is  not  hereditary. 

All  these  are  entitled  to  seats  in  the  upper  House  of 
Parliament. 

,   THE  GENTRY. 

Baronets  are  known  as  "  Sirs,"  and  their  wives  receive 
the  title  of  "Lady;"  but  they  are  only  commoners  of  a 
higher  degree,  though  there  are  families  who  have  borne 
their  title  for  many  successive  generations  who  would 
not  exchange  it  for  a  recently  created  peerage. 


310  FOREIGN    TITLES. 

A  clergyman,  by  right  of  his  calling,  stands  on  an 
equality  with  all  commoners,  a  bishop  with  all  peers. 

ESQUIRE. 

The  title  of  Esquire,  which  is  only  an  empty  compli- 
ment in  this  country,  has  special  significance  in  Eng- 
land. The  following  in  that  country  have  a  legal  right 
to  the  title: 

The  sons  of  peers,  whether  known  in  common  conver- 
sation as  lords  or  honorables. 

The  eldest  sons  of  peers'  sons,  and  their  eldest  sons  in 
perpetual  succession. 

All  the  sons  of  baronets. 

All  esquires  of  the  Knights  of  the  Bath. 

Lords  of  manors,  chiefs  of  clans  and  other  tenants  of 
the  crown  in  capite  are  esquires  by  prescription. 

Esquires  created  to  that  rank  by  patent,  and  their 
eldest  sons  in  perpetual  succession. 

Esquires  by  office,  such  as  justices  of  the  peace  while 
on  the  roll,  mayors  of  towns  during  mayoralty,  and 
sheriffs  of  counties  (who  retain  the  title  for  life). 

Members  of  the  House  of  Commons. 

Barristers-at-laWo 

Bachelors  of  divinity,  law  and  physic. 

All  who  in  commissions  signed  by  the  sovereign,  are 
ever  styled  esquires  retain  that  designation  for  life= 

IMPERIAL  RANK. 

Emperors  and  empresses  rank  higher  than  kings.  The 
sons  and  daughters  of  the  emperor  of  Austria  are  called 


FOREIGN,  TITLES.  311 

archdukes  and  archduchesses,  the  names  being  handed 
down  from  the  time  when  the  ruler  of  that  country 
claimed  for  himself  no  higher  title  than  that  of  arch- 
duke. The  emperor  of  Russia  is  known  as  the  czar,  the 
name  being  identical  with  the  Roman  csesar  and  the 
German  kaiser.  The  heir-apparent  to  the  Russian 
throne  is  the  czarowitch. 

EUROPEAN  TITLES. 

Titles  in  continental  Eui*ope  are  so  common  and  so 
frequently  unsustained  by  landed  and  moneyed  interests, 
that  they  have  not  that  significance  which  they  hold  in 
England.  A  count  may  be  a  penniless  scamp,  depending 
upon  the  gambling-table  for  a  precarious  subsistence, 
and  looking  out  for  the  chance  of  making  a  wealthy 
marriage. 

A  German  baron  may  be  a  good,  substantial,  unpre- 
tending man,  something  after  the  manner  of  an  Ameri- 
can farmer.  A  German  prince  or  duke,  since  the  absorp- 
tion of  the  smaller  principalities  of  Germany  by  Prussia, 
may  have  nothing  left  him  but  a  barren  title  and  a 
meagre  rent-roll.  The  Italian  prince  is  even  of  less 
account  than  the  German  one,  since  his  rent-roll  is  too 
frequently  lacking  altogether,  and  his  only  inheritance 
may  be  a  grand  but  decayed  palace,  without  means 
sufficient  to  keep  it  in  repair  or  furnish  it  properly, 

PRESENTATION  AT  THE  COURT  OF  ST   JAMES. 

It  is  frequently  a  satisfaction  to  an  American  to  be 
presented  to  the  Queen  during  a  sojourn  in  England,  and 


312  FOREIGN    TITLES. 

as  the  Queen  is  really  an  excellent  woman,  worthy  of  all 
honor,  not  only  can  there  be  no  valid  cause  for  objec- 
tion to  such  presentation,  but  it  may  well  be  looked 
upon  as  an  honor  to  be  sought  for. 

THOSE  ELIGIBLE    TO  PRESENTATION  AT  COURT. 

The  nobility,  with  their  wives  and  daughters,  are  eli- 
gible to  presentation  at  court,  unless  there  be  some  grave 
moral  objection,  in  which  case,  as  it  has  ever  been  the 
aim  of  the  good  and  virtuous  Queen  to  maintain  a  high 
standard  of  morality  within  her  court,  the  objectionable 
parties  are  rigidly  excluded.  The  clergy,  naval  and 
military  officers,  physicians  and  barristers  and  the 
squirearchy,  with  their  wives  and  daughters,  have  also 
the  right  to  pay  their  personal  respects  to  their  queen. 
Those  of  more  democratic  professions,  such  as  solici- 
tors, merchants  and  mechanics,  have  not,  as  a  rule,  that 
right,  though  wealth  and  connection  have  recently 
proven  an  open  sesame  at  the  gates  of  St.  James.  Any 
person  who  has  been  presented  at  court  may  present  a 
friend  in  his  or  her  turn.  A  person  wishing  to  be  pre- 
sented, must  beg  the  favor  from  the  friend  or  relative 
of  the  highest  rank  he  or  she  may  possess. 

PRELIMINARIES  TO  PRESENTATION. 

Any  nobleman  or  gentleman  who  proposes  to  be  pre- 
sented to  the  queen,  must  leave  at  the  lord  chamberlain's 
office  before  twelve  o'clock,  two  days  before  the  levee, 
a  card  with  his  name  written  thereon,  and  with  the 
name  of  the  nobleman  or  gentleman  by  whom  he  is  to 


FOREIGN   TITLES.  313 

be  presented.  In  order  to  carry  out  the  existing  regu- 
lation that  no  presentation  can  be  made  at  a  levee  except 
by  a  person  actually  attending  that  levee,  it  is  also  nec- 
essary that  a  letter  from  the  nobleman  or  gentleman 
who  is  to  make  the  presentation,  stating  it  to  be  his  in- 
tention to  be  present,  should  accompany  the  presenta- 
tion card  above  referred  to,  which  will  be  submitted  to 
the  queen  for  Her  Majesty's  approbation.  These  regu- 
lations of  the  lord  chamberlain  must  be  implicitly 
obeyed. 

Directions  at  what  gate  to  enter  and  where  the  car- 
riages are  to  stop  are  always  printed  in  the  newspapers. 
These  directions  apply  with  equal  force  to  ladies  and  to 
gentlemen. 

The  person  to  be  presented  must  provide  himself  or 
herself  with  a  court  costume,  which  for  men  consists 
partly  of  knee-breeches  and  hose,  for  women  of  an 
ample  court  train.  These  costumes  are  indispensable, 
and  can  be  hired  for  the  occasion. 

THE  PRESENTATION. 

It  is  desirable  to  be  early  to  escape  the  crowd.  When 
the  lady  leaves  her  carriage,  she  must  leave  everything 
in  the  shape  of  a  cloak  or  scarf  behind  her.  Her  train 
must  be  carefully  folded  over  her  left  arm  as  she  enters 
the  long  gallery  of  St.  James,  where  she  waits  her  turn 
for  presentation. 

The  lady  is  at  length  ushered  into  the  presence- 
chamber,  which  is  entered  by  two  doors.  She  goes  in 
at  the  one  indicated  to  her,  dropping  her  train  as  she 


314  FOREIGN    TITLES. 

passes  the  threshold,  which  train  is  instantly  spread  out 
by  the  wands  of  the  lords-in-waiting..  The  lady  then 
walks  forward  towards  the  sovereign  or  the  person  who 
represents  the  sovereign.  The  card  on  which  her  name 
is  inscribed  is  then  handed  to  another  lord-in-waiting, 
who  reads  the  name  aloud.  When  she  arrives  just 
before  His  or  Her  Majesty,  she  should  courtesy  as  low 
as  possible,  so  as  to  almost  kneel. 

If  the  lady  presented  be  a  peeress  or  a  peer's  daugh- 
ter, the  queen  kisses  her  on  the  forehead.  If  only  a 
commoner,  then  the  queen  extends  her  hand  to  be  kissed 
by  the  lady  presented,  who,  having  done  so,  rises,  cour- 
tesies to  each  of  the  other  members  of  the  royal  family 
present,  and  then  passes  on.  She  must  keep  her  face 
turned  toward  the  sovereign  as  she  passes  to  and  through 
the  door  leading  from  the  presence-chamber. 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 


thetic. 


the  chapter  on  "  Our  Manners,"  we 
have  spoken  of  the   importance   of 
civility  and  politeness  as  a  means  of 
success  to  the  business  and  profes- 
sional  man.     It   is  in  the  ordinary 
walks   of   life,   in   the   most   trivial 
affairs  that  a  man's  real  charater  is 
shown,    and    consequently    every   man, 
whatever  may  be  his  calling,  will  do  well 
to  give   due   attention  to   those   trivial 
affairs   which,    in  his    daily   association 
with  men  of  the  world,  will  give  him  a  repu- 
tation of  being  cold,  austere,  and  unapproach- 
able, or  warm-hearted,  genial,  and   sympa- 

FORM  GOOD  HABITS. 


It  is  important  for  the  young  man  learning  business, 
or  just  getting  a  start  in  business,  to  form  correct  habits, 
and  especially  of  forming  the  habit  of  being  polite  to 
all  with  whom  he  has  business  relations,  showing  the 

(315) 


316  BUSINESS. 

same  courteous  treatment  to  men  or  women,  poorly  or 
plainly  dressed,  as  though  they  were  attired  in  the  most 
costly  of  garments.  A  man  who  forms  habits  of  polite- 
ness and  gentlemanly  treatment  of  everybody  in  early 
life,  has  acquired  the  good-will  of  all  with  whom  he  has 
ever  been  brought  into  social  or  business  relations.  He 
should  also  guard  against  such  habits  as  profanity,  the 
use  of  tobacco  and  intoxicating  liquors,  if  he  would  gain 
and  retain  the  respect  of  the  best  portion  of  the  com- 
munity, and  should,  if  possible,  cultivate  the  habit  of 
being  cheerful  at  all  times  and  in  all  places. 

KEEP  YOUR  TEMPER. 

In  discussing  business  matters,  never  lose  your  tem- 
per, even  though  your  opponent  in  a  controversy  should 
become  angry,  and  in  the  heat  of  discussion  make  rude 
and  disagreeable  remarks  and  charges.  By  a  calm  and 
dignified  bearing  and  courteous  treatment  you  will  con- 
quer his  rudeness. 

HONESTY  THE  BEST  POLICY. 

"  Honesty  is  the  best  policy,"  is  a  maxim  which  mer- 
chants and  tradesmen  will  find  as  true  as  it  is  trite,  and 
no  tradesman  who  wishes  to  retain  his  customers  and 
his  reputation  will  knowingly  misrepresent  the  quality 
of  his  goods.  It  is  not  good  policy  for  a  merchant  or 
clerk,  in  selling  goods,  to  tell  the  customer  what  they 
cost,  as,  in  a  majority  of  cases,  he  will  not  be  believed. 


BUSINESS.  317 

THE  EXAMPLE  OF  A  MERCHANT  PRINCE. 

The  value  of  politeness  to  a  merchant  is  nowhere  more 
clearly  shown  than  in  the  case  of  the  late  A.  T.  Stewart, 
the  merchant  prince  of  New  York.  He  not  only  treated 
every  customer  he  waited  upon  with  the  utmost  cour- 
tesy, but  he  demanded  it  of  every  employe,  and  sought 
for  men  possessing  every  quality  of  character  tending 
to  secure  this  suavity  of  manner,  in  the  selection  of  his 
salesmen  and  clerks.  He  required  them  to  observe  rig- 
idly all  rules  and  forms  of  politeness,  and  would  allow 
no  partiality  shown  to  people  on  account  of  their  dress, 
those  clad  in  humble  apparel  being  treated  with  the  same 
affability  and  politeness  as  those  richly  dressed.  Every- 
body who  entered  his  store  was  sure  of  receiving  kind 
and  courteous  treatment.  This  may,  or  may  not,  have 
been  his  secret  of  success,  but  it  certainly  gained  and 
retained  for  him  a  large  custom,  and  was  one  element 
in  his  character  which  can  be  highly  commended.  And 
every  merchant  will  be  judged  of  by  his  customers  in 
proportion  to  the  courteous  treatment  they  receive  from 
him,  or  from  clerks  in  his  store.  The  lawyer  or  the 
doctor  will  also  acquire  popularity  and  patronage  as  he 
exhibits  courteous  and  kind  treatment  to  all  with  whom 
he  comes  into  social  or  business  relations. 

BREAKING  AN  APPOINTMENT. 

Do  not  break  an  appointment  with  a  business  man,  if 
possible  to  avoid  it,  for  if  you  do,  the  party  with  whom 
you  made  it  may  have  reason  to  think  that  you  are  not 


318  BUSINESS. 

a  man  of  your  word,  and  it  may  also  cause  him  great 
annoyance,  and  loss  of  time.  If,  however,  it  becomes 
absolutely  necessary  to  do  so,  you  should  inform  him 
beforehand,  either  by  a  note  or  by  a  special  messenger, 
giving  reasons  for  its  non-fulfillment. 

PROMPTLY    MEETING   NOTES    AND   DRAFTS. 

Every  business  man  knows  the  importance  of  meet- 
ing promptly  his  notes  and  drafts,  for  to  neglect  it  is 
disastrous  to  his  reputation  as  a  prompt  business  man. 
He  should  consider,  also,  apart  from  this,  that  he  is 
under  a  moral  obligation  to  meet  these  payments 
promptly  when  due.  If  circumstances  which  you  can- 
not control  prevent  this,  write  at  once  to  your  creditor, 
stating  plainly  and  frankly  the  reason  why  you  are 
unable  to  pay  him,  and  when  you  will  be  able.  He 
will  accommodate  you  if  he  has  reason  to  believe  your 
statements. 

PROMPT   PAYMENT    OP    BILLS. 

If  a  bill  is  presented  to  you  for  payment,  you  should, 
if  it  is  correct,  pay  it  as  promptly  as  though  it  were  a 
note  at  the  bank  already  due.  The  party  who  presents 
the  bill  may  be  in  need  of  money,  and  should  receive 
what  is  his  due  when  he  demands  it.  On  the  other 
hand,  do  not  treat  a  man  who  calls  upon  you  to  pay  a 
bill,  or  to  whom  you  send  to  collect  a  bill,  as  though 
you  were  under  no  obligation  to  him.  'While  you  have 
a  right  to  expect  him  to  pay  it,  still  its  prompt  pay- 
ment may  have  so  inconvenienced  him  as  to  deserve 
your  thanks. 


BUSINESS.  319 

GENERAL    RULES. 

If  you  chance  to  see  a  merchant's  books  or  papers 
left  open  before  you,  it  is  not  good  manners  to  look 
over  them,  to  ascertain  their  contents. 

If  you  write  a  letter  asking  for  information,  you 
should  always  enclose  an  envelope,  addressed  and 
stamped  for  the  answer. 

Courtesy  demands  that  you  reply  to  all  letters  imme- 
diately. 

If  you  are  in  a  company  of  men  where  two  or  more 
are  talking  over  business  matters,  do  not  listen  to  the 
conversation  which  it  was  not  intended  you  should  hear. 

In  calling  upon  a  man  during  business  hours,  trans- 
act your  business  rapidly  and  make  your  call  as  short  as 
is  consistent  with  the  matters  on  hand.  As  a  rule,  men 
have  but  little  time  to  visit  during  business  hours. 

If  an  employer  has  occasion  to  reprove  any  of  his 
clerks  or  employes,  he  will  find  that  by  speaking 
kindly  he  will  accomplish  the  desired  object  much  bet- 
ter than  by  harsher  means. 

In  paying  out  a  large  sum  of  money,  insist  that  the 
person  to  whom  it  is  paid  shall  count  it  in  your  pres- 
ence, and  on  the  other  hand,  never  receive  a  sum  of 
money  without  counting  it  in  the  presence  of  the  party 
who  pays  it  to  you.  In  this  way  mistakes  may  be 
avoided. 


CHAPTER  XXX. 


O  dress  well  requires  good  taste,  good 
sense  and  refinement.  A  woman  of 
good  sense  will  neither  make  dress 
her  first  nor  her  last  object  in  life. 
No  sensible  wife  will  betray  that 
total  indifference  for  her  husband 
which  is  implied  in  the  neglect  of 
her  appearance,  and  she  will  remember 
that  to  dress  consistently  and  tastefully  is 
one  of  the  duties  which  she  owes  to 
society.  Every  lady,  however  insignifi- 
cant her  social  position  may  appear  to  her- 
self, must  exercise  a  certain  influence  on  the 
feelings  and  opinions  of  others.  An  attentioi 
to  dress  is  useful  as  retaining,  in  the  minds  of  sensible 
men,  that  pride  in  a  wife's  appearance,  which  is  so 
agreeable  to  her,  as  well  as  that  due  influence  which 
cannot  be  obtained  without  it.  But  a  love  of  dress  has 
its  perils  for  weak  minds.  Uncontrolled  by  good  sense, 
and  stimulated  by  personal  vanity  it  becomes  a  temp- 
tation at  first,  and  then  a  curse.  When  it  is  indulged 

(320) 


DEE88.  321 

in  to  the  detriment  of  better  enployments,  and  beyond 
the  compass  of  means,  it  cannot  be  too  severely  con- 
demned. It  then  becomes  criminal. 

CONSISTENCY   IN  DRESS. 

Consistency  in  regard  to  station  and  fortune  is  the 
first  matter  to  be  considered.  A  woman  of  good  sense 
will  not  wish  to  expend  in  unnecessary  extravagances 
money  wrung  from  an  anxious,  laborious  husband;  or 
if  her  husband  be  a  man  of  fortune,  she  will  not,  even 
then,  encroach  upon  her  allowance.  In  the  early  years 
of  married  life,  when  the  income  is  moderate,  it  should 
be  the  pride  of  a  woman  to  see  how  little  she  can  spend 
upon  her  dress,  and  yet  present  that  tasteful  and  credit- 
able appearance  which  is  desirable.  Much  depends 
upon  management,  and  upon  the  care  taken  of  gar- 
ments. She  should  turn  everything  to  account,  and  be 
careful  of  her  clothing  when  wearing  it. 

EXTRAVAGANCE  IN  DRESS. 

Dress,  to  be  in  perfect  taste,  need  not  be  costly.  It 
is  unfortunate  that  in  the  United  States,  too  much 
attention  is  paid  to  dress  by  those  who  have  neither  the 
excuse  of  ample  means  nor  of  social  culture.  The  wife 
of  a  poorly  paid  clerk,  or  of  a  young  man  just  starting 
in  business,  aims  at  dressing  as  stylishly  as  does  the 
wealthiest  among  her  acquaintances.  The  sewing  girl, 
the  shop  girl,  the  chambermaid,  and  even  the  cook, 
must  have  their  elegantly  trimmed  silk  dresses  and 

velvet  cloaks  for  Sunday  and  holiday  wear,  and  the 
21 


322  DRESS. 

injury  done  by  this  state  of  things  to  the  morals  and 
manners  of  the  poorer  classes  is  incalculable. 

As  fashions  are  constantly  changing,  those  who  do- 
not  adopt  the  extremes,  as  there  are  so  many  of  the  pre- 
vailing modes  at  present,  can  find  something  to  suit 
every  form  and  face. 

INDIFFERENCE  TO  DRESS. 

Indifference  and  inattention  to  dress  is  a  defect  of 
character  rather  than  virtue,  and  often  denotes  indolence 
and  slovenliness.  Every  woman  should  aim  to  make 
herself  look  as  well  as  possible  with  the  means  at  her 
command.  Among  the  rich,  a  fondness  for  dress  pro- 
motes exertion  and  activity  of  the  mental  powers,  culti- 
vates a  correct  taste  and  fosters  industry  and  ingenuity 
among  those  who  seek  to  procure  for  them  the  material 
and  designs  for  dress.  Among  the  middle  classes  it 
encourages  diligence,  contrivance,  planning  and  deftness 
of  handiwork,  and  among  the  poorer  classes  it  promotes 
industry  and  economy.  A  fondness  for  dress,  when  it 
does  not  degenerate  into  vain  show,  has  an  elevating  and 
refining  influence  on  society. 

APPROPRIATE  DRESS. 

To  dress  appropriately  is  another  important  matter  to 
be  considered.  Due  regard  must  be  paid  to  the  physi- 
cal appearance  of  the  person,  and  the  dress  must  be 
made  to  harmonize  throughout.  An  appropriate  dress 
is  that  which  so  harmonizes  with  the  figure  as  to  make 
the  apparel  unnoticeable.  Thin  ladies  can  wear  delicate 


DBESS.  323 

colors,  while  stout  persons  look  best  in  black  or  dark 
grey.  For  young  and  old  the  question  of  appropriate 
color  must  be  determined  by  the  figure  and  complexion. 
Rich  colors  harmonize  with  brunette  complexions  or 
dark  hair,  and  delicate  colors  with  persons  of  light  hair 
and  blonde  complexions. 

GLOVES. 

Gloves  are  worn  by  gentlemen  as  well  as  ladies  in 
the  street,  at  an  evening  party,  at  the  opera  or  theatre, 
at  receptions,  at  church,  when  paying  a  call,  riding  or 
driving;  but  not  in  the  country  or  at  dinner.  White 
should  be  worn  at  balls;  the  palest  colors  at  evening 
parties  and  neutral  shades  at  church. 

EVENING  DRESS  FOB  GENTLEMEN. 

The  evening  or  full  dress  for  gentlemen  is  a  black 
dress-suit — a  "  swallow-tail "  coat,  the  vest  cut  low,  the 
cravat  white,  and  kid  gloves  of  the  palest  hue  or  white. 
The  shirt  front  should  be  white  and  plain;  the  studs 
and  cuff -buttons  simple.  Especial  attention  should  be 
given  to  the  hair,  which  should  be  neither  short  nor 
long.  It  is  better  to  err  upon  the  too  short  side,  as  too 
long  hair  savors  of  affectation,  destroys  the  shape  of  the 
physiognomy,  and  has  a  touch  of  vulgarity  about  it. 
Evening  dress  is  the  same  for  a  large  dinner  party,  a 
ball  or  an  opera.  In  some  circles,  however,  evening 
dress  is  considered  an  affectation,  and  it  is  as  well  to  do 
as  othei's  do.  On  Sunday,  morning  dress  is  worn^  and 
on  that  day  of  the  week  no  gentleman  is  expected  to 


324  DEE88. 

appear  in  evening  dress,  either  at  church,  at  home  or 
away  from  home.  Gloves  are  dispensed  with  at  dinner 
parties,  and  pale  colors  are  preferred  to  white  for  even- 
ing wear. 

MORNING  DEESS  FOB  GENTLEMEN. 

The  morning  dress  for  gentlemen  is  a  black  frock- 
coat,  or  a  black  cut-away,  white  or  black  vest,  according 
to  the  season,  gray  or  colored  pants,  plaid  or  stripes, 
according  to  the  fashion,  a  high  silk  (stove-pipe)  hat, 
and  a  black  scarf  or  necktie.  A  black  frock  coat  with 
black  pants  is  not  considered  a  good  combination,  nor 
is  a  dress  coat  and  colored  or  light  pants.  The  morning 
dress  is  suitable  for  garden  parties,  Sundays,  social  teas, 
informal  calls,  morning  calls  and  receptions. 

It  will  be  seen  that  morning  and  evening  dress  for 
gentlemen  varies  as  much  as  it  does  for  ladies.  It  is 
decidedly  out  of  place  for  a  gentleman  to  wear  a  dress 
coat  and  white  tie  in  the  day-time,  and  when  evening 
dress  is  desired  on  ceremonious  occasions,  the  shutters 
should  be  closed  and  the  gas  or  lamps  lighted.  The 
true  evening  costume  or  full  dress  suit,  accepted  as  such 
throughout  the  world,  has  firmly  established  itself  in 
this  country;  yet  there  is  still  a  considerable  amount  of 
ignorance  displayed  as  to  the  occasions  when  it  should 
be  worn,  and  it  is  not  uncommon  for  the  average  Amer- 
ican, even  high  officials  and  dignified  people,  to  wear 
the  full  evening  costume  at  a  morning  reception  or  some 
midday  ceremony.  A  dress  coat  at  a  morning  or  after- 
noon reception  or  luncheon,  is  entirely  out  of  place, 


DRESS.  325 

while  the  frock-coat  or  cut-away  and  gray  pants,  make 
a  becoming  costume  for  such  an  occasion. 

JEWELRY  FOR   GENTLEMEN. 

It  is  not  considered  in  good  taste  for  men  to  wear 
much  jewelry.  They  may  with  propriety  wear  one  gold 
ring,  studs  and  cuff-buttons,  and  a  watch  chain,  not  too 
massive,  with  a  modest  pendant,  or  none  at  all.  Any- 
thing more  looks  like  a  superabundance  of  ornament. 

EVENING  DRESS  FOR  LADIES. 

Evening  dress  for  ladies  may  be  as  rich,  elegant  and 
gay  as  one  chooses  to  make  it.  It  is  everywhere  the 
custom  to  wear  full  evening  dress  in  brilliant  evening 
assemblages.  It  may  be  cut  either  high  or  low  at  the 
neck,  yet  no  lady  should  wear  her  dress  so  low  as  to 
make  it  quite  noticeable  or  a  special  subject  of  remark. 
Evening  dress  is  what  is  comonly  known  as  "  full  dress," 
and  will  serve  for  a  large  evening  party,  ball  or  dinner. 
No  directions  will  be  laid  down  with  reference  to  it,  as 
fashion  devises  how  it  is  to  be  made  and  what  material 
used. 

BALL  DRESS. 

Ball  dressing  requires  less  art  than  the  nice  gradations 
of  costume  in  the  dinner  dress,  and  the  dress  for  evening 
parties.  For  a  ball,  everything  should  be  light  and 
diaphanous,  somewhat  fanciful  and  airy.  The  heavy, 
richly  trimmed  silk  is  only  appropriate  to  those  who  do 
not  dance.  The  richest  velvets,  the  brightest  and  most 
delicate  tints  in  silk,  the  most  expensive  laces,  elaborate 


326  DRESS. 

coiffures,  a  large  display  of  diamonds,  artificial  flowers 
for  the  head-dress  and  natural  flowers  for  hand  bouquets, 
all  belong,  more  or  less,  to  the  costume  for  a  large  ball. 

THE  FULL  DINNER  DRESS. 

The  full  dinner  dress  for  guests  admits  of  great  splen- 
dor. It  may  be  of  any  thick  texture  of  silk  or  velvet 
for  winter,  or  light  rich  goods  for  summer,  and  should 
be  long  and  sweeping.  Every  trifle  in  a  lady's  costume 
should  be,  as  far  as  she  can  afford  it,  faultless.  The 
fan  should  be  perfect  in  its  way,  and  the  gloves  should 
be  quite  fresh.  Diamonds  are  used  in  broaches,  pend- 
ants, ear-rings  and  bracelets.  If  artificial  flowers  are 
worn  in  the  hair,  they  should  be  of  the  choicest  descrip- 
tion. All  the  light  neutral  tints,  and  black,  dark  blue, 
purple,  dark  green,  garnet,  brown  and  fawn  are  suited 
for  dinner  wear. 

DRESS  OP  HOSTESS  AT  A  DINNER  PARTY. 

The  dress  of  a  hostess  at  a  dinner  party  should  be 
rich  in  material,  but  subdued  in  tone,  so  as  not  to 
eclipse  any  of  her  guests.  A  young  hostess  should  wear 
a  dress  of  rich  silk,  black  or  dark  in  color,  with  collar 
and  cuffs  of  fine  lace,  and  if  the  dinner  be  by  daylight, 
plain  jewelry,  but  by  gaslight  diamonds. 

SHOWY  DRESS. 

The  glaring  colors  and  "  loud  "  costumes,  once  so  com- 
mon, have  given  place  to  sober  grays,  and  browns  and 


DBESS.  327 

olives;  black  predominating  over  all.  The  light,  show- 
ily-trimmed dresses,  which  were  once  displayed  in  the 
streets  and  fashionable  promenades,  are  now  only  worn 
in  carriages.  This  display  of  showy  dress  and  glaring 
•colors  is  generally  confined  to  those  who  love  ostenta- 
tion more  than  comfort. 

DEESS  FOE  EECEIVING  CALLS. 

If  a  lady  has  a  special  day  for  the  reception  of  calls, 
her  dress  must  be  of  silk,  or  other  goods  suitable  to  the 
season,  or  to  her  position,  but  must  be  of  quiet  colors 
and  plainly  worn.  Lace  collars  and  cuffs  should  be 
worn  with  this  dress,  and  a  certain  amount  of  jewelry  is 
also  admissible.  A  lady  whose  mornings  are  devoted  to 
the  superintendence  of  her  domestic  affairs,  may  receive 
a  casual  caller  in  her  ordinary  morning  dress,  which 
must  be  neat,  yet  plain,  with  white  plain  linen  collars 
and  cuffs.  For  New  Year's,  or  other  calls  of  special  sig- 
nificance, the  dress  should  be  rich,  and  may  be  elabo- 
rately trimmed.  If  the  parlors  are  closed  and  the  gas 
lighted,  full  evening  dress  is  required. 

CAEEIAGE  DEESS. 

The  material  for  a  dress  for  a  drive  through  the  pub- 
lic streets  of  a  city,  or  along  a  fashionable  drive  or  park, 
cannot  be  too  rich.  Silks,  velvets  and  laces,  are  all 
appropriate,  with  rich  jewelry  and  costly  furs  in  cold 
weather.  If  the  fashion  require  it,  the  carriage  dress 
may  be  long  enough  to  trail,  or  it  may  be  of  the  length 
of  a  walking  dress,  which  many  prefer.  For  driving  in 


328  DBESS. 

the  country,  a  different  style  of  dress  is  required,  as  the 
dust  and  mud  would  soil  rich  material. 


VISITING  COSTUMES. 

Visiting  costumes,  or  those  worn  at  a  funeral  or  in- 
formal calls,  are  of  richer  material  than  walking  suits. 
The  bonnet  is  either  simple  or  rich,  according  to  the 
taste  of  the  wearer.  A  jacket  of  velvet,  or  shawl,  or 
fur-trimmed  mantle  are  the  concomitants  of  the  carriage 
dress  for  winter.  In  summer  all  should  be  bright,  cool, 
agreeable  to  wear  and  pleasant  to  look  at. 

DBESS  FOR  MORNING  CALLS. 

Morning  calls  may  be  made  either  in  walking  or  car- 
riage dress,  provided  the  latter  is  justified  by  the  pres- 
ence of  the  carriage.  The  dress  should  be  of  silk;  col- 
lar and  cuffs  of  the  finest  lace;  light  gloves;  a  full  dress, 
bonnet  and  jewelry  of  gold,  either  dead,  burnished  or 
enameled,  or  of  cameo  or  coral.  Diamonds  are  not 
usually  worn  in  daylight.  A  dress  of  black  or  neutral 
tint,  in  which  light  colors  are  introduced  only  in 
small  quantities,  is  the  most  appropriate  for  a  morning 
call 

MORNING  DRESS  FOB  STREET. 

The  morning  dress  for  the  street  should  be  quiet  in 
color,  plainly  made  and  of  serviceable  material.  It 
should  be  short  enough  to  clear  the  ground  without 
collecting  mud  and  garbage.  Lisle-thread  gloves  in 
midsummer,  thick  gloves  in  midwinter,  are  more  com- 


DRESS.  329 

fortable  for  street  wear  than  kid  ones.  Linen  collar* 
and  cuffs  are  most  suitable  for  morning  street  dress. 
The  bonnet  and  hat  should  be  quiet  and  inexpressive,, 
matching  the  dress  as  nearly  as  possible.  In  stormy 
weather  a  large  waterproof  with  hood  is  more  convenient 
and  less  troublesome  than  an  umbrella.  The  morning 
dress  for  visiting  or  breakfasting  in  public  may  be,  in 
winter,  of  woolen  goods,  simply  made  and  quietly 
trimmed,  and  in  summer,  of  cambric,  pique,  marseilles 
or  other  wash  goods,  either  white  or  figured.  For 
morning  wear  at  home  the  dress  may  be  still  simpler. 
The  hair  should  be  plainly  arranged  without  ornament. 

THE  PROMENADE  DRESS. 

The  dress  for  the  promenade  should  be  in  perfect 
harmony  with  itself.  All  the  colors  worn  should  har- 
monize if  they  are  not  strictly  identical.  The  bonnet 
should  not  be  of  one  color,  and  parasol  of  another,  the 
dress  of  a  third  and  the  gloves  of  a  fourth.  Nor  should 
one  article  be  new  and  another  shabby.  The  collars 
and  cuffs  should  be  of  lace;  the  kid  gloves  should  be 
selected  to  harmonize  with  the  color  of  the  dress,  a  per- 
fect fit.  The  jewelry  worn  should  be  bracelets,  cuff- 
buttons,  plain  gold  ear-rings,  a  watch  chain  and  brooch. 

OPERA  DRESS. 

Opera  dress  for  matinees  may  be  as  elegant  as  for 
morning  calls.  A  bonnet  is  always  worn  even  by  those 
who  occupy  boxes,  but  it  may  be  as  dressy  as  one 
chooses  to  make  it.  In  the  evening,  ladies  are  at  liberty 


330'  DRESS. 

to  wear  evening  dresses,  with  ornaments  in  their  hair, 
instead  of  a  bonnet,  and  as  the  effect  of  light  colors  is 
much  better  than  dark  in  a  well-lighted  opera  house, 
they  should  predominate. 

THE  BIDING  DRESS. 

A  lady's  riding  habit  should  fit  perfectly  without 
being  tight.  The  skirt  must  be  full,  and  long  enongh 
to  cover  the  feet,  but  not  of  extreme  length.  The  boots 
must  be  stout  and  the  gloves  gauntleted.  Broadcloth  is 
regarded  as  the  more  dressy  cloth,  though  waterproof 
is  the  more  serviceable.  Something  lighter  may  be 
worn  for  summer,  and  in  the  lighter  costumes  a  row  of 
shot  must  be  stitched  at  the  bottom  of  the  breadths  of 
the  left  side  to  prevent  the  skirts  from  being  blown  by 
the  wind.  The  riding  dress  is  made  to  fit  the  waist 
•closely,  and  button  nearly  to  the  throat.  Above  a  small 
•collar  or  reverse  of  the  waist  is  shown  a  plain  linen 
•collar,  fastened  at  the  throat  with  a  bright  or  black 
necktie.  Coat  sleeves  should  come  to  the  wrist  with 
linen  cuffs  beneath  them.  No  lace  or  embroidery  is 
allowable  in  a  riding  costume.  It  is  well  to  have  the 
waist  attached  to  a  skirt  of  the  usual  length,  and  the 
long  skirt  fastened  over  it,  so  that  if  any  accident  occurs 
•obliging  the  lady  to  dismount,  she  may  easily  remove 
the  long  overskirt  and  still  be  properly  dressed. 

The  hair  should  be  put  up  compactly,  and  no  veil 
«hould  be  allowed  to  stream  in  the  wind.  The  shape  of 
the  hat  will  vary  with  the  fashion,  but  it  should  always 
ibe  plainly  trimmed,  and  if  feathers  are  worn  they  must 


DRESS.  331 

be  fastened  so  that  the  wind  cannot  blow  them  over  the 
wearer's  eyes. 

A  WALKING  SUIT. 

The  material  for  a  walking  suit  may  e  either  rich  or 
plain  to  suit  the  taste  and  means  of  the  weaier.  It 
should  always  be  well  made  and  never  appear  shabby. 
Bright  colors  appear  best  only  as  trimmings.  Black  has 
generally  been  adopted  for  street  dresses  as  the  most 
becoming.  For  the  country,  walking  dresses  are  made 
tasteful,  solid  and  strong,  more  for  service  than  display, 
and  what  would  be'perfectly  appropriate  for  the  streets 
of  a  city  would  be  entirely  out  of  place  on  the  muddy, 
unpaved  walks  of  a  small  town  or  in  a  country  neigh- 
borhood. The  walking  or  promenade  dress  is  always 
made  short  enough  to  clear  the  ground.  Thick  boots 
are  worn  with  the  walking  suit. 

DRESS  FOR  LADIES  OF  BUSINESS. 

For  women  who  are  engaged  in  some  daily  employ- 
ment such  as  teachers,  saleswomen  and  those  who  are 
occupied  in  literature,  art  or  business  of  some  sort,  the 
dress  should  be  somewhat  different  from  the  ordinary 
walking  costume.  Its  material  should  be  more  service- 
able, better  fitted  to  endure  the  vicissitudes  of  the 
weather,  and  of  quiet  colors,  such  as  brown  or  gray, 
and  not  easily  soiled.  While  the  costume  should  not  be 
of  the  simplest  nature,  it  should  dispense  with  all  super- 
fluities in  the  way  of  trimming.  It  should  be  made  with 
special  reference  to  a  free  use  of  the  arms,  and  to  easy 
locomotion.  Linen  cuffs  and  collars  are  best  suited  tc 


332  DRESS. 

this  kind  of  dress,  gloves  which  can  be  easily  removed, 
street  walking  boots,  and  for  jewelry,  plain  cuff-buttons, 
brooch  and  watch  chain.  The  hat  or  bonnet  should  be 
neat  and  tasty,  with  but  few  flowers  or  feathers.  For 
winter  wear,  waterproof,  tastefully  made  up,  is  the  best 
material  for  a  business  woman's  outer  garment. 

ORDINARY  EVENING  DRESS. 

The  ordinary  evening  house  dress  should  be  tasteful 
and  becoming,  with  a  certain  amount  of  ornament,  and 
worn  with  jewelry.  Silks  are  the  most  appropriate  for 
this  dress,  but  all  the  heavy  woolen  dress  fabrics  for 
winter,  and  the  lighter  lawns  and  organdies  for  summer, 
elegantly  made,  are  suitable.  For  winter,  the  colors 
should  be  rich  and  warm,  and  knots  of  bright  ribbon  of 
a  becoming  color,  should  be  worn  at  the  throat  and  in 
the  hair.  The  latter  should  be  plainly  dressed.  Arti- 
ficial flowers  and  diamonds  are  out  of  place.  This  is 
both  a  suitable  dress  in  which  to  receive  or  make  a  cas- 
ual evening  call.  If  a  hood  is  worn,  it  must  be  removed 
during  the  call.  Otherwise  a  full  dress  bonnet  must  be 
worn. 

DRESS  FOR  SOCIAL  PARTY. 

For  the  social  evening  party,  more  latitude  is  allowed 
in  the  choice  of  colors,  material,  trimmings,  etc.,  than 
for  the  ordinary  evening  dress.  Dresses  should  cover 
the  arms  and  shoulder;  but  if  cut  low  in  the  neck,  and 
with  short  sleeves,  puffed  illusion  waists  or  some  similar 
device  should  be  employed  to  cover  the  neck  and  arms. 


DRESS.  333 

Gloves  may  or  may  not  be  worn,  but  if  they  are  they 
should  be  of  some  light  color. 

DRESS  FOR  CHURCH. 

The  dress  for  church  should  be  plain,  of  dark,  quiet 
colors,  with  no  superfluous  trimming  or  jewelry.  It 
should,  in  fact,  be  the  plainest  of  promenade  dresses,  as 
church  is  not  the  place  for  display  of  fine  clothes. 

THE  DRESS  FOR  THE  THEATRE. 

The  promenade  dress  with  the  addition  of  a  handsome 
cloak  or  shawl,  which  may  be  thrown  aside  if  it  is  un- 
comfortable, is  suitable  for  a  theatre.  The  dress  should 
be  quiet  and  plain  without  any  attempt  at  display. 
Either  a  bonnet  or  hat  may  be  worn.  Gloves  should  be 
dark,  harmonizing  with  the  dress. 

DRESS  FOR  LECTURE  AND  CONCERT. 

For  the  lecture  or  concert,  silk  is  an  appropriate  dress, 
and  should  be  worn  with  lace  collars  and  cuffs  and 
jewelry.  A  rich  shawl  or  velvet  promenade  cloak,  or 
opera  cloak  for  a  concert  is  an  appropriate  outer  gar- 
ment. The  latter  may  or  may  not  be  kept  on  the 
shoulders  during  the  evening.  White  or  light  kid 
gloves  should  be  worn. 

CROQUET,  ARCHERY  AND  SKATING  COSTUMES.        ' 

Croquet  and  archery  costumes  may  be  similar,  and 
they  admit  of  more  brilliancy  in  coloring  than  any  of 
the  out-of-door  costumes.  They  should  be  short,  dis- 


334:  DRESS. 

V 

playing  a  handsomely  fitting  but  stout  boot,  and  should 
be  so  arranged  as  to  leave  the  arms  perfectly  free.  The 
gloves  should  be  soft  and  washable.  Kid  is  not  suitable 
for  either  occasion.  The  hat  should  have  a  broad  brim, 
so  as  to  shield  the  face  from  the  sun,  and  render  a  para- 
sol unnecessary.  The  trimming  for  archery  costumes  is 
usually  of  green. 

An  elegant  skating  costume  may  be  of  velvet, 
trimmed  with  fur,  with  fur  bordered  gloves  and  boots. 
Any  of  the  warm,  bright  colored  wool  fabrics,  however, 
are  suitable  for  the  dress.  If  blue  or  green  are  worn, 
they  should  be  relieved  with  trimmings  of  dark  furs. 
Silk  is  not  suitable  for  skating  costume.  To  avoid  suf- 
fering from  cold  feet,  the  boot  should  be  amply  loose. 

BATHING  COSTUME. 

Flannel  is  the  best  material  for  a  bathing  costume, 
and  gray  is  regarded  as  the  most  suitable  color.  It  may 
be  trimmed  with  bright  worsted  braid.  The  best  form 
is  the  loose  sacque,  or  the  yoke  waist,  both  of  them  to 
be  belted  in,  and  falling  about  midway  between  the  knee 
and  ankle;  an  oilskin  cap  to  protect  the  hair  from  the 
water,  and  merino  socks  to  match  the  dress,  complete 
the  costume. 

TRAVELING  DRESS. 

Comfort  and  protection  from  dust  and  dirt  are  the 
requirements  of  a  traveling  dress.  When  a  lady  is 
about  making  an  extensive  journey,  a  traveling  suit  is 
a  great  convenience,  but  for  a  short  journey,  a  large 
linen  overdress  or  duster  may  be  put  on  over  the  ordinary 


DRESS.  33i> 

dress  in  summer,  and  in  winter  a  waterproof  cloak  may 
be  used  in  the  same  way.  For  traveling  costumes  a. 
variety  of  materials  may  be  used,  of  soft,  neutral  tints,, 
and  smooth  surface  which  does  not  retain  the  dust. 
These  should  be  made  up  plainly  and  quite  short.  The 
underskirts  should  be  colored,  woolen  in  winter  and 
linen  in  summer.  The  hat  or  bonnet  must  be  plainly 
trimmed  and  completely  protected  by  a  large  veil. 
Velvet  is  unfit  for  a  traveling  hat,  as  it  catches  and 
retains  the  dust;  collars  and  cuffs  of  plain  linen.  The- 
hair  should  be  put  up  in  the  plainest  manner.  A  water- 
proof and  warm  woolen  shawl  are  indispensible,  and 
may  be  rolled  in  a  shawl  strap  when  not  needed.  A 
satchel  should  be  carried,  in  which  may  be  kept  a  change 
of  collars,  cuffs,  gloves,  handkerchiefs,  toilet  articles, 
and  towels.  A  traveling  dress  should  be  well  supplied! 
with  pockets.  The  waterproof  should  have  large  pock- 
ets, and  there  should  be  one  in  the  underskirt  in  which 
to  carry  such  money  and  valuables  as  are  not  needed  for 
immediate  use. 

THE  WEDDING  DRESS.      < 

A  full  bridal  costume  should  be  white  from  head  to 
foot.  The  dress  may  be  of  silk,  heavily  corded,  moire 
antique,  satin  or  plain  silk,  merino,  alpaca,  crape,  lawn 
or  muslin.  The  veil  may  be  of  lace,  tulle  or  illusion,, 
but  it  must  be  long  and  full.  It  may  or  may  not  de- 
scend over  the  face.  Orange  blossoms  or  other  white 
flowers  and  maiden  blush  roses  should  form  the  bridal 
wreath  and  bouquet.  The  dress  is  high  and  the  arms 


33  G  DRESS. 

•covered.     Slippers  of  white  satin  and  white  kid  gloves 
complete  the  dress. 

The  dress  of  the  bridegroom  and  ushers  is  given  in 
the  chapter  treating  of  the  etiquette  of  weddings. 

DRESS  OF  BRIDBMAIDS. 

The  dresses  of  .bridemaids  are  not  so  elaborate  as  that 
of  the  bride.  They  should  also  be  of  white,  but  may- 
be trimmed  with  delicately  colored  flowers  and  ribbons. 
White  tulle,  worn  over  pale  pink  or  blue  silk  and-caught 
up  with  blush  roses  or  forget-me-nots,  with  bouquet  de 
corsage  and  hand  bouquet  of  the  same,  makes  a  beauti- 
ful costume  for  the  bridemaids.  The  latter,  may  or  may 
not,  wear  veils,  but  if  they  do,  they  should  be  shorter 
than  that  of  the  bride. 

TRAVELING  DRESS  OF  A  BRIDE. 

This  should  be  of  silk,  or  any  of  the  fine  fabrics  for 
-walking  dresses;  should  be  of  some  neutral  tint;  and 
T)onnet  and  gloves  should  match  in  color.  It  may  be 
more  elaborately  trimmed  than  an  ordinary  traveling 
-dress,  but  if  the  bride  wishes  to  attract  as  little  atten- 
tion as  possible,  she  will  not  make  herself  conspicuous 
by  a  too  showy  dress.  In  private  weddings  the  bride  is 
sometimes  married  in  traveling  costume,  and  the  bridal 
pair  at  once  set  out  upon  their  journey. 

DRESS  AT  WEDDING  RECEPTIONS. 

At  wedding  receptions  in  the  evening,  guests  should 
wear  full  evening  dress.  No  one  should  attend  in  black 


DEE88.  337 

or  mourning  dress,  which  should  give  place  to  grey  or 
lavender.  At  a  morning  reception  of  the  wedded  couple, 
guests  should  wear  the  richest  street  costume  with  white 
gloves. 

MOURNING. 

The  people  of  the' United  States  have  settled  upon  no 
prescribed  periods  for  the  wearing  of  mourning  gar- 
ments. Some  wear  them  long  after  their  hearts  have 
ceased  to  mourn*  Where  there  is  profound  grief,  no  rules 
are  needed,  but  where  the  sorrow  is  not  so  great,  there 
is  need  of  observance  of  fixed  periods  for  wearing 
mourning. 

Deep  mourning  requires  the  heaviest  black  of  serge, 
bombazine,  lustreless  alpaca,  delaine,  merino  or  similar 
heavily  clinging  material,  with  collar  and  cuffs  of  crape. 
Mourning  garments  should  have  little  or  no  trimming; 
no  flounces,  ruffles  or  bows  are  allowable.  If  the  dress 
is  not  made  en  stiite,  then  a  long  or  square  shawl  of 
barege  or  cashmere  with  crape  border  is  worn.  The 
bonnet  is  of  black  crape;  a  hat  is  inadmissible.  The 
veil  is  of  crape  or  barege  with  heavy  border;  black 
gloves  and  black-bordered  handkerchief.  In  winter 
dark  furs  may  be  worn  with  the  deepest  mourning. 
Jewelry  is  strictly  forbidden,  and  all  pins,  buckles,  etc., 
must  be  of  jet.  Lustreless  alpaca  and  black  silk  trimmed 
with  crape  may  be  worn  in  second  mourning,  with 
white  collars  and  cuffs.  The  crape  veil  is  laid  aside 
for  net  or  tulle,  but  the  jet  jewelry  is  still  retained.  A 
still  less  degree  of  mourning  is  indicated  by  black  and 
white,  purple  and  gray,  or  a  combination  of  these  colors, 


22 


338  DRESS. 

Crape  is  still  retained  in  bonnet  trimming,  and  crape 
flowers  may  be  added.  Light  gray,  white  and  black, 
and  light  shades  of  lilac,  indicate  a  slight  mourning. 
Black  lace  bonnet,  with  white  or  violet  flowers,  super- 
cedes  crape,  and  jet  and  gold  jewelry  is  worn. 

PERIODS  OF  WEARING  MOURNING. 

The  following  rules  have  been  given  by  an  authority 
competent  to  speak  on  these  matters  regarding  the  de- 
gree of  mourning  and  the  length  of  time  it  should  be 
worn: 

"The  deepest  mourning  is  that  worn  by  a  widow  for 
her  husband.  It  is  worn  two  years,  sometimes  longer. 
Widow's  mourning  for  the  first  year  consists  of  solid 
black  woolen  goods,  collar  and  cuffs  of  folded  untrim- 
med  crape,  a  simple  crape  bonnet,  and  a  long,  thick, 
black  crape  veil.  The  second  year,  silk  trimmed  with 
crape,  black  lace  collar  and  cuffs,  and  a  shorter  veil  may 
be  worn,  and  in  the  last  six  mouths  gray,  violet  and 
white  are  permitted.  A  widow  should  wear  the  hair 
perfectly  plain  if  she  does  not  wear  a  cap,  and  should 
always  wear  a  bonnet,  never  a  hat. 

"  The  mourning  for  a  father  or  mother  is  worn  for 
one  year.  The  first  six  months  the  proper  dress  is  of 
solid  black  woolen  goods  trimmed  with  crape,  black 
crape  bonnet  with  black  crape  facings  and  black  strings, 
black  crape  veil,  collar  and  cuffs  of  black  crape.  Three 
months,  black  silk  with  crape  trimming,  white  or  black 
lace  collar  and  cuffs,  veil  of  tulle  and  white  bonnet- 
facings;  and  the  last  three  months  in  gray,  purple  and 


DRESS.  3391 

violet.  Mourning  worn  for  a  child  is  the  same  as  that 
worn  for  a  parent. 

"  Mourning  for  a  grandparent  is  worn  f ov  six  months, 
three  months  black  woolen  goods,  white  collar  and  cuffs, 
short  crape  veil  and  bonnet  of  crape  trimmed  with  black 
silk  or  ribbon;  six  weeks  in  black  silk  trimmed  with 
crape,  lace  collar  and  cuffs,  short  tulle  veil ;  and  six 
weeks  in  gray,  purple,  white  and  violet. 

"  Mourning  worn  for  a  friend  who  leaves  you  an  in- 
heritance, is  the  same  as  that  worn  for  a  grandparent. 

"  Mourning  for  a  brother  or  sister  is  worn  six  months, 
two  months  in  solid  black  trimmed  with  crape,  white 
linen  collar  and  cuffs,  bonnet  of  black  with  white  facing 
and  black  strings;  two  months  in  black  silk,  with  white 
lace  collar  and  cuffs;  and  two  months  in  gray,  purple, 
white  and  violet. 

"Mourning  for  an  uncle  or  aunt  is  worn  for  three 
months,  and  is  the  second  mourning  named  above,  tulle, 
white  linen  and  white  bonnet  facings  being  worn  at 
once.  For  a  nephew  or  niece,  the  same  is  worn  for  the 
same  length  of  time. 

"The  deepest  mourning  excludes  kid  gloves;  they 
should  be  of  cloth,  silk  or  thread;  and  no  jewelry  is  per- 
mitted during  the  first  month  of  close  mourning.  Em- 
broidery, jet  trimmings,  puffs,  plaits — in  fact,  trimming 
of  any  kind — is  forbidden  in  deep  mourning,  but  worn 
when  it  is  lightened. 

"Mourning  handkerchiefs  should  be  of  very  sheer 
fine  linen,  with  a  border  of  black,  very  wide  for  close 
mourning,  narrower  as  the  black  is  lightened. 


340 


DRESS. 


"Mourning  silks  should  be  perfectly  lusterless,  and 
the  ribbons  worn  without  any  gloss. 

"  Ladies  invited  to  funeral  ceremonies  should  always 
wear  a  black  dress,  even  if  they  are  not  in  mourning; 
and  it  is  bad  taste  to  appear  with  a  gay  bonnet  or  shawl, 
as  if  for  a  festive  occasion. 

"The  mourning  for  children  under  twelve  years  of 
age  is  white  in  summer  and  gray  in  winter,  with  black 
trimmings,  belt,  sleeve  ruffles  and  bonnet  ribbons." 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 
in 


HE  selection  and  proper  arrangement 
of  colors,  so  that  they  will  produce 
the  most  pleasant  harmony,  is  one 
of  the  most  desirable  requisites  in 
dress.  Sir  Joshua  Reynolds  says: 
"  Color  is  the  last  attainment  of  ex- 
cellence in  every  school  of  painting." 
The  same  may  also  be  'said  in  regard  to 
the  art  of  using  colors  in  dress.  Never- 
theless, it  is  the  first  thing  to  which  we 
should  give  our  attention  and  study. 
We  put  bright  colors  upon  our  little  child- 
ren; we  dress  our  young  girls  in  light  and  del- 
icate shades;  the  blooming  matron  is  justified 
in  adopting  the  warm,  rich  hues  which  we  see  in  the 
autumn  leaf,  while  black  and  neutral  tints  are  declared 
appropriate  to  the  old. 

One  color  should  predominate  in  the  dress;  and  if  an- 
other is  adopted,  it  should  be  in  a  limited  quantity  aad 
only  by  way  of  contrast  or  harmony.  Some  colors  may 
never,  under  any  circumstances,  be  worn  together,  be- 
cause they  produce  positive  discord  to  the  eye.  If  the 

(341) 


34:2  HAKMONY    OF   COLORS    IN    DRESS. 

•dress  be  blue,  red  should  never  be  introduced  by  way  of 
trimming,  or  vice  versa.  Red  and  blue,  red  and  yellow, 
•blue  and  yellow,  and  scarlet  and  crimson  may  never  be 
united  in  the  same  costume.  If  the  dress  be  red,  green 
may  be  introduced  in  a  minute  quantity;  if  blue,  orange; 
if  green,  crimson.  Scarlet  and  solf  erino  are  deadly  ene- 
mies, each  killing  the  other  whenever  they  meet. 

Two  contrasting  colors,  such  as  red  and  green,  may 
not  be  used  in  equal  quantities  in  the  dress,  as  they 
are  both  so  positive  in  tone  that  they  divide  and  distract 
the  attention.  When  two  colors  are  worn  in  any  quan- 
tity, one  must  approach  a  neutral  tint,  such  as  gray  or 
drab.  Black  may  be  worn  with  any  color,  though  it 
looks  best  with  the  lighter  shades  of  the  different  colors. 
White  may  also  be  worn  with  any  color,  though  it  looks 
best  with  the  darker  tones.  Thus  white  and  crimson, 
black  and  pink,  each  contrast  better  and  have  a  richer 
effect  than  though  the  black  were  united  with  the  crim- 
son and  the  white  with  the  pink.  Drab,  being  a  shade 
of  no  color  between  black  and  white,  may  be  worn  with 
equal  effect  with  all. 

A  person  of  very  fair,  delicate  complexion,  should 
always  wear  the  most  delicate  of  tints,  such  as  light 
blue,  mauve  and  pea-green.  A  brunette  requires  bright 
colors,  such  as  scarlet  and  orange,  to  bring  out  the  bril- 
liant tints  in  her  complexion.  A  florid  face  and  auburn 
hair  call  for  blue. 

Black  hair  has  its  color  and  depth  enhanced  by  scar- 
let, orange  or  white,  and  will  bear  diamonds,  pearls  or 
lustreless  gold. 


HARMONY   OF   COLORS   IN   DEESS.  343 

Dark  brown  hair  will  bear  light  blue,  or  dark  blue  in 
a  lesser  quantity. 

If  the  hair  has  no  richness  of  coloring,  a  pale  yellow- 
ish green  will  by  reflection  produce  the  lacking  warm 
tint. 

Light  brown  hair  requires  blue,  which  sets  off  to  ad- 
vantage the  golden  tint. 

Pure  golden  or  yellow  hair  needs  blue,  and  its  beauty 
is  also  increased  by  the  addition  of  pearls  or  white 
flowers. 

Auburn  hair,  if  verging  on  the  red,  needs  scarlet  to 
tone  it  down.  If  of  a  golden  red,  blue,  green,  purple 
•or  black  will  bring  out  the  richness  of  its  tints. 

Flaxen  hair  requires  blue. 

MATERIAL  FOR  DRESS. 

The  material  for  dress  must  be  selected  with  reference 
to  the  purpose  which  it  is  to  serve.  No  one  buys  a  yel- 
low satin  dress  for  the  promenade,  yet  a  yellow  satin 
seen  by  gaslight  is  beautiful,  as  an  evening-dress. 
Neither  would  one  buy  a  heavy  serge  of  neutral  tint  for 
an  opera-dress. 

SIZE  IN  RELATION  TO  DRESS  AND  COLORS. 

A  small  person  may  dress  in  light  colors  which  would 
be  simply  ridiculous  on  a  person  of  larger  proportions. 
So  a  lady  of  majestic  appearance  should  never  wear 
white,  but  will  be  seen  to  the  best  advantage  in  black 
or  dark  tints.  A  lady  of  diminutive  stature  is  dressed 
in  bad  taste  when  she  appears  in  a  garment  with  large 


344  HARMONY    OF    COLORS    IN   DRESS. 

figures,  plaids  or  stripes.  Neither  should  a  lady  of  large 
proportions  be  seen  in  similar  garments,  because,  united 
with  her  size,  they  give  her  a  "  loud  "  appearance.  In- 
deed, pronounced  figures  and  broad  stripes  and  plaida 
are  never  in  perfect  taste. 

Heavy,  rich  materials  suit  a  tall  figure,  while  light, 
full  draperies  should  only  be  worn  by  those  of  slender 
proportions  and  not  too  short.  The  very  short  and. 
stout  must  be  content  with  meagre  drapery  and  quiet 
colors. 

Tall  and  slim  persons  should  avoid  stripes;  short, 
chunky  ones,  flounces,  or  any  horizontal  trimming  of 
the  dress  which,  by  breaking  the  outline  from  the. waist 
to  the  feet,  produces  an  effect  of  shortening. 

HOW  COLORS  HARMONIZE. 

Colors  may  form  a  harmony  either  by  contrast  or  by 
analogy.  When  two  remote  shades  of  one  color  are 
associated,  such  as  very  light  blue  and  a  very  dark  blue, 
they  harmonize  by  contrast,  though  the  harmony  may 
be  neither  striking  nor  perfect.  When  two  colors  which 
are  similar  to  each  other  are  grouped,  such  as  orange 
and  scarlet,  crimson  and  orange,  they  harmonize  by 
analogy.  A  harmony  of  contrast  is  characterized  by 
brilliancy  and  decision,  and  a  harmony  of  analogy  by  a 
quiet  and  pleasing  association  of  colors. 

When  a  color  is  chosen  which  is  favorable  to  the  com- 
plexion, it  is  well  to  associate  with  it  the  tints  which 
will  harmonize  by  analogy,  as  to  use  contrasting  colors 
would  diminish  its  favorable  effect.  When  a  color  is 


HARMONY    OF    COLORS    IN    DRESS. 


345. 


used  in.  dress,  not  suitable  to  the  complexion,  it  should 
be  associated  with  contrasting  colors,  as  they  have  the 
power  to  neutralize  its  objectionable  influence. 

Colors   of   similar   power  which   contrast  with  each. 


other,  mutually  intensify  each  other's  brilliancy,  as  blue 
and  orange,  scarlet  and  green;  but  dark  and  light  colors 
associated  do  not  intensify  each  other  to  the  same  de- 
gree, the  dark  appearing  darker  and  the  light  appearing 


"346  HARMONY   OF    COLORS    IN    DRESS. 

lighter,  as  dark  blue  and  straw  color.  Colors  which 
•harmonize  with  each  other  by  analogy,  reduce  each 
other's  brilliancy  to  a  greater  or  less  degree,  as  white 
and  yellow,  blue  and  purple,  black  and  brown. 

The  various  shades  of  purple  and  lilac,  dark  blues 
and  dark  greens,  lose  much  of  their  brilliancy  by  gas- 
light, while  orange,  scarlet,  crimson,  the  light  browns 
and  light  greens,  gain  brilliancy  by  a  strong  artificial 
light. 

Below  the  reader  will  find  a  list  of  colors  that  har- 
monize, forming  most  agreeable  combinations,  in  which 
are  included  all  the  latest  and  most  fashionable  shades 
and  colors: 

Black  and  pink. 

Black  and  lilac. 

Black  and  scarlet. 

Black  and  maize. 

Black  and  slate  color. 

Black  and  orange,  a  rich  harmony. 

Black  and  white,  a  perfect  harmony. 

Bladk  and  brown,  a  dull  harmony. 

Black  and  drab  or  buff. 

Blaqk,  white  or  yellow  and  crimson. 

Black,  orange,  blue  and  scarlet. 

Black  and  chocolate  brown. 

Black  and  shaded  cardinal. 

Black  and  cardinal. 

Black,  yellow,  bronze  and  light  blue. 

Black,  cardinal,  blue  and  old  gold. 

Blue  and  brown. 

Blue  and  black. 

Blue  and  gold,  a  rich  harmony. 

Blue  and  orange,  a  perfect  harmony. 

Blue  and  chestnut  (or  chocolate). 

Blue  and  maize. 


HABMONY    OF    COLOKS    IX    DlIESS.  347 

Blue  and  straw  color. 

Blue  and  white. 

Blue  and  fawn  color,  weak  harmony. 

Blue  and  stone  color. 

Blue  and  drab. 

Blue  and  lilac,  weak  harmony. 

Blue  and  crimson,  imperfectly. 

Blue  and  pink,  poor  harmony. 

Blue  and  salmon  color. 

Blue,  scarlet  and  purple  (or  lilac). 

Blue,  orange  and  black. 

Blue,  orange  and  green. 

Blue,  brown,  crimson  and  gold  (or  yellow). 

Blue,  orange,  black  and  white. 

Blue,  pink  and  bronze  green. 

Blue,  cardinal  and  old  gold. 

Blue,  yellow,  chocolate-brown  and  gold. 

Blue,  mulberry  and  yellow. 

Bronze  and  old  gold. 

Bronze,  pink  and  light  blue. 

Bronze,  black,  blue,  pink  and  gold. 

Bronze,  cardinal  and  peacock  blue. 

Brown,  blue,  green,  cardinal  and  yellow. 

Brown,  yellow,  cardinal  and  peacock  blue. 

Crimson  and  gold,  rich  harmony. 

Oimson  and  orange,  rich  harmony. 

Crimson  and  brown,  dull  harmony. 

Crimson  and  black,  dull  harmony. 

Crimson  and  drab. 

Crimson  and  maize. 

Crimson  and  purple. 

Cardinal  and  old  gold. 

Cardinal,  brown  and  black. 

Cardinal  and  navy  blue. 

•Chocolate,  blue,  pink  and  gold. 

Claret  and  old  gold. 

Dark  green,  white  and  cardinal. 

Ecrue,  bronze  and  peacock. 

Ecrue  and  light  blue. 


348  HARMONY    OF    COLORS    IN    DRESS. 

Garnet,  bronze  and  pink. 

Gensd'arme  and  cardinal. 

Gensd'arme  and  bronze. 

Gensd'arme  and  myrtle. 

Gensd'ai'me  and  old  gold. 

Gensd'arme,  yellow  and  cardinal. 

Gensd'arme,  pink,  cardinal  and  lavender 

Green  and  gold,  or  gold  color. 

Green  and  scarlet. 

Green  and  orange. 

Green  and  yellow. 

Green,  crimson,  blue  and  golds  or  yellow. 

Green,  blue  and  scarlet. 

Green,  gold  and  mulberry 

Green  and  cardinal. 

Lilac  and  white,  poor. 

Lilac  and  gray,  poor. 

Lilac  and  maize. 

Lilac  and  cherry. 

Lilac  and  gold,  or  gold  color. 

Lilac  and  scarlet. 

Lilac  and  crimson. 

Lilac,  scarlet  and  white  or  black. 

Lilac,  gold  color  and  crimson. 

Lilac,  yellow  or  gold,  scarlet  and  white. 

Light  pink  and  garnet. 

Light  drab,  pine,  yellow  and  white. 

Myrtle  and  old  gold. 

Myrtle  and  bronze. 

Myrtle,  red,  blue  and  yellow. 

Myrtle,  mulberry,  cardinal,  gold  and  light  green 

Mulberry  and  old  gold. 

Mulberry  and  gold. 

Mulberry  and  bronze. 

Mulberry,  bronze  and  gold, 

Mulberry  and  pearl. 

Mode,  pearl  and  mulberry. 

Maroon,  yellow,  silvery  gray  and  light  greeiu 

Navy  blue,  light  blue  and  gold. 


HARMONY    OF    COLORS    IN   DRESS.  349 

blue,  gensd'anne  and  pearl. 
Navy  blue,  maize,  cardinal  and  yellow. 
Orange  and  bronze,  agreeable. 
Orange  and  chestnut. 
Orange,  lilac  and  crimson. 
Orange,  red  and  green. 
Orange,  purple  and  scarlet. 
Orange,  blue,  scarlet  and  purple. 
Orange,  blue,  scarlet  and  claret. 
Orange,  blue,  scarlet,  white  and  green. 
Orange,  blue  and  crimson. 
Pearl,  light  blue  and  peacock  blue. 
Peacock  blue  and  light  gold. 
Peacock  blue  and  old  gold. 
Peacock  blue  and  cardinal. 
Peacock  blue,  pearl,  gold  and  cardinal. 
Purple  and  maize. 
Purple  and  blue. 

Purple  and  gold,  or  gold  color,  rich. 
Purple  and  orange,  rich. 
Purple  and  black,  heavy. 
Purple  and  white,  cold. 
Purple,  scarlet  and  gold  color. 
Purple,  scarlet  and  white. 
Purple,  scarlet,  blue  and  orange. 
Purple,  scarlet,  blue,  yellow  and  black. 
Red  and  white,  or  gray. 
Red  and  gold,  or  gold  color. 
Red,  orange  and  green. 
Red,  yellow  or  gold  color  and  black. 
Red,  gold  color,  black  and  white. 
Seal  brown,  gold  and  cardinal 
Sapphire  and  bronze. 
Sapphire  and  old  gold. 
Sapphire  and  cardinal. 
Sapphire  and  light  blue. 
Sapphire  and  light  pink. 
Sapphire  and  corn. 
Sapphire  and  garnet. 


350  HARMONY   OF   COLORS    IN   DRESS. 

Sapphire  and  mulberry. 

Shaded  blue  and  black. 

Scarlet  and  blue. 

Scarlet  and  slate  color. 

Scarlet  and  orange. 

Scarlet,  blue  and  white. 

Scarlet,  blue  and  yellow. 

Scarlet,  black  and  white. 

Scarlet,  blue,  black  and  yellow. 

Shaded  blue,  shaded  garnet  and  shaded  gold. 

Shaded  blue  and  black. 

White  and  cherry. 

White  and  crimson. 

White  and  brown. 

White  and  pink. 

White  and  scarlet. 

White  and  gold  color,  poor. 

Yellow  and  black. 

Yellow  and  brown. 

Yellow,  and  red. 

Yellow  and  chestnut  or  chocolate. 

Yellow  and  white,  poor. 

Yellow  and  purple,  agreeable. 

Yellow  and  violet. 

Yellow  and  lilac,  weak. 

Yellow  and  blue,  cold. 

Yellow  and  crimson. 

Yellow,  purple  and  crimson. 

Yellow,  purple,  scarlet  and  blue. 

Yellow,  cardinal  and  peacock  blue. 

Yellow,  pink,  maroon  and  light  blue. 


CHAPTER  XXXII. 


appear  at  all  times  neat,  clean  and 
tidy,  is  demanded  of  every  well-bred 
person.  The  dress  may  be  plainr 
rich  or  extravagant,  but  there  must 
be  a  neatness  and  cleanliness  of  the 
person.  Whether  a  lady  is  pos- 
sessed of  few  or  many  personal  at- 
tractions, it  is  her  duty  at  all  times  to< 
appear  tidy  and  clean,  and  to  make  her- 
self as  comely  and  attractive  as  circum- 
stances and  surroundings  will  permit. 
The  same  may  be  said  of  a  gentleman.  If  a. 
gentleman  calls  upon  a  lady,  his  duty  and  his- 
respect  for  her  demand  that  he  shall  appear  not 
only  in  good  clothes,  but  with  well  combed  hair,  exqui- 
sitely clean  hands,  well  trimmed  beard  or  cleanly  shaven 
face,  while  the  lady  will  not  show  herself  in  an  untidy 
dress,  or  disheveled  hair.  They  should  appear  at  their 
best. 

Upon  the  minor  details  of  the  toilet  depend,  in  a 
great  degree,  the  health,  not  to  say  the  beauty,  of  the 
individual.  In  fact  the  highest  state  of  health  is  equiv 

(351) 


THE   TOILET, 

alent  to   the  highest   degree  of  beauty  of  which  the 
individual  is  capable, 

PERFUMES. 

Perfumes,  if  used  at  all,  should  be  used  in  the  strict- 
est moderation,  and  be  of  the  most  recherche  kind. 
Musk  and  patchouli  should  always  be  avoided,  as,  to 
many  people  of  sensitive  temperament,  their  odor  is 
•exceedingly  disagreeable.  Cologne  water  of  the  best 
•quality  is  never  offensive. 

THE    BATH. 

Cleanliness  is  the  outward  sign  of  inward  purity. 
Cleanliness  of  the  person  is  health,  and  health  is  beauty. 
The  bath  is  consequently  a  very  important  means  of 
preserving  the  health  and  enhancing  the  beauty.  It  is 
not  to  be  supposed  that  we  bathe  simply  to  become 
clean,  but  because  we  wish  to  remain  clean.  Cold 
water  refreshes  and  invigorates,  but  does  not  cleanse, 
and  persons  who  daily  use  a  sponge  bath  in  the  morn- 
ing, should  frequently  use  a  warm  one,  of  from  ninety- 
six  to  one  hundred  degrees  Fahrenheit  for  cleansing  pur- 
poses. When  a  plunge  bath  is  taken,  the  safest  tem- 
perature is  from  eighty  to  ninety  degrees,  which 
answers  the  purposes  of  both  cleansing  and  refresh- 
ing. Soap  should  be  plentifully  used,  and  the  flesh- 
brush  applied  vigorously,  drying  with  a  coarse  Turk- 
ish towel.  Nothing  improves  the  complexion  like  the 
daily  use  of  the  fleshbrush,  with  early  rising  and  exer- 
.cise  in  the  open  air. 


THE   TOILET.  353 

In  many  houses,  in  large  cities,  there  is  a  separate 
"bath-room,  with  hot  and  cold  water,  but  in  smaller 
places  and  country  houses  this  convenience  is  not  to  be 
found.  A  substitute  for  the  bath-room  is  a  large  piece 
of  oil-cloth,  which  can  be  laid  upon  the  floor  of  an 
ordinary  dressing-room.  Upon  this  may  be  placed  the 
bath  tub  or  basin,  or  a  person  may  use  it  to  stand  upon 
while  taking  a  sponge  bath.  The  various  kinds  of 
baths,  both  hot  and  cold,  are  the  shower  bath,  the 
douche,  the  hip  bath  and  the  sponge  bath. 

The  shower  bath  can  only  be  endured  by  the  most 
vigorous  constitutions,  and  therefore  cannot  be  recom- 
mended for  indiscriminate  use. 

A  douche  or  hip  bath  may  be  taken  every  morning, 
with  the  temperature  of  the  water  suited  to  the  endur- 
ance of  the  individual.  In  summer  a  sponge  bath  may 
be  taken  upon  retiring.  Once  a  week  a  warm  bath,  at 
from  ninety  to  one  hundred  degrees,  may  be  taken, 
with  plenty  of  soap,  in  order  to  thoroughly  cleanse  the 
pores  of  the  skin.  Rough  towels  should  be  vigorously 
used  after  these  baths,  not  only  to  remove  the  impuri- 
ties of  the  skin  but  for  the  beneficial  friction  which 
will  send  a  glow  over  the  whole  body.  The  hair  glove 
or  flesh  brush  may  be  used  to  advantage  in  the  bath 
before  the  towel  is  applied. 

THE  TEETH. 

The  teeth  should  be  carefully  brushed  with  a  hard 
brush  after  each  meal,  and  also  on  retiring  at  night. 
Use  the  brush  so  that  not  only  the  outside  of  the  teeth 


354:  THE   TOILETo 

becomes  white,  but  the  inside  also.  After  the  brush  is 
used  plunge  it  two  or  three  times  into  a  glass  of  water, 
then  rub  it  quite  dry  on  a  towel. 

Use  tooth- washes  or  powders  very  sparingly.  Castile 
soap  used  once  a  day,  with  frequent  brushings  with  pure 
water  and  a  brush,  cannot  fail  to  keep  the  teeth  clean 
and  white,  unless  they  are  disfigured  and  destroyed  by 
other  bad  habits,  such  as  the  use  of  tobacco,  or  too  hot 
or  too  cold  drinks. 

DECAYED  TEETH. 

On  the  slightest  appearance  of  decay  or  tendency  to 
accumulate  tartar,  go  at  once  to  the  dentist.  If  a  dark 
spot  appearing  under  the  enamel  is  neglected,  it  will  eat 
in  until  the  tooth  is  eventually  destroyed.  A  dentist 
seeing  the  tooth  in  its  first  stage,  will  remove  the  de- 
cayed part  and  plug  the  cavity  in  a  proper  manner. 

TARTAR  ON  THE  TEETH. 

Tartar  is  not  so  easily  dealt  with,  but  it  requires 
equally  early  attention.  It  results  from  an  impaired 
state  of  the  general  health,  and  assumes  the  form  of  a 
yellowish  concretion  on  the  teeth  and  gums.  At  first  it 
is  possible  to  keep  it  down  by  a  repeated  and  vigorous 
use  of  the  tooth  brush;  but  if  a  firm,  solid  mass  accum- 
ulates, it  is  necessary  to  have  it  chipped  off  by  a  dentist. 
Unfortunately,  too,  by  that  time  it  will  probably  have 
begun  to  loosen  and  destroy  the  teeth  on  which  it  fixes, 
and  is  pretty  certain  to  have  produced  one  obnoxious 
effect — that  of  tainting  the  breath.  Washing  the  teeth 


THE    TOILET.  355 

with  vinegar  when  the  brush  is  used  has  been  recom- 
mended as  a  means  of  removing  tartar. 

Tenderness  of  the  gums,  to  which  some  persons  are 
subject,  may  sometimes  be  met  by  the  use  of  salt  and 
water,  but  it  is  well  to  rinse  the  mouth  frequently  with 
water  with  a  few  drops  of  tincture  of  myrrh  in  it. 

FOUL  BREATH. 

Foul  breath,  unless  caused  by  neglected  teeth,  indi- 
cates a  deranged  state  of  the  system.  When  it  is  occa- 
sioned by  the  teeth  or  other  local  case,  use  a  gargle  con- 
sisting of  a  spoonful  of  solution  of  chloride  of  lime  in 
half  a  tumbler  of  water.  Gentlemen  smoking,  and  thus 
tainting  the  breath,  may  be  glad  to  know  that  the  com- 
mon parsley  has  a  peculiar  effect  in  removing  the  odor 
of  tobacco. 

THE  SKIN". 

Beauty  and  health  of  the  skin  can  only  be  obtained 
by  perfect  cleanliness  of  the  entire  person,  an  avoidance 
of  all  cosmetics,  added  to  proper  diet,  correct  habits  and 
early  habits  of  rising  and  exercise.  The  skin  must  be 
thoroughly  washed,  occasionally  with  warm  water  and 
soap,  to  remove  the  oily  exudations  on  its  surface.  If 
any  unpleasant  sensations  are  experienced  after  the  use 
of  soap,  they  may  be  immediately  removed  by  rinsing 
the  surface  with  water  to  which  a  little  lemon  juice  or 
vinegar  has  been  added. 


366  THE    TOILET. 

PRESERVING  A  YOUTHFUL  COMPLEXION. 

The  following  rules  may  be  given  for  the  preservation 
of  a  youthful  complexion-  Rise  early  and  go  to  bed 
early.  Take  plenty  of  exercise.  Use  plenty  of  cold 
water  and  good  soap  frequently.  Be  moderate  in  eating 
and  drinking.  Do  not  lace.  Avoid  as  much  as  possible 
the  vitiated  atmosphere  of  crowded  assemblies.  Shun 
cosmetics  and  washes  for  the  skin.  The  latter  dry  the 
skin,  and  only  defeat  the  end  they  are  supposed  to  have 
in  view. 

MOLES. 

Moles  are  frequently  a  great  disfigurement  to  the  face, 
but  they  should  not  be  tampered  with  in  any  way.  The 
only  safe  and  certain  mode  of  getting  rid  of  moles  is  by 
a  surgical  operation, 

FRECKLES. 

Freckles  are  of  two  kinds.  Those  occasioned  by  ex- 
posure to  the  sunshine,  and  consequently  evanescent, 
are  denominated  "  summer  freckles ;"  those  which  are 
constitutional  and  permanent  are  called  "  cold  freckles." 
With  regard  to  the  latter,  it  is  impossible  to  give  any 
advice  which  will  be  of  value.  They  result  from  causes 
not  to  be  affected  by  mere  external  applications.  Sum- 
mer freckles  are  not  so  difficult  to  deal  with,  and  with  a 
little  care  the  skin  may  be  kept  free  from  this  cause  of 
disfigurement.  Some  skins  are  so  delicate  that  they 
become  freckled  on  the  slightest  exposure  to  open  air  in 
summer.  The  cause  assigned  for  this  is  that  the  iron 


THE   TOILET. 

in  the  blood,  forming  a  junction  with  the  oxygen,  leaves 
a  rusty  mark  where  the  junction  takes  place.  We  give 
in  their  appropriate  places  some  recipes  for  removing 
these  latter  freckles  from  the  face. 

OTHER  DISCOLORATIONS. 

There  are  various  other  discolorations  of  the  skin, 
proceeding  frequently  from  derangement  of  the  system. 
The  cause  should  always  be  discovered  before  attempt- 
ing a  remedy;  otherwise  you  may  aggravate  the  com 
plaint  rather  than  cure  it. 

THE  EYES. 

Beautiful  eyes  are  the  gift  of  Nature,  and  can  owe 
little  to  the  toilet.  As  in  the  eye  consists  much  of  the 
expression  of  the  face,  therefore  it  should  be  borne  in 
mind  that  those  who  would  have  their  eyes  bear  a  pleas- 
ing expression  must  cultivate  pleasing  traits  of  charac- 
ter and  beautify  the  soul,  and  then  this  beautiful  soul 
will  look  through  its  natural  windows. 

Never  tamper  with  the  eyes.  There  is  danger  of 
destroying  them.  All  daubing  or  dyeing  of  the  lids  is 
foolish  and  vulgar. 

SHORT-SIGHTEDNESS. 

Short-sightedness  is  not  always  a  natural  defect,  it 
may  be  acquired  by  bad  habits  in  youth.  A  short- 
sighted person  should  supply  himself  with  glasses  ex- 
actly adapted  to  his  wants;  but  it  is  well  not  to  use 
these  glasses  too  constantly,  as,  even  when  they  per- 


358  THE    TOILET 

fectly  fit  the  eye,  they  really  tend  to  shorten  the  sight. 
Unless  one  is  very  short-sighted,  it  is  best  to  keep  the 
glasses  for  occasional  use,  and  trust  ordinarily  to  the 
unaided  eye.  Parents  and  teachers  should  watch  their 
children  and  see  that  they  do  not  acquire  the  habit  of 
holding  their  books  too  close  to  their  eyes,  and  thus 
injure  their  sight. 

SQUINT-EYES  AND  CROSS-EYES. 

Parents  should  also  be  careful  that  their  children  do 
not  become  squint  or  cross-eyed  through  any  careless- 
ness. A  child's  hair  hanging  down  loosely  over  its  eyes, 
or  a  bonnet  projecting  too  far  over  them,  or  a  loose  rib- 
bon or  tape  fluttering  over  the  forehead,  is  sometimes 
sufficient  to  direct  the  sight  irregularly  until  it  becomes 
permanently  crossed. 

THB  EYELASHES  AND  EYEBROWS. 

A  beautiful  eyelash  is  an  important  adjunct  to  the 
eye.  The  lashes  may  be  lengthened  by  trimming  them 
occasionally  in  childhood.  Care  should  be  taken  that 
this  trimming  is  done  neatly  and  evenly,  and  especially 
that  the  points  of  the  scissors  do  not  penetrate  the  eye. 
The  eyebrows  may  be  brushed  carefully  in  the  direction 
in  which  they  should  lie.  In  general,  it  is  in  exceeding 
bad  taste  to  dye  either  lashes  or  brows,  for  it  usually 
brings  them  into  disharmony  with  the  hair  and  features. 
There  are  cases,  however,  when  the  beauty  of  an  other- 
wise fine  countenance  is  utterly  ruined  by  white  lashes 
and  brows.  In  such  cases  one  can  hardly  be  blamed  if 


THE   TOILET.  359 

India  ink  is  resorted  to  to  give  them  the  desired  color. 
Never  shave  the  brows.  It  adds  to  their  beauty  in  no 
way,  and  may  result  in  an  irregular  growth  of  new  hair. 

TAKE  CARE  OF  THE  EYES. 

The  utmost  care  should  be  taken  of  the  eyes.  They 
should  never  be  strained  in  an  imperfect  light,  whether 
that  of  shrouded  daylight,  twilight  or  flickering  lamp 
or  candle-light.  Many  persons  have  an  idea  that  an 
habitually  dark  room  is  best  for  the  eyes.  On  the  con- 
trary, it  weakens  them  and  renders  them  permanently 
unable  to  bear  the  light  of  the  sun.  Our  eyes  were 
naturally  designed  to  endure  the  broad  light  of  day, 
and  the  nearer  we  approach  to  this  in  our  houses,  the 
stronger  will  be  our  eyes  and  the  longer  will  we  retain 
our  sight. 

EYEBROWS  MEETING. 

Some  persons  have  the  eyebrows  meeting  over  the 
nose.  This  is  usually  considered  a  disfigurement,  but 
there  is  no  remedy  for  it.  It  may  be  a  consolation  for 
such  people  to  know  that  the  ancients  admired  this  style 
of  eyebrows,  and  that  Michael  Angelo  possessed  it.  It 
is  useless  to  pluck  out  the  uniting  hairs;  and  if  a  depil- 
atory is  applied,  a  mark  like  that  of  a  scar  left  from  a 
burn  remains,  and  is  more  disfiguring  than  the  hair. 

INFLAMED  EYES. 

If  the  lids  of  the  eyes  become  inflamed  and  scaly,  do 
not  seek  to  remove  the  scales  roughly,  for  they  will 


360  THE    TOILET. 

bring  the  lashes  with  them.  Apply  at,  night  a  little  cold 
cream  to  the  edges  of  the  closed  eyelids,  and  wash  them 
in  the  morning  with  lukewarm  milk  and  water.  It  is 
well  to  have  on  the  toilet-table  a  remedy  for  inflamed 
eyes.  Spermaceti  ointment  is  simple  and  well  adapted 
to  this  purpose.  Apply  at  night,  and  wash  off  with 
rose-water  in  the  morning.  There  is  a  simple  lotion 
made  by  dissolving  a  very  small  piece  of  alum  and  a 
piece  of  lump-sugar  of  the  same  size  in  a  quart  of  water; 
put  the  ingredients  into  the  water  cold  and  let  them 
simmer.  Bathe  the  eyes  frequently  with  ik 

THE  STY. 

A  sty  in  the  eye  is  irritating  and  disfiguring.  Bathe 
with  warm  water;  at  night  apply  a  bread-and-milk  poul- 
tice. When  a  white  head  forms,  prick  it  with  a  fine 
needle.  Should  the  inflammation  be  obstinate,  a  little 
citrine  ointment  may  be  applied,  care  being  taken  that 
it  does  not  get  into  the  eye. 

THE  HAIR. 

There  is  nothing  that  so  adds  to  the  charm  of  an  indi- 
vidual, especially  a  lady,  as  a  good  head  of  hair.  The 
ikin  of  the  head  requires  even  more  tenderness  and 
cleanliness  than  any  other  portion  of  the  body,  and  is 
capable  of  being  irritated  by  disease.  The  hair  should 
be  brushed  carefully.  The  brush  should  be  of  moderate 
hardness,  not  too  hard.  The  hair  should  be  separated, 
in  order  that  the  head  itself  may  be  well  brushed,  as  by 
doing  so  the  scurf  is  removed,  and  that  is  most  essential, 


THE    TOILET.  861 

as  it  is  not  only  unpleasant  and  unsightly,  but  if  suffered 
to  remain  it  becomes  saturated  with  perspiration,  and 
tends  to  weaken  the  roots  of  the  hair,  so  that  it  is  easily 
pulled  out.  In  brushing  or  combing,  begin  at  the  ex- 
treme points,  and  in  combing,  hold  the  portion  of  hair 
just  above  that  through  which  the  comb  is  passing, 
firmly  between  the  first  and  second  fingers,  so  that  if  it 
is  entangled  it  may  drag  from  that  point,  and  not  from 
the  roots.  The  finest  head  of  hair  may  be  spoiled  by 
the  practice  of  plunging  the  comb  into  it  high  up  and 
dragging  it  in  a  reckless  manner;  Short,  loose,  broken 
hairs  are  thus  created,  and  become  very  troublesome. 

THE  USE  OF  HAIR  OILS. 

Do  not  plaster  the  hair  with  oil  or  pomatum.  A 
white,  concrete  oil  pertains  naturally  to  the  covering  of 
the  human  head,  but  some  persons  have  it  in  more 
abundance  than  others.  Those  whose  hair  is  glossy  and 
shining  need  nothing  to  render  it  so;  but  when  the  hai' 
is  harsh,  poor  and  dry,  artificial  lubrication  is  necessary. 
Persons  who  perspire  freely,  or  who  accumulate  scurf 
rapidly,  require  it  also.  Nothing  is  simpler  or  better  in 
the  way  of  oil  than  pure,  unscented  salad  oil,  and  in  the 
way  of  a  pomatum,  bear's  grease  is  as  pleasant  as  any- 
thing. Apply  either  with  the  hands,  or  keep  a  soft 
brush  for  the  purpose,  but  take  care  not  to  use  the  oil 
too  freely.  An  overoiled  head  of  hair  is  vulgar  and 
offensive.  So  are  scents  of  any  kind  in  the  oil  applied 
to  the  hair.  It  is  well  also  to  keep  a  piece  of  flannel 
with  which  to  rub  the  hair  at  night  after  brushing  it,  in 


362  THE    TOILET. 

order  to  remove  the  oil  before  laying  the  head  upon  the 
pillow. 

Vinegar  and  water  form  a  good  wash  for  the  roots 
of  the  hair.  Ammonia  diluted  in  water  is  still  better. 

The  hair-brush  should  be  frequently  washed  in  diluted 
ammonia. 

For  removing  scurf,  glycerine,  diluted  with  a  little 
rose-water,  will  be  found  of  service.  Any  preparation 
of  rosemary  forms  an  agreeable  and  highly  cleansing 
wash.  The  yolk  of  an  egg  beaten  up  in  warm  water  is 
an  excellent  application  to  the  scalp.  Many  heads  of 
hair  require  nothing  more  in  the  way  of  wash  than 
soap  and  water.  Beware  of  letting  the  hair  grow  too 
long,  as  the  points  are  apt  to  weaken  and  split.  It  is 
well  to  have  the  ends  clipped  off  once  a  month. 

Young  girls  should  wear  their  hair  cut  short  until 
they  are  grown  up,  if  they  would  have  it  then  in  its 
best  condition. 

DYEING  THE  HAIR. 

A  serious  objection  to  dyeing  the  hair  is  that  it  is 
almost  impossible  to  give  the  hair  a  tint  which  harmon- 
izes with  the  complexion.  If  the  hair  begins  to  change 
early,  and  the  color  goes  in  patches,  procure  from  the 
druggist's  a  preparation  of  the  husk  of  the  walnut  water 
of  eau  crayon.  This  will,  by  daily  application,  darken 
the  tint  of  the  hair  without  actually  dyeing  it.  When 
the  change  of  color  has  gone  on  to  any  great  extent,  it 
is  better  to  abandon  the  application  and  put  up  with  the 
change,  which,  in  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  will  be  in  ac- 
cordance with  the  change  of  the  face.  Indeed,  there  is 


THE    TOILET.  363* 

nothing  more  beautiful  than  soft,  white  hair  worn  in 
bands  or  clustering  curls  about  the  face.  The  walnut 
water  may  be  used  for  toning  down  too  red  hair. 

BALDNESS. 

Gentlemen  are  more  liable  to  baldness  than  ladies, 
owing,  no  doubt,  to  the  use  of  the  close  hat,  which  con- 
fines and  overheats  the  head.  If  the  hair  is  found  to  be 
falling  out,  the  first  thing  to  do  is  to  look  to  the  hat  and 
see  that  it  is  light  and  thoroughly  ventilated.  There  is 
no  greater  enemy  to  the  hair  than  the  silk  dress-hat.  It 
is  best  to  lay  this  hat  aside  altogether  and  adopt  a  light 
felt  or  straw  in  its  place. 

Long,  flowing  hair  on  a  man  is  not  in  good  taste,  and 
will  indicate  him  to  the  observer  as  a  person  of  unbal- 
anced mind  and  unpleasantly  erratic  character — a  man, 
in  brief,  who  seeks  to  impress  others  with  the  fact  that 
he  is  eccentric,  something  which  a  really  eccentric  person 
never  attempts. 

THE   BEARD. 

Those  who  shave  should  be  careful  to  do  so  every 
morning.  Nothing  looks  worse  than  a  shabby  beard. 
Some  persons  whose  beards  are  strong  should  shave 
twice  a  day,  especially  if  they  are  going  to  a  party  in 
the  evening. 

The  style  of  the  growth  of  the  beard  should  be  gov- 
erned by  the  character  of  the  face.  But  whatever  the 
style  be,  the  great  point  is  to  keep  it  well  brushed  and 
trimmed,  and  to  avoid  any  appearance  of  wildness  or 
inattention.  The  full,  flowing  beard  of  course  requires 


364  THE   TOILBT. 

more  looking  after  in  the  way  of  cleanliness,  than  any 
other.  It  should  be  thoroughly  washed  and  brushed  at 
least  twice  a  day,  as  dust  is  sure  to  accumulate  in  it, 
and  it  is  very  easy  to  suffer  it  to  become  objectionable 
to  one's  self  as  well  as  to  others.  If  it  is  naturally 
glossy,  it  is  better  to  avoid  the  use  of  oil  or  pomatum. 
The  moustache  should  be  worn  neatly  and  not  over- 
large.  There  is  nothing  that  so  adds  to  native  manli- 
ness as  the  full  beard  if  carefully  and  neatly  kept. 

THE  HAND. 

The  beautiful  hand  is  long  and  slender,  with  tapering 
fingers  and  pink,  filbert-shaped  nails.  The  hand  to  be 
in  proper  proportion  to  the  rest  of  the  body,  should  be 
as  long  as  from  the  point  of  the  chin  to  the  edge  of  the 
hair  on  the  forehead. 

The  hands  should  be  kept  scrupulously  clean,  and 
therefore  should  be  very  frequently  washed — not  merely 
rinsed  in  soap  and  water,  but  thoroughly  lathered,  and 
scrubbed  with  a  soft  nail-brush.  In'  cold  weather  the 
use  of  lukewarm  water  is  unobjectionable,  after  which 
the  hands  should  be  dipped  into  cold  water  and  very 
carefully  dried  on  a  fine  towel. 

Be  careful  always  to  dry  the  hands  thoroughly,  and 
rub  them  briskly  for  some  time  afterward.  When  this 
is  not  sufficiently  attended  to  in  cold  weather,  the  hands 
chap  and  crack.  When  this  occurs,  rub  a  few  drops  of 
honey  over  them  when  dry,  or  anoint  them  with  cold 
oream  or  glycerine  before  going  to  bed. 


THE   TOILET.  365 

CHAPPED  HANDS. 

As  cold  weather  is  the  usual  cause  of  chapped  hands, 
BO  the  winter  season  brings  with  it  a  cure  for  them.  A 
thorough  washing  in  snow  and  soap  will  cure  the  worst 
case  of  chapped  hands,  and  leave  them  beautifully  soft 

TO  MAKE  THE  HANDS  WHITE  AND  DILICATE. 

Should  you  wish  to  make  your  hands  white  and  deli- 
cate,  you  might  wash  them  in  milk  and  water  for  a  day 
or  two.  On  retiring  to  rest,  rub  them  well  over  with 
some  palm  oil  and  put  on  a  pair  of  woolen  gloves.  The 
hands  should  be  thoroughly  washed  with  hot  water  and 
soap  the  next  morning,  and  a  pair  of  soft  leather  gloves 
worn  during  the  day.  They  should  be  frequently  rub- 
bed together  to  promote  circulation.  Sunburnt  hands 
may  be  washed  in  lime-water  or  lemon- juice. 

TREATMENT  OF  WABTS. 

Warts,  which  are  more  common  with  young  people 
than  with  adults,  are  very  unsightly,  and  are  sometimes 
very  difficult  to  get  rid  of.  The  best  plan  is  to  buy  a 
stick  of  lunar  caustic,  which  is  sold  in  a  holder  and  case 
at  the  druggist's  for  the  purpose,  dip  it  in  water,  and 
touch  the  wart  every  morning  and  evening,  care  being 
taken  to  cut  away  the  withered  skin  before  repeating 
the  operation.  A  still  better  plan  is  to  apply  acetic 
acid  gently  once  a  day  with  a  camel's  hair  pencil  to  the 
summit  of  the  wart.  Care  should  be  taken  not  to  allow 
this  acid  to  touch  any  of  the  surrounding  skin;  to  pre- 


366  THE   TOILET. 

vent  this  the  finger  or  hand  at  the  base  of  the  wart  may 
be  covered  with  wax  during  the  operation. 

THE  NAILS. 

Nothing  is  so  repulsive  as  to  see  a  lady  or  gentleman, 
however  well  dressed  they  may  otherwise  be,  with  un- 
clean nails.  It  always  results  from  carelessness  and  in- 
attention to  the  minor  details  of  the  toilet,  which  is 
most  reprehensible.  The  nails  should  be  cut  about  once 
a  week — certainly  not  oftener.  This  should  be  accom- 
plished just  after  washing,  the  nail  being  softer  at  such 
a  time.  Care  should  be  taken  not  to  cut  them  too  short, 
though,  if  they  are  left  too  long,  they  will  frequently 
get  torn  and  broken.  They  should  be  nicely  rounded  at 
the  corners.  Recollect  the  filbert-shaped  nail  is  con- 
sidered the  most  beautiful.  Never  bite  the  nails;  it  not 
only  is  a  most  disagreeable  habit,  but  tends  to  make  the 
nails  jagged,  deformed  and  difficult  to  clean,  besides 
gives  a  red  and  stumpy  appearance  to  the  finger-tips. 

Some  persons  are  troubled  by  the  cuticle  adhering  to 
the  nail  as  it  grows.  This  may  be  pressed  down  by  the 
towel  after  washing;  or  should  that  not  prove  effica- 
cious, it  must  be  loosened  round  the  edge  with  some 
blunt  instrument.  On  no  account  scrape  the  nails  with 
a  view  to  polishing  their  surface.  Such  an  operation 
only  tends  to  make  them  wrinkled. 

Absolute  smallness  of  hand  is  not  essential  to  beauty, 
which  requires  that  the  proper  proportions  should  be 
observed  in  the  human  figure.  With  proper  care  the 
hand  may  be  retained  beautiful,  soft  and  shapely,  and 


THE    TOILET.  367 

yet  perform  its  fair  share  of  labor.  The  hands  should 
always  be  protected  by  gloves  when  engaged  in  work 
calculated  to  injure  them.  Gloves  are  imperatively 
required  for  garden-work.  The  hands  should  always  be 
washed  carefully  and  dried  thoroughly  after  such  labor. 
If  they  are  roughened  by  soap,  rinse  them  in  a  little 
vinegar  or  lemon-juice,  and  they  will  become  soft  and 
smooth  at  once. 

REMEDY  FOR  MOIST  HANDS. 

People  afflicted  with  moist  hands  should  revolutionize 
their  habits,  take  more  out-door  exercise  and  more  fre- 
quent baths.  They  should  adopt  a  nutritious  but  not 
over-stimulating  diet,  and  perhaps  take  a  tonic  of  some 
sort.  Local  applications  of  starch-powder  and  the  juice 
of  lemon  may  be  used  to  advantage. 

THE  FEET. 

A  well  formed  foot  is  broad  at  the  sole,  the  toes  well 
spread,  each  separate  toe  perfect  and  rounded  in  form. 
The  nails  are  regular  and  perfect  in  shape  as  those  of 
the  fingers.  The  second  toe  projects  a  little  beyond  the 
others,  and  the  first,  or  big  toe,  stands  slightly  apart 
from  the  rest  and  is  slightly  lifted.  The  feet,  from  the 
circumstance  of  their  being  so  much  confined  by  boots 
and  shoes,  require  more  care  in  washing  than  the  rest  of 
the  body.  Yet  they  do  not  always  get  this  care.  The 
hands  receive  frequent  washings  every  day.  Once  a 
week  is  quite  as  often  as  many  people  can  bestow  the 
same  attention  upon  their  feet.  A  tepid  bath  at  about 


368  THE    TOILET. 

80  or  90  degrees,  should  be  used.  The  feet  may  remain 
in  the  water  about  five  minutes,  and  the  instant  they 
are  taken  out  they  should  be  rapidly  and  thoroughly 
dried  by  being  well  rubbed  with  a  coarse  towel.  Some- 
times bran  is  used  in  the  water.  Few  things  are  more 
invigorating  and  refreshing  after  a  long  walk,  or  getting 
wet  in  the  feet,  than  a  tepid  foot-bath,  clean  stockings 
and  a  pair  of  easy  shoes.  After  the  bath  is  the  time  for 
pairing  the  toe-nails,  as  they  are  so  much  softer  and 
more  pliant  after  having  been  immersed  in  warm  water. 

TREATMENT    FOE  MOIST  OB  DAMP  FEET. 

Some  persons  are  troubled  with  moist  or  damp  feet. 
This  complaint  arises  more  particularly  during  the  hot 
weather  in  summer-time,  and  the  greatest  care  and 
cleanliness  should  be  exercised  in  respect  to  it.  Persons 
so  afflicted  should  wash  their  feet  twice  a  day  in  soap 
and  warm  water,  after  which  they  should  put  on  clean 
socks.  Should  this  fail  to  cure,  they  may,  after  being 
washed  as  above,  be  rinsed,  and  then  thoroughly  rubbed 
with  a  mixture  consisting  of  half  a  pint  of  warm  water 
and  three  tablespoonfuls  of  concentrated  solution  of 
chloride  of  soda. 

BLISTERS  ON  THE  FEET. 

People  who  walk  much  are  frequently  afflicted  with 
blisters.  The  best  preventative  of  these  is  to  have  easy, 
well-fitting  boots  and  woolen  socks..  Should  blisters 
occur,  a  very  good  plan  is  to  pass  a  large  darning-needle 
threaded  with  worsted  through  the  blister  lengthwise, 


THE    TOILET.  369 

leaving  an  inch  or  so  of  the  thread  outside  at  each  end. 
This  keeps  the  scurf -skin  close  to  the  true  skin,  and  pre- 
vents any  grit  or  dirt  entering.  The  thread  absorbs  the 
matter,  and  the  old  skin  remains  until  the  new  one 
grows.  A  blister  should  not  be  punctured  save  in  this 
manner,  as  it  may  degenerate  into  a  sore  and  become 
very  troublesome, 

CHILBLAINS. 

To  avoid  chilblains  on  the  feet  it  is  necessary  to  ob- 
serve three  rules:  1.  Avoid  getting  the  feet  wet;  if 
they  become  so,  change  the  shoes  and  stockings  at  once. 
2.  Wear  lamb's  wool  socks  or  stockings.  3.  Never 
under  any  circumstances  "  toast  your  toes "  before  the 
fire,  especially  if  you  are  very  cold.  Frequent  bathing 
of  the  feet  in  a  strong  solution  of  alum  is  useful  in  pre- 
venting the  coming  of  chilblains.  On  the  first  indica- 
tion of  any  redness  of  the  toes  and  sensation  of  itching 
it  would  be  well  to  rub  them  carefully  with  warm 
spirits  of  rosemary,  to  which  a  little  turpentine  has  been 
added.  Then  a  piece  of  lint  soaked  in  camphorated 
spirits,  opodeldoc  or  camphor  liniment  may  be  applied 
and  retained  on  the  part.  Should  the  chilblain  break, 
dress  it  twice  daily  with  a  plaster  of  equal  parts  of  lard 
and  beeswax,  with  half  the  quantity  in  weight  of  oil  of 
turpentine. 

THE  TOE  NAILS. 

The  toe-nails  do  not  grow  so  fast  as  the  finger-nails, 
but  they  should  be  looked  after  and  trimmed  at  least 
once  a  fortnight.  They  are  much  more  subject  to 
irregularity  of  growth  than  the  finger-nails,  owing  to 

84 


370  THE   TOILET. 

their  confined  position.  If  the  nails  show  a  tendency  to 
grow  in  at  the  sides,  the  feet  should  be  bathed  in  hot 
water,  pieces  of  lint  introduced  beneath  the  parts  with 
an  inward  tendency,  and  the  nail  itself  scraped  longi- 
tudinally. 

Pare  the  toe-nails  squarer  than  those  of  the  fingers. 
Keep  them  a  moderate  length — long  enough  to  protect 
the  toe,  but  not  so  long  as  to  cut  holes  in  the  stockings. 
Always  cut  the  nails;  never  tear  them,  as  is  too  fre- 
quently the  practice.  Be  careful  not  to  destroy  the 
spongy  substance  below  the  nails,  as  that  is  the  great 
guard  to  prevent  them  going  into  the  quick. 

CORNS. 

It  is  tolerably  safe  to  say  that  those  who  wear  loose, 
easy-fitting  shoes  and  boots  will  never  be  troubled  with 
corns.  Some  people  are  more  liable  to  corns  than  others, 
and  some  will  persist  in  the  use  of  tightly-fitting  shoes 
in  spite  of  corns. 

HOW  TO  HAVE  SHOES  MADE. 

The  great  fault  with  modern  shoes  is  that  their  soles 
are  made  too  narrow.  If  one  would  secure  perfect  health- 
fulness  of  the  feet,  he  should  go  to  the  shoemaker  and 
step  with  his  stockinged  feet  on  a  sheet  of  paper.  Let 
the  shoemaker  mark  with  a  pencil  upon  the  paper  the 
exact  size  of  his  foot,  and  then  make  him  a  shoe  whose 
sole  shall  be  as  broad  as  this  outlined  foot. 

Still  more  destructive  of  the  beauty  and  symmetry  of 
our  women's  feet  have  been  the  high,  narrow  heels  so 


THE    TOILET. 


371 


worn  lately.  They  make  it  difficult  to  walk,  and 
even  in  some  cases  permanently  cripple  the  feet.  A 
shoe,  to  be  comfortable,  should  have  a  broad  sole  and  a 
heel  of  moderate  height,  say  one-half  an  inch,  as  broad 
at  the  bottom  as  at  the  top. 


CHAPTER  XXXIII 


Collet 


TO  REMOVE  FRECKLES. 

•  RUISE  and  squeeze  the  juice  out  of 
common  chick-weed,  and  to  this  juice 
add  three  times  its  quantity  of  soft 
water.  Bathe  the  skin  with  this  for 
five  or  ten  minutes  morning  and  even- 
ing, and  wash  afterwards  with  clean 
water. 

Elder   flowers   treated  and  applied  ex- 
actly in  the  same  manner  as  above.     When 
the  flowers  are  not  to  be  had,  the  distilled 
water  from  them,  which   may   be  procured 
from  any  druggist,  will  answer  the  purpose. 

A  good  freckle  lotion  is  made  of  honey,  one 
ounce,   mixed  with    one   pint   of   luke-warm 
water.     Apply  when  cold. 

Carbonate  of  potassa,  twenty  grains;  milk  of  almonds, 
three  ounces;  oil  of  sassafras,  three  drops.  Mix  and 
apply  two  or  three  times  a  day. 

One  ounce  of  alcohol;  half  a  dram  salts  tartar;  one 
dram  oil  bitter  almonds.  Let  stand  for  one  day  and 
apply  every  second  day. 

(373) 


TOILET   RECIPES.  373 

FOB  PIMPLES  ON  THE  FACE. 

Wash  the  face  in  a  solution  composed  of  one  teaspoon- 
ful  of  carbolic  acid  to  a  pint  of  water.  This  is  an  ex- 
cellent purifying  lotion,  and  may  be  used  on  the  most 
delicate  skin.  Be  careful  not  to  get  any  of  it  in  the 
eyes  as  it  will  weaken  them. 

One  tablespoonf  ul  of  borax  to  half  a  pint  of  water  is 
an  excellent  remedy  for  cutaneous  eruptions,  canker, 
ringworm,  etc. 

Pulverize  a  piece  of  alum  the  size  of  a  walnut,  dissolve 
it  in  one  ounce  of  lemon  juice,  and  add  one  ounce  of 
alcohol.  Apply  once  or  twice  a  day. 

Mix  two  ounces  of  rose-water  with  one  dram  of  sul- 
phate of  zinc.  Wet  the  face  gently  and  let  it  dry. 
Then  touch  the  affected  part  with  cream. 

WASH  FOR  THE  COMPLEXION. 

A  teaspoonf  ul  of  the  flour  of  sulphur  and  a  wine-glass- 
ful of  lime-water,  well  shaken  and  mixed;  half  a  wine- 
glass of  glycerine  and  a  wine-glass  of  rose  water.  Rub 
it  on  the  face  every  night  before  going  to  bed.  Shake 
well  before  using. 

Another  prescription,  used  by  hunters  to  keep  away 
the  bla,ck  flies  and  mosquitoes,  is  said  to  leave  the  skin 
very  clear  and  fair,  and  is  as  follows:  Mix  one  spoon- 
ful of  the  best  tar  in  a  pint  of  pure  olive  oil  or  almond 
oil,  by  heating  the  two  together  in  a  tin  cup  set  in  boil- 
ing water.  Stir  till  completely  mixed  and  smooth,  put- 
ting in  more  oil  if  the  compound  is  too  thick  to  run 


374  TOILET   RECIPES. 

easily.  Rub  this  on  the  face  when  going  to  bed,  and 
lay  patches  of  soft  cloth  on  the  cheeks  and  forehead  to 
keep  the  tar  from  rubbing  off.  The  bed  linen  must 
be  protected  by  cloth  folded  and  thrown  over  the 
pillows. 

The  whites  of  four  eggs  boiled  in  rose-water;  half  an 
ounce  of  alum;  halt  an  ounce  of  sweet  almonds;  beat 
the  whole  together  until  it  assumes  the  consistency  of 
paste.  Spread  upon  a  silk  or  muslin  mask,  to  be  worn 
at  night. 

Take  a  small  piece  of  the  gum  benzoin  and  boil  it  in 
spirits  of  wine  till  it  becomes  a  rich  tincture.  In  using 
it  pour  fifteen  drops  into  a  glass  of  water,  wash  the  face 
and  hands  and  allow  it  to  dry. 

BORACIC  ACID  FOR  SKIN  DISEASES. 

Boracic  acid  has  been  used  with  great  success  as  an 
external  application  in  the  treatment  of  vegetable  para- 
sitic diseases  of  the  skin.  A  solution  of  a  dram  of  the 
acid  to  an  ounce  of  water,  or  as  much  of  the  acid  as  the 
water  will  take  up,  is  found  to  meet  the  requirements  of 
the  case  satisfactorily.  The  affected  parts  should  be 
well  bathed  in  the  solution  twice  a  day  and  well  rubbed. 

TO  SOFTEN  THE  SKIN. 

Mix  half  an  ounce  of  glycerine  with  half  an  ounce  of 
alcohol,  and  add  four  ounces  of  rose-water.  Shake  well 
together  and  it  is  ready  for  use.  This  is  a  splendid 
remedy  for  chapped  hands 


TOILET    RECIPES.  375 

REMEDY   FOR  RINGWORM. 

Apply  a  solution  of  the  root  of  common  narrow- 
leafed  dock,  which  belongs  to  the  botanical  genus  of 
Mumex.  Use  vinegar  for  the  solvent. 

Dissolve  a  piece  of  sulphate  of  potash,  the  size  of  a 
walnut,  in  one  ounce  of  water.  Apply  night  and  morn- 
ing for  a  couple  of  days,  and  it  will  disappear. 

TO  REMOVE  SUNBURN. 

Take  two  drams  of  borax,  one  dram  of  alum,  one 
Jram  of  camphor,  half  an  ounce  of  sugar-candy,  and  a 
pound  of  ox-gall.  Mix  and  stir  well  for  ten  minutes, 
and  stir  it  three  or  four  times  a  fortnight.  When  clear 
and  transparent,  strain  through  a  blotting  paper  and 
bottle  for  use. 

TO  PREVENT  HAIR  FALLING  OUT. 

Ammonia  one  ounce,  rosemary  one  ounce,  cantharides 
four  drams,  rose-water  four  ounces,  glycerine  one  ounce. 
First  wet  the  head  with  cold  water,  then  apply  the  mix- 
ture, rubbing  briskly. 

Vinegar  of  cantharides  half  an  ounce,  eau-de-cologne 
one  ounce,  rose-water  one  ounce.  The  scalp  should  be 
brushed  briskly  until  it  becomes  red,  and  the  lotion 
should  then  be  applied  to  the  roots  of  the  hair  twice  a 
day. 

TO  BEAUTIFY  THE  HAIR. 

Take  two  ounces  of  olive  oil,  four  ounces  of  good  bay 
rum,  and  one  dram  of  the  oil  of  almonds;  mix  and  shake 
IrelL  This  will  darken  the  hair.* 


376  TOILET   KECIPE8. 

HAIR  OILS. 

Mix  two  ounce  of  castor  oil  with  three  ounces  of 
alcohol,  and  add  two  ounces  of  olive  oil.  Perfume  to 
liking. 

TO  MAKE  POMADES  FOR  THE  HAIR. 

Take  the  marrow  out  of  a  beef  shank  bone,  melt  it  in 
a  vessel  placed  over  or  in  boiling  water,  then  strain  and 
scent  to  liking,  with  ottar  of  roses  or  other  perfume. 

Unsalted  lard  five  ounces,  olive  oil  two  and  a  half 
ounces,  castor  oil  one-quarter  ounce,  yellow  wax  and 
spermaceti  one-quarter  ounce.  These  ingredients  are  to 
be  liquified  over  a  warm  bath,  and  when  cool,  perfume 
to  liking. 

Fresh  beef  marrow,  boiled  with  a  little  almond  oil  or 
sweet  oil,  and  scented  with  ottar  of  roses  or  other  mild 
perfume. 

A  transparent  hair  pomade  is  made  as  follows:  Take 
half  a  pint  of  fine  castor  oil  and  an  ounce  of  white  wax. 
Stir  until  it  gets  cool  enough  to  thicken,  when  perfume 
may  be  stirred  in;  geranium,  bergamot  or  lemon  oil  may 
be  used. 

GERMAN  METHOD  OF  TREATING  THE  HAIR. 

The  women  of  Germany  have  remarkably  fine  and 
luxuriant  hair.  The  following  is  their  method  of  man- 
aging it:  About  once  in  two  or  three  weeks,  boil  for 
half  an  hour  or  more  a  large  handful  of  bran  in  a  quart 
of  soft  water;  strain  into  a  basin,  and  when  tepid,  rub 
into  the  water  a  little  white  soap.  With  this  wash  the 


TOILET   RECIPES.  377 

head  thoroughly,  using  a  soft  linen  cloth  or  towel,  thor- 
oughly dividing  the  hair  so  as  to  reach  the  roots.  Then 
take  the  yolk  of  an  egg,  slightly  beaten  in  a  saucer,  and 
with  the  fingers  rub  it  into  the  roots  of  the  hair.  Let 
it  remain  a  few  minutes,  and  then  wash  it  off  entirely 
with  a  cloth  dipped  in  pure  water.  Rinse  the  head  well 
till  the  yolk  of  the  egg  has  disappeared  from  it,  then 
wipe  and  rub  it  dry  with  a  towel,  and  comb  the  hair  from 
the  head,  parting  it  with  the  fingers,  then  apply  some 
soft  pomatum.  In  winter  it  is  best  to  do  all  this  in  a 
warm  room. 

TO  KEEP  THE  HAIR  FROM  TURNING  GREY. 

Take  the  hulls  of  butternuts,  about  four  ounces,  and 

infuse  in  a  quart  of  water,  and  to  this  add  half  an  ounce 

.  of  copperas.     Apply  with  a  soft  brush  every  two  or  three 

days.     This  preparation  is  harmless,  and  is  far  better 

than  those  dyes  made  of  nitrate  of  silver. 

Oxide  of  bismuth  four  drams,  spermaceti  four  drams, 
pure  hog's  lard  four  ounces.  Melt  the  two  last  and  add 
the  first. 

TO  CLEANSE  THE  HAIR  AND  SCALP. 

Beat  up  a  fresh  egg  and  rub  it  well  into  the  hair,  or 
if  more  convenient,  rub  it  into  the  hair  without  beating. 
Rub  the  egg  in  until  a  lather  is  formed,  occasionally 
wetting  the  hands  in  warm  water  softened  by  borax. 
By  the  time  a  lather  is  formed,  the  scalp  is  clean,  then 
rinse  the  egg  all  out  in  a  basin  of  warm  water,  contain- 
ing a  tablespoonful  of  powdered  borax:  after  that  rinse 
in  a  basin  of  clean  water. 


378  TOILET   RECIPES. 


HAIR    WASH. 

Bay  nun  six  ounces,  aromatic  spirits  of  ammonia  half 
an  ounce,  bergamot  oil  six  drops.  Mix. 

TO    MAKE    THE    HAIR     GROW. 

If  the  head  be  perfectly  bald,  nothing  will  ever  cause 
the  hair  to  grow  again.  If  the  scalp  be  glossy,  and  no 
small  hairs  are  discernible,  the  roots  or  follicles  are 
dead,  and  can  not  be  resuscitated.  However  if  small 
hairs  are  to  be  seen,  there  is  hope.  Brush  well,  and 
bathe  the  bald  spot  three  or  four  times  a  week  with 
cold,  soft  water;  carbonate  of  ammonia  one  dram,  tinc- 
ture of  cantharides  four  drams,  bay  rum  four  ounces, 
castor  oil  two  ounces.  Mix  well  and  use  it  every  day. 

SEA   FOAM    OR    DRY  SHAMPOO. 

Take  a  pint  of  alcohol,  half  pint  of  bay  rum,  and  half 
an  ounce  of  spirits  of  ammonia,  and  one  dram  of  salts 
tartar.  Shake  well  together  and  it  is  ready  for  use. 
Pour  a  quantity  on  the  head,  rub  well  with  the  palm 
of  the  hand.  It  will  produce  a  thick  foam,  and  will 
cleanse  the  scalp.  This  is  used  generally  by  first-class 
barbers. 

BARBER'S  SHAMPOO. 

To  one  pint  of  warm  water  add  half  an  ounce  of  salts 
tartar.  Cut  up  very  fine  a  piece  of  castile  soap,  the  size 
of  two  crackers,  and  mix  it,  shaking  the  mixture  well. 
and  it  is  ready  for  use. 


TOILET    RECIPES.  379 

CLEANING  GOLD  JEWELRY. 

Gold  ornaments  may  be  kept  bright  and  clean  with 
soap  and  warm  water,  scrubbing  them  well  with  a  soft 
nail  brush.  They  may  be  dried  in  sawdust  of  box- wood. 
Imitation  jewelry  may  be  treated  in  the  same  way. 

TO  LOOSEN  STOPPERS  OF  TOILET  BOTTLES. 

Let  a  drop  of  pure  oil  flow  round  the  stopper  and  let 
the  bottle  stand  a  foot  or  two  from  the  fire.  After  a 
time  tap  the  stopper  smartly,  but  not  too  hard,  with  the 
handle  of  a  hair  brush.  If  this  is  not  effectual,  use  a 
fresh  drop  of  oil  and  repeat  the  process.  It  is  almost 
sure  to  succeed. 

TO  MAKE  BANDOLINE. 

Half  a  pint  of  water,  rectified  spirits  with  an  equal 
quantity  of  water  three  ounces,  gum  tragacanth  one  and 
a  half  drams.  Add  perfume,  let  the  mixture  stand  for 
a  day  or  two  and  then  strain. 

Simmer  an  ounce  of  quince  seed  in  a  quart  of  water 
for  forty  minutes,  strain,  cool,  add  a  few  drops  of  scent, 
and  bottle,  corking  tightly. 

Iceland  moss  one-fourth  of  on  ounce,  boiled  in  a  quart 
of  water,  and  a  little  rectified  spirit  added,  so  that  it 
will  keep. 

TO  MAKE  LIP-SALVE. 

Melt  in  a  jar  placed  in  a  basin  of  boiling  water  a 
quarter  of  an  ounce  each  of  white  wax  and  spermaceti, 
flour  of  benzoin  fifteen  grains,  and  half  an  ounce  of  the 


380  TOILET   RECIPES. 

oil  of  almonds.     Stir  till  the  mixture  is  cool.     Color  red 
with  alkanet  root. 

TO  CLEAN  KID  BOOTS. 

Mix  a  little  white  of  egg  and  ink  in  a  bottle,  so  that 
the  composition  may  be  well  shaken  up  when  required 
for  use.  Apply  to  the  kid  with  a  piece  of  sponge  and 
rub  dry.  The  best  thing  to  rub  dry  with  is  the  palm  of 
the  hand.  When  the  kid  shows  symptoms  of  cracking, 
rub  in  a  few  drops  of  sweet  oil.  The  soles  and  heels 
fiouJd  be  polished  with  common  blacking. 

TO  CLEAN  PATENT-LEATHEE  BOOTS. 

In  cleaning  patent-leather  boots,  first  remove  all  the 
dirt  upon  them  with  a  sponge  or  flannel;  then  the  boot 
should  be  rubbed  lightly  over  with  a  paste  consisting  of 
two  spoonfuls  of  cream  and  one  of  linseed  oil,  both  of 
which  require  to  be  warmed  before  being  mixed.  Pol- 
ish with  a  soft  cloth. 

TO  REMOVE  STAINS  AND  SPOTS  FROM  SILK. 

Boil  five  ounces  of  soft  water  and  six  ounces  of  pow- 
dered alum  for  a  short  time,  and  pour  it  into  a  vessel  to 
cool.  Warm  it  for  use,  and  wash  the  stained  part  with 
it  and  leave  dry. 

Wash  the  soiled  part  with  ether,  and  the  grease  will 
disappear. 

We  often  find  that  lemon- juice,  vinegar,  oil  of  vitriol 
and  other  sharp  corrosives,  stain  dyed  garments.  Some- 


TOILET   RECIPES.  38 1 

times,  by  adding  a  little  pearlash  to  a  soap-lather  and 
passing  the  silks  through  these,  the  faded  color  will  be 
restored.  Pearlash  and  warm  water  will  sometimes  do 
alone,  but  it  is  the  most  efficacious  to  use  the  soap-lather 
and  pearlash  together. 

TOOTHACHE  PREVENTIVE. 

Use  flower  of  sulphur  as  a  tooth  powder  every  night, 
rubbing  the  teeth  and  gums  with  a  rather  hard  tooth- 
brush. If  done  after  dinner,  too,  all  the  better.  It  pre- 
serves the  teeth  and  does  not  communicate  any  smell 
whatever  to  the  mouth. 

HOW  TO  WHITEN  LINEN. 

Stains  occasioned  by  fruit,  iron  rust  and  other  similar 
causes  may  be  removed  by  applying  to  the  parts  injured 
a  weak  solution  of  the  chloride  of  lime,  the  cloth  having 
been  previously  well  washed.  The  parts  subjected  to 
this  operation  should  be  subsequently  rinsed  in  soft, 
clear,  warm  water,  without  soap,  and  be  immediately 
dried  in  the  sun. 

Oxalic  acid  diluted  with  water  will  accomplish  the 
same  end. 

TO  TAKE  STAINS   OUT  OF  SILK. 

Mix  together  in  a  vial  two  ounces  of  essence  of  lemon 
and  one  ounce  of  oil  of  turpentine.  Grease  and  other 
spots  in  silk  must  be  rubbed  gently  with  a  linen  rag 
dipped  in  the  above  composition.  To  remove  acid 
stains  from  silks,  apply  with  a  soft  rag;  spirits  of  am- 
monia. 


382  TOILET   RECIPES. 

TO  REMOVE  STAINS  FROM   WHITE  COTTON  GOODS. 

For  mildew,  rub  in  salt  and  some  buttermilk,  and  ex- 
pose it  to  the  influence  of  a  hot  sun.  Chalk  and  soap  or 
lemon  juice  and  salt  are  also  good.  As  fast  as  the  spots 
become  dry,  more  should  be  rubbed  on,  and  the  garment 
should  be  kept  in  the  sun  until  the  spots  disappear. 
Some  one  of  the  preceding  things  will  extract  most 
kinds  of  stains,  but  a  hot  sun  is  necessary  to  render  any 
one  of  them  effectual. 

Scalding  water  will  remove  fruit  stains.  So  also  will 
hartshorn  diluted  with  warm  water,  but  it  will  be  nec- 
essary to  apply  it  several  times. 

Common  salt  rubbed  on  fruit  stains  before  they  be- 
come dry  will  extract  them. 

Colored  cotton  goods  that  have  ink  spilled  on  them, 
should  be  soaked  in  lukewarm  sour  milk. 

TO  REMOVE  SPOTS  OF  PITCH  OR  TAR. 

Scrape  off  all  the  pitch  or  tar  you  can,  then  saturate 
the  spots  with  sweet  oil  or  lard;  rub  it  in  well,  and  let 
it  remain  in  a  warm  place  for  an  hour. 

TO  EXTRACT  PAINT  FROM  GARMENTS. 

Saturate  the  spot  with  spirits  of  turpentine,  let  it  re- 
main a  number  of  hours,  then  rub  it  between  the  hands; 
it  will  crumble  away  without  injury  either  to  the  tex- 
ture or  color  of  any  kind  of  woolen,  cotton  or  silk  goods. 


TOILET   RECIPES.  383 

TO  CLEAN  SILKS  AND  RIBBONS. 

Take  equal  quantities  of  soft  lye-soap,  alcohol  or  gin, 
and  molasses.  Put  the  silk  on  a  clean  table  without 
creasing;  rub  on  the  mixture  with  a  flannel  cloth.  Rinse 
the  silk  well  in  cold,  clear  water,  and  hang  it  up  to  dry 
without  wringing.  Iron  it  before  it  gets  dry,  on  the 
wrong  side.  Silks  and  ribbons  treated  in  this  way  will 
look  very  nicely. 

Camphene  will  extract  grease  and  clean  ribbons  with- 
out changing  the  color  of  most  things.  They  should  be 
dried  in  the  open  air  and  ironed  when  pretty  dry. 

The  water  in  which  pared  potatoes  have  been  boiled 
is  very  good  to  wash  black  silks  in;  it  stiffens  and  makes 
them  glossy  and  black. 

Soap-suds  answer  very  well.  They  should  be  washed 
in  two  suds  and  not  rinsed  in  clean  water. 

REMEDY  FOR  BURNT  KID  OR  LEATHER  SHOES. 

If  a  lady  has  had  the  misfortune  to  put  her  shoes  or 
slippers  too  near  the  stove,  and  thus  had  them  burned, 
she  can  make  them  nearly  as  good  as  ever  by  spreading 
soft-soap  upon  them  while  they  are  still  hot,  and  then, 
when  they  are  cold,  washing  it  off.  It  softens  the 
leather  and  prevents  it  drawing  up. 

REMEDY  FOR   CORNS. 

Soak  the  feet  for  half  an  hour  two  or  three  nights  suc- 
cessively in  a  pretty  strong  solution  of  common  soda. 
The  alkali  dissolves  the  indurated  cuticle  and  the  corn 


384  TOILET   KECIPES. 

comes  away,  leaving   a  little  cavity  which,   however, 
won  fills  up. 

Corns  between  the  toes  are  generally  more  painful 
than  others,  and  are  frequently  so  situated  as  to  be 
almost  inaccessible  to  the  usual  remedies.  They  may 
be  cured  by  wetting  them  several  times  a  day  with 
spirits  of  ammonia. 

INFLAMED  EYELIDS. 

Take  a  slice  of  stale  bread,  cut  as  thin  as  possible, 
toast  both  sides  well,  but  do  not  burn  it;  when  cold  soak 
it  in  cold  water,  then  put  it  between  a  piece  of  old  linen 
and  apply,  changing  when  it  gets  warm. 

TO  MAKE  COLD  CREAM. 

Melt  in  a  jar  two  ounces  of  white  wax,  half  an  ounce 
of  spermaceti,  and  mix  with  a  pint  of  sweet  oil.  Add 
perfume  to  suit. 

Melt  together  an  ounce  of  white  wax,  half  an  ounce 
of  spermaceti,  and  mix  with  a  pint  of  oil  of  sweet 
almonds  and  half  a  pint  of  rose-water.  Beat  to  a  paste. 

TO  MAKE  ROSE-WATER. 

Take  half  an  ounce  of  powdered  white  sugar  and  two 
drams  of  magnesia.  With  these  mix  twelve  drops  of 
ottar  of  roses.  Add  a  quart  of  water,  two  ounces  of 
alcohol,  mix  in  a  gradual  manner,  and  filter  through 
blotting  paper. 


TOILET    RECIPES.  385 

HOW  TO  WASH  LACES. 

Take  a  quart  bottle  and  cover  it  over  with  the  leg  of 
a  soft,  firm  stocking,  sew  it  tightly  above  and  below, 
fhen  wind  the  collar  or  lace  smoothly  around  the  cov- 
ered bottle;  take  a  fine  needle  and  thread  and  sew  very 
carefully  around  the  outer  edge  of  the  collar  or  lace, 
catching  every  loop  fast  to  the  stocking.  Then  shake 
the  bottle  up  and  down  in  a  pailful  of  warm  soap-suds, 
occasionally  rubbing  the  soiled  places  with  a  soft  sponge. 
It  must  be  rinsed  well  after  the  same  manner  in  clean 
water.  When  the  lace  is  clean,  apply  a  very  weak  solu- 
tion of  gum  arabic  and  stand  the  bottle  in  the  sunshine 
to  dry.  Take  off  the  lace  very  carefully  when  perfectly 
dry.  Instead  of  ironing,  lay  it  between  the  white  leaves 
of  a  heavy  book;  or,  if  you  are  in  a  hurry,  iron  on  flan- 
nel between  a  few  thicknesses  of  fine  muslin.  Done  up 
in  this  way,  lace  collars  will  wear  longer,  stay  clean 
longer,  and  have  a  rich,  new,  lacy  look  that  they  will 
not  have  othei'wise. 

HOW  TO  DARKEN  FADED  FALSE  HAIR. 

The  switches,  curls  and  frizzes  which  fashion  demands 
should  be  worn,  will  fade  in  course  of  time;  and  though 
they  matched  the  natural  hair  perfectly  at  first,  they 
will  finally  present  a  lighter  tint.  If  the  hair  is  brown 
this  can  be  remedied.  Obtain  a  yard  of  dark  brown 
calico.  Boil  it  until  the  color  has  well  come  out  into 
the  water.  Then  into  this  water  dip  the  hair,  and*take 

25 


TOILET   RECIPES. 

it  out  and  dry  it.     Repeat  the  operation  until  it  shall  be 
of  the  required  depth  of  shade. 

PUTTING  AWAY  FURS  FOR  THE  SUMMER. 

When  you  are  ready  to  put  away  furs  and  woolens, 
and  want  to  guard  against  the  depredations  of  moths, 
pack  them  securely  in  paper  flour  sacks  and  tie  them  up 
well.  This  is  better  than  camphor  or  tobacco  or  snuff 
scattered  among  them  in  chests  and  drawers.  Before 
putting  your  muffs  away  for  the  summer,  twirl  them  by 
the  cord  at  the  ends,  so  that  every  hair  will  straighten. 
Put  them  in  their  boxes  and  paste  a  strip  of  paper  where 
the  lid  fits  on. 

TO  KEEP  THE  HAIR  IN  CURL. 

To  keep  the  hair  in  curl  take  a  few  quince-seed,  boil 
them  in  water,  and  add  perfumery  if  you  like;  wet  the 
hair  with  this  and  it  will  keep  in  curl  longer  than  from 
the  use  of  any  other  preparation.  It  is  also  good  to 
keep  the  hair  in  place  on  the  forehead  on  going  out  in 
the  wind. 

PROTECTION  AGAINST  MOTHS. 

Dissolve  two  ounces  of  camphor  in  half  a  pint  each  of 
alcohol  and  spirits  of  turpentine;  keep  in  a  stone  bottle 
and  shake  before  using.  Dip  blotting  paper  in  the 
liquid,  and  place  in  the  box  with  the  articles  to  be  pre- 
served. 

TO  TAKE  MILDEW  OUT  OF  LINEN. 

Wet  the  linen  in  soft  water,  rub  it  well  with  white 
soap,  then  scrape  some  fine  chalk  to  powder,  and  rub  it 


TOILET   KECIPE8.  387 

well  into  the  linen;  lay  it  out  on  the  grass  in  the  sun- 
shine, watching  to  keep  it  damp  with  soft  water.  Re- 
peat the  process  the  next  day,  and  in  a  few  hours  the 
mildew  will  entirely  disappear., 

CURE  FOB  INGROWING  NAILS  ON  TOES. 

Take  a  little  tallow  and  put  it  into  a  spoon,  and  heat 
it  over  a  lamp  until  it  becomes  very  hot;  then  pour  it 
on  the  sore  or  granulation.  The  effect  will  be  almost 
magical.  The  pain  and  tenderness  will  at  once  be  re- 
lieved. The  operation  causes  very  little  pain  if  the  tal- 
low is  perfectly  heated.  Perhaps  a  repetition  may  be 
necessary  in  some  cases. 

TO  REMOVE  GREASE-SPOTS  FROM  WOOLEN  CLOTH. 

Take  one  quart  of  spirits  of  wine  or  alcohol,  twelve 
drops  of  winter  green,  one  gill  of  beef-gall  and  &ii. 
cents'  worth  of  lavendar.  A  little  alkanet  to  color  if 
you  wish.  Mix. 

TO  CLEAN  WOOLEN  CLOTH. 

Take  equal  parts  of  spirits  hartshorn  and  ether.  Ox- 
gall  mixed  with  it  makes  it  better. 

TO  TAKE  INK-SPOTS  FROM  LINEN. 

Take  a  piece  of  mould  candle  of  the  finest  kind,  melt 
it,  and  dip  the  spotted  part  of  the  linen  in  the  melted 
tallow:  Then  throw  the  linen  into  the  wash. 


388  TOILET   RECIPES. 

TO  REMOVE  FRUIT-STAINS. 

Moisten  the  parts  stained  with  cold  water;  then  hold 
it  over  the  smoke  of  burning  brimstone,  and  the  stain 
will  disappear.  This  will  remove  iron  mould  also. 

CLEANING  SILVER. 

For  cleaning  silver,  either  articles  of  personal  wear  or 
those  pertaining  to  the  toilet-table  or  dressing-case, 
there  is  nothing  better  than  a  spoonful  of  common 
whiting,  carefully  pounded  so  as  to  be  without  lumps, 
reduced  to  a  paste  with  gin. 

TO  REMOVE  GREASE  SPOTS. 

French  chalk  is  useful  for  removing  grease-spots  from 
clothing.  Spots  on  silk  will  sometimes  yield  if  a  piece 
of  blotting-paper  is  placed  over  them  and  the  blade  of 
a  knife  is  heated  (not  too  much)  and  passed  over  the 
paper. 

TO  REMOVE  A  TIGHT  RING. 

When  a  ring  happens  to  get  so  tight  on  a  finger  that 
it  cannot  be  removed,  a  piece  of  string,  well  soaped, 
may  be  wound  tightly  round  the  finger,  commencing 
at  the  end  of  the  finger  and  continued  until  the  ring  is 
reached.  Then  force  the  end  of  the  twine  between  the 
ring  and  finger,  and  as  the  string  is  unwound,  the  ring 
will  be  gradually  forced  off. 

MOSQUITOES  WARDED  OFF. 

To  ward  off  mosquitoes,  apply  to  the  skin  a  solution 
made  of  fifty  drops  of  carbolic  acid  to  an  ounce  of 


TOILET   RECIPES.  389 

glycerine.  Mosquito  bites  may  be  instantly  cured  by 
touching  them  with  the  solution.  Add  two  or  three 
drops  of  the  ottar  of  roses  to  disguise  the  smell.  The 
pure,  crystalized  form  of  the  acid  has  a  less  powerful 
odor  than  the  common  preparation. 

LINIMENT  FOR  THE  FACE  AFTER  SHAVING. 

One  ounce  of  lime  water,  one  ounce  of  sweet  oil,  one 
drop  oil  of  roses,  is  a  good  liniment  for  th^  face  after 
shaving.  Shake  well  before  using.  Apply  with  the 
forefinger. 

TO  REMOVE  SUNBURN. 

Wash  thoroughly  with  milk  of  almonds,  which  can  be 
obtained  at  the  drug  store. 

TO  WHITEN  THE  FINGER  NAILS. 

Take  two  drams  of  dilute  sulphuric  acid,  one  dram  of 
the  tincture  of  myrrh,  four  ounces  of  spring  water,  and 
mix  in  a  bottle.  After  washing  the  hands,  dip  the 
fingers  in  a  little  of  the  mixture.  Rings  with  stories 
or  pearls  in  them  should  be  removed  before  using  this 
mixture. 

TO  REMOVE  TAN. 

Tan  can  be  removed  from  the  face  by  dissolving  mag- 
nesia in  soft  water.  Beat  it  to  a  thick  mass,  spread  it 
on  the  face,  and  let  it  remain  a  minute  or  two.  Then 
wash  oS.  with  castile  soapsuds  and  rinse  with  soft  water. 


390  TOILET   RECIPES. 

TO  CUKE  WARTS. 

Take  a  piece  of  raw  beef  steeped  in  vinegar  for 
twenty-four  hours,  *ie  i*  on  the  part  affected.  Apply 
each  night  loi  two  weeks. 

REMEDY  FOR  IN-GROWING  TOE-NAILS. 

The  best  remedy  for  in-growing  toe-nails  is  to  cut  a 
notch  about  the  shape  of  a  V  in  the  end  of  the  nail, 
about  one-quarter  the  width  of  the  nail  from  the  in- 
growing side.  Cut  down  as  nearly  to  the  quick  as  pos- 
sible, and  one-third  the  length  of  the  nail.  The  press- 
ure of  the  boot  or  shoe  will  tend  to  close  the  opening 
you  have  made  in  the  nail,  and  this  soon  affords  relief. 
Allow  the  in-growing  portion  of  the  nail  to  grow  with- 
out cutting  it,  until  it  gets  beyond  the  flesh. 

TO  REMOVE  WRINKLES. 

Melt  one  ounce  of  white  wax,  add  two  ounces  of  juice 
of  lily-bulbs,  two  ounces  of  honey,  two  drams  of  rose- 
water,  and  a  drop  or  two  of  ottar  of  roses.  Use  it  twice 
a  day. 

Put  powder  of  best  myrrh  upon  an  iron  plate  suffici- 
ently hot  to  melt  the  gum  gently,  and  when  it  liquefies^ 
cover  over  your  head  with  a  napkin,  and  hold  your  face 
over  the  fumes  at  a  distance  that  will  cause  you  no  in- 
convenience. If  it  produces  headache,  discontinue  its 
use. 

In,  washing,  use  warm  instead  of  cold  water. 


TOILET    BECIPES.  391 

EEMEDY  FOR  CHAPPED  HANDS. 

After  washing  with  soap,  rinse  the  hands  in  fresh 
water  and  dry  them  thoroughly,  by  applying  Indian 
meal  or  rice  flour. 

Lemon- juice  three  ounces,  white  wine  vinegar  three 
ounces,  and  white  brandy  half  a  pint. 

Add  ten  drops  of  carbolic  acid  to  one  ounce  of 
glycerine,  and  apply  freely  at  night. 

TO  CUBE  CHILBLAINS. 

Two  tablespoonfuls  of  lime  water  mixed  with  enough 
sweet  oil  to  make  it  as  thick  as  lard.  Rub  the  chilblains 
with  the  mixture  and  dry  it  in,  then  wrap  up  in  linen. 

Bathe  the  chilblains  in  strong  alum  water,  as  hot  as  it 
can  be  borne. 

When  indications  of  the  chilblains  first  present  them- 
selves, take  vinegar  three  ounces  and  camphorated  spirits 
of  wine  one  ounce;  mix  and  rub  on  the  parts  affected. 

Bathe  the  feet  in  warm  water,  in  which  two  or  three 
handsf ul  of  common  salt  have  been  dissolved. 

Rub  with  a  raw  onion  dipped  in  salt. 

HAIR  RESTORATIVE. 

The  oil  of  mace  one-half  ounce,  mixed  with  a  pint  of 
deodorized  alcohol,  is  a  powerful  stimulant  for  the  hair. 
To  apply  it,  pour  a  spoonful  or  two  into  a  saucer,  dip  a 
stiff  brush  into  it  and  brush  the  hair  and  head  smartly. 

On  bald  heads,  if  hair  will  start  at  all,  it  may  be 
stimulated  by  friction  with  a  piece  of  flannel  till  the  skin 


392  TOILET    RECIPES. 

becomes  red.  Repeat  this  process  three  times  a  day, 
until  the  hair  begins  to  grow,  when  the  tincture  may  be 
applied  but  once  a  day,  till  the  growth  is  well  estab- 
lished. The  head  should  be  bathed  in  cold  water  every 
morning,  and  briskly  brushed  to  bring  the  blood  to  the 
surface. 

WASH  FOR  THE  TEETH. 

Dissolve  two  ounces  of  borax  in  three  pints  of  warm 
water.  Before  the  water  is  quite  cold,  add  one  tea- 
spoonful  of  spirits  of  camphor.  Bottle  the  mixture  for 
use.  One  wine-glass  of  the  mixture,  added  to  half  a 
pint  of  tepid  water,  is  sufficient  for  each  application. 
This  solution  used  daily,  beautifies  and  preserves  the 
teeth. 

FOR  WHITENING  THE  HANDS. 

A  wine-glass  of  cologne  and  one  of  lemon-juice 
strained  clear.  Scrape  two  cakes  of  brown  Windsor 
soap  to  a  powder  and  mix  well  in  a  mould.  When  hard, 
it  is  fit  for  use,  and  will  be  found  excellent  for  whiten- 
ing the  hands. 

Wear  during  the  night,  large  cloth  mittens  filled  with 
wet  bran  or  oatmeal,  and  tied  closely  at  the  wrist. 
Persons  who  have  a  great  deal  of  house-work  to  do,  may 
keep  their  hands  soft  and  white  by  wearing  bran  or  oat- 
meal mittens. 

TO  REDUCE  THE  FLESH. 

A  strong  decoction  of  sassafras,  drank  frequently, 
will  reduce  the  flesh  as  rapidly  as  any  remedy  known. 
A  strong  infusion  is  made  at  the  rate  of  an  ounce  of 


TOILET    RECIPES.  393 

sassafras  to  a  quart  of  water.  Boil  it  half  an  hour  very 
slowly,  and  let  it  stand  till  cold,  heating  again  if  desired. 
Keep  it  from  the  air. 

SMOOTH  AND  SOFT  HANDS. 

A  few  drops  of  glycerine  thoroughly  rubbed  over  the 
hands,  after  washing  them,  will  keep  them  smooth  and 
soft. 

TO  MAKE  TINCTURE  OP  ROSES. 

Take  the  leaves  of  the  common  rose  and  place,  with- 
out pressing  them,  in  a  glass  bottle,  then  pour  some 
spirits  of  wine  on  them,  close  the  bottle  and  let  it  stand 
till  required  for  use.  Its  perfume  is  nearly  equal  to 
that  of  ottar  of  roses. 

SOFT  CORNS. 

A  weak  solution  of  carbolic  acid  will  heal  soft  corns 
between  the  toes. 

BUKNED  EYEBROWS. 

Five  grains  sulphate  of  quinine  dissolved  in  an  ounce 
of  alcohol,  will,  if  applied,  cause  eyebrows  to  grow  when 
burned  off  by  the  fire. 

TO  RESTORE  GRAY  HAIR. 

A  recipe  for  restoring  gray  hair  to  its  natural  color, 
said  to  be  very  effective,  when  the  hair  is  changing  color, 
is  as  follows:  One  pint  of  water,  one  ounce  tincture  of 
acetate  of  iron,  half  an  ounce  of  glycerine,  and  five 
grains  sulphuret  potassium.  Mix  and  let  the  bottle 


394  TOILET   KEOIPE8. 

stand  open  until  the  smell  of  the  potassium  has  disap- 
peared, then  add  a  few  drops  of  ottar  of  roses.  Rub  a 
little  into  the  hair  daily,  and  it  will  restore  its  color  and 
benefit  the  health. 

Bathing  the  head  in  a  strong  solution  of  rock  salt,  is 
said  to  restore  gray  hair  in  some  cases.  Make  the  solu- 
tion two  heaping  tablespoonfuls  of  salt  to  a  quart  of 
boiling  water,  and  let  it  stand  until  cold  before  using. 

A  solution  made  of  a  tablespoonf  ul  of  carbonate  of 
ammonia  to  a  quart  of  water  is  also  recommended, 
wash  the  head  thoroughly  with  the  solution  and  brush 
the  hair  while  wet. 

TO  TAKE  STAINS  OUT  OF  SILKS. 

Make  a  solution  of  two  ounces  of  essence  of  lemon, 
and  one  ounce  oil  of  turpentine.  Rub  the  silk  gently 
with  linen  cloth,  dipped  in  the  solution. 

To  remove  acid  stains  from  silk,  apply  spirits  of  am- 
monia with  a  soft  rag. 

TO  TAKE  INKSPOTS  FROM  LIKEN. 

Dip  the  spotted  part  of  the  linen  in  clean,  pure  melted 
tallow,  before  being  washed. 

TO  REMOVE  DISCOLORATION  BY  BRUISING. 

Apply  to  the  bruise  a  cloth  wrung  out  of  very  hot 
water,  and  renew  frequently  until  the  pain  ceases. 


TOILET   RECIPES.  395 

TO  CLEAN  KID  GLOVES. 

Make  a  solution  of  one  quart  of  distilled  benzine  with 
one-fourth  of  an  ounce  of  carbonate  of  ammonia,  one- 
fourth  of  an  ounce  of  fluid  chloroform,  one-fourth  of  an 
ounce  of  sulphuric  ether.  Pour  a  small  quantity  into  a 
saucer,  put  on  the  gloves,  and  wash,  as  if  washing  the 
hands,  changing  the  solution  until  the  gloves  are  clean. 
Rub  them  clean  and  as  dry  as  possible  with  a  clean  dry 
cloth,  and  take  them  off  and  hang  them  where  there  is 
a  good  current  of  air  to  dry.  This  solution  is  also  ex- 
cellent for  cleaning  ribbons,  silks,  etc.,  and  is  perfectly 
harmless  to  the  most  delicate  tints.  Do  not  get  near 
the  fire  when  using,  as  the  benzine  is  very  inflammable. 

Washing  the  gloves  in  turpentine,  the  same  as  above, 
is  also  a  good  means  of  cleaning  them. 

PERSPIRATION. 

To  remove  the  unpleasant  odor  produced  by  perspira- 
tion, put  two  tablespoonf uls  of  the  compound  spirit  of 
ammonia  in  a  basin  of  water,  and  use  it  for  bathing.  It 
leaves  the  skin  clear,  sweet  and  fresh  as  one  could  wish. 
It  is  perfectly  harmless,  very  cheap,  and  is  recommended 
on  the  authority  of  an  experienced  physician. 

TO  REMOVE  FLESH  WORMS. 

Flesh  worms,  or  little  black  specks,  which  appear  on 
the  nose,  may  be  removed  by  washing  in  warm  water, 
drying  with  a  towel,  and  applying  a  wash  of  cologne 


396  TOILET   KECIPES. 

and  liquor  of  potash,  made  of  three  ounces  of  the  former 
to  one  ounce  of  the  latter. 

CHAPPED  LIPS. 

Oil  of  roses  four  ounces,  white  wax  one  ounce,  sper- 
maceti half  an  ounce^  melt  in-  a  glass  vessel,  stirring 
with  a  wooden  spoon,  and  pour  into  a  china  or  glass  cup. 

RECIPES  FOR  THE  CARE  OF  THE  TEETH. 

A  remedy  for  unsound  gums,  is  a  gargle  made  of  one 
ounce  of  coarsely  powdered  Peruvian  bark  steeped  in 
half  a  pint  of  brandy  for  two  weeks.  Put  a  teaspoonf ul 
of  this  into  a  tablespoonful  of  water,  and  gargle  the 
mouth  twice  a  day. 

The  ashes  of  stale  bread,  thoroughly  burned,  is  said 
to  make  a  good  dentifrice. 

The  teeth  should  be  carefully  brushed  after  every 
meal,  as  a  means  of  preserving  a  sweet  breath.  In 
addition,  a  small  piece  of  licorice  may  be  dissolved  in 
the  mouth,  which  corrects  the  effects  of  indigestion. 
Licorice  has  no  smell,  but  simply  corrects  ill-flavored 
odor. 

A  good  way  to  clean  teeth  is  to  dip  the  brush  in 
water,  rub  it  over  white  castile  soap,  then  dip  it  in  pre- 
pared chalk,  and  brush  the  teeth  briskly. 

To  beautify  the  teeth,  dissolve  two  ounces  of  borax 
in  three  pints  of  boiling  water,  and  before  it  is  cold,  add 
one  teaspoonful  of  spirits  of  camphor;  bottle  for  use. 
Use  a  teaspoonful  of  this  with  an  equal  quantity  of  warm 
water. 


TOILET    RECIPES.  397 

TO  MAKE  COLD  CREAM. 

Five  ounces  oil  of  sweet  almonds,  three  ounces  sperma- 
ceti, half  an  ounce  of  white  wax,  and  three  to  five  drops 
ottar  of  roses.  Melt  together  in  a  shallow  dish  over  hot 
water.  Strain  through  a  piece  of  muslin  when  melted, 
and  as  it  begins  to  cool,  beat  it  with  a  silver  spoon  until 
cold  and  snowy  white.  For  the  hair  use  seven  ounces 
of  oil  of  almonds  instead  of  five. 

REMEDY  FOR  BLACK  TEETH. 

Take  equal  parts  of  cream  of  tartar  and  salt,  pulverize 
it  and  mix  it  well.  Wash  the  teeth  in  the  morning  and 
rub  them  well  with  the  powder. 

TO  CLEANSE  THE  TEETH  AND  GUMS. 

Take  an  ounce  of  myrrh  in  fine  powder,  two  table- 
spoonfuls  of  honey,  and  a  little  green  sage  in  very  fine 
powder;  mix  them  well  together,  and  wet  the  teeth  and 
gums  with  a  little,  twice  a  day. 


CHAPTER  XXXIV. 


,  (Saraes,  Qmnssmznts. 

HERE  is  a  great  variety  of  games, 
sports  and  amusements  for  both  out- 
door and  in-door  entertainment,  in 
which  both  sexes  mingle  for  pleas- 
ure, and  brief  mention  is  here  made 
of  some  of  these. 

ARCHERY. 

The  interest  that  has  been  recently 
awakened  in  this  country  in  archery,  is 
worthy  of  mention.  As  a  graceful,  health- 
ful and  innocent  sport,  it  has  no  equal  among 
any  of  the  games  that  have  been  introduced, 
where  both  sexes  participate.  Our  young  and 
middle  aged  ladies  too  often  neglect  out-door  physical 
exertion,  which  is  essential  to  acquiring  strength  of 
limbs  and  muscle,  and  a  gracefulness  of  carriage  which 
is  dependent  thereon.  It  is  a  mistaken  idea  that  with 
youth  all  indulgence  in  physical  recreation  should  cease, 
On  the  contrary,  such  exercises  as  are  most  conducive 

(398) 


SPOKTS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS.  399 

to  health,  and  are  attended  with  pleasure,  might  with 
propriety  be  kept  up  by  young  women  as  well  as  by 
young  men,  as  a  means  of  retaining  strength  and  elas- 
ticity of  the  muscles;  and,  instead  of  weak,  trembling 
frames  and  broken  down  constitutions,  in  the  prime  of 
life,  a  bright,  vigorous  old  age  would  be  the  reward. 
The  pursuit  of  archery  is  recommended  to  both  young 
and  old,  male  and  female,  as  having  advantages  far  su- 
perior to  any  of  the  out-door  games  and  exercises,  as  a 
graceful  and  invigorating  pastime,  developing  in  ladies 
a  strong  constitution,  perfection  of  sight  at  long  range, 
and  above  all,  imparting  to  the  figure  a  graceful  appear- 
ance and  perfect  action  of  the  limbs  and  chest.  Let  the 
women  of  this  country  devote  some  of  their  spare  hours 
to  this  pleasant,  health-giving  sport,  and  their  reward 
will  be  bright,  ruddy  faces,  elasticity  of  movement,  and 
strong  and  vigorous  constitutions. 

IMPLEMENTS  FOE  AKCHERY. 

For  the  purposes  of  archery,  the  implements  required 
are  the  bow,  arrows,  targets,  a  quiver  pouch  and  belt, 
an  arm-guard  or  brace,  a  shooting  glove  or  finger  tip, 
and  a  scoring  card. 

The  bow  is  from  five  to  six  feet  long,  made  of  lance- 
wood  or  locust.  Spanish  yew  is  considered  the  choicest, 
next  comes  the  Italian,  then  the  English  yew;  lance- 
wood  and  lancewood  backed  with  hickory  are  used  more 
than  any  other.  In  choosing  a  bow,  get  the  best  you 
can  afford,  it  will  prove  the  cheapest  in  the  end.  Men 
should  use  bows  six  feet  long,  pulling  from  forty  to 


4:00  SPORTS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS. 

sixty  pounds,  and  ladies  bows  of  five  feet  or  five  feet 
six  inches  in  length,  and  pulling  from  twenty-five  to 
forty  pounds.  The  arrows  are  generally  of  uniform 
thickness  throughout,  and  are  made  of  pine;  the  finest 
grades  being  made  of  white  deal,  with  sharp  points  of 
iron  or  brass.  They  are  from  25  to  30  inches  in  length. 
The  quiver  belt  is  worn  round  the  waist,  and  contains 
the  arrows  which  are  being  used.  The  arm  is  protected 
from  the  blow  of  the  string  by  the  "arm-guard,"  a 
broad  guard  of  strong  leather  buckled  on  the  left  wrist 
by  two  straps.  A  shooting-glove  is  worn  on  the  right 
hand  to  protect  the  fingers  from  soreness  in  drawing  the 
string  of  the  bow. 

The  target  consists  of  a  circular,  thick  mat  of  straw, 
from  two  to  four  feet  in  diameter,  covered  with  canvas, 
painted  in  a  series  of  circles.  The  inner  circle  is  a  gold 
color,  then  comes  red,  white,  black,  and  the  outer  circle 
white.  The  score  for  a  gold  hit  is  nine;  the  red  7;  the 
inner  white  5;  the  black  3,  and  the  outer  white  1. 

The  use  of  the  bow  and  arrows,  the  proper  manner  of 
holding  them,  and  directions  for  shooting  are  to  be 
found  in  pamphlets  of  instruction,  which  often  accom- 
pany the  implements. 

ARCHERY  CLUBS  AND  PRACTICE. 

In  many  cities  and  villages  throughout  the  country, 
clubs  have  been  formed,  and  regular  days  for  practice 
and  prize  shooting  are  appointed.  Each  member  of  the 
the  club  is  expected  to  furnish  his  or  her  own  imple- 


SPORTS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS.  401 

ments,  and  to  attend  all  the  practice  meetings  and  prize 
shootings.  The  clubs  are  about  equally  divided  as  to 
ladies  and  gentlemen,  as  both  sexes  participate  equally 
in  the  sport.  The  officers  are  such  as  are  usually  chosen 
in  all  organizations,  with  the  addition  of  a  Lady  Para- 
mount, a  scorer,  and  a  Field  Marshal.  The  lady  para- 
mount is  the  highest  office  of  honor  in  the  club.  She  is 
expected  to  act  as  an  umpire  or  judge  in  all  matters  of 
dispute  that  may  come  up  in  the  club,  and  her  decisions 
must  be  regarded  as  final.  She  is  also  expected  to  do 
all  in  her  power  to  further  the  interests  of  the  organiza- 
tion. A  field  marshal  has  been  appointed  by  some  clubs, 
and  his  duties  are  to  place  the  targets,  measure  the 
shooting  distances,  and  have  general  supervision  of  the 
iield  on  practice  days.  The  scorer  keeps  a  score  of  each 
individual  member  of  the  club. 

In  meeting  for  practice,  it  is  customary  to  have  one 
target  for  every  six,  eight  or  ten  persons,  the  latter 
number  being  sufficient  for  any  one  target.  The  tar- 
gets are  placed  at  any  distance  required,  from  thirty  to 
one  hundred  yards;  ladies  being  allowed  an  advantage 
of  about  one-fourth  the  distance  in  shooting.  To  be- 
ginners, a  distance  of  from  twenty-five  to  forty  yards 
for  gentlemen,  and  twenty  to  thirty  for  ladies,  is  suffi- 
cient, and  this  distance  may  be  increased  as  practice  is 
acquired.  An  equal  number  of  ladies  and  gentlemen 
usually  occupy  one  target,  and  each  shoots  a  certain 
number  of  arrows  as  agreed  upon,  usually  from  three  to 
six,  a  score  being  kept  as  the  target  is  hit.  After  each 
person  has  shot  the  alloted  number  of  arrows,  it  is  re- 


402  EPOETS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS. 

garded  as  an  "end,"  and  a  certain  number  of  ends,  as 
agreed  upon,  constitute  a  "round."  For  prize  shooting, 
the  National  Archery  Association  has  established  three 
rounds,  known  as  the  "York  Round,"  the  "American 
Round,"  and  the  "Columbia  Round"  (for ladies).  The 
"York  Round"  consists  of  72  arrows  at  100  yards,  48 
at  80  yards,  and  24  at  60  yards.  The  "American 
Round"  consists  of  30  arrows,  each  at  60,  50  and  40 
yards  respectively,  and  the  "Columbia  Round"  (for 
ladies),  24  arrows,  each  at  50,  40  and  30  yards  respec- 
tively. A  captain  is  appointed  for  each  target,  who 
designates  a  target  scorer,  and  the  gentleman  who  makes 
the  largest  score,  is  appointed  captain  of  the  target  at 
the  succeeding  meeting.  The  target  scorer,  at  the  close 
of  the  round,  hands  the  score  to  the  official  scorer,  who 
announces  the  result  at  the  next  meeting  of  the  club. 
Some  clubs  have  adopted  the  plan  of  having  every  alter- 
nate meeting  for  prize  shooting,  awarding  some  small 
token  to  the  lady  and  gentleman  who  makes  the  highest 
scores. 

Ladies'  costume  for  archery  may  be  more  brilliant 
than  for  an  ordinary  walking  dress,  and  are  usually 
trimmed  with  green  and  gold  color,  and  in  many  cases 
a  green  jacket  is  worn.  The  costumes  are  short  enough 
for  convenience  in  movement,  and  made  so  as  to  give 
free  and  easy  movement  of  the  arms. 

LAWN-TENNIS. 

Amongst  .all  games,  none,  perhaps  can  so  justly  lay 
claim  to  the  honor  of  antiquity  as  tennis.  The  ancient 


8POKTS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS.  403 

Greeks  played  it,  the  Romans  knew  it  as  pila,  and  ever 
since  those  days,  with  little  intermission,  the  game  has 
been  played  in  many  European  countries.  After  a  long 
season  of  rest,  the  game  has  now  re-appeared  in  all  the 
freshness  of  renewed  youth.  There  are  many  points  to 
be  said  to  commend  tennis.  Both  ladies  and  gentlemen 
can  join  in  the  game,  and  often  the  palm  will  be  borne 
off  by  the  "  weaker,  yet  fairer "  sex.  The  exercise  re- 
quired to  enjoy  the  game  is  not  in  any  way  of  an  ex- 
hausting character,  and  affords  ladies  a  training  in  grace- 
ful and  charming  movements.  Lawn-tennis  may  be 
played  either  in  summer  or  winter,  and  in  cold  weather, 
if  the  ground  be  dry,  is  a  very  agreeable  out-door  rec- 
reation. At  a  croquet  or  garden  party  it  is  certainly  a 
desideratum. 

The  requisites  for  playing  lawn-tennis,  are  a  lawn  or 
level  surface  about  45  by  100  feet,  as  the  "court"  upon 
which  the  playing  is  done  is  27  by  78  feet.  A  net  four 
or  five  feet  in  height  and  27  feet  long,  divides  the  court. 
A  ball  made  of  india  rubber  and  covered  with  cloth, 
and  a  "racket"  for  each  player  are  the  implements 
needed  for  playing.  The  racket  is  used  for  handling 
the  ball,  and  is  about  two  feet  in  length,  with  net  work 
at  the  outer  end,  by  means  of  which  the  ball  is  tossed 
from  one  place  to  another.  Rules  for  playing  the  game 
are  obtained  with  the  implements  needed,  which  can  be 
procured  from  dealers  in  such  lines  of  goods. 


SPORTS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS. 

i 

CROQUET. 

The  game  of  croquet  is  played  by  opposite  parties,  of 
one  or  more  on  a  side,  each  player  being  provided  with 
a  mallet  and  her  own  ball  which  are  distinguished  by 
their  color. 

The  players  in  their  turn  place  their  ball  a  mallet's 
length  from  the  starting  stake,  and  strike  it  with  the  mal- 
let, the  object  being  to  pass  it  through  the  first  one  or  two 
hoops.  The  turning  or  upper  stake  must  be  struck  with 
the  ball  before  the  player  can  pass  her  ball  through  the 
returning  hoops,  and  on  returning  to  the  starting  point 
the  ball  must  hit  the  starting  stake  before  the  player  is 
the  winner.  The  one  who  passes  through  all  the  hoops 
and  gets  her  ball  to  the  starting  stake  first  is  the  winner. 
We  do  not  give  the  rules  of  the  game  as  each  croquet 
set  is  accompanied  by  a  complete  set  of  rules. 

"Where  four  are  playing,  two  of  whom  are  gentlemen, 
one  lady  and  gentleman  usually  play  as  partners.  As  it 
is  the  height  of  ill-manners  to  display  any  rudeness,  no 
lady  or  gentleman  will  be  so  far  forgetful  as  to  be- 
come angry  should  the  opposing  parties  be  found 
"  cheating." 

Invitations  to  a  croquet  party  may  be  of  the  same 
form  as  invitations  to  any  other  party. 

BOATING. 

Where  there  is  a  sufficiently  large  body  or  stream  of 
water  to  admit  of  it,  boating  is  a  very  enjoyable  recre- 
ation, which  may  be  pursued  by  both  ladies  and  gentle- 


SPOETS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS.  405 

men.  There  is  much  danger  in  sailing,  and  the  proper 
management  of  a  sail-boat  requires  considerable  tact 
and  experience.  Rowing  is  safer,  but  caution  should  be 
observed  in  not  over-loading  the  boat.  A  gentleman 
should  not  invite  ladies  to  ride  on  the  water  unless  he  is 
thoroughly  capable  of  managing  the  boat.  Rowing  is 
a  healthful  and  delightful  recreation,  and  many  ladies 
become  expert  and  skillful  at  it.  Every  gentleman 
should  have  some  knowledge  of  rowing,  as  it  is  easily 
acquired.  If  a  gentleman  who  is  inexperienced  in  row- 
ing, goes  out  with  other  gentlemen  in  a  boat,  he  should 
refrain  from  any  attempt  to  row,  as  he  will  only  display 
his  awkwardness,  and  render  the  ride  uncomfortable  to 
his  companions. 

In  rowing  with  a  friend,  it  is  polite  to  offer  him  the 
"  stroke "  oar,  which  is  the  post  of  honor. 

When  two  gentlemen  take  a  party  of  ladies  out  for  a 
row,  one  stands  in  the  boat  to  steady  it  and  offer  assis- 
tance to  the  ladies  in  getting  seated,  and  the  other  aids 
from  the  wharf. 

A  lady's  dress  for  rowing  should  be  one  which  will 
give  perfect  freedom  to  her  arm;  a  short  skirt,  stout 
boots,  and  hat  with  sufficient  brim  to  protect  her  face 
from  the  sun. 

PICNICS. 

While  ladies  and  gentlemen  never  forget  their  good 
manners,  and  are  always  polite  and  courteous,  yet  at 
picnics  they  are  privileged  to  relax  many  of  the  forms 
and  ceremonies  required  by  strict  etiquette.  Here  men 


406  SPORTS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS. 

and  women  mingle  for  a  day  of  pleasure  in  the  woods  or 
fields,  or  on  the  water,  and  it  is  the  part  of  all  who 
attend  to  do  what  they  can  for  their  own  and  their 
neighbor's  enjoyment.  Hence,  formal  introductions 
and  other  ceremonies  need  not  stand  in  the  way  of  en- 
joyment either  by  ladies  or  gentlemen,  and  at  the  same 
time  no  act  of  rudeness  should  occur  to  mar  the  pleas- 
ure of  the  occasion.  It  is  the  duty  of  gentlemen  to  do 
all  they  can  to  make  the  occasion  enjoyable  and  even 
mirthful.  They  should  also  look  to  providing  the  means 
of  conveyance  to  and  from  the  spot  selected  for  the  fes- 
tivities, make  such  arrangements  as  are  necessary  in  the 
way  of  providing  music,  games,  boats,  and  whatever  else 
is  needed  to  enhance  the  pleasure  of  the  day.  The 
ladies  provide  the  luncheon  or  dinner,  which  is  spread 
upon  the  grass  or  eaten  out  of  their  baskets,  and  at 
which  the  restraints  of  the  table  are  withdrawn.  At 
picnics,  gentlemen  become  the  servants  as  well  as  the 
escorts  and  guides  of  the  ladies,  and  perform  such  ser- 
vices for  ladies  in  the  way  of  procuring  flowers,  carrying 
baskets,  climbing  trees,  baiting  their  fish-hooks,  and 
many  other  things  as  are  requested  of  them. 

PBIVATE  THEATRICALS. 

Private  theatricals  may  be  made  very  pleasing  and 
instructive  entertainments  for  fall  or  winter  evenings, 
among  either  young  or  married  people.  They  include 
charades,  proverbs,  tableaux,  dramatic  readings,  and 
the  presentation  of  a  short  dramatical  piece,  and  may 


SPORTS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS.  407 

successfully  be  given  in  the  parlor  or  drawing  room. 
The  hostess  seeks  the  aid  of  friends  in  the  preparation 
of  her  arrangements,  and  if  a  drama  has  been  deter- 
mined upon,  she  assigns  the  various  parts  to  each. 
Her  friends  should  aid  her  in  her  efforts  by  giving  her 
all  the  assistance  they  can,  and  by  willingly  and  good- 
naturedly  complying  with  any  request  she  may  make, 
accepting  the  parts  allotted  to  them,  even  if  they  are 
obscure  or  distasteful.  They  should  endeavor  to  per- 
form their  part  in  any  dramatical  piece,  tableau  or 
charade  as  well  as  possible,  and  the  success  they  achieve 
will  determine  how  conspicuous  a  part  they  may  be 
called  upon  to  perform  at  a  subsequent  time.  The 
hostess  should  consult  each  performer  before  alloting  a 
part,  and  endeavor  to  suit  each  one.  The  host  or  hostess 
should  not  have  any  conspicuous  part  assigned  them, 
unless  it  is  urged  by  all  the  other  performers.  Those 
who  are  to  participate,  should  not  only  learn  their  parts, 
but  endeavor  to  imbue  themselves  with  the  spirit  of  the 
character  they  personate,  so  as  to  afford  pleasure  to  all 
who  are  invited  to  witness  its  performance.  When  per- 
sons have  consented  to  participate  in  any  such  entertain- 
ment, only  sickness  or  some  very  grave  cause  should 
prevent  them  from  undertaking  their  part.  Supper  or 
refreshments  usually  follow  private  theatricals,  of  which 
both  the  performers  and  invited  guests  are  invited  to 
partake,  and  the  remainder  of  the  evening  is  spent  in 
social  intercourse. 


408  *  SPORTS,    GAMES,    AMUSEMENTS. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  CAED  PLATING. 

Never  urge  any  one  who  seems  to  be  unwilling  to 
play  a  game  of  cards.  They  may  have  conscientious 
scruples  in  the  matter,  which  must  be  respected. 

If  you  have  no  scruples  of  conscience,  it  is  not  courte- 
ous to  refuse,  when  a  game  cannot  be  made  up  without 
you. 

You  may  refuse  to  play  if  you  do  not  understand  the 
game  thoroughly.  If,  however,  you  are  urged  to  try, 
and  your  partner  and  opponents  offer  to  instruct  you, 
you  may  accede  to  their  requests,  for  in  so  doing,  you 
will  acquire  a  better  knowledge  of  the  game. 

Married  and  elderly  people  take  precedence  over 
young  and  unmarried  people,  in  a  game  of  cards. 

It  is  the  privilege  of  the  host  and  hostess  to  suggest 
cards  as  a  means  of  amusement  for  the  guests.  The 
latter  should  never  call  for  them. 

"  Whist "  is  a  game  of  cards  so-called,  because  it  re- 
quires silence  and  close  attention.  Therefore  in  playing 
this  game,  you  must  give  your  whole  attention  to  the 
cards,  and  secure  at  least  comparative  silence.  Do  not 
suggest  or  keep  up  any  conversation  during  a  game, 
which  will  distract  your  own  mind  or  the  mind  of  others 
from  the  game. 

Never  hurry  any  one  who  is  playing.  In  endeavoring 
to  play  their  best,  they  should  take  their  own  time, 
without  interruption. 

Betting  at  cards  is  vulgar,  partakes  of  the  nature  of 
gambling,  and  should  at  all  times  be  avoided. 


8POKTS,    GAMES,   AMUSEMENTS. 

Never  finger  the  cards  while  they  are  being  dealt,  nor 
take  up  any  of  them  until  all  are  dealt  out,  when  you 
may  take  your  own  cards  and  proceed  to  play. 

In  large  assemblies  it  is  best  to  furnish  the  cards  and 
tables,  and  allow  guests  to  play  or  not,  at  their  option, 
the  host  and  hostess  giving  their  assistance  in  seeking 
for  people  disposed  to  play,  and  in  making  up  a  game. 
In  giving  card  parties,  new  cards  should  be  provided  oa 
every  occasion. 


CHAPTER  XXXV. 


OW  beautiful  and  yet  how  cheap  are 
flowers!     Not  exotics,  but  what  are 
called  common  flowers.     A  rose,  for 
instance,  is  among  the  most  beautiful 
of  the  smiles  of  nature.     The  "  laugh- 
ing flowers,"  exclaims  the  poet.     But 
there  is  more  than  gayety  in  bloom- 
ing flowers,  though  it  takes  a  wise  man 
to  see  the  beauty,  the  love,  and  the  adap- 
tation of  which  they  are  full. 

What  should  we  think  of  one  who  had 
invented  flowers,  supposing  that,  before  him, 
flowers  were  unknown?  Would  he  not  be 
regarded  as  the  opener-up  of  a  paradise  of  new 
delight  ?  Should  we  not  hail  the  inventor  as  a  genius, 
as  a  god  ?  And  yet  these  lovely  offsprings  of  the  earth 
have  been  speaking  to  man  from  the  first  dawn  of  his 
existence  until  now,  telling  him  of  the  goodness  and 
•wisdom  of  the  Creative  Power,  which  bid  the  earth 
bring  forth,  not  only  that  which  was  useful  as  food,  but 
also  flowers,  the  bright  consummate  flowers  to  clothe  it 
in  beauty  and  joy! 

(410) 


FLOWERS. 

"  The  meanest  flower  that  blows  can  give 
Thoughts  that  do  of  tea  lie  too  deep  for  teal*.1 


THE    LANGUAGE    OF    FLOWKRS.  411 

Bring  one  of  the  commonest  field-flowers  into  a  room, 
place  it  on  a  table,  or  chimney -piece,  and  you  seem  to 
have  brought  a  ray  of  sunshine  into  the  place.  There 
is  a  cheerfulness  about  flowers.  What  a  delight  are 
they  to  the  drooping  invalid!  They  are  a  sweet  enjoy- 
ment, coming  as  messengers  from  the  country,  and 
seeming  to  say,  "Come  and  see  the  place  where  we 
grow,  and  let  your  heart  be  glad  in  our  presence." 

There  is  a  sentiment  attached  to  flowers,  and  this 
sentiment  has  been  expressed  in  language  by  giving 
names  to  various  flowers,  shrubs  and  plants.  These 
names  constitute  a  language,  which  may  be  made  the 
medium  of  pleasant  and  amusing  interchange  of  thought 
between  men  and  women.  A  bouquet  of  flowers  and 
leaves  may  be  selected  and  arranged  so  as  to  expivss 
much  depth  of  feeling — to  be  truly  a  poem.  We  pre- 
sent herewith  a  list  of  many  flowers  and  plants,  to 
which,  by  universal  consent,  a  sentiment  has  become 
attached. 

Acacia — Concealed  love. 

Acacia,  Rose — Friendship. 

Acanthus — Arts. 

Adonis  Vernalis — Bitter  memories. 

Agnus  Casus — Coldness. 

Agrimony — Thankfulness. 

Almond — Hope. 

Aloe — Superstition. 

Althea — Consumed  by  love. 

Alyssum,  Sweet — Worth  beyond  beauty. 

Amaranth — Immortality. 

Amaryllis — Splendid  beauty. 

Ambrosia — Love  returned. 

Anemone — Expectation. 


412          THE  LANGUAGE  OF  FLOWERS. 

Anemone,  Garden — Forsaken. 

Angelica — Inspiration. 

Apocynura  (Dogbane) — Inspiration. 

Apple — Temptation. 

Apple  Blossom — Preference. 

Arbor  vitae — Unchanging  friendship. 

Arbutus,  Trailing — Welcome. 

Arum — Ardor. 

Ash — Gran  deur. 

Ash,  Mountain — Prudence. 

Aspen  Tree — Lamentation. 

Asphodel — Regrets  beyond  the  grave* 

Aurilica — Avarice. 

Azalea — Romance. 

Bachelor's  Button — Hope  in  love. 

Balm — Sympathy. 

Balm  of  Gilead — Healing. 

Balsam — Impatience. 

Barberry — Sharpness,  satire. 

Basil — Hatred. 

Bay  Leaf — No  change  till  death. 

Beech — Prosperity. 

Bee  Ophrys — Error. 

Bee  Orchis — Industry. 

Bell  Flower — Gratitude. 

Belvidere,  Wild  (Licorice) — I  declare  against  you, 

Bilberry — Treachery. 

Birch  Tree — Meekness. 

Black  Bryony — Be  my  support. 

Bladder-Nut  Tree — Frivolous  amusement? 

Blue  Bottle — Delicacy. 

Borage — Bluntness. 

Box — Constancy. 

Briers — Envy. 

Broken  Straw — Constancy. 

Broom — Neatness. 

Buckbean — Calm  repose. 

Bugloss — Falsehood. 

Burdock — Importunity. 


THE    LANGUAGE    OF    FLO  WEBS.  413 

Buttercup — Riches. 

Cactus — Thou  leavest  me. 

Calla  Lilly — Feminine  beauty. 

Calycanthus — Benevolence.-  * 

Camelia — Pity. 

Camomile — Energy  in  action. 

Candytuft — Indifference. 

Canterbury  Bell — Gratitude. 

Cape  Jasmine  Gardenia— Transport,  ecstasy. 

Cardinal  Flower — Distinction. 

Carnation,  Yellow — Disdain. 

Catchfly  (Silene),  Red— Youthful  love. 

Catchfly,  White— I  fall  a  victim. 

Cedar — I  live  for  thee. 

Cedar  of  Lebanon — Incorruptible. 

Celandine — Future  joy. 

Cherry  Tree — Good  education. 

Chickweed — I  cling  to  thee. 

Chickory — Frugality. 

China  Aster — I  will  think  of  thee. 

China,  Pink — Aversion. 

Chrysanthemum,  Rose — In  love. 

Chrysanthemum.  White — Truth. 

Chrysanthemum,  Yellow — Slighted  love. 

Cinquefoil — Beloved  child. 

Clematis — Artifice. 

Clover,  Red — Industry. 

Coboaa — Gossip. 

Coxcomb — Foppery. 

Colchium — My  best  days  fled. 

Coltsfoot — Justice  shall  be  done  you. 

Columbine — Folly. 

Columbine,  Purple — Resolved  to  win. 

Columbine,  Red — Anxious. 

Convolvulus  Major — Dead  hope. 

Convolvulus  Minor — Uncertainty. 

Corchorus — Impatience  of  happiness. 

Coreopsis — Love  at  first  sight. 

Coriander — Hidden  merit. 


414:  THE    LANGUAGE   OF   FLO  WEBS. 

Corn — Riches. 

Cornelian  Cherry  Tree — Durability. 

Coronilla — Success  to  you. 

Cowslip — Pensiveness. 

Cowslip,  American — My  divinity. 

Crocus — Cheerfulness. 

Crown  Imperial — Majesty. 

Currants — You  please  me. 

Cypress— Mourning. 

Cypress  and  Marigold — Despair. 

Daffodil — Chivalry. 

Dahlia — Forever  thine. 

Daisy,  Garden — I  share  your  feelings. 

Daisy,  Michaelmas — Farewell. 

Daisy,  Red—  Beauty  unknown  to  possessor 

Daisy,  White — Innocence. 

Daisy,  Wild— I  will  think  of  it. 

Dandelion — Coquetry. 

Daphne  Mezereon — I  desire  to  please. 

Daphne  Odora — I  would  not  have  you  otherwise. 

Deadleaves — Sadness. 

Diosma — Usefulness. 

Dittany — Birth. 

Dock — Patience. 

Dodder — Meanness. 

Dogwood  Flowering  (Cornus) — Am  I  indifferent  to 

you? 

Ebony — Hypocrisy. 
Eglantine — I  wound  to  heal. 
Elder — Compassion. 
Elm — Dignity. 
Endine  — Frugality. 

Epigrea,  Repens  (Mayflower) — Budding  beauty. 
Eupatoriutn — Delay. 
Evening  Primrose — Inconstancy. 
Evergreen — Poverty. 

Everlasting  (Graphalium) — Never  ceasing  memory. 
Filbert — Reconciliation. 
Fir  Tree — Elevation. 


THE  LANGUAGE  OF  FLOWERS.          415 

Flax — I  feel  your  kindness. 

Flora's  Bell — Without  pretension. 

Flowering  Reed — Confide  in  heaven. 

Forget-me-not — True  love. 

Foxglove — Insincerity. 

Fraxinella — Fire. 

Fritilaria  (Guinea-hen  Flower) — Persecution. 

Furze — Anger. 

Fuchsia — The  ambition  of  my  love  thus  plagues  itself. 

Fuchsia,  Scarlet — Taste. 

Gardenia — Transport;  Ecstasy. 

Gentian,  Fringed — Intrinsic  worth. 

Geranium,  Apple — Present  preference. 

Geranium,  Ivy — Your  hand  for  next  dance. 

Geranium,  Nutmeg — I  expect  a  meeting. 

Geranium,  Oak — Lady,  deign  to  smile. 

Geranium,  Rose — Preference. 

Geranium,  Silver-leaf — Recall. 

Gillyflower — Lasting  beauty. 

Gladiolus — Ready  armed. 

Golden  Rod — Encouragement. 

Gooseberry — Anticipation. 

Goosefoot — Goodness. 

Gorse — Endearing  affection. 

Grape — Charity. 

Grass — Utility. 

Guelder  Rose  (Snowball) — "Winter, 

Harebell — Grief. 

Hawthorn — Hope. 

Heart's  Ease — Think  of  me. 

Heart's  Ease,  Purple — You  occupy  my  thoughts. 

Hazel — Reconciliation. 

Heath — Solitude. 

Helenium — Tears. 

Heliotrope,  Peruvian — I  love;  devotion. 

Hellebore — Scand  al. 

Henbane — Blemish. 

Hepatica — Confidence. 

Hibiscus — Delicate  Beauty. 


416         THE  LANGUAGE  OF  FLOWEES. 

Holly — Foresight. 

Hollyhock — Fruitfulness. 

Hollyhock,  White — Female  ambition. 

Honesty  (Lunaria) — Sincerity. 

Honeysuckle — The  bond  of  love. 

Honeysuckle,  Coral — The  color  of  my  fate. 

Honeysuckle,  Monthly — I  will  not  answer  hastily 

Hop — In  j  ustice. 

Hornbeam — Ornament. 

Horse-Chestnut — Luxury. 

House-Leek — Domestic  Economy. 

Houstonia — Content. 

Hoya  (Wax  Plant) — Sculpture. 

Hyacinth — Jealousy. 

Hyacinth,  Blue — Constancy. 

Hyacinth,  Purple — Sorrow. 

Hydrangea — Heartlessness. 

Ice  Plant — Your  looks  freeze  me. 

Indian  Cress — Resignation. 

Ipomaca — I  attach  myself  to  you. 

Iris — Message. 

Iris,  German — Flame. 

Ivy — Friendship;  matrimony. 

Jessamine,  Cape — Transient  joy. 

Jessamine,  White — Amiability. 

Jessamine,  Yellow — Grace;  elegance. 

Jonquil — Return  my  affection. 

Judas-Tree — Betrayed. 

Juniper — Perfect  Loveliness. 

Kalmia  (Mountain  Laurel) — Treachery. 

Kennedia — Intellectual  beauty. 

Laburnum — Pensive  Beauty. 

Lady's  Slipper — Capricious  beauty. 

Lagerstroema  (Cape  Myrtle) — Eloquence. 

Lantana — Rigor. 

Larch — Boldn  ess. 

Larkspur — Fickleness. 

Laurel — Glory. 

JLaurestinus — I  die  if  neglected. 


THE  LANGUAGE  OF  FLOWERS.          417 

Lavender — Distrust. 

Lemon  Blossom — Discretion. 

Lettuce — Cold-hearted. 

Lilac — First  emotion  of  love. 

Lilac,  White— Youth. 

Lily — Purity;  modesty. 

Lily  of  the  Valey — Return  of  happiness. 

Lily,  Day — Coquetry. 

Lily,  Water — Eloquence. 

Lily,  Yellow — Falsehood. 

Linden  Tree — Conjugal  love. 

Live  Oak — Liberty. 

Liverwort — Confidence. 

Locust — Affection  beyond  the  grave. 

London  Pride — Frivolity. 

Lotus — Forgetful  of  the  past. 

Love  in  a  Mist — You  puzzle  me, 

Love  Lies  Bleeding — Hopeless,  not  heartless. 

Lucerne — Life. 

Lungwort  (Pulmonaria) — Thou  art  my  life. 

Lupine — Imagination. 

Lychnis — Religious  Enthusiasm. 

Lythrum — Pretension. 

Madder — Calumny. 

Maiden's  Hair — Discretion. 

Magnolia,  Chinese — Love  of  Nature. 

Magnolia,  Grandiflora — Peerless  and  Proud. 

Magnolia,  Swamp — Perseverance. 

Mallow — Sweetness. 

Mandrake — Horror, 

Maple — Reserve. 

Marigold — Cruelty. 

Marigold,  African — Vulgar-minded. 

Marigold,  French — Jealousy* 

Marjoram — Blushes. 

Marshmallow — Beneficence. 

Marvel  of  Peru  (Four  o'clock) — Timidity. 

Meadow  Saffron — My  best  days  gone. 

Meadow  Sweet — Usefulness. 


418  THE  LANGUAGE  OF  FLOWERS. 

Mignonette — Your  qualities  surpass  your  charms. 

Mimosa — Sensitiveness. 

Mint — Virtue. 

Mistletoe — I  surmount  all  difficulties. 

Mock  Orange  (Syringia) — Counterfeit. 

Monkshood — A  deadly  foe  is  near. 

Moonwort — Forgetfulness. 

Morning  Glory — Coquetry, 

Moss — Maternal  love. 

Motherwort — Secret  Love. 

Mourning  Bride  (Scabious) — Unfortunate  attachment. 

Mouse-ear  Chickweed — Simplicity. 

Mulberry,  Black — I  will  not  survive  you. 

Mulberry,  White — Wisdom. 

Mullein — Good  nature. 

Mushroom — Suspicion. 

Mush  Plant — Weakness. 

Mustard  Seed — Indifference. 

Myosotis — Forget  me  not. 

Myrtle — Love. 

Narcissus — Egotism. 

Nasturtium — Patriotism. 

Nettle — Cruelty;  Slander. 

Night  Blooming  Cereus — Transient  beauty. 

Nightshade — Bitter  truth. 

Oak— Hospitality. 

Oats — Music. 

Oleander — Beware. 

Orange — Generosity. 

Orange  Flower — Chastity. 

Orchis — Beauty. 

Osier — Frankness. 

Osmunda — Dreams. 

Pansy — Think  of  me. 

Parsley — Entertainment. 

Pasque  Flower — Unpretentious. 

Passion  Flower — Religious  Fervor. 

Pea — Appointed  meeting. 

Pea,  Everlasting — Wilt  go  with  me  ? 


THE   LANGUAGE   OF   FLOWEB8.  419 

Pea,  Sweet — Departure. 

Peach  Blossom— My  heart  is  thine 

Pear  Tree— Affection. 

Peony — Anger. 

Pennyroyal — Flee  away. 

Periwinkle — Sweet  memories 

Persimmon— Bury  me  amid  nature's  beaucies 

Fetumca — Am  not  proud. 

Pheasant's  Eye— Sorrowful  memories. 

Phlox — Our  souls  united. 

Pimpernel — Change. 

Pine— Time. 

Pine  Apple — You  are  perfect. 

Pine,  Spruce — Farewell. 

Pink— Pure  affection. 

Pink,  Clove — Dignity. 

Pink,  Double-red— Pure,  ardent  love. 

Pink,  Indian — Aversion. 

Pink,  Mountain— You  are  aspiring. 

Pink,  Variegated— Refusal. 

Pink,  White— You  are  fair. 
Pink,  Yellow — Disdain. 
Plane  Tree — Genius. 

Pleurisy  Root  (Asclopias)— Heartache  cure. 

Plum  Tree — Keep  promise. 

Plum  Tree,  Wild — Independence. 

Polyanthus — Confidence. 

Poplar,  Black — Courage. 

Poplar,  White— Time. 

Poppy — Consolation. 

Poppy,  White— Sleep  of  the  heart. 

Pomegranate — Foolishness. 

Pomegranate  Flower — Elegance. 

Potato — Beneficence. 

Pride  of  China  (Melia) — Dissension. 

Primrose — Early  youth. 

Primrose,  Evening — Inconstancy. 

Privet — Mildness. 

Pumpkin — Coarseness. 


420  THE   LANGUAGE   OF   FLOWEB8,, 

Quince — Temptation. 

Ragged-robin  (Lychnis) — Wit. 

Ranunculus — Radiant  with  charms. 

Reeds — Music. 

Rhododendron — Agitation. 

Rose — Beauty. 

Rose,  Austrian — Thou  art  all  that  is  lovely. 

Rose,  Bridal — Happy  love. 

Rose,  Burgundy — Unconscious  beauty. 

Rose,  Cabbage — Love's  Ambassador. 

Rose,  Campion — Only  deserve  my  love. 

Rose,  Carolina — Love  is  dangerous. 

Rose,  China — Grace. 

Rose,  Daily — That  smile  I  would  aspire  to. 

Rose,  Damask — Freshness. 

Rose,  Dog — Pleasure  and  pain. 

Rose,  Hundred  Leaf — Pride. 

Rose,  Inermis — Ingratitude. 

Rose,  Maiden's  Blush — If  you  do  love  me  you  will 

find  me  out. 

Rose,  Moss — Superior  merit. 
Rosebud,  Moss — Confessed  love. 
Rose,  Multiflora — Grace. 
Rose,  Musk-cluster — Charming. 
Rose,  Sweetbriar — Sympathy. 
Rose,  Tea — Always  lovely. 
Rose,  Unique — Call  me  not  beautiful, 
Rose,  White — I  am  worthy  of  you. 
Rose,  White  (withered) — Transient  impression. 
Rose,  Wild — Simplicity. 
Rose,  Yellow — Decrease  of  love. 
Rose,  York  and  Lancaster — War. 
Roses,  Garland  of — Reward  of  Virtue. 
Rosebud — Young  girl. 

Rosebud,  White — The  heart  that  knows  not  love. 
Rosemary — Your  presence  revives  me« 
Rue — Disdain. 
Rush — Docility. 
Saffron — Excess  is  dangerous. 


THE  LANGUAGE  OF  FLOWEKS.          421 

Sage — Esteem. 

Sardonia — Irony. 

Satin-flower  (Lunaria) — Sincerity. 

Scabious,  Mourning  Bride — Widowhood. 

Sensitive  Plant — Timidity. 

Service  Tree — Prudence. 

Snapdragon — Presumption. 

Snowball — Thoughts  of  heaven. 

Snowdrop — Consolation. 

Sorrel — Wit  ill-timed. 

Southernwood — Jesting. 

Spearmint — Warm  feelings. 

Speedwell,  Veronica — Female  fidelity. 

Spindle-tree — Your  image  is  engraven  on  my  heart. 

Star  of  Bethlehem — Reconciliation. 

Starwort,  American — Welcome  to  a  stranger. 

St.  John's  Wort  (Hypericum) — Superstition. 

Stock,  Ten-week — Promptitude. 

Stramonium,  Common — Disguise. 

Strawberry — Perfect  excellence. 

Strawberry  Tree  (Arbutus) — Esteemed  love. 

Sumac — Splendor. 

Sunflower,  Dwarf — Your  devout  admirer. 

Sunflower,  Fall — Pride. 

Sweet  Sultan — Felicity. 

Sweet  William — Artifice. 

Sycamore — Curiosity. 

Syringia — Memory. 

Tansy — I  declare  against  you. 

Teasel — Misanthropy. 

Thistle — Austerity. 

Thorn  Apple — Deceitful  charms. 

Thorn,  Black— Difficulty. 

Thorns — Severity, 

Thrift— Sympathy. 

Throatwood  (Pulmonaria)— Neglected  beauty. 

Thyme — Activity. 

Tiger  Flower — May  pride  befriend  thee. 

Touch  me  not,  Balsam — Impatience. 


4-22         THE  LANGUAGE  OF  FLOWEE8. 

Truffle — Surprise. 

Trumpet  Flower — Separation. 

Tuberose — Dangerous  pleasures. 

Tulip — Declaration  of  love. 

Tulip  Tree — Rural  happiness. 

Tulip,  Variegated — Beautiful  eyes. 

Tulip,  Yellow — Hopeless  love. 

Turnip — Charity. 

Valerian — Accommodating  disposition. 

Venus's  Flytrap — Caught  at  last. 

Venus's  Looking-glass — Flattery. 

Verbena — Sensibility. 

Vine — In  toxicating. 

Violet,  Blue — Love. 

Violet,  White— Modesty. 

Violet,  Yellow — Modest  worth. 

Virgin's  Bower — Filial  love. 

Wall  Flower— Fidelity. 

Walnut — Stratagem. 

Weeping  Willow — Forsaken. 

Wheat — Prosperity. 

Woodbine — Fraternal  love. 

Wood  Sorrel — Joy. 

Wormwood — Absence. 

Yarrow — Cure  for  heartache. 

Yew — Sorrow. 

Zennae — Absent  friends. 


CHAPTER  XXXVI 
g  touts. 


OME  of  the  precious  stones  and  gems 
have  been  given  a  distinct  signifi- 
cance by  imparting  a  special  mean- 
ing or  name  to  them.     The  ancients 
besides    considered   certain   months 
sacred  to  the  different  stones,  and 
some  people  have  considered  this  in 
making  birthday  or  wedding    presents, 
Below  will  be  found  the  stones  regarded 
as  sacred  to  the  various  months,  with  the 
meaning  given  to  each. 

January  —  Garnet  —  Constancy  and  Fidelity. 
February  —  Amethyst  —  Sincerity. 
March  —  Bloodstone  —  Courage. 
April  —  Sapphire  —  Repentance. 
May  —  Emerald  —  Success  in  love. 
June  —  Agate  —  Health  and  long  life. 
July  —  Ruby  —  Forgetfulness  of,  and  exemption  from 

vexations  caused  by  friendship  and  love. 
August  —  Sardonyx  —  Conjugal  Fidelity. 
September  —  Chrysolite  —  Freedom  from  evil  passions 

and  sadness  of  mind. 
October  —  Opal  —  Hope  and  Faith. 
November  —  Topaz  —  Fidelity  and  Friendship. 
December  —  Turquoise  —  Prosperity. 

(423) 


424: 


PRECIOUS    STONES. 


Of  the  precious  stones  not  included  in  the  above  list, 
the  language  is  given  below: 

Diamond — Innocence. 

Pearl — Purity. 

Cornelian — Contented  mind. 

Moonstone — Protects  from  danger. 

Heliotrope — Causing  the  owner  to  walk  invisible 


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